This is so funny, mostly bc it’s another reason why George Lucas is a dumbass
Writer's note: I don't normally reblog stuff, but this deserves a spot on my wall. Harrison and Mark ftw!
let's talk about Bridgerton tea, my ask is open
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This is so funny, mostly bc it’s another reason why George Lucas is a dumbass
Writer's note: I don't normally reblog stuff, but this deserves a spot on my wall. Harrison and Mark ftw!
Ki Sazen: "When the Nikto said a girl was coming after me, I thought she'd be a challenge."
Kheyla: "And when I heard a Jedi was leading a Nikto cult, I thought she'd be older than twelve..."
Home Sweet Home, Part Two
"Nothing is ever simple, and I was given a lesson in that as I tried to get to the computer lab where this Kixi was being held prisoner. Even getting through the door was a task that took much longer than it had to. But it was all worth it in the end, even though I hadn't expected Kixi to be a cute little alien girl. Not that I mind, of course. I was simply a little angry that Skavak had gotten to her before I did. The girl had skills, and... other valuable assets.
And I'm trailing off again... Point of the matter is that Corso's guy turned out to be quite useful, after all. Kixi was able to do some real damage on Skavak's record, giving him a nice little disease to keep him away from the ladies. Sure, I could have been a bit more tactical about it, and taken away his contacts, but as he mostly operates by seducing women and having them do the dirty work for him, I figured that was a blow that would hurt him twice as much as anything else.
But the real hunt had only just started, and I found myself itching to get a hold on the barve more and more for each passing minute. Corso and I set course deep behind enemy lines, where we found some holorecordings of Skavak making a deal with a cathar, whom he had most likely two-timed in the past. Now, why on earth anyone would be stupid enough to take Skavak's word for anything after having been betrayed once, even for half of the pay up front, is beyond me, but somehow the scum managed to talk the Cathar into meeting some lawman at the spaceport to take him out.
I'm not too proud to admit that I muttered a curse under my breath in admiration of Skavak's devious mind, but it really was a perfectly crafted set-up. I was seething with rage as I knew without doubt that it was a trap, and I could almost hear his smug laugh at the back of my head even before Corso opened his mouth.
Don't get me wrong, Corso's a good kid, but he was remarkably naive. If we had left the lawman and the cathar to their own demise, we would have gotten to Skavak before it was too late, instead of walking straight into what was clearly an ambush. I didn't know for sure that Skavak knew we were following him, but if he had crafted a plan on how to get rid of two problems at once and gain enough time to slip away untouched, he knew I was hunting him -- he had to know.
Sure, I could have talked Corso out of the foolish notion of saving the poor lawman, but I would have had better luck teaching a bantha how to play Sabacc."
--Tristan
"Well, then we will un-defect him."
R'ynn, regarding the defected scientist on Balmorra
Home Sweet Home, Part One
"Where was I...?"
The bartender fills the glass with another round of brandy, and he takes a long sip before he puts on a bitter smile.
"Ah, yes," he says as he places the glass on the table yet again, "Coruscant... I was less than pleased to be back on the wretched dump they call the heart of the Republic, but as that was where I could find the scum that stole my ship, that was where I would be. I did what I could to avoid getting noticed. After all, it was the first time I was back since I stole the ship in the first place, and as I was being hunted by an angry brute, the last thing I wanted, was attention from the local authority.
I had barely taken two steps before the customs droid came up to inspect me, asking me kindly -- at least I assume that is what is programmed to be kind -- to step aside and wait for the enforcement agent to arrive. But, don't worry, I know how to slice my way through security check ups without drawing any attention to myself, so getting passed him was not all too hard.
Corso claimed he had a contact that could help me track down Skavak, and while I'm not one for trusting strangers I haven't run a thorough background check on, my hands were tied. I couldn't contact any of my own people, after all... His name was Darmas Pollaran, a creepy old man -- not that there is any other kind -- with an unsettling good taste in young women, and an excellent Sabacc player. At least so I'm told.
But Corso's call panned out for the better, all things considered. The old man pointed us in the direction of a young slicer named Kixi. All I had to do, was to find her..."
-- Tristan
Writer's Note
She was absolutely perfect for a while. Then shading went wrong. But, all in all, not a bad first attempt.
Zara mugshot, drawn with ballpoint pen
flagrantdrought said: It may or may not have to do with yahoo (who currently owns tumblr) secretly being a piece of shit.
This seems legit.
Toxicity, Part Three
"Even after having walked through the saddened grass on the beaten surface of Balmorra for longer than I intended, I left the planet with a smile. In the pits of toxic waste and deadly colicoids, I found traces of the ancient power that once had been strong and proud, and as I held the artifact in my hands, I knew it had been worth the trouble.
And I cannot ignore the comical side effect that I became, in a sense, a colicoid after all.
Stepping onto the stairs of the old, forgotten alter, washed away any trace of the terrible stench from the toxic waste, the acidic and slimy liquid puddles of questionable substances, and the stains of colicoid blood that I was covered in. I almost forgot, in that moment, where I was, and the Force rushed through me stronger than it ever had on the surface. How I knew it was needed to unlock the artifact, still puzzles me...
The lost artifact of Tulak Hord was mine, if just for a brief moment... I took my time returning to the ship, simply to soak in the familiar comfort of the Dark Side of the Force."
