Limbo (Lena & Alex, when Kara is in the Phantom Zone)
She thought she had been alone in the Tower.
She knew she had had too much to drink. But it hadn’t mattered - she’d be sober by the time the team returned to the Tower tomorrow afternoon, to try yet again to devise a way to find Kara and bring her home. A mission that seemed increasingly hopeless…
All she wanted to do was drown and numb her fears for a night, but she didn’t anticipate Alex coming back. “Brought you Belly Burger,” the former agent said.
Lena tried to keep the exasperation and drunkenness out of her voice. But, frankly, Alex’s actions didn’t make a lot of sense. “You should hate me,” Lena muttered.
Alex shrugged. “I kind of do.”
“Then why are you bringing me food?”
“Because we’re going to get Kara back,” Alex said matter-of-factly, “And she’d kick my ass if I didn’t look after you in the meantime.”
Lena let her eyes raise up to Alex’s face - noting the stress in every line, the grim determination staring back at her. Somewhere in Lena’s grief and anger, she felt a flare of jealousy. You have someone to go home to, she thought.
Slowly, she reached for the bag of food.
Their attempt the next day failed. Lena thought she was safe getting drunk at home.
But Alex, annoyingly, showed up at her door, carrying containers of Chinese food. This is embarrassing, Lena thought, letting her in, watching as she unpacked the food in the kitchen. “Why are you really here?”
Alex grinned to herself, pausing to pull another takeout box before she answered. “Kelly is making me.”
It drew a laugh from Lena. As much as Alex might be noble about what Kara would’ve wanted, her second answer made far more sense.
Lena took out her scotch, pouring the two a drink. She wondered for a moment if Alex might push back - Lena was drunk enough as it was - but it seemed Alex was smart enough to let it go. So they ate their food and sipped their alcohol in relative silence.
Neither could touch the potstickers.
Her mind flit between mental images of the blonde - smiling, or weeping, or with her arm thrown comfortably around Lena’s shoulder. It brought back the twisting pain, aching for Kara to really be there, for this to be a game night or a movie night rather than a solemn mourning between her and Kara’s sister.
Lena glanced up, taking Alex in again. Her mind wandered to the incident in the Fortress - words that made her realize that she didn’t understand everything when it came to Kara’s identity.
“Penny for your thoughts?” Alex asked.
“You didn’t tell Kelly,” Lena said, “I thought I was the only one who didn’t know.”
Alex frowned, leaning forward to grab another box. “Turns out Kelly had figured it out before I told her. I don’t know which of you knew first.”
Lena felt her jaw tense, though she tried to relax it again, taking a centering breath. “Why didn’t you tell her?”
Alex shrugged. “The fewer people that knew, the better.”
This time, it was on purpose. Lena invited both Kelly and Alex over, and remained decidedly undrunk for the evening.
Kelly arrived first, after work, noting that Alex would be there soon with the Indian takeout that they had ordered. “Sorry I keep stealing your wife in the evenings,” Lena said.
“I think she needs this as much as you do,” Kelly replied honestly, “It’s hard, not having Kara here.”
Lena laughed sardonically, feeling the craving of the liquor in her cabinet. Kara would be here if I weren’t.
It was in Lena’s nature to bury things seven layers deep. It was in her nature to hide, and lick her wounds, and keep her thoughts to herself until they were needed.
But something about Kelly’s gentleness - and knowing that Kelly hadn’t been invited to the party either, so to speak - was somehow disarming. “If Alex had killed me at Mount Norquay,” Lena said, struggling to hide her overwhelming guilt, “We wouldn’t be in this mess.”
Kelly shook her head. “She didn’t want to kill you.”
“She should’ve,” Lena scoffed, feeling the self-hatred bubble within her. For all that she blamed the superfriends for so much, she could only feel guilt for this. “I was trying to brainwash the world. It was the greater good.” I wasn’t worth saving.
Kelly reached over, giving Lena’s hand a tight squeeze. “It would have killed you. It would’ve destroyed her. It would’ve destroyed Kara, too.”
Lena bit at her lip, fighting the tears that were starting to threaten her vision. I don’t want to feel this, she thought, thinking again to the liquor in her cabinet.
But she remained seated, breathing in slow breaths as she regained her composure, Kelly sitting patiently next to her. Kelly’s warm hand was still on her own. Somewhere, the thought bubbled up: While she didn’t have Kara back… she was starting to realize she wasn’t alone.
A knock came at the door, and Kelly gave Lena’s hand one last squeeze, before rising up to let Alex in.
Alex came alone the next night. Lena only poured them each one drink.
Truth be told, she thought she’d need more liquor to ask the question that had been itching at her mind for months. But it was surprisingly easy that night - in a time when she could no longer summon the biting betrayal that had once consumed her. “When we were working on the harun-el together,” Lena asked quietly, not sure if she actually cared about the answer, “Why did you act so suspicious of Supergirl? Was it just to gain my trust?”
Alex turned to her with wide eyes, before leaning back into the seat. “Oh.”
“I never thought- I didn’t think-” Alex turned again to Lena, her eyes darting around Lena’s face with a twisted sadness. “Colonel Haley was trying to find out who Kara was,” Alex said, “So I had J’onn erase my memory, to keep her out of danger.”
Lena’s eyes widened. “You didn’t know?”
Sometimes, there was laughter - sometimes, there were the lopsided grins and the aggravating disbelief of how the blonde held the secret all these years.
“I miss this,” Alex said, “I miss her. Without the superhero stuff.”
“Without the superhero stuff?” Lena asked.
“Just her,” Alex said, “So few people know her as just her.”
Alex’s words tugged at Lena’s heart. Just her, Lena mulled. What had the kryptonian said on Pulitzer night? “But you still loved Kara. I just kept thinking, if I could be Kara, just Kara…”
Where once she had assumed she knew only the mask, she was slowly realizing that perhaps it was the other way around. “I tried so hard to stay away from her,” Lena murmured.
“What do you mean?” Alex asked.
“Supergirl,” Lena explained, “I didn’t want to be my brother. I wanted to show her that we could work together without me trying to find out anything about her. That I knew her identity wasn’t my business…”
Alex sighed. “You didn’t know you were getting close to her anyway.”
“I was trying to do everything right,” Lena said quietly, “And then…”
“And then?” Alex asked softly, though she already knew the answer.
“And then I fell in love with her,” Lena confessed.
The Tower was abuzz that morning as everyone made their final preparations. Gone were the thoughts of the simple mission to transport Kara back in moments. This would be a voyage - into the phantom zone, facing nightmares unknown, hours in a fight to get Kara back.
Hope bloomed in Lena’s chest, watching as the team ran through checklists, making final preparations. This is really happening, Lena thought, this is our chance.
She wasn’t alone. “We’re going to see her today,” Alex affirmed, “I can feel it.”
Lena swallowed, feeling the tinge of nerves in her excitement - both for what lay ahead, and for what Alex knew. “Are you going to tell her?” Lena asked quietly, “What I said?”
Alex shook her head. “That’s your secret. When you’re ready.”
Lena smiled softly. “You think I should tell her.”
“Yup,” Alex agreed, “But I know you guys have a lot of other shit to work out first.”
Lena let out a small breath, glancing over to the station that she would take for the flight, turning back to Alex. A warm hand landed on her shoulder, giving a firm squeeze. “C’mon,” Alex said, stepping towards the mainroom, “Let’s get my sister back.”
Lena smiled. “Right behind you.”
