I’ve been in quite a slump recently. Not that I expect people to give too much of a shit to care. There is enough sadness and difficulties to go around.
But it’s mainly that my self-esteem took a beating when I lost my job, due to cutbacks and budgetary concerns, and I’m not sure how to bounce back.
I got another job, which I guess is good. I just feel like my life is at a standstill. I’m a rock, sometimes bouncing but mostly stuck in place, at the bottom of some river that fleets by; life itself floats along, sometimes at a leisurely pace, other times quite rapidly and carrying all sorts of racing objects.
Having to take a pay cut, coming from a pretty well paid job, and feeling as if I’ll never accomplish any of my dreams. There is a sort of helplessness that washes over me; I can’t save myself from monumentally stupid economic decisions; can’t help my boyfriend through his struggles or fix any of his problems (none that matter at least); fearing whatever creeps down the pipeline of time and gushes out as every new day passes. There isn’t any escaping it; life will hurt you, scar you, maim you, cripple you; it’s death by a thousand cuts, drowning through a million breaths, disintegration marketed as the chance of a lifetime — LIVING!
I’m sorry to be such a downer, the week has barely begun. I just needed a place to vent where I’m not burdening someone I love with my worries or beat-down demeanour.
“The journey never starts nor ends in the dark forest” -Ted Lasso.
These will be my prayers and hopes tonight. Watching for the signposts to salvation in the gloomy glow of ash and fire lighting up the dark winter sky — summer doesn’t arrive until you let some light and warmth in. My head is looking for a parka in the dark of winter.
gracieabrams
amandla
germansingergirl
theartofmadeline
yousharknotpass
