“i really didn’t want to believe you thought i was stupid, but clearly you do.” he was so disappointed in the way this conversation had turned, disappointed in frank’s behavior and reaction to the very first thing bas had felt compelled to make a bad choice over. “you do realize things will only get worse from here, that i’ll be forced into dangerous situations with no good choices, that people will get hurt and i won’t be able to stop that from happening or to limit my involvement. you can’t become a self righteous prick every single time or act like i don’t know that what i’m doing or what i’ve done isn’t okay. and honestly you need to tell me right now if you’re capable of that because if not i’ll find another flat and you can stay in your happy bubble and not have to deal with me and my life choices.” he’d done this FOR his friends, for THEIR cause and he wouldn’t be constantly shamed about what he’d have to do to keep them all safe. he wouldn’t be able to handle that, he’d fall apart. “not that it matters, but mary needs to take some personal responsibility for what happened, but no, let’s just dump the shame on me.” he threw up his hands. “you aren’t listening, i didn’t plan it frank, i didn’t purposely go after her. i was helping her when it started and then she lost it on me out of nowhere. i won’t keep defending myself, it’s done and it’s about time you and alice let me put it in the past.” he spat, furious now but trying so hard not be angry with his best friend. but this showed a severe lack of trust between them and it was heartbreaking for bas to find out now, when frank had had the opportunity to back out weeks ago and he’d chosen not to, he’d chosen rabastan —- but now? he sounded like a stranger.
“she went to emme too, and if you don’t think she purposely targeted my friends in order to hurt me than you’re being naive, letting yourself be blinded by her victim mentality. i’m sure she tried to guilt and shame you too, right? and you let her do it, because deep down you are ashamed of me.” he was calm now, too tired to be angry anymore.
“i don’t think you’re stupid” incredulous to say the least, as he shook his head frustrated, “i understand that this was nothing in the grand scheme of things, the year was nearly over and that girl is angry at the world, i would have simply walked away, i just wanted to understand what happened there --” he fought the urge to roll his eyes, it was ridiculous. what he was saying was ridiculous and it wasn’t because his feelings weren’t valid -- no, frank was loyal to him and that wasn’t going away. “rab --” he started, hand running over his face as he took a breath, he wasn’t going to react, that wouldn’t get anywhere with him - he knew that. “if that sounded accusatory -- i’m sorry” genuine as he was exasperated, “but i need to be able to ask you these things, without you getting defensive and we need to be able to have a conversation without you thinking i’m judging every action you take - i need to check in, i need to be able to understand your reasoning, if this is going to work -- i need to know it all. you shouldn’t have to keep it pent up and i shouldn’t be assuming what’s going on” finally allowing himself to roll his eyes, “you don’t think i know that? tristan found her - the headboy knew, she came to me to make a point, i’m bringing this up now rather than earlier because i wanted to understand. i won’t deny, i’m sympathetic to her because that girl is going through a world of pain and i know it’s not something you were the cause of, she just doesn’t know what to do with it -- you’re as good of a punching bag as i am”
his gaze narrowed, his own anger creeping forward, “i’m not ashamed of you --” he whispered fiercely, his anger barely made an appearance, but it was as fierce as it was provoking, “i don’t know if i could do what you’re doing --” he started, “you’re twice the person i am and if you think otherwise, you’re an idiot. we’re still living together --” firm as his gaze challenged his, “are you done with the theatrics, or do you want to threaten to terminate our friendship as well - you seem to be on a roll” he joked, dryly.