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My biggest fear is to die. I know we're all going to die one day, but Im only 18 & there are so many things I want to do before that day comes. We say it all the time "We take life for granted" but do we really comprehend how PRECIOUS life is? Like Life is just so much words cant even express & for people to just take someone's life away is just so sad. Every morning I wake up to take another breath I don't realize how fortunate I am. Thank you God🙏

Don't take my KINDNESS for WEAKNESS😒

Some people under estimate friendly ppl in many ways when we get mad people seemed shocked as if we're not human. People think because Im nice & respectful that if they cross me, I wont say anything. It infuriates me because when someone disrespects me and I go poppin off at the mouth they call me a bitch or crazy and etc. So what am I suppose to do let ppl walk all over me for what? Their own satisfaction. I think not! I've been taken advantage of way too many times & enough is enough. Yeah Im quiet, but that don't mean I wont fire on your ass. I tend to go off on ppl who push me to my limits other than that I don't waste me energy thats why I stay quiet. So I guess that gives the impression Im a pushover. Well trust I may seem like it doesn't bother me, but I keep tabs. All Im saying is respect me and I'll respect you. If Im nothing but nice to you & you just idk decide to be a prick and not give a fuck about my feelings then I'll read your vibe & react the same. I swear man, I don't want to be mean but how can you be nice to ppl who just don't care about how you feel. If thats how you want to be then I can be that way too. Im often afraid to be a bitch to those I consider my friends or close to me because I'll loose their respect and them. But if Im being 100% genuine and you laugh n talk shit behind my back how am I suppose to react? A lot of ppl calm to keep it real, but thats a lie. If you were real you would have the balls to message, text, pull me aside and say what you have to say, but instead you want to have subliminal battles on social websites. Im tired of caring what ppl think of me or what they'll think of me if I go off on someone whose crossed my boundries it just isnt fair. You talk shit and call me a bitch when I get mad because I feel like you crossed a boundary I become the bad guy right? But you talking all the shit in the world and its okay right? Oh okay. Im old enough to know better, But I have tricks up my sleeves for ppl who think I notice Their fakeness. I'll play along until you get caught up. Im not scared of anyone like I said show me respect & I will show it right back. Just don't mistake my kindness for weakness😏

Friends to Strangers

When people said “People change” they put in such a negative notation that I thought when ppl changed it was a bad thing, but through growth & maturity I realize when ppl change its for many reasons. It just happens.

When people said “Friends come & go” I didn’t know it would hurt. Some ppl came in my life & some ppl left & some come back, but some of them that left I don’t care for the ones that hurt me I can care less about being in my life because they broke a trust we had which makes it hard for me to trust being with that person. Usually best friends are suppose to tough it out through the good and bad times, but sometimes personalities are too strong things don’t work out…especially when you have 2 stubborn people not willing to admit their wrong & say sorry for hurting one another. Obviously Im a little too late to fix any friendships I was too stubborn to fix because me realizing I was wrong happened on my own timing…its a little frustrating, but I guess God knows what he’s doing. Im only 18 Im stilling learning…

How can people who were so close, be totally strangers? As if now if we see each other we look at each other like ghost as if we are unfamiliar, never met in life. Fucking craziest shit ever. Im still trying to convince myself its a dream. Its just so sad to me now. Everything was so dandy & now I look back like what the fuck happened.

Why is it so awkward to text/talk to someone you been friends with for years? The closeness has turned into awkwardness like you know them, but its just weird to be talking to them because things have changed. Im just so confused is this what God has planned for me? Will I meet better people in my future? Will I rekindle some broken friendships? I have so many questions its so frustrating! And there’s nothing I can do about it, but just live my life & see what the future holds for me which is scary, but at the same time exciting.

I use to get mad when people would always tell me “Things happen for a reason” especially when something bad happens like nobody wants to hear that…. But shit does happen for a reason either a good one or bad one. Its either a blessin’ or a lesson. I’ve had my fair share of lessons and let me tell you it gets harder every time. To deal with people who test your patience and character. I know I have a temper bad attitude how I lost some of my friends *hint hint* but at the end of the day if your going to be in my life YOU EITHER NEED TO EXCEPT ME FOR EVERYTHING I AM or just keep pushing. I will not change who I am for anyone. Im working on some things I need to get control on, but that doesn’t mean I’ll stop getting angry, that just mean I’ll take a second to think about what I say before I say it more self control.

My phone use to blow up, now it barley rings… I try to text ppl, but its like the feelings aren’t there anymore its so sad. I’ll check on ppl I haven’t heard from in awhile see how they doing and thats just as far as the conversation goes we wont talk to each other for months after that. And people will hit me up with that stranger shit. The phone works both ways. If I cross your mind you should probably just text me or call

Lately I been reminiscing on the good times & having these dreams that have me feeling so emotional I wake up & feel like breaking down. I don’t know what exactly what God is trying to tell me, but its frustrating idk wether I should try & mend things with people to help me move on Idk wtf to do something is just eating me alive & idk know what it is or what to do. I have so much hurt & its turned into anger. I get mad alot & I don’t mean to be so angry and lash out at people, but thats just how I deal with my bottled up emotions. I want to really be happy & not stress about things in my past. Being the bigger person sometimes means apologizing to your enemies just to relieve the hurt in your heart…being the bigger person is not always easy & I have so much pride & Im so stubborn I refuse to do these things because why should I? So they can fuck me over again? I never really got why you should forgive ppl even when they hurt you so much to the point you can give a shit if they got hit by a car, but sometimes forgiving that person helps you heal..I have a long way to go, but I’ll get there.

I always thought why do ppl say “Life is crazy” well now Im beginning to understand. All good things come to an end, people change, life changes, you change. Im young so its still hard for me to except I cant wait until Im in a place where Im truly happy & just can breathe. Don’t get me wrong Im happy with life now, but I think I could be a lot happier with burdens lifted off my shoulders with no hate in my heart. Even if people don’t want to hear what I have to say. Im going to do it anyways because I doing it for me & if you want to hold a grudge & hate in your heart thats fine, but I want to live my life feeling good about myself & prove to ppl Im not what they think I am or say I am. Im not going to let people walk all over me & Im not going to let ppl treat me any kind of way. I've always been nice & caring to ppl. Considering other ppl's feelings before my own. Well its time for me to get selfish & do things for me