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Chapter 1 (in case you missed it)
“But you should know that I died slow / Running through the halls of your haunted home / And the toughest part is that we both know / What happened to you / Why you're out on your own."
— Merry Christmas, Please Don't Call by Bleachers
For a room full of guards, Kai had never felt more exposed. Soldiers flanked the towering doors, their polished uniform glinting under the harsh light, while wolf soldiers lurked in the shadows, eyes menacing like predators. Servants knelt at their posts, hands trembling as they held trays, their fear palpable, and Kai felt a pang of guilt for them.
He was consumed with rage and helplessness at his newlywed wife. He felt like a pawn in a game he had no control over. Every time he tried to intervene, he was brushed aside, dismissed like a child whining for attention. The bright lights reflected off the aristocrats’ garish attire, each colour and sparkle like needles in his eyes, and he wanted to shut his eyes forever.
But he couldn’t. Because of her.
Across the throne room, the girl he had grown quite fond of and thought of endlessly stood before him. His heart lurched at the sight, just as it had a hundred times in the last hour since Levana’s guards dragged her in for sentencing.
Kai frowned at the strange declaration that had cut through his argument with Levana, but the tension in his body eased almost instantly. The rage that had been coiled in his chest only seconds ago unraveled into nothing.
“It’s all right,” Cinder murmured, her voice a balm. He recognized the code word from the Rampion—their signal, her way of telling him she was using her glamour while making sure he didn’t feel deceived. His grip on the chair loosened. The clawing at his other palm stilled, though he didn’t need to look to know the crescent indents had flushed red.
Levana snarled, shoving the tray of appetizers aside so violently the servant toppled. “Stop manipulating my husband.”
Cinder’s face was gaunt, lips cracked, hair loose and wild. Bruises shadowed her skin, blood marked her clothes, exhaustion pooled beneath her eyes. Yet her gaze held steady, unyielding. To him, she had never looked more beautiful.
But she wasn’t looking at him. She avoided his eyes, as though it hurt too much to meet them. Something was wrong. Terribly wrong. She wasn’t supposed to be here.
Then the worry ebbed, replaced by a calm that rolled through him like a tide. Cinder’s glamour wrapped him in the sound of waves crashing onto sand, carrying with it the memory of the promise they had once made—a promise she was now reminding him could still come true, if only he held his silence.
The one whom he should be married to let out a laugh, not one of humour, but one edged with irony and exhaustion. “Don’t be a hypocrite. You manipulate him all the time.”
“He is mine. My husband. My king.”
“Your prisoner? Your pet? Your trophy?” Cinder stepped forward, only to be yanked back by a guard, while another half-dozen snapped to attention. “It must be so rewarding to know that every relationship you have is based on a lie.”
Kai’s lips curved before he could stop himself. That’s my girl.
“You are the lie,” Levana said, her voice even and sharp. “You are a fraud.”
He studied Cinder carefully. For a moment she said nothing, her eyes distant, unfocused. To anyone else, it might have looked like hesitation, but Kai knew better. She was working, seeing something on her retina.
Finally, she snapped back, voice edged like a blade. “Believe me, I’ve been called worse.”
The words nearly broke him. Her tone was defiant, but her eyes betrayed the sadness beneath. She deserved to be called so many things—brilliant, brave, beautiful—but never this.
Not knowing what else to do, he simply watched her. Somehow, it calmed him. As long as he could see her standing, speaking, fighting, he could almost believe it would end with her safe.
Then something shifted in her expression, a flicker of recognition as her gaze locked on Levana. Kai’s pulse kicked. He didn’t know what she’d seen, but stars, he hoped it was her way out. He hated himself for being useless, bound to a chair while she faced everything alone.
“I am guilty of the crimes you listed,” she said at last. “Kidnapping and conspiracy and all the rest of it. But these are nothing compared to the crime you committed thirteen years ago. If anyone in this room is guilty of royal treason, it is the woman sitting on that throne.” She swept her gaze across the crowd before fixing it on Levana again. “My throne.”
A ripple of whispers coursed through the court before falling eerily silent, Levana’s control choking them. Kai’s stomach twisted with disgust at yet another of her manipulations. He clenched his fists until his nails dug into his palms, then tipped his head back against the chair, fighting the urge to slam it into the carved wood until he blacked out. The strange calm Cinder had gifted him was fading, leaving him raw and aware. Anything would be better than sitting here, powerless, watching Levana toy with them all.
