[You can't bring back the Time that that has already been once...]
Yet, that impossibility was the only fraction of hope that the Creator had left. She kept hoping that if she kept using her own Time, some power in this universe would travel through Cycle and guide “Her” back to the mortal world, where the Creator was desperately waiting.
Of course, it never happened.
Instead, a pile of failed attempts grew up in a shape of discarded parts and shells, creating a monument that served as nothing more than a reminder of Failure and Regret. With each failed attempt, static would grow louder in Creator’s head and she would feel insanity growing inside of her. She had no escape. Not even death would welcome her because the more she created, more Time she had. She was trapped in the never-ending cycle and her only way out was to succeed in something that was impossible.
So the noiseless static envelopes Time around her. Always.
[ . . . ]
Within the darkness, a small flickering consciousness lights up. It is surrounded with darkness.
There is nothing around it.Not up or down, left or right. It lifts up (as to stand up) and starts to move forward (well, as forward as you can go, when there is nothing around you). With each “step”, that consciousness absorbs tinier fragments of lights to itself (they seem to have appeared out of nowhere).
This keeps up, until consciousness is bright enough to unveil a pair of feet that are now standing on something that have halted on the edge of something that has also become visible in the darkness. Glittering feet take a small, hesitant, step to the side before they leap over the edge and disappear even deeper and darker emptiness - that is called “waking up”.
[Hnnng....hhhhmmm...]
Dark eyelashes opened up to meet unfamiliar, blurry space that seemed completely out of place – Everything seemed grey and peculiarly shapeless. Creator wasn’t  really sure if what she had opened their eyes for was, indeed, a reality or just another day in the nightmare.
Lines between dreams and physical world were practically non-existent at the moment of waking up (as well as falling asleep). It was a time, when the mind was most vulnerable for the attacks from within. Nightmares were still close enough to pierce through us when we had already sighed from the relief that light of the new day had finally arrived.
So Creator closed her eyes again and tried to force her mind to wake up faster, chasing away the nightmares that were still lingering around the corners of her consciousness.
Dark eyelashes opened up so the deep blue eyes could have their first look around for the day. Everything still seemed to come through dream-filters, but now Creator saw more familiar surroundings. She was able to tie shapes of her surroundings with a simple assumption that she was “at home” and “in her studio”.
But reality, who was a cruel mistress, demanded her attention the moment that her tired mind could process any sort of stimulus. First off, Creator's limbs and neck began to demand attention by being sore all over. She lifted her hand that had been hanging near the floor and let it fall heavily on her face (it was a desperate try to block away some of the sun light that had come to meet the new day).
[So it's morning, huh?]
Creator was sleeping on her old and fancy (but horribly impractical) armchair. While her long, slender legs were hanging over from the left armrest, her neck had been stuck in the most uncomfortable angle possible. And her whole upper body was crouched in desperate attempt to fit the long back in the seat itself. Creator tried to lift her neck upwards so she could hang her head off from the right armrest, but soon felt numb pain on her scalp. Apparently, her red hair had been trapped somewhere under her waist.
A heavy sigh escaped her lips as her whole body seemed to be complaining and it took her quite much effort and concentration before she was able to pull her hair to freedom. She let her hair fall over the armrest and it settled near the floor while the Creator slumped back to her uncomfortable sleeping position as it felt less painful than other positions (well, at least it was familiar aching). Creator stared blankly to the ceiling while trying to get a hold of any strand of thought. Her brains seemed oddly quiet and deserted (which they rarely were).
[What was the nightmare about, again...]
You'd think that she'd remember her dreams well, but while they were always painfully realistic, she could hardly ever recall them after waking up. But this particular dream still felt like it kept her on it's grasp and she could still remember the pain and anxiety that she had felt in her dream - however vague it felt to her in this surreal state between asleep and awake. She couldn't help but to wonder if she had been the killer tonight or maybe she was the one being chased by the unseen terrors?
Creator groaned loudly in the empty room and tried to stretch her sore muscles while re-evaluating her sleeping habits. She had perfectly fine bed in the upstairs bedroom but she had not slept in it for weeks... had it already been months though?
