fred frederickson iv.

six intrepid friends, led by fred, their leader, fred! fred's angels, mm-mm-mm! fred's angels, mm-mm-mm! harnessing the power of the sun with the ancient amulet they found in the attic! mmm-m-mm! the amulet is green! mmm-m-mm! it's probably an emerald!

[fredelicious24]

— FRED FREDERICKSON is a 25 year old HUMAN , based on FRED from BIG HERO SIX ; he is a COMIC BOOK STORE OWNER with NO POWERS and he uses HE/HIM pronouns !

STATS.

FULL NAME : frederick flamarian frederickson iv.

DATE OF BIRTH : september 27th, 2000.

HOMETOWN : san fransokyo.

ZODIAC : libra sun, gemini moon, cancer rising.

SEXUALITY : bisexual.

EDUCATION : college graduate (by the skin of his teeth).

OCCUPATION : owner of superhero headquarters.

LANGUAGES : english, some japanese.

PHYSICAL.

HEIGHT : 5'11.

HAIR : shoulder length dirty blonde, always messy.

EYES : green.

TATTOOS : n/a.

PIERCINGS : n/a.

MARKINGS : n/a.

FAMILY.

MOTHER : susan frederickson.

FATHER : frederick frederickson iii.

SIBLINGS : n/a.

PETS : a lot of exotic fish back home. none in evermore.

PERSONALITY.

POSITIVE TRAITS : docile, friendly, generous, optimistic, authentic.

NEGATIVE TRAITS : spoiled, carefree, annoying, distracted, dense.

FEARS : fire, death, losing his friends.

LIKES : video games, apps like skullgirls and pokemon go, godzilla, reptiles, his friends, adventures, learning things he's interested in, writing, drawing, his van, skateboarding, comfortable clothes, science, monster energy drinks, comics, manga, anime, superhero movies, naps.

DISLIKES : being used, being bored, being forced to dress up 'nicely', people being mean for no reason, feeling inadequate, fancy parties, having to wake up early.

HOBBIES : gaming, reading (comic books), writing and sketching (mainly for comic books), sign spinning, watching movies, watching streamers, watching youtubers, scrolling funny reels, saving dumb memes.

AESTHETICS : jean jackets, green beanies, red beanies, action figures, mismatched socks (not because he's quirky, because he doesn't bother sorting his laundry), golden retriever energy, off the wall texts after midnight, holes in plain colored tees, doodling on math tests, random posters covering the walls, beanbags, not sleeping until 6 am, sleeping until 2 pm, messy bedsheets.

ABOUT.

fred is the definition of a himbo. he has a big heart, he's loyal, he's fun, he is someone who does not know how to love halfway . . . and he's a little lacking in the brain department. but fred is not stupid, not entirely. he just doesn't apply himself. or so he's heard. mostly from his mother, explaining why he's such a disappointment in her sugarcoating ways. he's a go with the flow kind of guy, someone that really only picks up on learning things that entertain him. he knows he doesn't have the brains his friends do, but what he is lacking in iq, he definitely makes up for in enthusiasm. and being an all around reliable friend. anytime you call on hm, he will be there. as long as he doesn't sleep through the phone. fred definitely has abandonment issues, and he misses tadashi deeply, a loss he's never figured out how to cope with. but he keeps everything to himself when he can. he tries to be the funny guy, the sympathetic one, the shoulder to cry on. part of him does fear if he burdens his friends too much, if he runs out of things to offer him . . . he will end up alone.

HEADCANONS.

fred would like to one day publish his comics, but he's hesitant to let anyone actually read them. his father's footsteps are big ones to fill, and the last thing he wants to do is let him down . . . with the thing that built his legacy.

back when he had access to pretty much unlimited funds, fred was a big spender. mostly on ordering takeout three times a day, buying rare pokemon cards and a shit ton of donations to various charities. he can be tone deaf, never having to worry about money until now, but he made sure the wealth was put to good use.

he has always chosen hand-me-down clothes, however, not understanding why anyone needs to buy expensive brands, so not having excess money doesn't hurt too bad. he just wishes he had been taught how to handle it a little better . . . and that he could still go out and buy whatever collectables he wanted.

fred has seen a lot of the world. though his parents typically chose to travel without him, he has been escorted to many events over the years. he has never really cared much, though, content with settling down.

he loves collecting pins, usually comic book style, anime or dragons. his jackets and some of his beanies are covered in them.

