The light is shining through the window of your once shared apartment, little particles floating in the ray of sunshine which is now arrogantly entering the room as if it was desperately trying to reach your skin to make sure you are actually okay. You are sitting on your bathroom floor, you've just threw up for the second time today and you are now blankly staring at the wall in front of you, knees tied to your chest while your breath tries to match the pace of your heart, alternating between a wild race and a slow walk. You've also been crying for the past three days so your whole face is swollen, you don't even know how you are actually looking since no mirror has lately crossed your path and you clearly do not want it to happen.
His words are still clear and loud, echoing in your ears as if they were some sort of ancient torture, punishing you at every single shot.
"You don't understand."
"You've been repeating this sentence over and over again in the past days, it seems that my grade of ignorance is unbearable since I seem to not understand any single fuck you've been telling me."
"Yeah, it seems so. Maybe because you always feel the urge to underline the fact that it's not as I'm saying and that you know better. Oh you always know better than anyone else."
"That's not true!" you were basically screaming at each other in your living room, windows shut down and gentle candlelight caressing the walls. The setting was way nicer than the show itself.
"You see? Everyone's wrong. Only you know the truth. Right?"
"Of course not!"
"Yeah sure." he almost ran to your bedroom where his luggage was waiting for him, ready to be taken to his next race weekend. He was supposed to be leaving on the next morning but he started to frenetically searching for what he had still left behind as if he did not want to spend any second more there. You gulped and your voice stopped in your throat, making you swallow hard. Then he paused and looked at you, his eyes had never been so dark. He hadn't been looking at you for almost the whole conversation and it felt now both a relief and a curse to be looked at that way.
"I honestly don't know why it took me so long to realize it."
"To realize what?" your voice could barely be heard but he heard you well. Your pulse was faster now and you could tell you were about to collapse to the ground.
"That I don't need you."
There it was, the final slap. You stood still and he left. He just left without even glancing once more, without even asking, without even thinking about staying 5 minutes more to make sure you would have been fine.
You sigh as your heart keeps pounding, reminding you to breathe every once in a while if you want it to keep beating. You mentally curse at yourself to have let this memory come to surface when you at least needed it. But you can't help it. You can't even help the waterfalls rushing down your cheeks now, you can't help almost screaming in pain as you remember the look on his face the very moment he decided he had enough. Enough of you and your shit. You also have enough of yourself in this very moment as you close your eyes to let your pain rest for a moment.
Your eyes still are closed but your ears are active enough to hear sounds coming from the door. You keep your eyes shut, not even caring about a theft coming in and steal all your stuff. You already lost the most precious one, after all, you don't fucking care if someone sneaks in and take anything you have left. There are voices out there but no thoughts about this situation are making sense right now so you just let it happen, slowly abandoning yourself to the disgusting feeling growing in the pit of your stomach which makes you swallow and brings you back to your numbness. You are about to faint again when you hear someone, many someones in fact, screaming your name but only one hits you hard. He keeps calling you and you have no strength left to answer, to tell him that you are there, that you need him. Loud footsteps are going everywhere in your apartment but there where you're laying, tears now almost choking you as you keep hearing him looking for you. And then he finds you. As he found you 8 years ago, sitting in the corner of a crowded room, sipping on your gin tonic, hoping to not be noticed. But he noticed and you are now grateful that he did back then.
"Oh my God!" he runs to you and kneels down by your side, caressing your face, trying to wipe away the tears that are not letting you take the sight of him in. He takes your hands in his, squeezing them gently.
"Lewis." you release it as a whisper.
"I am here." he let it out as the surest of things before taking you in his arms, carrying you to the bed, firmly holding onto you as he lays you down on the soft mattress.
"How are you?" you slowly open your eyes and finally meet his. They are black, big and worried.
"Why are you here?" he sighs.
"I want to know how are you. I.. you.. I mean I am scared." you close your eyes and breathe all his scent in, trying to recollect enough strength to stay awake and talk to him. If he was to disappear again you want to make sure that he absolutely knows everything.
"I am sick. Sick of myself and what happened. I am sick I lost you, that it was my fault and that you now are tired of me, of my shitty self and my insecurities. I am really sick that I made you hate me while I love you with all I have and that I am." you finish your sentence as you start crying again, not even trying to hide how unbearable it is for you to admit that you lost him by your hand. His expression changes, it becomes anxious, sad and he looks extremely broken in this very moment. He takes your face into his hands and makes you look at him straight into his eyes.