“You are nothing but a criminal,” Levana screeched. “And you will be executed for your crimes.”
Cinder scoffed and raised her voice, matching the queen’s. “I am Princess Selene.”
Levana leaned forward, her face twisted. “You are an impostor!”
Cinder didn’t falter. She turned to the court, voice carrying. “And I am ready to claim what’s mine. People of Artemisia, this is your chance. Renounce Levana as your queen and swear fealty to me, or I swear that when I wear that crown, every person in this room will be punished for their betrayal.”
“That is enough. Kill her,” declared the witch.
Suddenly, Kai felt himself lose all control of his limbs and his body was forced to dip under his chair. Quickly, he glanced at the other Earthen leaders to make sure they were safe—they were all ducking too.
Then, the shots rang out. The guards were firing at the wolf mutant soldiers, which could only mean one thing. Cinder had seized control of the royal guards.
Kai covered his head amongst the chaos, his gaze fixed on the floor, too afraid to look above and see the full scene of the bloodshed. All he heard was a cacophony of gunfire, shouting, and that sharp command: “Kill her!”
Finally, he dared to look up. A wolf soldier lunged at Cinder, snapping its canine teeth at her shoulder. Everything happened in a blur. Blood pooled from her wound as she hissed, briefly clutching her shoulder. Shit. Shit. Shit. It was all going to shit.
The sound of her scream pierced him, sending a shiver through his body. Then, in one swift, fluid motion, she stabbed him with her stiletto knife and kicked away, moving like she was untouchable. Kai exhaled deeply, realizing he’d been holding his breath, and took in the chaos—the fallen soldiers, the sounds, the frantic motions.
His jaw hung slightly at the intensity of it all as his gaze finally met Cinder’s. A spark twinkled in her eyes—like fire. Like a phoenix rising from its ashes. Like she was always meant to. For a brief moment, he could almost believe she would grow wings of fire.
Dead. Cinder had killed them all in such little time. Everyone in the room lay dead—except for the Lunar aristocrats, the Earthens, and unfortunately, Levana. Kai should have been horrified, perhaps even repulsed by the ease with which she had dispatched them. Instead, awe filled him. Pure admiration.
Even covered in blood and grime, she was breathtaking. Beautiful. Divine. Invincible.
But the moment shattered. Her gaze flicked away, hardening as she raised the gun and leveled it between the wretched queen’s eyes.
Before she could fire, Kai’s body lurched forward—no, was dragged forward—until he stood between them, the barrel now aimed squarely at his chest. His stomach dropped. Levana. She knew Cinder too well. She knew this would stop her.
Cinder froze. For the first time, Kai saw fear break across her features, quick and raw, her finger slackening on the trigger.
The throne room doors crashed open, boots thundering against marble. In an instant, she lowered the gun, spun on her heel, and ran.
Kai’s heart twisted as he watched her dart past the corpses, past the bloodied marble, past the chaos she had carved into the palace. Then, before he could even form her name on his lips, she vaulted over the balcony’s edge.
His feet jolted into a run before slamming to a halt at the balcony’s bare edge. No railings, no safety—only the lake yawning dark and endless below. His breath hitched, strangled, as he searched the water for a glimpse of her, like ashes vanishing into flame.
Kai was not a violent man by any means. In fact, he was so peaceful that he could not even squash a spider without guilt gnawing at him afterward.
However, on more than one occasion now, he’d wanted to strike Levana, to shout at her until his voice was gone, to tell her exactly where she could shove her throne. But after the stunt he’d pulled at the wedding ceremony, he forced himself to recoil, to hold it in, to play the dutiful husband she thought she controlled.
The chaos of the throne room was over now, and Cinder—stars, Cinder—had vanished into the dark waters of Artemisia Lake. Whether she swam or sank, Kai didn’t know. He prayed she found her way back to the Rampion crew. Torin’s words echoed in his mind: She’s resilient. He was right, of course. He always was. Kai only hoped that one day he’d have half that wisdom.
Resilient. Yes—Cinder had faced death more times than he could count, and every time, she rose again. She would survive this too. She had to. Because she wasn’t just Cinder. She was a phoenix—already burned, already scarred, and rising higher with every trial. He clung to that truth like a lifeline.
Levana marched him through the palace halls, his legs moving without his command. She’d told him only moments ago that the sight of him made her ill, yet now she dragged him along in her wake. He didn’t know where they were going, only that his body wasn’t his own.
