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I deserve love and compassion in times of pain. My pain is not a sin. The strength of my concern is indicative of the intensity of my care. The love I have for my FP is good and real. It is not wrong for me to love. I do not love in a wrong way.
my thoughts are louder than you
soft hums of static in unused earphones are louder than you
my agency is more powerful than you'd ever understand
peace with myself has nothing to do with you
When you're partner spends time with someone else, even if it's in a romantic or sexual way, they are not abandoning you.
My partner hooking up with someone new is not a slight against me. I may feel angry and hurt right now, but that's okay. I know that these feelings are coming up because of our culture of monogamy, which teaches us that our partner having sex with someone else is the ultimate betrayal, and I'm supposed to be angry. But this is not a betrayal, a slight, or a threat.
it is okay to feel scared, angry, and entitled sometimes. this may cause you to want to control the actions and feelings of your partner(s). but you can realize when you are stuck in these emotions, what triggered them, how you are perceiving the event, what your action urge is, and what other perspectives you might take. but remember, you’re feelings are always acceptable, they are just not always the truth.
you do not need to control things to be safe. you don’t need to control other people to be safe. you don’t even need to control your thoughts and reactions. but you can calmly look at the root feeling behind those thoughts and reactions and it will help you learn and grow. most likely your fear/anger is based on past experiences, which are not happening right now. your past experiences are not the current reality.
you are safe. your partner’s other relationships are not a threat to you. you may feel scared sometimes, you may even feel overwhelmed by panic. but remember, take a few deep breaths, you are not in danger and your metamours are not a threat to you.
you are not replaceable. no one can be you. you are not in competition with your metamours, because your partner appreciates you for exactly who you are.