"Listen, I am sorry. Like I'm not just sorry but fucking sorry. I did not mean to hurt you like this, I mean, I wanted to get some points straight but not this way. You did not deserve this and when you did not reply back.. I.. I really.." his voice cracks and he just loses it. His head falls on your chest and you can feel his tears falling on your shirt. Your hands are shaking but manage to reach his back and starting rubbing it gently.
"Why did you come here today? I heard someone with you."
"I've called you this afternoon and you did not answer. I thought I deserved it after all but when I called once again a couple of hours later you did not answer anyway nor you did the other ten times I've tried. I called the janitor and they told me you hadn't left the apartment all day long, I called your friends, no one could reach you and at that point I don't even know if I was still thinking properly, I just needed to find you and I would have done anything."
Your grip on his back tightens, hands almost soaking into the skin of his soft arms. He looks at you and comes a little closer to your face.
"So.. what are we doing right now? I mean, are you leaving again?" you are cautious, scared that he might pull away and tell you that you did not understand anything he said, once again.
"Those words you said before.. they were awful but this is how I made you feel so I am the one to blame. But, please, don't you ever think again they I might hate you because you.. you are just.. you fit me in every single way and I don't want to risk losing you ever again."
You begin tracing each part of his face with your fingertips starting from his chin then going up to the cheek, reaching out to his lips which are slightly apart just enough for you to get closer and caressing them with yours, trembling with each movement, still afraid that he might fade away any second.
"I love you. I am sorry I was an asshole, I said the biggest bullshit of my life because you are actually the only thing that I need."
"Are you sure?"
"I am. I thought I had lost you forever today and I.." he shakes his head and fill the gap between your mouths. He's desperate, angry, hungry and madly sorry. His hands wander everywhere on your body just to make sure that you are still there with him, for him and that he did not hurt you enough to push him away from you. But you are far away from that.
His body is warm against yours, you can feel his heart beating against your back, skin smooth against yours as he keeps touching your hip, rubbing your neck with his nose which is causing shivers going up and down your spine. You let out a loud sigh and finally smile, feeling his hand reaching your face to make you turn toward him. Your eyes meet and it feels like forever since last time you've actually enjoyed this view and he can tell the same since he really cannot get enough of being lost in you in every single way.
"I don't remember if I told you that I love you and I was an asshole."
"You've been screaming a lot of things before and.. yeah, I got the message."
He smiles and keeps staring at your lips.
"I love you." you whisper it on his mouth as he's already kissing you again
if you write for Lewis, him always calling you before a race just to say I love you whether that's over the phone or in person cuz he know theres no guarantee x
I do really like both the subject and the person to write about so I will definitely take this into consideration for the next story. Thank you very much for the inspiration 😊
Do you still taking requests? I would love one with Stoffel 🥰
Hello there :) I am slowly getting back in the game and recovering, thanks for asking ♥ Thanks also for your much appreciated request, I will absolutely do my best to write one with Stoffel :)
I am writing this because my yesterday post Let me in was a kind of experiment for me.
I had never posted ( nor wrote ) any sexual content before and even if I have not been too explicit, there’s a lot you can imagine and understand and that creates a bit of pressure for me. I am am not a confident person nor “writer” and I often doubt my ability to talk about something and this particular subject is one of my main weaknesses.
So, I don’t know if it turned out good or not, if you liked or not: I am well aware of the fact that there is still a lot of work to do to improve my writing and I would be very glad to hear your comments about it (you can also leave it anonymously in my inbox if you prefer).
Thanks you all for your time and feedback; I hope that each and every one of you and your loved ones is well and safe during this pandemic that unfortunately finds us all.
«There’s plenty of space where you can sit on and I have an idea..»
You punched him hard on his arm and sat on the armchair next to the sofa where he was laying like a Greek God. Well, maybe he wasn’t Greek nor a God but his look was kind of. His hair was messy and it was right next to your hand so you gently stroke it with your fingers, playing with every lock of it. His sighed a little and you smiled because you knew he was strongly enjoying it and you also perfectly knew that he would be asleep in a matter of seconds. That film wasn’t even great and you also could barely keep your eyes open but soon got lost in the sight of him being fast asleep with an arm under his head, eyelids gently caressing his cheekbone and his chest going slowly up and down, widely enjoying the much deserved rest. Daniel wasn’t perfect but every cell of him united in all the right ways just to form an extraordinary human being: his way of caring about others, his way of smiling to life even when it didn’t smile back, the way he pushed himself over any limit he think he had. It was just amazing to share life with him, to experience him in every little thing that composed his beautiful soul and to be able to love him and, most of all, being loved back. He always gave everything he had for anything or anyone that deserved his passion and you felt actually really lucky to have such a privilege.
