I realized I don’t just want to leave this blog suddenly empty as time seems to fly past me way too fast right now.
Because I’m so thankful for all the support and good times I had here through so many years. And for all the lovely people on here. I know I had times before where creating was difficult. Because life has been nothing but one huge mental struggle for the past 10+ years for me, even tho I tried to not show it here if I could manage. Because this was my happy place, that I always came back to. And just at the end of ‘25 I clawed my way back into it, was so ready to draw all those things, my own stories even, reopened my Ko-fi.
But this year decided to start with me losing the closest and most important person I ever had, and it’s not something I’m sure I can overcome now. My last joy, my last happiness when I already barely had anything to hold onto, got taken away from me. She kept me afloat and was my calm through the storm and I didn’t realize it until it was too late. And now she’s gone forever.
For so many years, being in fandoms and creating all that slow-burn wlw art has been my passion and my biggest joy. Often my only joy and often the only thing I had when life was hell with no escape in sight. But now I’m not sure how to ever create any of that slow burn happy-end art again after the chance to finally have my own got brutally taken away from me…
I held on, all these years, and instead of finally being allowed happiness and a place in this world, I only received pain beyond my imagination.
I’ve always just wanted this blog to be a happy place, not just for me, but for others too. A place to connect, to see all the good things. To keep the “bad” things life throws at you at bay.
And now it feels like the last thing I had got taken from me. Like I’m stuck in a nightmare I can’t wake up from. She is gone and it feels like she took the part of me that can create like that and see hope in the future with her. And I don’t know what to do anymore.
Right now I don’t know how to ever carry this burden and to keep going. So for now, Thank you to everyone who ever supported me on here with sweet messages, who encouraged me to keep doing art. Who remembered me and thought of me. I’ve always cherished them. They were light spots in my dark life. And ultimately how I met the one person who understood me like noone else, my safe place, my sense of belonging and home even from afar, even if she wasn’t allowed to stay with me in this life.
turnnoffyourmind
origamiaround
pixelskylines
stormborns
gummygunk
titsay
areudirty