he also has an insane collection of funko pops . . . back home.

fred is not a good cook. he tries, bless his heart, but he tends to forget what he's doing, get distracted, caught up in a game, lose track of time, or just completely misread the instructions. the boy has to make sure his fire extinguishers are readily available at all times.

fred does wonder if his parents have even noticed he's missing yet.

is it horrible he misses his butler more than them?

he has a rusty, beat up van he calls the zilla-mobile, not too dissimilar from the one he drove back at home (when he wasn't using the limo) even though he had money to buy something better then. as long as it gets him around, he doesn't care if it looks a little rough around the edges.

he's still in the denial part of losing his friend, the first real death he's been exposed to outside of books and movies, and finds it a hard pill to swallow that he won't just . . . respawn.

look, he can be a bit of a slut, but he's also a simp. he is perfectly fine keeping things casual, but would have no trouble being locked down.

EXTRA.

biography.

pinterest.

playlist.

[fredelicious24]

LOCATION: skate park FOR: @sk8rrgurrlmiriam

"Whoa-ho, where'd you learn to do that?" Fred sat up straighter, his attention trained intently on his friend. "You gotta teach me. If I try on my own, I'll probably end up in the hospital. And I think I'd rather spend my night eating takeout than cafeteria food."

[fredelicious24]

LOCATION : idk, anywhere FOR : idk, anyone

"I'm starting to think that third Monster was a bad idea," Fred admitted, unsure if anyone was even paying attention . . . but when had that ever stopped him? "I'm pretty sure I'm starting to see colors. Like more colors than usual. Are my hands vibrating?"

[fredelicious24]

LOCATION : superhero headquartersFOR : @lcngstcryshcrt ( terence )

"Oh, man, can I help you find anything?" Fred loved his store. He loved owning his store. But he had the unfortunate tendency to forget he was supposed to act like an owner, and not another customer, nose deep in a new issue of a comic series he liked instead of standing by the counter. Eyes meeting the other guy's now, he lowered the the pages, hoping his smile was apologetic enough. "Sorry, I was a little distracted over here. This series is my kryptonite." Among, like, forty seven others.

[dailyb99gifs]

[iconsfinder]

[honeylennonx]

This was real. He was real. Hannah couldn't help but let out a little cry of relief. She had missed him, missed everyone, so much that it hurt. Losing Tadashi was hard enough to deal with on a normal day....if she lost all of them she didn't think she could handle it. Seeing Fred, being in his arms; it gave her hope that the rest of their friends were out there and ready to come home to them just as much. Home was where her loved ones were, not the place she grew up in. She could have woken up anywhere and it wouldn't have mattered as long as they were there with her.

"It's me! It's really me!" she said, pure happiness radiating from her voice. She didn't want to let go of him. She was almost scared if she did she would find out she was dreaming again. "I can't believe I've found you...I've missed you so much I haven't been able to bake a single thing!" She pulled away enough to look at him and let out a light laugh. She finally felt like something was going right. "Are you okay? Are you safe? Have you eaten today? Can I get you something to eat?"

[fredelicious24]

It felt like a cruel joke to see her there, after all this time — had she been here, had their paths simply never crossed? The thought was worse than the idea of her back home wondering where he'd gone, to know when he'd needed her most she had been there and he simply hadn't known it... not that Fred would put his worries on her shoulders, Honey didn't deserve to carry more weight. But just her company, her presence made him feel at home. Safe.

"I missed you too," he stated, the words coming out almost robotic, unbelieving that she was truly there in front of him. His mind struggled to comprehend what his eyes had already accepted. "Yes. I mean, no. I mean... how long have you been..." He couldn't remember if he had eaten, but it didn't seem to matter now. Hardly anything did. She withdrew and so did the warmth that had always followed her around. "I had no idea you were in town, Honey, I would've... I'm sorry."

[honeylennonx]

Hannah was feeling a little...off. It was almost as if she had been sleeping for the last year or so, dreaming about her friends waking up in some strange town and living entirely different lives. Normally, she would chalk that up as just a silly dream and be grateful she had any in the first place instead of the restless nights she was used to; but then she woke up in said strange town in an apartment she had only ever seen in an out of body sense and it was all so....odd. So for the sake of figuring out what had been going on for that loss chunk of time she started exploring Evermore.