The next moment his heart was racing like crazy against your chest as your hands reach out to his toned back, tracing his soft skin with the tip of your fingers just to feel his shivers coming to the surface, spreading all over his body as they were a firework show set in a beautiful night sky. Your gentle strokes soon became almost scratches as your breath became heavier against his cheeks while his hands, soon followed by his soft lips, started wandering on your body reaching all your weak spots. Little drops of sweat began to form on his neck while his arms went weak under your kisses and touches. Soon you were on top and took the sight of his handsome naked body as it was the first time you actually saw it. He shook as you started to trace every line of his body with your tongue, savouring the sweetness of his skin, not leaving a single spot behind and taking care of every inch of his being. His hands reached out for your hair as you got closer the very centre of that sexy universe and you swore to yourself you could never have enough of his trembling body, completely lost under your control. He was pretty much the leading one but when you got it right, well, you were the guide. Not that you did not enjoy him being the leader but sometimes it was good to see him weak before your eyes. You stopped just in time for him to get the control back and take you places that you could get to only riding with him. Making love with Daniel was always the most selfless, passionate and unbelievable experience of them all. Not only it always felt like the first time but each and every one of them brought a different pleasure. It was wild, romantic and it could also be overwhelming at times but so was the love you shared. And after all, it was the craziest, wildest and happiest ride you had ever been on.
You approached his face and placed a small kiss on his temple, smiling against his skin and savouring the moment where he could not speak and making fun of you. His breath shook a bit and he started to wake up again, rubbing his eyes with a confused look on his face.
«What time is it?»
«It’s been an hour since the film has started so you’ve been sleeping for 59 minutes.»
«Why didn’t you wake me up?»
«The film was awful and you needed to sleep a bit.»
«Mmh..»
«What?» he looked at you with a playful look on his face like he was thinking about something really nice.
«I remember telling you to make yourself comfortable.. Am I wrong?»
«No but the space was all taken..»
«Yeah but I was not.»
You smiled and got up just to sit on his lap. As soon as your hips touched his legs you immediately felt the reaction of his body which made you smile even more. His fingers ran under your shirt, eagerly searching for your skin and exploring the world that was still covered with the fabric. He sat and hugged you, reaching your hair and pulling them while passionately kissing you. You both soon ran out of air but you had just turned the light on and it was about to burst into million little shiny stars.
hello!!! Just here to say that you are an amazing writer !!! I’m a Danny ric fan and ive read all of your Danny ric one shots and please never stop writing them, they always make my day better. Wishing you well!!❤️
Thank you so much for this amazing message. It made my day and it means a lot to me ❤ I will keep writing hoping that it always reaches your heart. Thanks 🌼
Rumour has it that when your heart breaks, everyone around you will start pointing at you as if you were the most miserable human being on earth, always in search for compassion and someone to lean on. That might be true for most cases but not for yours.
Breaking up with Daniel wasn’t really the worst experience you had been through but sort of . And as much as you were trying to pretend that you had seen it coming, well, you didn’t at all. The day that Daniel looked for you just to tell you that it was over was still clear and loud in your mind and you struggled to think that you could get better in just a matter of days. The first grand prix of the year was in fact just round the corner and you really had to collect all the pieces together and try to look like a normal person. Or at least, a not broken one. The fact that you still wanted to appear and be present to such events was that in the past five years you had become friends with almost each and every one in the paddock and as much as it still hurt, you did not want to lose the friendship with anyone of them. They had become like a second family, the ones you could always trust when you desperately needed a drink or get drunk, when you needed advise they were always there as much as they were to mock you and get on your nerves. But you cared about them and you could tell they also did and plus, they also were the closest you could get to him. You perfectly knew that you could not stay away from that world for too long and the winter break had already been the longest one in years so you were also a little happy that you could finally be back.
The travel had been one of the longest ones you could remember and the feeling of finally touching the ground and be able to breathe properly sent a little rush of relief over your spine. Which broke in the exact moment you heard his laugh behind your back. You were absolutely sure that he had not seen you yet and you kept walking, moving faster towards other people so that you could hide yourself in those sea of lost souls.
