systematic r dropper @foxymorphone - Tumblr Blog

what they don't tell you about being the craziest person in a family full of crazy people is that sometimes when you think it's time to do a lil voluntary inpatient time you have to wait your turn because the people who aren't as used to it need it more (because they aren't used to just living like this) and if they're finally admitting it you really really can't interrupt that momentum by announcing that you too actually need to go to the looney bin. perhaps in July i will know peace

#month from hell #tw death stuff #my cousin committed suicide and his funeral was the 28th and that fucked my mom up because everyone's waiting for the day i go #and the day after his funeral my brother in laws brother overdosed and they're taking him off life support tomorrow #all this right after my restaurant almost went under for good #before i was done processing the 10 year anniversary of my best friend's suicide that had been the week before #late May thru mid June is always hard for me but i will remember this year more than any other year excluding 2016 #it's just too much i am constantly waiting for what's coming next

kingdoms of amalur might be the biggest tragedy in the pantheon of video games while also being one of the best games ever made

#the fact that this IP is dead is such a travesty

90% sure in 11 hours our worst server who I've been gunning for for an entire fucking year is about to take herself out. someone i wanted fired the first time we worked here 8 years ago is likely going to do the same on Monday. the next solid applicant we get is replacing arguably our best performing server but the most entitled and hardest to manage person I've ever met who only still has a job because he got extremely lucky with the timing of someone else leaving for their dream job. the second someone with a pulse applies it's over for him. it is, as penny lane would say, all happening

#see you just line em up like dominoes and wait #slowly build your case and make sure you never once fuck up if you can be called into question it's a dangerous game #just get it all ready so that when the right time comes it's one after another #tonight was my first night working with both the new girls out of training and they fucking crushed #actually stone cold killers we did not expect them to be this good #it is a shame that it took all this for it to happen but it is finally happening :')

i have been in the middle of a psychological war with my chef since about October and she was coming really really fucking close to winning however recent events have transpired and today she all but conceded by deciding to give me the silent treatment. literally couldn't talk to me and i just smiled and nodded every time we should have spoken. it was beautiful. she also knows that she's on the thinnest ice known to man, i am now actually unfireable, and that if she put down an ultimatum that it's me or her I'm the one that still has a job. this has been the second longest play of my career. i am proud to say that i remain undefeated. you cannot be pettier than me in the workplace. it has never happened and after this I don't think it ever will. tbh it's a shame i work in a fucking restaurant i feel like I'd do really well in the financial sector. I'd probably have more fun

#respect her as a worthwhile rival like she came correct #unfortunately also don't respect her in any other capacity be it professional personal etc #and i don't think she knew until very recently and that particular long con really worked out for me #i have never decided i wanted someone gone and not either gotten them fired or made them quit #we're actively looking for a replacement and it's funny everyone else i want gone is uhhh #they're done as soon as we finish this #finally cleaning house and it is a beautiful thing

damn stellar blade really is the dark souls of jiggle physics

very small solace but regardless of what happens to the restaurant i can at least know that at the end i was the only one left that remembered [redacted] is a friend first and that i did what i had to when everyone else left her out to dry. there are not many things where i really feel like i did my best, it was good enough, it made a difference, and i d k when we were on the phone earlier i could hear it in her voice that yes I'm the only one left but she knows I'm not going anywhere and that right there is gonna be how i live with myself until like September. for once in my fucking life i stuck around and saw it through because it was the right thing to do and i feel good about this being where & why i picked to do it

i don't even care that there is a very real possibility I'm about to not have a job like whatever there are other jobs but for kind of a while now i have been very fortunate in that the money is not even top five reasons i do what i do and that sense of purpose is not something I'm finding again. not in a fucking restaurant, good lord. and I don't know how to do anything else

#there is a very small amount of relief knowing wherever i go after this it will be exclusively about the money #i have been working jobs where i had to care and had to do more than just show up and make drinks for too long #so the idea of showing up clocking in just doing whatever clocking out and nothing else mattering is kinda cool #i just can't accept that this is how it's happening

don't ever make the mistake of caring about a restaurant unless that mf is owned by someone with bottomless trunks of money it will one day break your heart

#this is what i get for trying tbh #you slip up and care about one human being one time....#even if we make it out the other side it'll never be the same and this place i love with over a decade of memories is just gonna be gone #and sure it was worth it i'd do it again if you sent me back in time but like #fuck man not like this

i have been mostly surviving the existential threat of seeing bands i saw as a kid announce their 20+ year anniversary tour but fucking SAOSIN dude HOW is that accurate. there's no way. like no shot

when you turn 30 they should sit you down and let you know that your body doesn't actually hurt that bad and your life is actually pretty decent and in a few years you're going to be in a constant state of unfathomable pain in a body falling apart faster than you can fix it and that don't worry, your life will find a way to get far worse and then offer to euthanize you. as like, a basic human right. unrelated, I'd also like to be grandfathered into this policy