There was one thing he did know: he would not share a bed with Levana tonight. He knew what was expected of a couple after a wedding, and the thought alone made his stomach twist with nausea. She was unpredictable, yes, but he would make one thing very clear before this night was over.
Kai cleared his throat. “I’ll be sleeping in my own quarters tonight.”
Levana stopped. It felt like a horror movie. Slowly, she turned, her expression sharp as glass. “Fine. I don’t care,” she said, her voice thin with irritation. Her gaze pierced him the same way Cinder’s had when she first came to kidnap him in the Commonwealth—a dangerous, unreadable fire. Must be a Blackburn thing.
Kai gave a short nod, already turning to leave, thankful that the interaction didn’t persist any longer.
His fists clenched. He turned back to face her, her eyes already hooked into his with that unnatural pull of glamour.
“I know you know of Linh Cinder’s plans.”
There was a pause. It’s not exactly like Kai was trying to hide it now that all of that in the throne room just unraveled, but he still didn’t feel it was wise to confirm anything just yet.
Kai kept his voice even, his face blank. “I wouldn’t know, Your Majesty. And even if I did, I doubt a cyborg could survive a fall like that.”
“You’re lying,” she hissed.
He ignored her. “With all due respect, Your Majesty,” Kai began, his tone cool but controlled, “you can burn the world around you as much as you like—reduce it to ash if that’s what it takes to force it into the shape of your lies.”
Levana’s eyes narrowed, the slightest twitch of her lips betraying her irritation.
Kai didn’t stop. “But the thing about fires is, they always leave something behind. Cinders don’t burn so easily.”
There was a beat of silence.
“You should watch your tongue, my dear Emperor,” Levana said smoothly, though there was steel beneath her words. “It would be a shame if it got you into trouble.”
Kai met her gaze, calm. “Trouble has a way of finding me lately.”
With a blink, Cinder stood before him and his confidence fell apart. Dressed in red silk and blood-red lips, smiling with the wrongness of a nightmare. Kai’s stomach dropped; his breath caught.
She tilted her head, and when she spoke, it was Cinder’s voice. “Is this better, my love? Easier for you to obey?”
He recoiled, his throat tight. His heart screamed to reach for her, but his body refused to move.
Levana stepped closer, her voice silk over venom. “Do you dream of her, even now? On your wedding night?”
Kai’s jaw tightened, but he refused to answer. Silence was safer than giving her satisfaction.
“This is the girl you risk your throne for? The girl you’d ruin yourself for?” Her smile widened, cruel and knowing. “She’ll never be yours, Kaito. Not while I still breathe.”
He shook his head. “You’re not going to win this one, Levana.”
Levana’s fingers brushed his chin, her smile curdling into malice. “You don’t know the lengths I’m willing to go, my love.”
What Kai had failed to consider about phoenixes was that even rebirth was temporary.
He’d been in the middle of evacuating Lunars to the spaceship ports when the news came: Cinder had gone to confront Levana alone. For a moment, time seemed to stop ticking. Which was ironic, because deep down he knew he had everything but time. He could have sworn his heart had stopped beating altogether. Cinder was the most selfless person he knew. And the most reckless.
His shoes struck the gleaming tiles of Artemisia palace in rapid succession, every step a hammer blow against the hollow ache in his chest. This palace had always felt cold to him, but now it seemed to whisper with ghosts—the Blackburns who had ruled before, and now Cinder, walking willingly into the jaws of death.
He knew why. And worse—he knew she knew. They both understood what this meant, what it would cost her. It had to be done; the fate of two worlds demanded it. But knowing didn’t make it any easier to bear. It only made it crueler. He would never forgive her for being so brave.
A gunshot cracked through the air, followed by a chorus of screams.
He shoved the doors to the throne room wide, the world tilting as he stumbled into the scene. Blood streaked the marble. Bodies sprawled across the floor, some still, some groaning. For a fleeting second, he thought he might be too late for all of them.
Cinder stood at the center of it, a gun trembling in her grip, her chest heaving. The sight of her should have been relief, but dread rooted itself deep in his stomach. Everything else, Levana’s corpse, the chaos, blurred into nothing.
“CINDER!” His voice cracked as he sprinted forward, heart battering his ribs.
Her head snapped toward him, eyes wide, lips parted in a soundless gasp. For the briefest instant, hope flickered. Then her gaze dropped, not at him, but lower. Kai followed it, breath strangled in his throat. A knife. Buried deep in her chest, its edge slick with red. His mind rejected it, insisted it couldn’t be real—
“No…” The word tore from him, useless.