«Hello there!» Landos’ greetings could’ve not been louder and you mentally sent him in that place far far away.
«Hey you, how’s going?» he pulled you for a hug and you almost choke between his arms.
«And most important: when did you get so strong?» he grinned at you and you tried to smile back. He was a nice guy, shorter than you but way stronger (being stronger than you wasn’t that difficult after all). You chatted a bit and you found relieving that fact that you could just enjoy someone’s company without having to fake or pretend that it was all okay. He was a good listener after all but you soon discovered that most of them actually were and also sincerely interested in you and how you felt. It seemed a bit strange at first but then you easily got lost in words and you found out that you desperately needed to speak with someone. Someone new but most of all, someone who also spoke to him. You needed to feel him in the words of other people, in their thoughts, sentences; it hurt but you didn’t care as long as you could get closer to him, even if it already was the closest that you had been in 4 months.
The day went by and just in the blink of an eye it was dark. You were in your room which was once shared with his warmth and you felt completely and absolutely lost. You were sitting in the middle of the bed, knees to your chest and you kept looking at the sheets, not even convinced that you could stay there alone without having a panic attack. The pain was great and you didn’t even know how to deal with it without throwing up or fainting. He was just some rooms away from yours. He was there: calm, breathing, maybe giggling a bit if one of his friends sent him those stupid videos, half naked with messy hair. He was there and you could have been there to – if he only wanted you. If you only were enough, if he only was still happy with you. A silent tear fell on your check and a sudden knock on the door almost caused you an heart attack. You stood up, not really sure if you really wanted to open that door but that someone kept knocking and screamed your name.
«Open. This. Fucking. Door.» Daniel shouted as loud as he could and you immediately responded. As soon as his eyes reached your face, they went wide open..
«What did you do?! Did you take any pills?! Please TALK TO ME!»
You took his hands off your face.
«What are you talking about?! Are you crazy?! Maybe you took something. You don’t even stand alcohol.»
You wiped the tears and looked for a tissue which he promptly lent you. You looked at him and you suddenly felt anger growing in your stomach.
«So? You don’t talk anymore now? Are you really on drugs?»
«Stop talking to me like that. The guys told me that they tried to phone you but you weren’t answering, that they knocked on your door and you wasn’t there. Someone also told me that they saw you going out all alone and I was hell scared. I was.. yeah, scared.»
He never left your eyes as he spoke and you just kept staring at him like he could disappear any moment.
«Why would you even care if I disappeared?»
His face went dark and he looked like he was disgusted of what you had just said.
«Do you really think that I could not even care? Do you think I don’t care about you? Just because I said those.. things, it doesn’t mean that I don’t want you around me or.. that I don’t love you.»
«But you said you were done.»
«Yeah and it does not mean that I don’t love you anymore.» he repeated that putting the accent on the word love and your knees went weak. Tears were now fully covering your face and you couldn’t stop them.
«So.. »
«So.. The guys must have been really smart in doing this.»
«How are you?»
He stepped forward and placed an hand on your face. It was so soft and warm and you wished that moment could last forever.
«You are really asking how I am? Are you really worrying about this right now?» he sighed and looked in your eyes. All your world was there, all your certainties and securities were in the colour of his eyes, all your successes and best moments were wrapped there. You nodded and he grinned a bit.
«Listen – he took your face into his hands – I was a complete fool. I was crazy, I was selfish and most of all I was blind. All these years by your side have been great and yeah, we might have had some tough moments, some downs but you were there and that was more than enough to put everything aside. It’s only been 4 months now and they seemed ages. Ages. Waking up alone, eating alone, walking alone. No laughs, no smiles, no sleep. All gone.» his voice cracked a bit and you decided to place your hands on his hips. You felt him shiver against your touch and you immediately regretted doing this, fearing that he might pulled away from you. But he got closer instead and his hot breath finally warmed your coldness.
«I know that I hurt you and I’ve also said some horrible things that I completely regret now but if you could give me a second chance I.. » you stopped him and wiped some tears off his beautiful face.
«But why did you leave me?» you were only whispering but he heard you good enough.
«I think I just had to figure out what my life would have been without you. And I understood I don’t want to know it all. I think I just had to have some time off and.. it turned out to be the worst choice ever. I.. I am sorry» and there, he completely fell apart.