[Or has it already been years...?]
Creator kicked herself up to the left armrest and slowly inspected the room around her with her tired eyes (they still had some issues focusing) which made the reality have that oddly comforting aura of surrealism. She had once again slept in her studio, in the only “soft” spot that the room had to offer (though it was there for only decorative reasons) and it wasn't even all that soft when she actually thought about it.
Cans of paint, brushes, cloth, doll pieces and unfinished canvases surrounded her in the messy room that she now days rarely left. There was some filtered sunlight flowing through her gray curtains that had been sloppily pulled to cover only part of the window. She sighed and scratched the back of her head, stroking her long, red and frizzy hair to her left side.
[I wonder if I still have a brush here somewhere...]
Creator was a human artist with a given name of Laeh Nitesh. Well... at least, she had been living under that alias for many years now. But unlike normal humans, she has already lived for decades and she possessed powers that normal mortals could only either worship or fear (usually both though). While she lived with the other humans, people around her were not aware of her gift, for she had mastered the art of concealing herself, appearing to be nothing but a exceptionally talented artist.
Before being a woman or even a human, Laeh was a Creator.
Creators were living beings, souls, chosen by Cycle. And their purpose was to create movement and Energy by bending Time and Space with their creations. Cycle, on the other hand, was the entity who enabled all life on the Homeland. Cycle was the current of all the souls and spirits that kept circulating in the World. Cycle was the force that kept Life shining on their forever-changing sky where no other planet, or star, stayed still.
And there had never been two Creators with the same abilities (though they were usually similar with each other).
Laeh's gift was her imagination as she was able to give physical form to anything she could picture in her mind. She didn't need catalysts or sparks to make the images in her mind real, her imagination was strong enough on it's own. She could see raindrops fall down and feel them the next moment. She was, without a doubt, one of the most phenomenal Creators ever to exist - yet she was unknown to all.
She had questioned her status as a Creator. Something had happened that had opened up her eyes and she couldn’t see herself as a Creator above everything else anymore. She had become attached to a certain moment in Time, instead going with the flow. She had discarded her fate as a bystander who was destined to keep painting the ever-changing canvas that was flashing before her eyes and her very existence.
[I'm a widow...]
The moment the thought passed her mind, she could feel the painful memories cut her whole existence and rip her from the edges of the dream, back to the cold reality she had been trying to detach herself from for years now.
Ah, yes, this was the reality where she was all alone now. After aeons of solitude with just her and her Pair, the last couple of decades were the firsts that she had felt like she was alive and breathing. For one person's sake, she had abandoned everything she had ever been. She had chosen to be married with a mortal instead and Laeh chose to be wed and become a wife instead. But that person was no longer around. They were already dead.
[...By my hands]
Sharp pain from her memories impaled Laeh and she could only react to it by throwing hands against her ears, as if they were trying to block memories flowing inside of her head. She could already feel the static growing louder and louder and her head felt like it just might explode any second now. Laeh was completely powerless to stop her unwanted and haunting memories from flowing with the speed of light to her retinas.
While her imagination was the source of her powers, it was also her greatest weakness. She couldn’t stop her line of thought when it began accelerating, so she was forced to experience her memories like they were a play where she was both the actress and the audience. She had no say over the script, all she could do was to go on with the show.
[Please, no.... No more...]
Pale figure stood in front of her. Round lips formed a gentle smile and kind voice flowed and filled Laeh's ears. She could barely understand what the figure in front of her was saying because of the static enveloping her seemed to filter only fractions of the words that were spoken. It felt like listening to a radio broadcast that was just barely within reach. Laeh lifted her hand and reached out for the figure in front of her. Her heart was aching to touch that pale skin.
With a mere blink of the eye, gentle smile turned in to a painfully gasping mouth and long blonde hair had fallen in front of the pale one’s eyes. Long, slender fingers clenched the fabric covering the chest. Then they fell to the ground, unable to breathe freely.
It was such a grotesque scene, to see someone in that state and Laeh had to throw her hands to cover her mouth. Tears had began to fill Laeh’s eyes as she was getting closer to the pale figure who was laying on her feet, barely breathing.