She had the strangest pull to this comic book shop. At first she couldn't make sense of it, but when she heard a familiar voice it all clicked. "Fred?" she called out, still feeling like she was waking up for the first time in forever. When he appeared like he had just been here for most of his days she didn't hesitate to run to him and help him set his box down so she could give him a bone-crushing hug. "Fred. Oh my gosh...It's you! It's really you!"

[fredelicious24]

Fred missed all of his friends, but he would be lying if he said there wasn't any bias. It had taken more time to get close to some of them, to feel like they accepted him into their little crew, but with Hannah it felt like they clicked immediately. She had been his rock, maybe without knowing it, more often than once, and he found himself thinking nearly every day now if she was there, she'd just... know what to do.

He almost didn't believe his ears or his eyes, hearing her voice again, seeing her right there. He was frozen, box in hands until she was running towards him. "Honey?" Fred hugged her back, squeezing her so tightly he was afraid he'd crush her bones. She was a piece of home he had missed, a piece of home he'd needed here with him all this time. Even just seeing her brought him so much comfort. He didn't want to pull away, afraid he'd wake up or she'd disappear in front of him, but he had to see her, to know this was real life. She felt real. She looked real. "You're... you're here?"

[fredelicious24]

LOCATON: superhero headquarters FOR: @honeylennonx

Fred still felt like he was running at least three steps behind, trying to catch up on two months of life he just... missed out on. Time that had disappeared. Orders had piled up from automatic shipping, and he didn't have the energy lately to get everything sorted when they were still coming in. It was a slow day at the shop though, slower than usual, so he was working on that when he heard the bell chime. "Come on in," he called, making his way out of the back with a box of comics, "sorry, working on restocking!"

[wildcstwinter]

the earth whirled on its axis , turning the overcast sky into a vortex that was dizzying to look at . the sidewalk lurched beneath her , heels of boots lifting before falling back , arms thrown out to keep her atop the tightrope she treaded along , balanced atop clumsy feet . through it all , a fact that was both as devastating as it was reassuring , it was FRED who remained still . unmoving , stable ; with watery eyes and parted lips , breaths that didn't carry words yet held weight as if they did . despite being at the center of it , the arguable source of it , fred remained her source of stability ; an ever unmoving foundation in her world of chaos .

fred's approach felt slow , or maybe that was due to the vignette fogging her vision , contacts gripping at bleary eyes and further smearing the salt that veiled them . it was unexpected , and as he enveloped her ( frail frame on the brink of teetering off the curb , crashing into asphalt and shattering like bits of broken glass ) ; mertle sank . she drooped beneath the weight of his arms , a rotting flower past the point of being cured by water and sunlight , sobs muffled by leather . wood and oakmoss infiltrated her nose , the staccato pulse of his heart resonating against her cheek bone , and when the words came , , , when they came , , ,

mertle wove her arms around his torso , clinging as if he'd dissipate beneath the sheer force of her hold , bones rattling as if they had been picked apart and tossed into a velvet bag to be hurled into moving water . i would never choose to leave you .

choose .

" i'm sorry , " mertle squeaked , resolve collapsing in entirely , giving in to the festering sadness and anger , letting it command her breath and her hysterics . " i'm so sorry , fred . i don't , , , i don't want to feel this way towards you . i don't . i just - i don't know how to , , , how to fix it . how to fix me . "

[fredelicious24]

He didn't want to move, didn't want to release her ; he had missed holding her, missed being her rock, missed her, maybe more than he had realized. He hadn't been seeing what was right in front of him and maybe once he was alone and the fear set in again, he would resort back to that, but for now it was like the fog had lifted. Something she had said had gotten through to him, shaken him awake from the sleepwalking he had fallen into.

"I don't blame you," he promised, because how could he? He knew what it was like to miss people, to harbor resentment for them leaving even while accepting it wasn't their fault. He didn't want her to feel that way, but he could see why she would. "I'm sorry, too, Mertle, I've been . . . trying to deal with it, and I don't know how."

He didn't pull away, worried whatever had clicked between them would only give in once they parted, some sort of understanding, some kind of solid ground. Some kind of white flag. He searched for any promises he could make, knowing I'll stay felt like a lie. He didn't know if that was true, if some force would only come back for him, take him again. Perhaps he had slipped through the cracks. Perhaps he was on borrowed time and should be appreciating every second. "I'll . . . do better. I'll make up for the lost time."

