It isn’t often I stay up late nowadays but when I do I like to reflect back a bit to sorta do a mental break.
I think about the people who I no longer speak to who used to cheer me up on a daily basis.
I think about how those people are doing now and how their life is while hoping for the best.
I think about those special moments that are just a distant memory not with sadness but with appreciation.
I think about the awful, dark days where I’d be close to giving up on my own life.
I think about the words I’d say that would be said to hurt those who cared about me and how I wish I could take it back. Or at least apologize.
I think about where I am in life now and still amaze myself at how far I’ve come.
I think about how, not too long ago, I’d put others before myself.
Lastly, I think about how I spent so much of my life being miserable not knowing it doesn’t have to be that way.
Maybe in some way or another, all those people and moments prepared me for the road ahead. How I wake up everyday without feeling like I’m stuck in some sort of terrible loop.
Sometimes I do wonder…
Damn I wish each and every one of you who were there for me back then are still fighting no matter what. I don’t hate any of you. I don’t hold a grudge against anyone.
Fuck…y’all better not give up. You got this. Take care.
