“im aiming at you lover”

i like a lot of things

[fragmentedminds]

i havent been alone in over a year.

i’ve felt the depths of lonliness but being truly by myself, that feeling was lost.

what do I even do?

i couldn't even tell you what I want to do.

my needs, desires & pleasures are unknown. i’m an empty vessel when I'm not with others; hollow.

motion pictures no longer a mirror.

no sense of agency.

but what does it even mean to have control.

to be confident in the ability of choice and sureness.

i’m not even sure what i’m trying to say.

i just hope i find myself soon.

i hope to cherish & nurture her spirit. feed her soul with possibilities & wonders that she’d never normally imagine.

i hope that she’s inspired & knows she is enough.

just her.

no one else.

she is enough.

m.b.

an oldie

[fragmentedminds]

-m.b.

it feels wrong to say i miss her when i know she doesn’t miss me. not because she doesn’t care but because of things i feel are unknown to her.

some people don’t think of others, while some are consumed by the mere thought of a person.

i’m the latter. i love on my friends hard; most instances it’s not reciprocated but it’s fine. i have a cancer sun & moon, feelings are constantly spilling out of me.

i try not to be to messy, i try not to overwhelm. i pretend im not to excited to see them. i never express my physical comfortability even though i know i can. it’s that voice inside of me. “you’re to much. calm down. no one likes a clingy bitch”. that voice is fucking loud it terrifies me until i’m folded into a shell.

it’s difficult. to have so much love coursing through your body. you start to become tender & all you want is to let the people in your life know how much they mean to you in a way that’s comfortable for them.

no one has told me my love a to much but how could it be when i’m only pouring half of myself out & leaving the rest in?

i do miss her. i long to see her and i hope i do soon. until then, i’ll take comfort in my words being expressed freely here.

-m.b.

[mynowherenothing]

Ingmar Bergman's script of PERSONA.

[underture]

Persona (1966) Dir. Ingmar Bergman

[aloneinbrussels]

Faceless animations ↳ THE INCREDIBLES (2004) dir. Brad Bird

[filmauteur]

ASTEROID CITY (2023) dir. Wes Anderson

[bluejeanbeans]

Taylor Russell for Fantastic Man

[absurdiststances]

S04E08, “How Do You Get to Carnegie Hall?”

- There is a moment in this business, window's open. If you miss it, it closes. Just don't...

S05E08, “The Princess and the Plea”

- What does it say?

- “Don’t”.

[aliciaoakstream]

[livelovecaliforniadreams]

[killtheshow]

final shot of succession season 3 + final shot of who’s afraid of virginia woolf (1966)

[sci-fi-gifs]

TENET (2020)

dir. Christopher Nolan

[extasiswings]

No but truly I cannot BELIEVE that after everything we’re just supposed to accept that Midge was right there, steps away from Lenny at his lowest, less than a year before his death, and she knew how bad things were and did nothing. Really? We’re supposed to accept that she walked away, didn’t try to see him herself, didn’t try to do anything personally, but oh hey she sent Susie to follow up later so that’s fine then? Even though an intermediary like Susie would never have been able to get through to him in that state and Midge would have known that because she and Lenny have always seen and understood each other from the beginning? I’m so—it’s not even about shipping, it’s about the total disrespect for the characters and a dynamic that, even if they’ve only had a few episodes per season, has been fundamental to Midge’s development and a cornerstone of the whole show. Smdh.

[userautumn]

I know there have been several conversations about Buck using sex as an instrument of self-harm, but him and Taylor having sex in the bathroom of a bar almost immediately after he finished telling Chimney he doesn't want to have meaningless sex anymore kind of makes you think that Buck's relationship and/or codependency with Taylor has always been and will always be an act of self-harm. Codependency is codependency; once planted it always lingers within the fabrics of a dynamic, and it's so... unhealthy looking back at their earlier interactions only to fast forward to Season 5 and see how they continue to damage each other just by existing in the same space and pantomiming a relationship. Buck's heart has never been safe in her hands because some part of him has never wanted it to be safe. He's always wanted it to be a little ruined because at least that's "love," or some version of it. (Hey Buckley parents, you fucked up your kids real good). IDK it's just. Kind of sad tbh.

The way he tells Bobby after the fact that one minute they're hanging out and the next they're having sex in the bathroom, and that he "feels weird about it..." Sweetheart. That is called a disturbing lack of regard for your own emotional safety and intense self-loathing. Of course he feels "weird" about it. He did the one thing he said he didn't want to do almost immediately after saying he didn't want to do it. And I'm not saying Buck is/was 100% a sex addict because his issues are far too layered for such an "easy" diagnosis (i.e. his relationship with his body + self-esteem issues are a big part of his sexual "appetite") but acting upon something repeatedly whilst being fully aware of the mental, physical, and/or emotional harm it is causing you is the literal definition of addiction. I'm getting off track here, but in an episode that is all about comfortable, settled love that persists and endures despite a range of disruption and upheaval, it's just so... telling that this would be the episode where Buck and Taylor screw each other in the emptiest, most miserable way possible.