[wildcstwinter]

the confession floated on the wind behind her , trailing like ribbons from her down turned lips . it were as if the words themselves were a shadow , looming at her heels , spoken and now incapable of being forgotten . it was an admission of failure that had her wishing the sidewalk would crack , split open , and swallow her whole . mertle kept moving , not noticing her companion's stride had come to a halt - at least at first . eventually , his words landed , crisp and sharp like the very wind that brushed through her hair , scraped the rouged apples of her cheeks , and nipped eagerly at the tip of her nose .

was that my fault ??

something flashed in her vision , red and hot , anger roiling in the depths of her chest and quickly pushing up her throat like magma . an active volcano , teeming with smoke , waiting for - anticipating - an eruption . she noticeably tensed , shoulders crawling up towards the lobes of her ears , the salty silver that had been bubbling in her tear ducts breaching her cheeks as they cascaded in slow , thick droplets that cut through meticulously laid make up , revealed carefully concealed freckles , and burst atop stain painted lips .

" was that your fault ?? " she echoed quietly , disbelief and heartache interwoven in the breath that filled the incredulous laugh that came after . " are you , , , are you seriously asking me that right now ?? "

turning , mertle's marbled gaze cut to his , but for a moment - a brief one , quick as if it were only a blip - mertle softened . the guilt he wore like war paint , manipulating each contour of a face that had filled her sweetest dreams and her most horrific nightmares ; it broke her heart . looking at fred , at her boyfriend , at the only person she loved ; she suddenly wished she were seeing through him instead . maybe it'd have made the words that came next harness less guilt in their aftermath . maybe she wouldn't have felt the regret before the syllables had even left her tongue .

" of course it was , " she croaked , words brittle and frail . fragile and splintered despite the sudden icy stone of her expression . " i lost everything when you disappeared . i spent every waking hour of my pathetic life waiting for you to come home - and now you have but , , , i still feel the same way i did when you were gone . somehow i feel fucking lonelier . "

she pushed her hands through her curled hair , rousing the tresses as she clutched onto the strands . she breathed in and out , trying to steady her self . slow the tears . snuff out the anger . the old mertle was clawing at her throat and the new mertle was desperately pleading for her to sheath her talons . an internal war that had fred caught in the crossfire . " - and i can't even feel SORRY for myself because of what happened to you . because it wasn't your fault . because you had no idea . you aren't responsible for this . for any of it . and yet - " she exhaled , angrily swiping at her cheeks , hating how much she was rambling . how she couldn't get herself to stop .

" fuck , this would be , , , would be so much easier if you had just willing left me like everyone else . if you were responsible because - because now , fred , i have no one and nothing to blame for why i am falling apart . "

[fredelicious24]

Of course it was. Her words felt like a physical blow to the chest. It hadn't been his decision, but it had still fucked up her future. He had fucked up her future. Each word that followed stung a little deeper, his eyes stinging with the tears beginning to brim in them. He had only tried to be as good to her as he could, the best boyfriend, someone that deserved her. But now, after getting back from wherever he'd been, he didn't know how. He could hardly remember how to be himself. It wasn't fair.

His eyelids closed, breathing through his nose as he took in the daggers being thrown his way. Fred was not a defensive person, but he could feel it bubbling inside of him, working its way up his throat, threatening to spill out. It wasn't his fault. It wasn't his choice. He was struggling too. There was so much he could say, wanted to say. But before he could vocalize it, he took a moment to imagine what it was like, how he would have felt in her shoes . . . to wake up one day, not knowing where she was, if she was okay, why she had gone . . . to try to go on without her when their worlds had become so entangled, only for her to strut back into his life like she had never left it.

A hundred memories flashed before his eyes ; them, flirting at the bar, them, making out in the back of the car, them, at the top of the Ferris wheel, them, laughing in the kitchen. Her, smiling at him from across the pool table, her, wearing his jacket, her, sleepy with her glasses and unmade hair studying on his couch, her, staring at him like he'd hung the stars. Him, not being able to get her out of his head, him, waiting all day for her to text him, him, feeling empty beneath the sheets without her, him, trying to find a word for the buzz that followed her touch. "Mertle," he choked out, feeling all of the air in his lungs dissipate, trying to find the words.

