im still in love with my abuser :/
i think you’re brave for admitting that. loving someone, even someone who was abusive and cruel, isn’t always something you can turn off just like that. but i hope you know you deserve much better. you deserve to be treated with respect and kindness, and never cruelty. 🦋
And when you see this just know Im not saying i loved him. Im saying that he used to be nice to me. He was supposed to be like family. I knew him and it was hard to cope with the fact that someone i used to like being around almost like a friend could and would do this to me and It created so much confusion in my life. I just wanted who he used to be back. Nothing made sense anymore and I felt stupid for not knowing what he would do and for thinking maybe that wasnt who he really was. Nothing made sense so I searched for any answer i could. Part of me hoped he loved me. I hoped he had some type of sick love he couldn't help because it was better than facing the reality that I was nothing but trash to use at his convenience. I knew the truth but I hoped so hard.
