Forget

I am an incredibly unwell half-human. Be careful while you're here since I'm not holding my thoughts back anymore. I can at least promise I'll live.

[forgottenantimatter]

I told myself that I wouldn't ever make a vent blog. I told myself that I would never put my problems just out there on the internet. I told myself that I was better than that. I told myself I was strong.

I was wrong.

This is a vent blog. I will say things that are very bad about myself and other people. I just need this. Please understand.

I do not plan to do anything that I may say about myself or anyone else that is here. At least regarding more intense things.

[forgottenantimatter]

One of the worst feelings I can think of is hearing someone say "it's ok" when asked if they want to do something that they were once excited and passionate about.

[forgottenantimatter]

I find it kinda interesting reading through a friends vent blog. He's being so cheerful and chipper about it and then there is me being all sad and alone.

[forgottenantimatter]

I wish I could just be a dick and tell her to stop being anywhere around that asshole but I have to keep it together. It wouldn't do me any good to do that and would just show off how much of an obsessive and possessive piece of shit I am. But holy fuck I've been wanting to watch this movie with her for months and suddenly this bitch gets to demand time with her and watch it while I'm not there and I can't help but hate him a bit more. Though it probably wasn't his idea to watch it. I don't know man, I hate this guy and wanna tell him to piss off but I can't treat someone like that when someone I actually like cares about him.

[forgottenantimatter]

With how many people come to me to make it my job to stop them from killing themselves or others around them I'm tempted to tell them to just do it and see what happens.

[forgottenantimatter]

I feel so alone. I can't keep being alone.

[forgottenantimatter]

I don't know why, but today just kinda hurt my head. Like a lot.

[forgottenantimatter]

For the first time in a while I actually feel happy. I finally feel like I'm actually finding people who love and care for me, who are ok with me as a person and can understand what I've been going through. There are finally people in my life who I am happy to see and that are happy to see me.

Thank you.

[forgottenantimatter]

I hope that one day I can feel bliss.

[forgottenantimatter]

The only good cat.

[forgottenantimatter]

I can't keep everyone alive forever.

[forgottenantimatter]

Why can't people just deal with emotions the way I do.

[forgottenantimatter]

Seeing that someone who fucked over my only real plan for what to do with my life is crying is the best thing to happen to me since the start of this year.

[forgottenantimatter]

Old friend, you helped me live before, I ask you help me again.

[forgottenantimatter]

I am a sick man. I don't deserve to live.

[forgottenantimatter]

I desperately need to not live anymore. I can't take these feelings anymore. I can't handle all of these thoughts. I'm pathetic. I'm a horrible person. I can't take it anymore. I need to start over somewhere else. Some new world far from here. It's possible, I know it is. He did it. I know what I need to do but I just can't. I'm stuck. I can keep going but I can't leave. I don't know what to do.

[forgottenantimatter]

I just want to end everything. I don't deserve to live. I never did.