His face was on your chest and you could hear your heart pounding against his cheek. It was wild but he really didn’t seem to be worried about it. He liked speed, after all. You were playing with his hair and placing small kisses on his forehead. He closed his eyes and exhaled loudly as if he was finally able to properly breathe again.
«What are you thinking about?»
«I am.. complete. I thought I had lost you forever then they told me you were not there and.. I really had to try my best to find you again. Once again.»
Your kisses became stronger and you also started moving towards his jaw line. His hands moved on your back as he shifted his body on top of yours. His warmth, his scent, the softness of his skin.. You were addicted to every single cell of his body. He touched your lips with the tip of his nose and you giggled softly as he wandered through your body with his steady gaze.
«But you found me.»
«Yeah and I honestly don’t know how I got so lucky.»
«I’ve never really left.. I really cannot stand being far from you. I was in constant pain and.. I’ve missed you a lot. I.. I don’t know if I can stay away from you.»
«We don’t need to.. I was stupid; I was letting go of one of the best things that ever happened to me. Through thick and thin you’ve always been there.. I don’t think I deserve you.»
You smiled and couldn’t help but kiss him right away. His lips were so soft and smooth, his grip so firm as if he was scared that you might escape from his arms. His hands went from your hair to your hips, searching for your skin, so needy. And so were you, in desperate need of his naked body against yours as if touching his body could bring you closer to his heart and his soul could be read as your favourite book. As you both got rid of your clothes you also got rid of the anxiety, of the fear of being distant again, of not being able to reach out and find the warmth, the passion, the light. His body was a maze, actually the best one in which you had ever lost yourself into, the one where all the roads lead to the right centre of your personal universe. Loving him was the greatest adventure but being loved back was the true miracle. And then you were home again.
You are almost shaking in front of the mirror and it’s hell clear that you’re far from being ready. You’ve been changing clothes for almost an hour and none of the solutions you tried seem to fit for such an occasion. Because your very handsome and smart and special boyfriend decided that it is time for you to meet his family. You. And his family. You. Introduced as his girlfriend. You. The queen of embarrassing moments.
At first you thought it was one of his bad jokes but when he saw you laughing at his proposal his voice almost cracked telling you it was “okay if you didn’t want to go” and you only wanted to disappear forever because it’s clear you don’t deserve him. So you collected all your courage, strength and patience and now you’re finally here, cursing each time you look at your reflection because you clearly are not enough. You let out the thousandth sigh and try to think of another possible match you can wear without looking like a big fat potato. You can hear him getting closer to you, the absence of your answer probably made him understand that something’s wrong. Oh, it is.
“What’s the problem?” he looks at your reflection through the glass in front of you and your heart just warms a bit.
“It’ just.. I don’t know. I don’t think I can do this.”
“Why?”
You don’t really want to talk about it and even if you know perfectly know it is not fair, you would really like him to just tell you that you don’t have to do it. Even if it’s childish, even if it could much probably break his heart, even if it’s selfish.
“Because.. I mean, look at me. I bet I am the worst looking girlfriend you’ve ever been with. And I don’t know why you just want to do this.. I-”
“Shh, what are you talking about?”
His expression changes and it now turns into a mixture of confusion and anger. But it’s that kind of anger that makes you understand that yes, maybe you don’t deserve such a luminous soul. He makes you look at him through the mirror and a tear escapes your eyes.
“I don’t like you talking like this. I mean, when did I make you think that you might be not enough?”
“It’s not you. It’s me.”
“Yeah but it looks like you are my girlfriend. Aren’t you?”
“Yeah but-”
“And it also looks like I am the one to decide if something or someone fits me, right?” you shyly nod.
“So what are we talking about? Are we talking about me being super happy and ready to introduce you to my family? Yes. And do we really want to see something that doesn’t even exist? Because I honestly don’t think I could introduce them someone better than you.”
You look down at your hands, not really knowing what to say because you’re teared between believing him and not letting him fool you with his words. You sigh, again.
“Are you sure?”
“Listen - he makes you look at him and takes your face between his warm hands - do you really think I could lie about something so important? I know it’s a big step for you, for us and if you think I am not hell scared to ipotetically meet your family, well, you are damn wrong, my lady.”
“You like telling me I am wrong.”
“Oh, I do.”
You laugh a bit and allow yourself to get lost into those bright beautiful eyes. In moments like these, when you’re lost and so confused that you could actually throw all away just for the idea of not being what you should be, he comes and sets all at the right place. Because he is the right place. And it shows.