[healingeddie]

buck’s fatal flaw has always been his need for love. he hurt himself as a kid because that’s the only way his parents would care about him. he hooked up with hoards of people because he didn’t feel worthy of love, but he could still get attention that way. he stayed in abby’s apartment for months after she abandoned him because he was afraid of losing his first love and didn’t believe he was a good enough person on his own. i could go on and on and on, but at the end of the day, his unhealthy behavior always, always stems back to his need to be loved and accepted and this feels particularly potent in 5.11.

he has a good thing going with taylor, but it’s not everything it could be. it’s not a home; it’s not arms he can collapse into at the end of a long day and the shrieking laughter of a child that’s his in all the ways that matter. and he watches as eddie everything he’s ever wanted slowly slips away and he’s starting to get lonely, even though he has a nice, stable girlfriend. so he starts to crave the love that’s lacking. suddenly, this beautiful, badass woman is there. she’s snarky, cool under pressure, and one hell of a flirt. she reminds him just enough of someone else and a lot of himself in ways he can’t unpack right now, and suddenly they’re kissing. and it fills the void for a second.

but now he has to tell taylor. taylor, his stable girlfriend. the person he gets a steady stream of affection from on a daily basis. and he can’t lose her, he just can’t. he’s already lost everything else. but what is he supposed to do? he’s clearly feeling lonely, despite allegedly loving her. well, maybe having her closer to him will help? yes, maybe they just aren’t as deeply bonded as they should be. she should move in! surely that won’t end in disaster.

[loveyourownsmiilee]

Ryan Guzman, the actor

[shivroygirls]

can i just say something? at this party here there are maybe 40 of the most important people in america and you have just walked all around, all evening, telling them all that i'm gonna get fired. no, it was implied, lightly, as a little... god! part of a tactical kind of joke. will you explain to me, the joke? because i don't get the fucking joke. MY GOD, TOM! i don't get the joke, i don't get the joke. it was something that he said, that isn't true, that we needed to say. but you stood by his side, and he said it, and you were like "okay, well, that sounds good to me." fuck's sake, i'm not doing this right now. you know i'm in serious trouble, that was a play. you will be okay because you are a tough fucking bitch who will always survive because you do what you need, you will do what — are you even listening? i will be okay? — you will do whatever you need. yeah? really? yeah, you sure you're not projecting, because that is actually you. should we have a real conversation? with a scorpion? no. that was a friendly thing. that was a friendly thing. yeah. sure. real friendly. yeah, no, i'm a scorpion, you're a hyena, you're a... you're a street rat. actually, no, you're a fucking snake. "here's a dead snake to wear as a necktie, tom", "why aren't you laughing?" (pause) i wonder if we shouldn't clear the air. yeah? yeah. sure. i think you can be a very selfish person and i think you find it very hard to think about me — what the fuck? — and i think you shouldn't have even married me, actually. what the fuck? what the ACTUAL fuck? you proposed to me. you proposed at my lowest fucking ebb. my dad was dying, what was i supposed to say? perhaps "no"? i didn't want to hurt your feelings. thanks! thanks for that! yeah, you really kept me safe while you ran off to fuck the phone book. fuck off. you're hick — and then, and then.. — conservative hick — you hid it, you hid it because you were so scared of how fucking awful you are. you were only with me to get to power. you got it now, tom, you've got it! I'M WITH YOU BECAUSE I LOVE YOU! bullshit, you're fucking me for my DNA, you were fucking me for a fucking ladder because your whole family is striving and parochial. that's not... thats not a fair characterization. no? well, your mom loves me more than she loves you, because she's cracked. you want to... you want to actually clear the air? fine. you betrayed me. YOU WERE GOING TO SEE ME SENT TO FUCKING PRISON, SHIV! AND THEN YOU FOBBED ME OFF WITH THAT FUCKING UNDRINKABLE WINE AND YOU WON'T HAVE MY BABY BECAUSE YOU NEVER EVEN THOUGHT, HONESTLY, THAT YOUD BE WITH ME MORE THAN FOUR FUCKING YEARS, I DON'T THINK! YOU OFFERED TO GO TO JAIL! YOU OFFERED TO GO TO JAIL BECAUSE YOU'RE SERVILE! you're just... YOU'RE SERVILE! YOU ARE INCAPABLE OF THINKING ABOUT ANYBODY OTHER THAN YOURSELF BECAUSE YOUR SENSE OF WHO YOU ARE, SHIV, IS THAT FUCKING THIN! oh yeah you read that in a book, tom? YOU'RE TOO FUCKING TRANSPARENT TO FIND THAT IN A BOOK! you're pathetic, you're pathetic. youre a masochist and you can't even take it. i think you are incapable of love, and i think you are maybe not a good person to have children! well, that's not very nice to say, is it? i'm sorry. i'm sorry, but you... you... you have hurt me more than you can possibly imagine. and you, you took away the last six months i could've had with my dad. no. yes. no! yes. you sucked up to him and you cut me out! it's not my fault that you didn't get his approval. i have gjven you endless approval and it doesn't fill you up because you're broken. i don't like you. i don't... i don't even care about you. i don't care. have we cleared the air, huh? feel good now? yeah. yeah. fucking great. tip top. you don't deserve me, and you never did. and everything came out of that. so fucking flat.