maze

[sleepinnyc]

House By The Sea by May Sarton

[fourthclub]

i feel so many things and not a thing at the same time

[fourthclub]

i could always go to the rooftop of my work building and decide the end, you know

[weltenwellen]

Wildness Before Something Sublime Leila Chatti

[depsidase]

[vaultedliteracy]

As a really good friend of mine once wrote in an experimental novella: “cops are the cold sores of capitalism” (although I’m paraphrasing as the novella was written in the first person and he was arguing with a cop and called him a cold sore of capitalism).

Cops really aren’t necessary until there is a divide between those who have and those who do not.

[feral-ballad]

Jeanette Winterson, from Lighthousekeeping

[kommetz]

reading a textbook for class and i’m going insane. why is this just poetry. what. this is a STEM class what’s going on.

[kommetz]

HELLO????? HELLO?????

[depsidase]

[funeral]

Finally, when shame has been completely internalized, nothing about you is okay. You feel flawed and inferior; you have the sense of being a failure. There is no way you can share your inner self because you are an object of contempt to yourself. When you are contemptible to yourself, you are no longer in you. To feel shame is to feel seen in an exposed and diminished way. When you're an object to yourself, you turn your eyes inward, watching and scrutinizing every minute detail of behavior. This internal critical observation is excruciating. It generates a tormenting self-consciousness which Kaufman describes as, "creating a binding and paralyzing effect upon the self." This paralyzing internal monitoring causes withdrawal, passivity and inaction.

John Bradshaw, Healing the Shame that Binds You

[fourthclub]

it's so hard being a human being

[weltenwellen]

On Seatbelts and Sunsets Hanif Abdurraqib

[holycalf]

when fiona apple asked “how can i ask anyone to love me when all i do is beg to be left alone”. well i have not found an answer but if anyone else has lmk

[weltenwellen]

Bessel van der Kolk, The Body Keeps the Score

[feral-ballad]

Donika Kelly, from Bestiary: Poems; “Archaeology”

[hadrians-view]

The Audience (2016) Art by American artist H. James Hoff

[steamandcream]

thinking about how when you experience a lot of shame in your formative years (indirectly, directly, as abuse or just as an extant part of your environment) it becomes really difficult to be perceived by other people in general. the mere concept of someone watching me do anything, whether it's a totally normal activity or something unfamiliar of embarrassing, whether I'm working in an excel spreadsheet or being horny on main, it just makes my skin crawl and my brain turn to static because I cannot convince myself that it's okay to be seen and experienced. because to exist is to be ashamed and embarrassed of myself, whether I'm failing at something or not, because my instinctive reaction to anyone commenting on ANYTHING I'm doing is to crawl into a hole and die. it's such a bizarre and dehumanizing feeling to just not be able to exist without constantly thinking about how you are being Perceived. ceaseless watcher give me a god damn break.

[louisegluckpdf]

painting this on the ceiling above my bed so it's the first thing i see upon waking in the morning and the last thing i see before falling asleep at night