You lean forward on the tip of your toes and reach for his lips.
“Thank you..”
“If you say it like this, you are always welcome, my baby” you smile just to get lost in the sweetest of kisses, moments before leaving to meet the people who raised this giant lovely dork.
“Thoughts about this family affair?” he asks you while playing with your hair once ready to fall asleep in your king size bed.
“And you even ask me? I fell in love with your family.”
“So.. does this mean you now love ‘em more than me?!” he fakes a shocked look on his face and you punch him on his arm which makes him laugh and his laugh makes you laugh too and, oh God, what a living mess you two are.
“I was super embarrassed at the beginning but then..” then he made you forget about your stupid anxiety and bad thoughts about what could possibly happen. He kept looking at you through almost the whole dinner, he never ever left you alone a second and always made sure you were comfortable with everything around you. And that made you realize even more that you’ve never met someone so caring, loving and gentle like him.
“Then you were good?” you smile.
“I was. And I am. So I guess I have to thank you.. now I am an official member of the Ricciardo’s crew” he bursts out laughing and hugs you tighter than ever, with his face placed in the crook of your neck. His hot breath sending shivers through your body that doesn’t really want to fall asleep anymore.
“You are”
“So you gotta give me a card or something that testifies I am part of your-”
“I’ve got an idea of what I can give you and I bet youwill like it..” you nasty you, I love you.
Today it's my birthday and since I always live my birthdays like they are the worst days of each year, today I decided to read all your kind words and let them shine over my bad thoughts.
I also want to thank you for your constant support, it is really greater than I ever thought it could be. Thanks for sharing your thoughts, tips and words: they keep me going 🙏
I hopefully will be posting again very soon (maybe today) so stay tuned, I will be back 🔥
I promise I will write one with Niko too. He's a character I thought about a lot and I think I can come up with something acceptable 🤪 thanks for the suggestion!
Hiiii love! I really like ur writing specifically Daniel stuff, it’s just so well written and realistic and not overwhelming or super cheesy I LOVE IT!! so I wanted to request something like being super in love with you and him taking you to meet his family for the first time and you being mad nervous but he’s just so sweet and supportive about it, or anything with them fighting and making up cause I love those too, thank you!!!❤️💕❤️💕
Thank you so much, your words mean a lot to me, really ❤ I am already working on one of the stories you kindly suggested (thanks also for that!) and I hopefully manage to post it later today. Thanks again for your support, it's greater than I ever thought it could be and it just warms my heart 🙏
Hello! I'm writing to tell you that I love your stories about Daniel Ricciardo, I'm a big fan of him and you're the first page (I'll risk saying he's the only one I've found). I like it and if it's not too much to ask you to do more, please. Thanks for the effort you make to write them, I'll be waiting :)
Thank you so much! Your kind words genuinely warm my heart ❤ I am already working on a new Daniel story that I'm planning to post later today so thank you again for your patience and support, it means a lot 🙏
“So, tomorrow's the day. Last day in Red Bull”, you are both sitting on the balcony of his bedroom (you have this thing that you never share a room when you go watch a race. Most of times because you show up without saying a word but even because you like to give him the space he needs). It's hot and humid, the air smells like the typical smell of Abu Dhabi, made of concrete and lights, and now the atmosphere is calmer than just some hours before. Daniel's schedule has been quite full these past few days and this is the first moment you can actually enjoy together. Alone. He looks at you and gives a small smile, which is however very sweet and makes him the softest of honey badgers,
“Yeah, seems it is.”
“How do you feel about it? I mean.. “ he sighs and moves his eyes from you. Since the news of him moving to Renault next year, it has been quite difficult to talk with him about it. About him changing team, about him restarting his career, about him just moving on. It must be very hard for him, you can perfectly understand him, but you'd like him to trust you more than this. You feel like this has created some tensions between the two of you and you've been having tough times trying to overcome them.
“Uhm yeah, I mean.. a lifetime spent racing for them.. it's hard, you know” it's your turn to sigh right now. He doesn't look at you, he sounds bored af and you can't honestly stand this behaviour.
“Yeah, I know and I also know you hate talking about it but you can't avoid the matter forever, Daniel. I mean, I am no enemy, I am here and I see you have much more to say but you just.. don't say it. Or at least not to me and I don't know.. why” and the little crack in your voice makes you understand that it's time to cut the sentence and shut the fuck up. The last thing you want right now is to burst out crying in front of him and you don't even know why you've just started a war since tomorrow he has a lot of work to do and honestly already has a lot to think about but you just.. you've had enough.
