more than good

the place for all my 'creative junk'

[formaldahydeflakes]

strength can only carry you so far

people like to pad my fears

little snippets there and here

“you are so brave and strong!”

but i know in my heart they are wrong

because it beats too quickly as i lay down to sleep

it pounds as my eyes fill with tears and deep

wails tear out of my throat as the night goes silent

and my own mind becomes a terrible tyrant

i was happy for a moment but it fled

now i’m settled with these thoughts in my head

unbearable sadness and a heart like lead

leaving me wishing on every star that i was dead

[formaldahydeflakes]

thoughts on loan from the city

i can feel the old creeping in

the thoughts i thought were dead

rearing to life in my chest

i feed it nothing

but coffee and cigarettes

yet it sets into my bones

i feel it flush through my cheeks

like a child who scrapes it’s knee

for the very first time

like a chilled breath

on a damp window

tears burn the back of my eyes

choke me up on words unspoken

but even as the city sleeps below

the lights never quite go out

and that feeling nips at my

very being and soul

like i’m utterly alone

[formaldahydeflakes]

the night struggle

just everything uncomfortable fabric touching skin fan too fast, air too hot neck always crooked tossing and turning trying to find comfort rest

[formaldahydeflakes]

what a night

lips meet teeth click clumsy, tired new strange not entirely bad pretty damn good what a night secret walks hands entwined starry sky laughs, hushes fun quiet some understanding raw footing possible adventure what a night

[formaldahydeflakes]

Hiding everything away From myself Afraid to touch The things I've already spoiled Afraid to be excluded An inception of self hate And self ruin

[formaldahydeflakes]

a tithe

hands that beat on flesh hearts that beat on stars moonbeams meant for feasts and oddly pacing rotations that revolve dissolve away the armor fodder for the beasts all this empty spacing wanting just to touch a touch the cuts too deep prodding in the crease folded edges tracing bathing in the blood laughing with the light but i've got a gold piece just enough for lacing

[formaldahydeflakes]

[formaldahydeflakes]

from beneath the sea

I breathe my lungs fill with something smoky and leave scars against my ribs I breathe each breath a pained petal falling from my lips constantly strained I breathe harboring birds in my veins how absurd I breathe monsters clamor and seethe with each word breath abated breath fast breath heated breath sated breathe

[formaldahydeflakes]

Untitled

I'm afraid of change And different So I shackle myself to this Very Painful Existence But as I watch people With greedy eyes Things change around me All I see is pain I wring my hands And bite my lips And shuffle my feet Hoping for a saving grace Hoping for newness Hoping for advance Forgetting I hold the key That could bring this forth If I just looked down

[formaldahydeflakes]

waiting

I thought that you would kiss me When you leaned in so close But you sat back with an impassive face I thought you would insist When you offered me a ride But you waved and smiled and walked away I thought that things would change But all your secrets didn't change a thing So here I am Waiting

[formaldahydeflakes]

words you can't bold back at two in the morning

She's only beautiful when she cries That's the only time she shows what's inside She tends to hide it all away Until she slipped on the brink of day I said come and lay your head next to mine Show me the world as you see it Search your darkest corners and tell me what you find Let's go looking for your stars 'This skin is too tight' she says 'I must get out of it' she says That's what she did one day but She cut too deep and all her life just Spilled away

[formaldahydeflakes]

gone

Memories of you work like glue and i can’t scrub you off Because you’re holding me together I can’t even remember me without you But i guess i'll put this gun down for now and face the sun for a while to see if the light, the heat can burn you out of me Forgive and forget is what they say but should be forget and forgive because i can’t let this go until your gone

[formaldahydeflakes]

forget

And i will believe in you and the trees and the tallest walls and the high, high seas I will move us back, one inch at a time, To the place 'you' and 'me' were once 'we' and I can make sense of this frantic rhythm once more because right now all I have is belief and it isn't enough to keep your memories and I'm afraid if I stop I might Forget

[formaldahydeflakes]

stuck

Of course, time will always keep moving and I’ll be forced to swallow my pride and admit what’s inside because as much as i fear forgetting, i fear emptiness that much more. And you used to take up so much room in this heart that’s still beating You set up camp but you ended up leaving and now i use what remains to stop up the bleeding but it’s hard with a pace that’s so fast I didn’t think it would last New future, old past But I’m stuck

[formaldahydeflakes]

you sit on my chest to take a breath each breather more important than the rest who can say if i’m choking on my words or if life is just too heavy? did this ever make much sense? have i lost control or am i dead things like air seem like a choice heat and anger, joy and pain clipped wings and catalysts steps that lead to nowhere when thoughts can only swim in my head mistakes for no reason why

[formaldahydeflakes]

untitled

from day to day i sustain myself on coffee and cigarettes but on occassion oh, how sweet such occassion! i gorge myself on life and laughter and the love of those who have engrained themselves into my very soul i bask in the feeling of a belly and a heart bloated and full to the brim with satisfaction and contentment

[formaldahydeflakes]

metomorphose

i run my hands over my body i claw all of my features searching for something beautiful trying to take hold of something worthwhile wanting nothing more than to scrap off this casing and be something else something shiny and new something perfect something beautiful