I love my FP

[Icon description: A picrew by anjubatus of a pale person holding a navy blue heart. Their hair is purple and chin-length, curling upwards at the end. They have purple eyes and have a mischievous smirk on their face. They're wearing a white shirt. Behind them is the bordervesil flag with a purple overlay. End ID.] [Banner description: spcious' Cluster B flag with a purple overlay. End ID.]

[fploveic]

Hi, my name is Dice, aka fploveic. I'm a cluster-b-having system member and I love my FP so I'm making a blog to talk about her and my cluster-b-isms. When I post once, I'll probably post a bunch more in the same general period.

Here's my rentry (link), which has some more information about who I am and how to refer to me.

My FP is not on tumblr and I will not tell you his name. On this blog she's known as Harley. I do know them personally and am dating it, so this isn't a creep blog.

This is a sideblog, if you notice a like from one account then a reblog from this one in a matter of seconds, you'll be able to figure out my system's main blog. But I won't be giving it out publicly.

I don't care to write a DNI, but I block liberally so if I don't like you that's that! But if you're a pro- or com-contact "big three" paraphile do not come anywhere near me, and, in fact, explode. I count fiction as contact because I'm a fictive.

Anyway welcome to fploveic!

[fploveic]

I deserve love and compassion in times of pain. My pain is not a sin. The strength of my concern is indicative of the intensity of my care. The love I have for my FP is good and real. It is not wrong for me to love. I do not love in a wrong way.

[fploveic]

I really wish every emotion I had didn't feel like it was literally killing me

[fploveic]

Harley was just over at my house and I've never felt so safe and loved. We took a long ass time to get together and I'd just kind of accepted that I was unlovable and definitely unlovable by him. But then it blurted out "I love you" a month and a half ago and since then I've never felt more like a real person. I've never felt more like I might be someone they could love.

I hate being all vulnerable like this, I never say shit this sappy to anyone but Harley. But I think if I keep in all the love I'm feeling right now I might explode and die.

I'm probably gonna get embarrassed and delete this later but. Aouyghghhhhhghg (crying noise) /pos.

[fploveic]

Disorder is disordering (all my emotions feel like theyre behind a glass wall)

[fploveic]

My desire to hide who myself and Harley are fictives of vs guys look fanart of us teehee!

[fploveic]

Babe it's 2+1am time to think Harley is in horrific amounts of danger

[fploveic]

I am really good at saying all the wrong things today

[fploveic]

The question is do I encourage my sysmate to make a blog to bpd-post on so he can accept that anth's incredibly persodivergent and stop bottling shit up

[fploveic]

Feels kind of weird just to refer to my boyfriend as "FP" but not strong enough to call him something like "girlfriend" so maybe I'll call it a code name on here.

Harley would be really funny for reasons

[fploveic]

Oh also I fucking love my best friend who either doesn't have BPD or doesn't really hold symptoms of it. He always tells me when I'm being irrational but he's never mean about it. Yon helps me mediate with my own splitting. Nav puts up with my horseshit (aka: does not leave me) even though he's seen some of the worst of my splitting and aggression. He's seriously the reason I started to think I could have healthy relationships and started to think my life actually belongs to me. I love him /p

[fploveic]

Navi watching me go batshit because I think my FP might care about someone slightly more than he cares about me

[fploveic]

Oh also I fucking love my best friend who either doesn't have BPD or doesn't really hold symptoms of it. He always tells me when I'm being irrational but he's never mean about it. Yon helps me mediate with my own splitting. Nav puts up with my horseshit (aka: does not leave me) even though he's seen some of the worst of my splitting and aggression. He's seriously the reason I started to think I could have healthy relationships and started to think my life actually belongs to me. I love him /p

[fploveic]

Getting the "maybe I don't have BPD maybe I'm just weird"

[fploveic]

Looked at the dx criteria again. Yeah no it's the BPD boy

[fploveic]

I love when FP tells me why they weren't answering?? You care that I overthink the hell out of everything????? It matters to you that I know you aren't leaving?????? Aaoiuhhghguryroiuhteeughghtfuu (crying noise /pos)

[fploveic]

FP not responding she is obviously dead and/or sick and tired of me

[fploveic]

It responded as I hit post bruh

[fploveic]

FP not responding she is obviously dead and/or sick and tired of me

[chronicallylav3nd3r]

Do you happen to have the DSM-5 criteria for BPD? Or where I could find it? I’m just wondering if not that’s ok too. 💜

hey!

here’s the diagnostic criteria! it’s not straight from the DSM-5, but this is still the same criteria.

you also only need at least 5/9 to fit the criteria.

1. Chronic feelings of emptiness

2. Emotional instability in reaction to day-to-day events (e.g., intense episodic sadness, irritability, or anxiety usually lasting a few hours and only rarely more than a few days)

3. Frantic efforts to avoid real or imagined abandonment

4. Identity disturbance with markedly or persistently unstable self-image or sense of self

5. Impulsive behavior in at least two areas that are potentially self-damaging (e.g., spending, sex, substance abuse, reckless driving, binge eating)

6. Inappropriate, intense anger or difficulty controlling anger (e.g., frequent displays of temper, constant anger, recurrent physical fights)

7. A pattern of unstable and intense interpersonal relationships characterized by extremes between idealization and devaluation (also known as "splitting")

8. Recurrent suicidal behavior, gestures, threats, or self-harming behavior

9. Transient, stress-related paranoid ideation or severe dissociative symptoms