None of them seemed to fit. None of them were good enough. He couldn't explain it, and he wasn't sure if they had enough time left. It was as clear as ever that this, their relationship, was a ticking time bomb and neither of them were doing anything to save it. She had one foot out the door, didn't she? And he understood why. And that was the worst part.

Stepping forward, slowly, carefully, unsure if she wanted him to, he pulled her into his arms, burying her face into his jacket. At first, he still didn't speak, placing a kiss on the top of her head, breathing in the familiar scent of her shampoo. "My girl," he finally mumbled into the same fiery locks that had first caught his attention. "My sweet girl. I would never leave you. You have to know that. I would never choose to leave you."

[wildcstwinter]

mertle was already rising out of the booth by the time fred had offered his hand to help her up , ankles rolling in her heeled boots as she tugged down the sleeves of her sweater . her sweater , not his . mertle stuffed her hands into the pocket of her vest , silently ignoring his extended palm as she rolled her weight forward onto the balls of her feet , then sent it back down to the linoleum with a click as she rocked back onto her heels ; " yeah . "

mertle was thankful that he had agreed to the walk , the cold air enveloping her and immediately cooling down her flared skin as she tilted her head back to greet the overcast sky . it felt isolating , being so deep within the confines of her own skull it was impossible for anyone to penetrate the walls she had unknowingly built back up . not even the man she loved . thought she loved . remembered , at one point , loving so much it scared her . it didn't seem the help that the man in question was making little effort to scale those walls , ones he had been able to tear down once before . ones she quietly feared would never be capable of fully coming down again . look what had happened when they had .

they had never been good at small talk . the immediate draw to one another had been mutual and ever flowing - two objects staying in motion with no immovable object to stop them in sight . mertle never would have expected something like this to be the disturbance to what had otherwise been still waters . love stained tongues and the fluidity of routine brought to a jarring halt due to something entirely out of their collective control . not due to a fault of either of them , but a twist of cruel and vile fate . mertle was almost hoping he'd just come out with a brazen excuse for why he had disappeared . he was cheating on her . he didn't love her . he realized this - SHE - wasn't what he wanted .

anything would have been more reassuring than this .

better than this .

kicking a frost-encased stone down the sidewalk as they strolled , mertle kept her limbs folded close to herself . kept herself small . a fraying rope the only thing tethering them together ; that and the unspoken obligation to be present for something they had both agreed to . without thinking , mertle suddenly blurted ; " i failed the semester . "

clearing her throat , she shrugged her shoulders . a soft , sad laugh tumbled past her lips ; " i don't really think business is for me after all . "

[fredelicious24]

His hand fell, slowly, pushed into the pocket of his own jacket, trying not to think about her not taking it. Fred had noticed the distance between them but he had not, until now, noticed how wide the gap had gotten. He may as well be trying to hold a conversation with a near stranger, like a coworker he knew but did not know, someone you spoke about favorite cereal brands with, not made plans for the future together.

It wasn't only Mertle he had avoided, lately. It wasn't that he didn't want to be around people, finding more comfort in not being alone, but he didn't know how anymore. Fred was used to being the funny guy, the one who was carefree, the loyal friend and lately, he hadn't felt like himself. He didn't know who this version was and it took so much energy to think of jokes, to force smiles and interest when his mind was racing. After work, he would go home, locked away from the world until the next day. He should be grateful to be here, should be making the most of his time, but he just couldn't.

Walking alongside her the distance was more noticeable than ever. What was he supposed to say? What was he supposed to do with his hands? And why didn't he know? Every time a topic came to mind, he only swallowed it down, letting her decide on a conversation if she wanted to speak, but he hadn't been prepared for what she settled on, stopping him in his tracks both figuratively and literally.

His heart sank, something in his chest tightening as the admission registered, bringing him — temporarily — back to the present. Fred wanted to tell her how sorry he was, that he was proud of her for trying, pull her into a comforting embrace and promise it would be okay ( she could try again or she would find something else that was a better fit ) . . . but he was still, unmoving, the cold settling further into his bones. When had that happened? How long had she been carrying that with her? And —

"Was that my fault?"