-- R'ynn
Writer's Note
Due to some problems with the queuing system on tumblr, there will be a little delay in the posts for the next following days. It seems to not let me change the time of day to post things from (keeps rolling back to 12am and 12am), and it goes by US timezone, even though I've specified that I live in Europe.
Tumblr is possessed. *Shrugs*
In the meanwhile, I hope you will have patience with me. We apologize for the inconvenience (and say that with the utmost confidence that all of my followers have noticed something being wrong. Because, you know, illusions of self-importance and all that.)
If anyone knows how to repair this issue, please send me a message.
--The Writer
"Greetings, Master. You're looking fit and deadly, as always."
C2-N2
Toxicity, Part Two
"My stay on Balmorra was unnecessarily prolonged by the tragically pathetic distress call that Major Bessiker received from his son, who had just passed his tests on Korriban. The blasted fool seemed to think that simply because his son was Sith, I would feel some sort of honor or obligation to come to his aid, showing me just how little he knew about the Sith order. If a Sith cannot get himself out of trouble when he finds himself in a bind, he is not worthy of the powers he has been given.
My legacy has always come into question whenever I accomplish something great, but even though I have the means to pull strings for my own success, I would much rather prove to the galaxy that I am powerful because of the blood flowing through me, rather than the power my family holds. Major Bessiker's son should have done the same, if he had any desire to survive.
In a way, I considered it my duty to see him perish, but I would be lying if I said I did not do it for the sheer amusement of it all, but it was not without rewards. The blasted fool told me the location of an artifact that he had been sent there for, providing me with the details so that I could claim the object after his unfortunate death.
But the death of a dear family member is enough to blind any man's sense of reason, and Major Bessiker was no different. He wasted no time telling me exactly what he thought about my actions, and so I wasted no time ending his life. I would have listed a good amount of reasons for why he needed to be eliminated, but the truth of it is that I simply did not wish to reason with an unreasonable man.
After all,I had a newly completed serum to inject, and a lost artifact to recover... But even then I left no loose ends. The scientist was a defector, and having outlived his usefulness, he got the end he deserved."
-- R'ynn
Pathetic Evocii
Imperial Soldier 1: "Those Hutts are ruthless. The things I hear they do to the Evocii..."
Imperial Soldier 2: "All true. Still, have you ever actually met an Evocii? Most pathetic things I've ever seen. Honestly, how could the Hutts NOT enslave a species like that?"
Imperial Soldier 1: "That's cold."
Imperial Soldier 2: "Go meet one, then you can talk. Fifty credits says you wind up shoving it into a gutter. And laughing."
Death Ball by Oky - Space Ranger on Flickr.
Toxicity, Part One
"Admittedly, I was a little surprised when my Master told me that the next artifact could be found on the war ridden planet of Balmorra, but even as I gazed upon her through holo, I could tell she was not lying, and so if my Master told me that was where I needed to go, I was in no position to argue.
I set course for Balmorra immediately after leaving Dromund Kaas, and was overwhelmed with the bitter taste of pointless optimism as I gazed across the desolated marshlands of the dying planet. It seemed as if the Force itself had fled the place, only leaving behind a desperate cry of agony lying buried under the dried blood of those slain for nothing, clinging to a long since lost glory. I nodded in agreement with one of my travel companions as he expressed his disapproval of our current location, and proceeded to meet with Major Bessiker as to not waste any time. I had no desire to stay there any longer than what was needed.
I had not yet been able to leave Sobrik before I realized that my journey on Balmorra would be interesting, if nothing more... The artifact my Master wanted, was located in a vault filled with toxic waste, which was only survivable by the planet's large, annoyingly disgusting insectoid species; the colicoids. As a joke, I asked the Major and his crew member how I could become a colicoid, but it seems that humor is not a part of the training of an Imperial Soldier.
The Major happily took the challenge to create a serum that would allow me to become immune to the toxic waste found in the vault, provided that I retrieve their best scientist, who had sadly defected to the Republic not long before I arrived.
I relished in the moment of torturing him, as he tortured me with a speech about how he wanted to create something that did not lead to someone's death.
Naive fool... Even the most harmless of children toys can kill, given the right circumstance..."
-- R'ynn
"You are the conscience of our team, as always, Kaliyo..."
Vector Hyllus
Killing Courtesy, Part Two
"Pathetic! Laranna Fain was a waste of breath and a waste of time... She did not even put up enough of a fight for me to break a sweat before she pushed me aside and locked herself up in the airlock. What a child... Threatening to kill herself by releasing... Naturally, I was not going to let her do that, as I wanted to run her through with my lightsaber. It is certainly a good thing that I have learned how to be... persuasive.
But what perfect timing her death was...
Lord Vivicar himself decided to call her just as I was washing the floors with her blood, and so I decided to have a little conversation with this supposedly great Lord of the Sith. He's nothing, he will die being stripped of all illusions of self importance, and I will savor every single second of it.
Of course, that is not what I will tell Master Syo Bakarn...
For now, this mission has ended, and I can return to hunting down the remaining ill Jedi Masters, so that I may swiftly end this fool's errand, and focus on the one that is responsible."
-- Zarazha
Writer's Note:
ok, it's actually quite terrible, when I look at it closer, but damnit, this is as close to success as I've gotten over the passed few days of trying to get his features right. But now I'm gonna call it good about here, and move on to the next, before Khayne drives me nuts.
The previous failed attempts have made him come out looking like a manga emo dude, a drag queen, a monster and mister potato head.
Khayne, drawn with ballpoint pen.