“Wow, what a great girlfriend have I – he makes a weird giggle and looks at you, but with no heart in his eyes – she tries to bring me down while I am going through one of the hardest moments of my life”.
And here it is: with just a few words he completely tear your world apart. Without even warning about it. You feel your world being teared apart piece by piece and you're feeling numb. It all becomes blurred for a second and then you realize you're swimming in the pool your tears have created on your red cheeks. You look at him and seems a bit lost, maybe confused, as if he doesn't even believe his own words. He tries to add something but you cut it off with the rush of words that needs to escape your mouth.
“Oh.. so here's the idea you have of me? I mean, am I the worst girlfriend you've ever had? So what are you doing here with me? Why are you even wasting your time being with me? Why am I even sitting on this fucking chair of your damn hotel room if I am this awful? Wow, what a great man, keeping up with this shit for all this time” you quickly stand up and turn your back to him, wanting to leave this room as soon as possible. You hear his footsteps behind you along with some words you can't even properly hear and just open the door smashing it again behind your back, hoping it has even smashed on his face.
You. Are. Totally. Broken.
Loud knocks on your bedroom's door wake you up. You rub your swollen eyes as you struggle to open them. The knocks are now even louder and more frequent and you hurry up because it's past midnight and you don't want everyone to be waken up by this fool. Of whom you think you know name and surname. You open the door and see his face and as soon he sees yours his expression completely changes. He seems worried, lost and.. sad? You don't want to let him win anyway and try to close the door – on his face again – but he blocks it with a foot and just comes in. You sigh and rub your face with both your hands, hiding it, hoping not to cry again. He somehow moves them away and try to look into your eyes which is something you'd rather avoid right now.
“Hey I'm.. I'm.. I don't even know how to start..”
“Then don't and leave me alone!” you shout as you try to push him away but, c'mon, you stupid. He grabs you by your waist and just pulls you into the strongest hug ever. The skin of his arms burns against yours and his hold is so firm that you think you won't breathe again.
“I'm sorry, I am so so so sorry. I was the awful one, not you. I don't know why I said those words, I mean.. I am so stupid, I.. I don't even know what to say to make you forgive me” his breathe is irregular, his heart is going so fast that you're afraid he might explode from his chest and he's so.. scared.
“Daniel, I can't breathe anymore”
“Oh sorry, I'm sorry.. sorry” he loosens his grip just a bit but holds you there against his chest, a hand between your hair and the other on your back. You close your eyes, trying to collect your thoughts.
“The words you said before..”
“..they were shit. They were so shit I can't even believe I said them. I know you're here with me and for me and I know you would never try to go against me. It's just.. it's hard for me to talk about my feelings, to talk about this change but I know I can always count on you, you are always there for me and..” his voice now cracks and it's your turn to tighten your grip. He hides his face in the crook of your neck and you shiver as his inhales your perfume.
“I'm sorry if I insist sometimes and if I always choose the worst moments to talk about something important but.. it wasn't my intention to fight or..”
“Shh, I love you so much, I'm so sorry” he whispers these words and the teardrop you spot on your shoulder tells you that he's being completely honest. You kiss his cheek and make him look at you.
“I'm sorry if I always pull you into a fight.”
“And I'm sorry for what I said and for not talking with you about the future. And – he moves a lock of your hair away from your eyes – I trust you and.. you're the best. You must never ever doubt it. I will do my best not to make something like that happen again” he puts his forehead on yours and breathes your breath. You gulp because anytime he's close he makes you forget all the rest. You hate not being able to have control when it comes to this but maybe it is just right.
“I love you Daniel.”
“Me too, lady” you smile and this gives him enough reasons to close the gap between the two of you and kiss you the way you like it the most.
You sneak into his bed and you suddenly feel his strong arms around your body and his lips on your cheek.
“Are we breaking some rules?” he laughs.
“Well, we established these rules so I think we aren't proper outlaws.”
“So we're not going to jail, right?”
“Nah, I don't think so”.
“Cool, then I can stay here in my favourite place in the world” he giggles and higs you tighter.
“You are my favourite place.”
Requests anyone? I think I can find enough time to write a one shot (or maybe two) so if you have any suggestion about the driver or the plot, let me know :)
Have a bright day,
L.
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