[wildcstwinter]

each word that came from his lips felt like a spear to the heart , stabbing between her overly expanding ribs over and over again . dry , without weight , without any heart behind his responses or observations . though , she supposed she'd be a hypocrite if she read into that , given as his energy seemed to be mirroring her own , but she internalized it anyways . the old mertle would have gotten up and chewed him out for not seeming like he had won the lottery in the form of a moment of her time , , , but the new mertle just frowned . her heart winced , but she ignored it . the wincing . the stabbing . the way her skin suddenly felt tacky with perspiration despite the unforgiving cold that had nestled into her bones . she forced a pleasant and tight smile upon her lips , a dry laugh sounding from her .

pressing lips together , she nodded her head , drumming manicured nails atop the table . the compliment from fred stirred something inside of her , a flower that had been neglected tasting its first sip of water in weeks . yet , no flush crawled up her neck or rosed the apples of her cheeks . instead , crystal pooled in her tear ducts , the praise hitting her more like a slap to the face than sounding like an earnest observation .

" thanks , " she replied tightly . her normal with fred had become his hoodies , messy buns , and her glasses . now , her contacts stung her eyes and mascara burned her waterline as she blinked back the upset that had clouded her vision . lodged itself in her throat like a hard stone . the idea of eating suddenly nauseated her . splaying her hands over the menu , she looked down , trying to will the sob that was clawing at her throat back down into the cavern of her chest . she had gotten so used to having the mask off , she had forgotten how to put it back on . how to wear it .

" can we go somerwhere else ?? " she found herself suddenly asking , the air growing stale and painful as it filled her lungs . " i'm sorry i'm just , , , " mertle sucked in a breath , trying to keep it together. it had been all but five minutes and she was already falling apart. pieces messily stitched ripping at unkept seams . " - i'm not hungry . maybe we could , " she looked out the window , swallowing , avoiding his eyes . " maybe we could walk outside or something ?? " maybe the cold they had both been so observant of could help .

[fredelicious24]

The Lucky Cat had always been a safe place for Fred, before and after Evermore, the warmth extending from the food to the whole atmosphere, Aunt Cass' love enough to make it feel like home. But now no place was safe ; it could reach him, whatever had taken him, through the walls of his apartment, his store, the café. Whatever had caused him to blink and lose track of time, if it was going to happen again, Fred was not a smart man but he could take an educated guess that it wouldn't matter where he was. There was no stopping it, and perhaps no warning until it was too late.

"A walk would be good," he was quick to agree, perhaps too quick, feeling a bit suffocated in the booth. He didn't want to sit there for another half hour, waiting on food, eating, pouring themselves into small talk. He was too tired to be around all of these people. Still, he did not notice the way her voice wavered, the eye contact she couldn't make. So much for being an attentive boyfriend, someone she could never regret despite his flaws.

Sliding out of his seat, Fred stood by the edge of hers, palm outstretched to help her up . . . wondering if she would even take it. She didn't seem angry with him, and he certainly wasn't angry with her, but there was a tension between them that even in this state he could pick up on. Something he couldn't put a name to. Was it his fault? "You ready?"

[beaumax]

Beau couldn't help but to furrow his brows. Was this what frustration felt like? They weren't sure. It was odd, wanting to help people- no needing to help people and not being able to do it. Not as much as they would like too at least. "I'm alright, just wanted to check on you. On everyone really but I've been.... Worried about you. I think that's the right word for it. It's odd- emotions." They were never one to beat around the bush or hide their intentions. They weren't programmed that way. Literally.

[fredelicious24]

"That they are," Fred agreed, "but I'm fine, buddy! Don't worry." He knew that it was pointless to lie to Beau, he knew that they could see right through him... but maybe it wasn't as easy now that they had things like emotions hindering them. Maybe if he distracted them, diverted their attention. He smiled at the other as brightly as he could. "Hey, I actually have a question. Have you checked out the Rage Cage yet?"

[wildcstwinter]

she hadn't been avoiding him . not necessarily . not intentionally .

mertle knew it wasn't fred's fault that he didn't remember what had happened in the days , weeks , months he had been gone . that it was her own , deep rooted insecurities that had resulted in her doing what she did best - running away from problems . turning the other cheek . squeezing her freckled lids shut in hopes that whatever was on the other side of her shielded vision would disappear . ironic , given as the entire time her boyfriend was gone , all she had wanted was for him to return .

how does one relay how torturous it was to have had time go past without them , , , if they didn't know time had passed without them ?? grappling with the abandonment , even if it wasn't his own doing , and listening to apologies that were ingenuine because he didn't have anything to be sorry for made her feel like she was losing it . mertle knew he meant each and every atonement . mertle knew he meant it when he had told her that he loved her . however , the little girl buried deep beneath ribs couldn't forget the two months she had spent thinking the only man in her life who hadn't disappointed her turned out to be just like the rest .

sitting across from him , mertle tucked her hair behind her ears , two gold hoops dangling from her lobes . she had gotten ready , as if it were a first date . mertle had primped and preened herself to appear as put together as ever . yet , her eyes gave her away - red rimmed and puffy , mascara watery and clumped due to her crying on her way here . as soon as she had tried to walk out of her front door .