[Don't do it...]
Laeh could no longer focus her gaze properly and everything around her was moving. She could see how dark shadow fell over the pale figure and folded fingers around the pale one's neck. Shadow’s knuckles were turning white, while pale lips were desperately gasping for air. Laeh closed her eyes and shouted but the voice never left her throat.
Soon, pale one stopped resisting and a serene smile returned to their lips. Pale fingers were reaching for the dark shadow and gently caressed their cheek.
At that moment, everything became clear.
Laeh was not merely watching how the pale one accepted her death. She was looking her directly in the eyes. She saw as the flickering light behind her eyes died out while her own fingers were still holding the pale one’s throat...
[NO!]
Laeh opened her eyes and she was gasping for breath, but she could finally shake the visual side of the memory from her mind. She could still feel the sensationg of tightened grip around flesh on her fingers, so she pulled her shaking hands against her chest. She fell backwards, back to her armchair where she had just woken up a moment ago. She could feel the cold sweat breaking and she couldn't dare to look down to her hands, she was afraid that she was still holding something.
Tears began to fill her eyes and she unconsiously moved her hands across her chest, hugging and cradling herself, as she curled up as small as she could.
Static seemed to finally tone down and she could hear her heart beating slightly slower by the passing moment. While this reality and time was something she hoped to escape, after nightmares and memories like these, she was glad that all that accompanied her was the silence of her studio.
Laeh was shaking in the chair for so long that she lost the track of time. She could no longer say if it had been an hour or whole day when she finally rolled over and fell down from her “bunk”. She tried to lift herself up, but her arms felt powerless and her legs didn't show any signs of working according to her wishes either. Her mind was still numb from the vivid memory but she felt stronger desire to escape from her sleeping place, as if it was the cause for her dreams.
She began to slowly crawl further from the chair where she had just cradled herself. It seemed to take her forever to get to another side of the room which wouldn't usually take her more than few lazy steps. Laeh's hands were shaking as she pulled herself up, using the massive wooden table (that was on the other side of the room, as far from the chair as possible) as her support. Â Actually, that same armchair was supposed to be her working chair by the table she was now using to pull herself up but the windows were too big and intimidating that she had dragged the chair (because massive table was too heavy to move) to only corner of the room that had
no windows.
It took Laeh a couple of tries before her knees and ankles were certain enough that they would, indeed, be able to hold her up and she could affirm herself that she wouldn't fall even if she was not holding the table. Laeh smiled weakly, just being able to stand with her own two feet felt like a small victory. Actually, in that moment, it felt like a huge accomplishment. She had enough strength to escape the desire to succumb herself to the nightmares (she felt like she deserved them). She could hear herself let out a small chuckle as she let her head fall from the weight of her thoughts. She breathed in and out a couple of times before she opened her eyes slightly. All she saw was crimson light. She tilted her head a bit and could see colours moving slightly but she could not yet name what she was actually seeing.
[Blood?]
For a moment Laeh was sure that she had hurt herself but as she opened her eyes a bit more, she could see that it was just her long hair, resting on the table. It had fallen over her head while she had let her neck collapse a moment earlier. She felt a bit ashamed of herself, but she assured herself that it was the nightmares that made her think about everything as something serious or as a continuation for the dream. She brushed her hair back with her hand but could feel some of the strands to escape and flow right back in front of her field of vision.
Her eyes began to look around the desk for anything she could tie her hair with. She found nothing. Her lips let out a heavy sigh as she stroked her hair and let her fingers let go of the hair it was holding away. She  began searching under the papers and supplies that were scattered all over the desk.
[“You should try to keep this place more organized!  Customers could come and watch you work... But if they came here while the place was looking like this, they might be worried if you're actually a professional artist...”]
Leia was always trying to make Laeh more civilized than she actually was.
