With the way Frankie was acting, Malcolm couldn’t help the worry that washed over him. He felt like he was drowning in worry that moment and it was difficult to resurface and breathe sanity and rationality. There was a brief comfort coming from her though, the moment she touched his face like that and he almost believed that that touch was showing how her affection for him was more than just best friends, it was as if she was telling him ‘I love you’ with the way she was holding him. He could tell because he imagined himself holding Frankie that way, but he had to rip himself away from these thoughts because he couldn’t afford to hope and get his heart broken even more that it’s really beyond repair. Actually it felt so beyond repair that it was actually a wonder why it was still beating like a normal heart does, functioning like a normal heart does.
He breathed in and closed his eyes and thought of how some things could be good to be true, and finally he grounded himself in reality. He locked his eyes with Frankie’s and he could see the anxiety that was eating her up, was it really that bad? It was, indeed it was, he knew with Frankie’s words. Here he thought he was the ony one who was keeping grave secrets from Frankie. It was so ironic how even with these kind of things they were in sync. God damn, they were such a force to be reckon with. And that thought was really making him think twice about really ruining their friendship now. He couldn’t really take it. He should just let himself drown.
Then another wave washed over him, this time it was the truth and Malcolm barely survived it. After all these years he had been wishing for something that was actually the truth. How could Frankie do that? How could she keep that from him? Jonas was his too. He could have done so much better for the past four years. He could have at least went to Jonas’ birthdays. He could have given his son better gifts, he could have been a better father. He could have been. But then he could still, it wasn’t too late. He could let go of that offer or, he could bring his son and Frankie with him. Thoughts were circling around his brain that he even forgot about the fact he had slept with Frankie. He always had vague dream of him and her together in bed, he was whispering ‘I love you’, caressing her face, kissing her because he meant it; after all those weren’t vague dreams, it must have been his memory of that night. He hate his brain for fucking things up for him sometimes.
He breathed in and said, “God.” He ran a hand through his hair and he looked at Frankie, and his heart began to swell out of his affection for her. He sighed once again and made his way closer to her. He wrapped his arms around her and he rested his chin on top of er head. “You bloody dweeb, it’s fine.” He sighed and then he cupped her cheeks to make her look up at him, he then locked his eyes with hers. “I was supposed to say ‘I’m in love with you’, which I am, but that is like some greater shit than mine.” He humored to make light of the situation that moment. “Seriously though, I’m in love with you. I love you. And that’s fine, I understand, you were scared. I was too, I mean with my feelings, but yeah—” He smiled. “We’re good right?”
After what he said, she felt everything she felt before only worse. Much, much worse. She deserved nothing but pain. Frankie figured she especially don’t deserve his love above all. She felt stupid for not seeing it. She felt stupid for not admitting what she felt before. Maybe, things was easier for her then. Seeing what he had achieved however, made her felt that she should not feel regret. More tears flowed from her eyes and even if it was the last thing she should have done for being not just a terrible friend but for being a terrible person, she leaned into his shoulders and sobbed some more. “Why? Why? This would be easier if you just hate me. I deserved that. Why you have to be so nice? Why do you have to be so...so perfect.”
If the situation was different, she would probably get angry. She would be wrecked. But there he was, smiling and standing tall for both of them. For years she kept the secret from him, it had became clearer and clearer that what she had done was wrong and completely unfair for Malcolm but as twisted as it had gotten, she had done it out of love. She was in love with her best friend for as long as she could remember and not every teen dad made it successful in life as fatherhood became a distraction. Probably a fulfilling job but he wouldn’t made it far. At least, that’s what she thought so carried the burden alone. Not like Frankie did not enjoy being a mother. Sure, she had been through countless sleepless nights and missed the entire moment of her supposed to be college experience. Seeing her child smile every time was the only light she needed in life.
Frankie looked up at him and guilt was starting to eat her up again followed by a tear rolling down from her eyes. “Remember Josh and Anita?” She was referring to the two people from their circle of friend before. They used to play soccer at the very same park although Anita was the official cheerleader. “You know, before Anita became the meanest bitch in high school.” She laughed at that memory but it hurt seeing the only other girl in the group before drift away from them. They practically grew up together although she and Malcolm had always been the closest with each other, always spared in in their own bubbled with their secret signals and all. Josh and Anita became an item during ninth grade but it felt apart after a couple of months and so was their friendship with her. “I didn’t want it to happen to us. I was not even that drunk when we slept together. I was glad you forgot about it because I was so scared you’ll stay away from me and hate me for letting it happen.”
She wiped her tears and put her gaze back to him. “Do you still love me after what I have done?” Her face turned miserable because she was scared to know but she had to. “Do you still love me?”