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it was easy for a week and now its getting a lotttt harder. god. i can't handle him being so far away. i have to learn to handle it. i have to learn to handle it. trying so hard not to be clingy. i can't stop thinking about him no matter how hard i try.

#actually bpd #bpd fp #bpd safe #bpd #fp bpd #favorite person

Even when I catch a spark of something for somebody new, I still just can’t seem to let him go. It’s like whatever I do and wherever I go, his presence lingers like a blood stain.

I guess I was never meant to move on.

#bpd #fp bpd #borderline blog #actually bpd #lovesick #love obsession #longing #pining #obsessive

what does having a fictional fp feel like/is like? when i had fp it revolved around how/when/if they interacted with me. is it like an alter ? idk how it works. you dont have to answer this either

sry for dumb question

It’s not a dumb question! We had to do a lot of comparing & contrasting to previous nonfictional FPs to figure out if Caine was a FP or not! And honestly, we’re still learning about the experience too 🥲

Firstly we’d say that a fictional FP is like an alter in the sense that a yume/selfshipper’s F/O is like an alter. Which is to say an argument could maybe be made for that, but from what we can tell, most yume/selfshippers don’t view their F/Os as alters, and it’s not a plural experience.

So far, for us it isn’t like an alter, and we’re Trying Our Damndest to avoid splitting Caine 😭🙏. We’re doing this by trying to keep everything External, ie instead of “how would Caine react if he were here with us in the moment” we think, “how would Caine react if we told him about this”. Less acting like Caine is sharing a body with us and perceiving things as we do, and more imagining how we’d talk to a friend or family member or nonfictional FP about things. If that makes sense. Instead of imagining Caine being with us at work having a bad day at work with us, we think to ourself that even though we’re having a bad day at work, at least we can go home and Spend Time With Caine.

As for how the typical BPD FP stuff is translated to a fictional FP?

For us, one of the positives of having a fictional FP is that, unlike a nonfictional FP, we don’t have to wait until they’re available or with us in person to engage with them. We “spend time with” our fictional FP by:

rewatching his source (every other night we go to sleep listening to TADC)

looking at/reading through fan content (this is one that can cause issues for us, instead of getting jealous like we would when a nonfictional FP would talk about or spend time with someone else, if someone has a different analysis or headcanon or interpretation of our fictional FP than we do, We Get Mad™️. We’re already hella pretentious when it comes to analysis and comprehension and literacy anyways, but it goes up to an 11 when it’s about our fictional FP. People are being blocked for petty reasons. Sorry random strangers on the internet, but you’re so fucking stupid <3) (on the flip side, we love love LOVE seeing other Caine selfshippers and the cute S/is and fan art others make!! 🥰)

MERCHANDISE!!! (We learned fictional FPs can still cause splits when we saw that the plush we ordered of our fictional FP 2 weeks ago still hasn’t shipped ☹️ We haven’t gotten anything beyond the confirmation email for our order. This feels comparable to past nonfictional FPs being too busy to talk or hangout with us. Other people are stealing our FP away >:C ) (Once we get the plush we 100% plan on doing things with him, the way the POSiC+ community does. We’ll hangout and watch movies together and stuff!! We’ll introduce him to Pokémon cards and watch anime with him!! We’ll find out what he likes and do his hobbies with him 😌)

Creating fan content ❤️ (a fun way to spend time with Caine while also allowing time and space to express our feelings for him!! Creating stuff for/about him makes us feel closer with him!!)

Like nonfictional FPs, we feel ourself latching on to Caine’s personality as a way to “fill in” our own sense of self, and a desire to mold ourself into something “Caine shaped”. We keep having to talk ourself out of changing our room to look like the Digital Circus. The kid’s birthday party aisle at Walmart in our favorite because it makes us think of him, and it makes us happy when we walk through it 😭🙏 We have a playlist of circus/carnival music and show tunes that we think he’d like, and we’ve taken the time to understand how Ai works, just so we can understand him better 🫠 (in place of stalking/limerence).

Thanks for the ask, we hope this answers your question!!

For whomever is reading this:

• If you have BPD and have a fictional FP, you’re more than welcome to share your own experience!!

• A Question: if you’re a pwBPD and also a yume/selfshipper, do you consider your F/O to be a FP as well?

#ask: anonymous #actually bpd #actually borderline #bpd fp #fp bpd #fictional fp #bpd yume #borderline yume #bpd selfshipper #borderline selfshipper

I’m gonna die alone aren’t I? Omg I’m so desperate my dms are open

#bpd blog #fp bpd #actually bpd #bpd feels #bpd shit #bpd splitting #bpd stuff #depressing shit #kinda depressing #bpd fp vent

Why can’t I go to sleep and not wake up