After all, Laeh had lived practically her whole life detached from mortal society so she had only little knowledge over social norms and she had never really grasped the idea of hiding your own habits (which might sound funny, since she was pretending to be a mere mortal herself ). Laeh had often replied that if mortals were so shallow that they would evaluate her talents based on how much clutter she made while working, she wouldn't want to work for them anyway. Leia would reply to this remark with a kind laughter and agree that Laeh had a point, yet she would still start cleaning Laeh's working place with a kind smile on her face. It made Laeh regret her words that may or may not have been too bold and rough and she would often stop her painting right there and hurry to help her wife to clean up... after her own mess. Leia wasn't actually making Laeh a better person, but she made Laeh want to become more “normal” and “looked up to” kind of person... For Leia's sake.
Laeh moved around every object on the desk but she could still not find anything fitting to tie her hair with and she started to get annoyed with the fact that there was nothing under all that seemingly useless clutter that had tried to devour her desk.
She stood up properly, sighing loudly. She gave up about finding anything in there. Maybe she really should do some cleaning, it was starting to affect her own comfort level. Laeh lifted her right hand and glenched it to a fist, then pointing her index finger up. She started spinning her hand from the wrist while mumbling some words that could not be heard. Slowly, with each circle that the hand made, a tiny strand of semi-transparent matter appeared out of thin air, attaching themselves to other strands that had just appeared a moments before them. After few rounds Laeh felt like she had enough strands and quickly tugged her finger from the circles, separating her fingertip from them and opened her hand wide under.
[This'll do...]
A small hairloop fell to her hand and she stretched it a bit to see if it would actually be good enough. Not as good as she would have wanted, but she wasn't in the mood to Create anything more detailed. Laeh took a punch of hair to her hand and started to twist it upwards until it twisted to a pun which she tied together with the hairloop. Few strands of hair fell from the sloppy bun the moment Laeh took her hands off, but she didn't really care. She had never good with her hair so it would often just hang off her shoulders all frizzy. Leia used to do it for her and Laeh had insisted not to learn how to do it properly in order to make Leia do it for her. And as kind and helpful as Leia was, she continued to do Laeh's hair without a single complaint.
[Long hair sure is impractical...]
Laeh breathed the dusty indoor air and let her shoulders fall down with her neck stretching back. It sure was painful to be human - all those muscles that she didn't even know she had were aching all over, but at last, her mind started to get in touch with reality. Nightmares and memories seemed to fade to background a little bit or, at least, they were no longer on top of her mind. She knew they would always be there, ready to prey on her mind the moment she would give them an opening to do so.
Maybe it was her survival instinct, maybe she just wanted to distract herself for a bit but she let out a sharp, long scream until she was forced to gasp more air.
[“You should make a loud voice after you wake up. It scares off the nightmares...!”]
Words she had heard after many restless nights came to her mind. Calm, loving voice was echoing through her mind and small smile appeared on Laeh's lips while she was trying to align her breath.
[Haha, she sure did have some of the weirdest beliefs...]
Laeh was scratching the back of her head. She had shouted after every nightmare since she had heard her beloved's tip for the first time, years earlier. She was not sure if it was just a placebo effect or if the healer actually had some spiritual knowledge about nightmares and dreams that Laeh herself was unaware of... But whatever the reason was, it actually helped Laeh to gather herself.
Laeh placed her hands on her hips and turned to look the room which was filled with unfinished paintings, doll pieces and whatever you could think of (practically just mess). Floor was filled with stains from the paint and saw dust and clay residue seemed to be everywhere. It looked like someone had murdered an artist in that room. Laeh walked around the room for a bit, trying to find something that inspired her at the moment. She felt a bit hungry but she didn't feel like eating. She could go days without eating and after that she could devour a buffet full of food. Eating regulary felt unimportant and waste of time for her.
After strolling around the room for a while Laeh had to admit to herself that the room was too big of a mess even for her. So she decided to clean it, just enough so she could concentrate on something... Or until something would start inspiring her enough so she could drown herself to the sweet bliss of something people call “escapism”. She spent a good while picking up brushes and chalks around the floor, carrying unfinished paintings to one side of the room and collecting doll pieces, trying to remember that which part belonged to which project (How many frankenstein dolls could she make with all these parts?). She also found several needles hiding on her floor by stepping on them. Sewing was something Laeh enjoyed greatly, making three dimensional pieces from flat pieces and with just few nips and tucks from here and there felt magical to her. She didn't need her Creation for that.