i lost my temper so badly at work today that i went completely non verbal for like two hours and I don't know what exactly put me there but i am still in that space and can tell i will be when i wake up and tomorrow things could go very fucking poorly in a way where at least i won't pay the immediate consequences. sure it'll make my life harder but like, at this point the hardest part of it all is keeping my temper in check

new way of interfering with my ability to fall asleep unlocked: despite my alarms being fully automated and having functioned perfectly fine for the year and a half I've been at this job i cannot be convinced that my alarm is actually set. wondering if this has to do with a bougie sleep supplement that suckered me in with nice packaging and sheer desperation. very skeptical about it. it has some things that could in theory nudge me towards sleep. generally believe them to be fake news but like, i have to try. just uhhhhhh can't help but notice there's two ingredients listed that i recognize from energy drink cans. and i know they're technically a cognitive thing but like. I'm actively trying to not be cognitive. kind of actually the whole point. the fuck do i need taurine for. why is L-Theanine in my sleep supplement. why is there B6. i thought i took B6 and B12 in the morning to make me less groggy in the 2pm-6pm range where i have yet to fully wake up. this may have been a $28.99 scam out of one night of sleep. I'd do the requisite research but then I'd be on wikipedia until 7am so i guess that's a project for tomorrow. but i feel weirdly wired. might have to get into some of the emergency meds. half a thorazine is risky with people coming into town for graduations but if not sleeping is the alternative.... whatever I'll let myself be actually concerned in an hour

#i so badly wish benadryl worked for me #but unfortunately dph is the one drug my body is sensitive to #taking 12.5mg of dph renders me nearly useless the next day #i can get close to the ld40 of seroquel and feel literally nothing but half a benadryl?#my shits fucked up for the duration of the following day #like need a pot of coffee and a 4 pack of red bull to get in the shower and my brain never turns on

i know d4 is possibly good now and poe2 is about to allegedly have content but hero siege just came to console and it is the fucking promised land of arpgs. yes it's still closer to diablo endgame with just running terror zones but there's actual league mechanics, skill tree is d2 but paragon is poe, if you're at all into arpgs give it a whirl. I'd given up on finding a replacement for poe but this is it. assuming they implement a map/delve system I could probably just play this for the rest of my life

#just don't play melee as your first character it falls off hard #basically all the casters are viable #lunar orbit/black hole exo is probably the comfiest build I've played in a long while #and i cannot emphasize enough how much QoL there is

je ne regrette rien is stuck in my head so naturally it's time for my biyearly hate watch of fuggin. whatever that movie is called with JGL and leo. but i kinda need a new movie to hate in a way where i have a weird need to watch it a couple times a year. the departed kind of works but that's just such a shit movie that it doesn't tickle the itch. i have a feeling tenet would be exactly that. idk taking recommendations for action (adjacent) movies that are fake deep and or taken far too seriously. like maybe it's just being from here but there's people who think The Town is a cinematic masterpiece. something like that but not quite that bad. I don't think I've ever seen the town on a screen and not fallen asleep. and that would be the play but I have work to do

i love the ads on tumblr. i just saw one tacitly assert that people think jeff gordon is more of a legend than dale earnhardt. they've always been a certain flavor of absurd but essentially saying "click here to see why dale earnhardt is actually the true legend of nascar" is several levels beyond the usual

#assuming it's bait #it has to be #a premise so absurd that you click it out of morbid curiosity #but don't fucking disrespect dale #don't clickbait dale

the devil's rejects and 8 mile are the same movie. stay with me on this one okay? they're both aggressively mediocre made by musicians who are intensely questionable people and you can find the only part of the movie worth watching again as a sub 10 min YouTube video. like i said. same movie

i really wanted a modernized (but true to form) two lane blacktop to drop as like the other side of the coin in the early days of the fast and the furious and it is a fucking travesty that it hasn't happened. like still. we still haven't had anyone else do that. basically no dialogue, almost no plot, main characters without names, i do not understand how we got through both the 00s indie film scene and the revival of movies about cars (including the actual fucking remake of gone in 60 seconds!!!!) and no one tried to even pay homage to two lane blacktop. like fucking hell rob zombie wrote a song about the movie. the song is him recounting the plot of the movie with a really shitty chorus. and he was like cool okay so check this out you know how my parents were carnies and I'm from haverhill massachusetts? anyways i wrote a movie it's called house of 1000 corpses it's going to ride the line of grindhouse, porn, and actually just encouraging people to commit crimes and uhhh that's what I'm gonna do now. is it weird if i cast my daughter as a sex symbol? whatever people still watch woody allen flicks. like he coulda made the best car movie of the decade. and with the ending sequence of devil's rejects i truly believe he had it in him. but he chose serial killer clowns and having his daughter's tiddies out instead. will say tho off the top of my head... can't name a better use of free bird in a movie

#could be worse #go watch death race 2000 and then the death race with jason stathum #then tell me those movies are in any way connected #you can't

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systematic r dropper