Literally Always Bitter

[fowl-by-name]

Hold on gonna list of a bunch of things that the af movie slapped me in the face with while I watched it

[fowl-by-name]

Book Butler: *only lets his basically adopted son know his first name on his deathbed*

Movie Butler: haha call me Dom :)

[fowl-by-name]

Movie!Artemis: Haha I’m a criminal mastermind >:) even though I’ve never done anything illegal in my life

[fowl-by-name]

Ok but like not even from a book stand point? That movie was terrible? I literally had no idea what was going on the entire time? What is the oculus is that even what it’s called? Like what did it even do? And how did his dad even get kidnapped? And Cundgeon was just in jail and got out and was in the LEP again and everyone just acted like it was normal? And what happened to him? And the whole Opal thing going on really didn’t have anything to do with anything? Ok and what was the time stop supposed to do, in one place it stopped time in the bubble and the second time it didn’t? And again, Artemis is all offended when people call his dad a criminal and then says he’s a criminal mastermind at the end of the movie? He literally did nothing illegal the entire movie except kidnap someone who forgave him 5 minutes later. And mastermind? He kidnapped someone and was just like “idk bro lemme just sit here in my flannel and see what goes down” also how does his dad protect the world from fairies? That’s the LEPs job?

[fowl-by-name]

Disney employee: man all these characters are supposed to be short... how do we do that?

Disney employee 2: idk lets make everyone an adult except for Holly so she’s short and make mulch a ‘giant dwarf’ so he can be tall

Disney employee: you’re a genius

[fowl-by-name]

[fowl-by-name]

Hold on gonna list of a bunch of things that the af movie slapped me in the face with while I watched it

[fowl-by-name]

Book Butler: *only lets his basically adopted son know his first name on his deathbed*

Movie Butler: haha call me Dom :)

[fowl-by-name]

Movie!Artemis: Haha I’m a criminal mastermind >:) even though I’ve never done anything illegal in my life

[fowl-by-name]

Ok but like not even from a book stand point? That movie was terrible? I literally had no idea what was going on the entire time? What is the oculus is that even what it’s called? Like what did it even do? And how did his dad even get kidnapped? And Cundgeon was just in jail and got out and was in the LEP again and everyone just acted like it was normal? And what happened to him? And the whole Opal thing going on really didn’t have anything to do with anything? Ok and what was the time stop supposed to do, in one place it stopped time in the bubble and the second time it didn’t? And again, Artemis is all offended when people call his dad a criminal and then says he’s a criminal mastermind at the end of the movie? He literally did nothing illegal the entire movie except kidnap someone who forgave him 5 minutes later. And mastermind? He kidnapped someone and was just like “idk bro lemme just sit here in my flannel and see what goes down” also how does his dad protect the world from fairies? That’s the LEPs job?

[fowl-by-name]

Disney employee: man all these characters are supposed to be short... how do we do that?

Disney employee 2: idk lets make everyone an adult except for Holly so she’s short and make mulch a ‘giant dwarf’ so he can be tall

Disney employee: you’re a genius

[fowl-by-name]

Hold on gonna list of a bunch of things that the af movie slapped me in the face with while I watched it

[fowl-by-name]

Book Butler: *only lets his basically adopted son know his first name on his deathbed*

Movie Butler: haha call me Dom :)

[fowl-by-name]

Movie!Artemis: Haha I’m a criminal mastermind >:) even though I’ve never done anything illegal in my life

[fowl-by-name]

Ok but like not even from a book stand point? That movie was terrible? I literally had no idea what was going on the entire time? What is the oculus is that even what it’s called? Like what did it even do? And how did his dad even get kidnapped? And Cundgeon was just in jail and got out and was in the LEP again and everyone just acted like it was normal? And what happened to him? And the whole Opal thing going on really didn’t have anything to do with anything? Ok and what was the time stop supposed to do, in one place it stopped time in the bubble and the second time it didn’t? And again, Artemis is all offended when people call his dad a criminal and then says he’s a criminal mastermind at the end of the movie? He literally did nothing illegal the entire movie except kidnap someone who forgave him 5 minutes later. And mastermind? He kidnapped someone and was just like “idk bro lemme just sit here in my flannel and see what goes down” also how does his dad protect the world from fairies? That’s the LEPs job?