[Hmm?]
Suddenly Laeh stopped like her Time was paused. She felt strange restlesness that she had not felt in decades (maybe even centuries?).
Since the beginning of Time, Creators have always been targets to those who lack their abilities. So if a Creator wished to survive, they had to learn to be vary of their surroundings at all times. Even more so if they lived among mortals but it was not like solitude would have guaranteed safety – there were assasins who devoted their whole life to hunt down Creators. So Laeh had never let down her walls completely. She was always aware of her surroundings even when she was asleep. Yet now there was definitely a unknown presence close by. But what made her so restless was not the fact that there was someone else, but the fact that they were in her studio and she had not felt it coming but it felt like it had been there for a while already.
[… But how?]
Laeh dropped whatever she was holding at that moment (handful of brushes) and closed her eyes. She was trying to trace the presence of the intruder. But she was confused of how unstable the presence felt. It was definitely within few meters of her, but at the same time it felt like they were not in her Time either. This made Laeh anxious  and she started to unconsiously biting her nails while she kept turning around in a small circle.
Then she heard a small jingle coming from a pile of unfinished doll projects. On a pile that looked like a grotesque mass murder scene, with arms, feet, torsos and blank faces... There was one doll  (it laid on it's back and whose neck was hanging in unnatural angle) that stared Laeh with their forest green eyes, while it's black hair fell down on a pairless pile of doll parts.
Laeh could feel all strength draining from her legs making her collapse on her knees on the floor. She had to throw her hands against the floor to avoid herself falling on her face. For a long while she just kept staring to those green eyes that were out of focus, yet they definitely stared right in to hers... No, they were looking somewhere even deeper. For first time in years, Laeh could not hear the static in her mind. Everything was completely blank. For a while, there was nothing else in this world but her and those eyes.
[It... can't... be...?]
“Leia?”, a familiar name escaped from her trembling lips.
Of course, the doll did not reply, but just for a moment, there seemed to be an expression on the dolls face. It's impossible though? Doll was made from hard plastic, it's not like it could actually have an expression, right? But this one, even if just for a moment, definitely had an expression that indicated that they had reacted to the name.
Laeh stood up and hurried towards the pile of unfinished doll parts and picked up a doll that was staring at her. The doll was female. She had green eyes that felt like summer forest and her black hair was long and slightly curly, but Laeh had not painted anything on her face so while she had round, slightly pouty lips, she didn't really look like much.
Laeh remembered this project. She had started it weeks earlier but had discared her becacause... To be honest, she couldn't even remember why anymore. Propably she had gone “away” and simply forgotten it. Laeh squinted her eyes, trying to see the unfamiliar glimmer or feel the presence that she was sure was inside of this doll. Instead, she found only emptiness. Frustrated Laeh threw doll to the floor, where the doll still kept looking right in to her with a hint of something that resembeled pity. But there was nothing there. No soul. No Time.
“Stop looking at me with her eyes! You are not her!” Laeh shouted at the doll and just for a moment the dolls eyes seemed to be filled with sadness. Somehow Laeh's chest felt awfully painful all of sudden.
Laeh crouched down next to a doll and waited a moment before picking it up. She touched the dolls face gently and turned it a bit to inspect her facial structure better. Doll did not resemble Leia in any physical way. Doll had larger eyes that were more happy and her jawline was smaller and more defined than Leia's. Leia's eyes had been pale grey and quite small, quite the opposite to doll's eyes.
Laeh snapped her fingers three times and absent mindedly let go of the doll. But instead of falling to the floor, doll was left floating on air and Laeh moved her finger that made the doll float on top of a random chair that was in the middle of the room. She then outstretched her arms besides her and started stretching her fingers, slowly moving her arms (with a slight waving motion) in front of her and over the doll. She then started waving her right hand up in small, quick moves, making doll grow little by little until she was about half of Laeh's own height and sitting on the chair that it was floating on top of just a moment earlier.