" what ?? " she found herself asking , subtly dabbing under her eyes with the pads of her ring fingers as she settled into the booth . she didn't meet his gaze , fingers scrambling for a menu - a distraction - as she scrunched her manicured brows at the laminated sheet . " oh . yeah , i uh , , , it's cold but , i took the bus . then walked . probably should have worn different shoes . " her tone lacked any melodic song , falling flat as she attempted to catch her breath and still the wild rhythm of her heart as it tripped over its own pulse . finally glancing up , trying to offer a smile , she sat back in the seat . why did this feel like talking to a stranger ??

" , , , what about you ?? "

[fredelicious24]

Any other time, earlier this year, he would have noticed in a heartbeat ; the look on her face, the evidence of tears, but Fred was . . . disconnected. Not from her, or at least, not just from her. Every moment felt like he was looking through a fog, his physical being too far away from wherever his mind was, the obsessive urge to check the time and date every few minutes that passed, the worry it would happen again. Sure, his parents ( they had to have noticed by now ) must have felt like he disappeared years ago, now, but he was still here. Still sentient. Still aware. How could two months just cease to exist? There were many things Fred could not wrap his mind around, but this one was going to break him if he couldn't stop thinking about it.

"It is cold," he agreed, no comment on the bus, the shoes. Was this what their relationship had come to? Conversations about the weather . . .

Fred's eyes flickered to the clock behind the counter, making a quick assessment, though he knew there were no lost minutes since he had settled into his seat. Mertle was still sitting in front of him, acting like things were normal. Their new normal. "Oh, yeah. Yeah, I walked too." Recalling it brought some ease. He could remember that. He definitely remembered the steps it took to get here, the chill in the air, the dog that had stopped to sniff him a few blocks away. He wasn't confusing it with another day.

This was what he did, now. Made a mental checklist of the moments, eyed the hour on his phone screen whenever anything happened. He wouldn't be caught off guard again. Gaze turned back to Mertle, he felt like he was seeing her without seeing her, like she could have been anyone else and he may not notice. His tongue swiped across his bottom lip, suddenly dry, and took a deep breath, tried to convince himself to be present. It should not be that hard for him to give her ten minutes of undivided attention. "You look pretty," he told her, but the tone was off. Hesitant, cautious, unsure. The way he would speak to a Tinder date, not someone that tried on his shirts and fell asleep in his arms, not the woman he had told he loved. Once, and not once since.

[fredelicious24]

LOCATION: lucky cat café ?? FOR: @wildcstwinter ( mertle )

So much time had passed since Fred had gotten back, but most of it had been spent in a daze. It didn't help that he could hardly sleep, each night waking up in a cold sweat multiple times, reaching for his phone to double check he hadn't lost another month somehow. He had never dealt with anxiety like this, and he didn't know how to handle it, so he didn't. He just tried to pretend everything was fine, letting it continue to build and drag him down, losing himself day by day. He hadn't been a good friend or a good boyfriend, but it felt like he was out of touch. Like he was running two steps behind everyone else. It wasn't an excuse, he just didn't know how to catch up. Already sitting in a booth when the door chimed, he felt like he should stand up, greet Mertle with a hug, but he didn't move from his seat. Instead he smiled at her, suddenly struck with the realization he couldn't remember the last time they'd seen each other in person. "Did you, uh . . . safe travels?"

[beaumax]

Beau had seen him well before Fred had seen them. They stood there watching him, waiting incase he needed assistance. Plus if he had scared him in that moment, it definitely wouldn't have helped his heartrate. "It's alright- do you need assistance?" They asked their friend, knowing that he would likely know what he was referring too.

[fredelicious24]

"No, no. I'm good, I'm alright," Fred reassured him, which at the moment was true enough, now that he could breathe normally again. He just didn't want to worry Beau, even if he was built for that kind of thing. It was hard seeing him as anything but a friend anymore. "How are you doing, anyway?"