[fowl-by-name]

Hold on gonna list of a bunch of things that the af movie slapped me in the face with while I watched it

[fowl-by-name]

Book Butler: *only lets his basically adopted son know his first name on his deathbed*

Movie Butler: haha call me Dom :)

[fowl-by-name]

Movie!Artemis: Haha I’m a criminal mastermind >:) even though I’ve never done anything illegal in my life

[fowl-by-name]

Hold on gonna list of a bunch of things that the af movie slapped me in the face with while I watched it

[fowl-by-name]

Book Butler: *only lets his basically adopted son know his first name on his deathbed*

Movie Butler: haha call me Dom :)

[fowl-by-name]

Hold on gonna list of a bunch of things that the af movie slapped me in the face with while I watched it

[artemis-fowl-shitposts]

A better artemis fowl movie (it’s happening, people)

So we’re all aware that the new Artemis Fowl movie is (probably going to be) missing a lot of the stuff that made the books so special. That said, if some of us wanted to make our own, better movie, we probably wouldn’t be able to do it on our own, because making a movie requires a lot of time, expertise, and different skill sets.

That’s where this comes in: I present, Artemis Fowl Redid (working title).

Shrek Retold was a shot-for-shot remake of Shrek. Shrek fans all over the world signed up to animate or re-enact various scenes from Shrek, collectively re-creating the whole movie including the score. It was an excellent coming-together, and it produced an actual full-length movie.

Artemis Fowl Redid is going to be like that, but a little more serious in tone, although it likely won’t be able to be completely serious and will definitely be less “polished” than the official movie. A script will be written that is based almost entirely on the books, and from there, af fans and their friends will sign up for specific parts of the movie to film, animate, voice act, animatic create, stop-motion animate, etc.

This post is to see what you guys think of all this, and also to post the first scene in the script, which is available here. I wrote the script out, but the intellectual property and most of the dialogue belongs to Eoin Colfer. The idea is for us (the af fandom) to make this scene into a movie as a test run/proof-of-concept, and if it works out, to move forward with converting the rest of the book to a movie. So you’re probably wondering:

How do I get involved?

I’ve divided the script into short chunks, which you can see here along with which chunks have and have not already been claimed and in what capacity. To claim one or multiple chunks, dm me here on tumblr with what parts you’d like to do and what you can do (just voice acting? just animation? can you film a scene?), along with any special considerations. You can also dm me if you’d like to help with something else, like editing the script, writing/editing later, composing music, etc. The more the merrier! Also, please note that I’ve devised the chunks with an eye towards live-action, which means if you’re an animator (or just in general) it’s fine and encouraged to do multiple. The only real reason the chunks are so small is because I don’t want to overwhelm people, and also because the part we’re doing atm is so small.

script

spreadsheet

Also, please boost this post, especially if you’re an af blog. 

[corvidkiid]

Oh god, the stupid Artemis fowl movie comes out in like a week god I can’t wait to be more angry than I’ve ever been in my entire life

[fowl-by-name]

I’m just here to establish dominance in the fandom before the inevitable increase in fans that will come in once the god awful movie is released 

[stripedsocksinabox]

Book fans are Artemis

Movie fans are Orion

We know who prevails in the end

[a-boy-too-weird]

I did something...

"May the road rise

To meet you

May the wind be

Always at your back

May the sun shine

Warm upon your face

And the rains fall soft

Upon your fields

Until we meet again"

[fowl-by-name]

Oh my gosh thank you I never got the chance to learn the movie gnomish

[fowl-by-name]

Dude this blog got way to many followers this fandom THIRSTY

[artemisposting]

we Need it

[fowl-by-name]

I’ll do my best then

[fowl-by-name]

Dude this blog got way to many followers this fandom THIRSTY

[fowl-by-name]

Thought my passion for the Artemis Fowl fandom had died until I just watched the new trailer for the first time and I have never felt so angry in my entire life

[fowl-by-name]

Artemis @ Holly in the book: I need to kidnap, drug, and hold this fairy Holly Short for hostage ransom to be able to save my family

Artemis and Holly after Disney got a hold of them:

[fowl-by-name]

Artemis in the trailer: shooting guns, training to fight with his dad, doing overall physical activity

Artemis in the book:

[fowl-by-name]

Thought my passion for the Artemis Fowl fandom had died until I just watched the new trailer for the first time and I have never felt so angry in my entire life

[fowl-by-name]

Artemis @ Holly in the book: I need to kidnap, drug, and hold this fairy Holly Short for hostage ransom to be able to save my family

Artemis and Holly after Disney got a hold of them:

[fowl-by-name]

Thought my passion for the Artemis Fowl fandom had died until I just watched the new trailer for the first time and I have never felt so angry in my entire life

[fowl-by-name]

Me, constantly: If a villain doesn’t have a motive, I’m not interested. It can ruin an entire movie if the antagonist has a flimsy or stupid goal. Come on people! Make them three dimensional people with flaws and cool evil aspirations!

Me after reading Disney’s plot for the Artemis Fowl movie: How dare you give my arrogant little criminal mastermind motive he is in it for the money and nothing else

[fowl-by-name]

I’m just here to establish dominance in the fandom before the inevitable increase in fans that will come in once the god awful movie is released