Her fingers twitched around the gun. Her knees buckled. And before he could reach her—before he could even process—she collapsed. The weapon clattered against the marble, echoing through the cavernous room, impossibly loud against the sudden hush in his ears.
Kai stumbled to his knees beside her, his world unraveling in the span of a heartbeat.
“Don’t pull out the knife."
The voice cut through the ringing silence. Kai’s head snapped up. Thorne was slumped against the wall, his shirt streaked with blood, pupils blown wide. Cress lay crumpled near him, frighteningly still.
“If you pull it out…” Thorne rasped, swallowing hard. “Stars, Kai, if you pull it out, she’ll bleed out faster.”
Kai didn’t answer. He already knew.
His gaze dropped back to her. Her blood began to soak through his clothes and pool across the throne room floor. Every breath rattled wetly from her lungs, her lips already tinted crimson. Her gaze drifted skyward, unfocused, toward the painted stars on the ceiling. For one desperate moment, Kai wished those stars would descend, pin her to this world, and not let her slip away.
His hands trembled as he gathered her into his arms, cradling her against him. Her head lolled against his lap, her weight terrifyingly light.
“Cinder? Cinder, look at me.”
Her eyes flapped open. Her lips parted. A rasp, barely more than air. “Kai…”
He bent lower, clutching her as if he could anchor her with sheer will. “You’re not going to die. Do you hear me? Iko and Torin—they’ll know what to do, we’ll figure it out, we always do—”
Her trembling fingers brushed his jaw, silencing him. The touch was so incredibly faint it nearly undid him. And then—she smiled. A faint, defiant curl of her lips that sent shivers down his spine. What could she possibly be grinning about, when the end was waiting just beyond her breath? Even as death was whispering her name, she was finding a way to rebel. To resist. In any other scenario, perhaps Kai would’ve smiled back.
“Have I…” Her lashes fluttered. She fought the heaviness dragging her down. “...ever told you your eyes are completely unfair?”
The words gutted him. He had said the same to her, days ago. And now—now she was giving them back, like some cruel echo of a promise that would never be kept. How had everything gone so wrong, so fast?
“Please,” he whispered, his voice breaking. “Don’t leave me.”
His tears fell onto her cheek, streaking her red.
Her lips trembled. “I’m sorry,” she breathed. And Kai knew she meant everything—leaving him, leaving their people, leaving the life they’d barely begun to build.
“I love you,” she whispered next, so soft he almost thought he imagined it. Kai’s throat closed around the words he wanted to give back.
The girl he’d built a future around was slipping away in his arms. The girl he longed to marry, to crown as empress, to share quiet mornings and fading sunsets with. She had once asked him if happy endings were real, and he had sworn they were. He’d promised her forever. And now—now he was holding the proof of his own foolishness, the bitter truth that their story was never destined for anything but tragedy.
Her gaze, once lit with that defiant spark—the fire that had made her feel untouchable, unstoppable—flickered. And then, like embers smothered by ash, it went out. The phoenix he’d always believed in was gone. Her head sagged against him, eyes closing, her hand falling limp.
It was as if the warmth of her life had been wrenched from the world, and Kai felt it in his chest, a cold void swallowing him whole. Denial tore itself apart, leaving grief that crashed through him in waves, knocking the air from his lungs, making him tremble as if his own body were unraveling.
“I love you too,” he choked out, his voice raw. “I love you, Cinder. Stars, I love you so much.” He pressed frantic kisses into her tangled hair, rocking her against him, as if words and touch could tether her soul to his. Her name tore from his throat again and again, a prayer, a plea, a curse.
He would have bartered anything—his crown, his country, his very heartbeat—if only the stars would give her back. But the universe stayed silent. With shaking hands, he brushed the strands of chestnut hair from her face, as though clearing it could open her eyes again.
“Kai.” Torin’s voice was steady, though taut with strain, a hand pressing firmly to his shoulder.
Kai rose, lifting Cinder into his arms. Numbness had swallowed him so completely he barely felt the weight of her titanium limbs. Her head lolled against his chest, limp, as if sleep had claimed her. His eyes were dry now, wide, unblinking, refusing the truth even as it pressed down on him like lead.
“We’re taking her to the medical wing,” he said finally, voice hard, flat—more command than plea. Somewhere deep inside, a flicker of false hope persisted, even as his mind screamed it was pointless. He knew there wasn’t a pulse.