She then closed her eyes, gently reaching out for the doll until her fingertips touched it's face. She started gently rubbing dolls cheeks and with each movement, doll's cheeks would become more red, giving her more life-like glow. Laeh would open up her eyes just a bit to see if the shade was right, before closing her hands to a gentle fist, leaving only her index fingers stretched. She'd move her fingers around dolls browline, erasing unwanted shape with her thumbs until the shape and shade were right. Doll's brows ended up being slightly on the melacholy side with expression (though Laeh felt that it was better. Leia had always been calm and happy but there was always a faint hint of melancholy in her presence)
Laeh blinked twice and looked deep in to the green of dolls eyes that were still out of focus. Laeh paused for a moment and then raised her index and middle finger of her left hand and gently placed them in the the doll's pupils. They started leaking black tar-like substence to the green irises, until dolls eyes were completely black. There was a small trace of black liquid left on Laeh's fingertips as she pulled her hand further from the dolls face.
She then outstretcher her ring fingers (her left hand was decorated with small silver band) and she stroke them against dolls eyelids, pulling them a bit that made doll grow long lusturous lashes that covered her eyes and were highlighted by a slight eyeshadow. She finished her work with three beauty marks that Leia had on her nose (Something inside of her refused her to place them on the specifically correct place, so instead, she mirrored them to the left side of doll's nose).
Once she felt that doll was good enough, she began inspecting the doll from forehead to her eyes and cheeks and would adjust and change if something seemed even a little bit off. Once she couldn't find anything else to alter, Laeh's gaze was lingering on the dolls lips for a while. They were still pale and unnatural.
Laeh doesn't know why she did what she did next, she propably was not even aware what she was doing but she placed her hands gently on dolls cheeks and pulled her closer, until their lips met with a gentle kiss-like touch. Color poured from Laeh's lips to doll's and they became bright with color.
Flash.
Dolls eyes blinked and suddenly they had life lit to them. Rest of the doll's body had gained more lifelike texture and stiff fingers suddenly began twitching, finally settling to a more natural pose while her unnatural doll joints began blending with other pieces, making her skin and figure seem more human-like (and softer).
It took a while, but once Laeh noticed that the doll was changing, she pulled away and was left staring to eyes that were (definitely) there and present. They didn't have actual expression but they were still there, in her Time. Without thinking, Laeh let her jaw drop. She had no clue what had just happened. She didn't imagine doll to become alive just now... or did she?
With growing awarness, doll raised it's hands and her empty gaze would stare at her fingers that moved quite unnaturally, one at a time. Laeh was still speechless, even her mind was blank (but the static had returned). This is not her either.
“Ahahaha...” Laeh laughed and doll turned it's face to meet the source of the sound, but she only found her Creator, collapsed on her knees, laughing hysterically.
Laeh felt tired. Her soul was already exhausted from the grief and pain that followed her in the disguise of the knowledge. She knew exactly where her beloved one was and that it was in a place that was further from her reach than Life ever was. Instead of capturing Leia's soul back, she had made a doll breathe.
[What the hell? What's up with this doll...?]
As the thought passed the Creator and she raised her head, she met with dark eyes. And if it was just for a moment, she was met with expression that could not be mistaken. It was sadness.
“Haha...” Laeh sighed, rather than laughed. Without thinking, Laeh raised her hands and touched doll's knee. It was warm and soft, not artificial and cold like dolls usually were. Living tissue was something she had not Created for years, not even once after she had ended her lover's life with her own hands. It felt unnaturally... natural and comforting to touch and Laeh could not help herself as she wrapped her hands around doll's waist (doll was still sitting) and gently pressed her head on it's lap. She allowed her mind to get lost in the familiar scent that came from the doll.
Doll lifted her hands slowly from her sides gently placed them on top of her Laeh's head, caressing bright red hair with smooth and delicate movements. But Laeh was already so far and deep within her thoughts that doll's movement went completely unnoticed to her.
Legend, that only raised it's head when the sadness and lost over shadowed everything else, had woken up in her mind.
Ancient tale of the Soul-Weavers.