Iko hovered near the doorway, her robotic voice quivering. “They’re already here. I called for them.” She wouldn’t meet his gaze. Even as a machine, her body trembled. Then, she sank to the floor, rocking herself, and Kai could only stare, helpless.
The doors crashed open once more, this time with medical staff carrying stretchers, tending to the wounded crew.
Kai’s gaze remained locked on Cinder. He’d seen death before—his mother, his father, relatives lost to letumosis—but never like this. Bloodied, broken, she felt impossibly small in his arms, and yet she had always been the brightest fire in his world. Now, that flame was gone. He was alone, cursed, surrounded by the dying and the dead.
“Your Majesty, we need to—” a nurse’s voice hesitated. “—bag the body to preserve her—”
He stared at her, eyes vacant.
“No.” The word came out flat, hollow.
“Kai,” Torin urged, but his tone carried patience beneath the pressure of urgency.
The staff began to carefully lift Cinder from his arms. Kai’s hands shot out, gripping at her as though raw desperation could hold her here.
“No. Stop. I command you—”
Torin’s hands clamped on his shoulders, holding him back. “It’s too late, Kai.”
Kai shook his head violently, sobs wracking him. “No… it’s not possible. She can’t—”
“Your Majesty…” his advisor’s voice faltered.
Then, he tried to speak twice before words would come, quiet words that would never leave Kai’s head. That would haunt him for eternity. Torin’s grip tightened, shaking him gently yet firmly. “She’s gone. There’s nothing more we can do.”
Kai’s knees threatened to buckle under the weight of it. His hands trembled around empty air where she had been. His chest heaved, raw sobs clawing out of him.
“The people need you, Kai. You can’t stay here,” Torin said, voice low but resolute.
“I know,” Kai choked, and the words were a whisper lost in his own grief. He let Torin pull him close, burying his face into the older man’s shoulder, clutching desperately at the last tether to the world.
He wasn’t one for fairytales. But a part of him—a piece of his soul—died that day. She had been a fantasy, cruelly snatched from him before he could ever fully hold it. Memories of her flickered in jagged fragments: her laughter, her fire, the promises whispered aboard the Rampion, the quiet moments when she had been alive only for him.
He remembered the laugh that had once shaken her so hard she’d hidden her face behind her hands, and how he had thought then he could spend forever trying to make her laugh again. Now there was only silence aside from his sobs. No matter how much he willed it, he would never hear that sound again.
He remembered the night she’d fallen asleep beside him with grease smudged on her cheek. After telling her stories of his late mother and the times he'd spent on the beach when his family was still whole, she had peacefully dozed off. He had stayed awake just to watch her breathe, tracing the rise and fall of her chest, memorizing the rhythm of life, safe and his. That rhythm would never return.
Stars. Did she know how much she had saved him—not just from Levana, but from himself? She had treated him like a person, not a prince, meeting him at eye level, with that fiery determination he could never forget. Now she was gone, leaving a void no one could fill, a perfect piece ripped from the puzzle of his life.
The memories kept coming, each one stabbing as sharply as her absence.
What a silly, goofy chapter!! I think this might be the funniest thing I've ever written! 😂🤣
I want to give a huge, heartfelt thank you to @thorneswife on Tumblr / distancing_reality on AO3 for beta reading this chapter and putting up with me. I honestly didn’t expect to have a beta reader this early in my writing journey, and this chapter quite literally wouldn’t exist without your insight and feedback. Kaider isn’t your usual thing, and I truly appreciate you taking the time to read and comment anyway. Did you know they’ve been writing fanfiction for 11 YEARS? That’s insane!! They’re incredible—please check out their work if you haven’t already.
I also want to apologize for posting this late. I know I promised a week, and it’s been two—thank you all for your patience! Don’t worry if it feels like the story has paused here; there are three more chapters coming, and things are just getting started. The title of the fic will also begin to make sense soon…
P.S. Did anyone notice how the lyrics I put at the beginning of the chapter parallel the start of the third scene? No? Just me? Ok. 💔
Taglist (let me know if you want to be added/removed!): @gingerale2017, @inkstheticbkwrm, @horton-hears-a-who, @cyborgcourt, @therealkaidertrash21, @just2bubbly, @hayleblackburn, @overusedtropelover, @lunar-chronicles-addict, @gavfleetout, @atlas-spade, @winterrhayle (Thank you for hosting shipweeks! <3)
