⇨ “ *WELL, I KNOW I NEVER DID !! ” Was that him being affirming, was that bitterness, was it a joke? His bold but flat tone made it impossible to tell, but still he smiles tight, hands on his hips, just trying to save what little face he had left and endure… this.
He’s here, trying to live up to his brand, trying to be more like someone they’d recognize like his body and mind wasn’t falling apart at the seams. But of course they were alright, and that’s good, and he hates them, and he’s so happy they’re alright. Oh god, they were alright without him. Everyone’s still friends, just without him. Going out for rides around town~ without him! The most spiteful feelings well up past his kinder half and nearly make him forget the conversation he’s in– but then it sours into something like guilt as he finally thinks to glance back and he sees how… upset the addison looks.
“ * A-A-[ apology ]..? ” He gives a double-take, practically a quick glitch of his head turning to them twice. As they go on he’s stunned, and slowly his forced on smile curls and wavers, falling lopsided, his brows furrowed strongly over expressionless lenses like it hurt to hear. He’s dreaming. He’s gotta be dreaming… An honest to god apology? Still, all of his past hits at once, and his casual facade cracks. “ nnNO ! Don’t… [ end partnership ] WAIT. ” He shakes his hands. “ I.. I… I… JUST… I DON’T GET IT. WHY… DID YOU… [ left on read ] ME IN THE fiRST PLACE, THEN?? ” A question he’s been dying to ask. He sorta assumed they… were just always looking for an excuse to ditch him. No matter the success, he was just… unwanted.
He is not nearly thinking clearly enough to deal with this. He runs a hand through his blackened hair with a breathless laugh that just barely keeps his tone from sounding intense. “ B4CK THEN? I HAD [ everything ] ! I- I COULD HAVE GIVEN YOU [ everything ] ! I WAS A [ Big Shot ] JUST LIKE I ALWAYS SAID !! WASN’T I ?? ” If they left him now? Sure, who wouldn’t leave him now. But then? “ * SO WHAT HAPPENED? THERE WAS [ no better time to buy! ] ”
“I can’t speak for everyone, but it was never you that was the problem.. It was me.”
He assure with a sigh, and though he didn’t really want to elaborate as he did always hate talking about his feelings he felt like Spamton deserved the whole explanation.
“I know I always acted like I had it all together, like everything was great and I couldn’t be doing better. But I really don’t. I never have. I’m just sort of a wreck that tries to make it work. My best has only ever been running the second less popular Cyber Shoes establishment. Everyone was known for having their own unique brand of business and I couldn’t even manage that..”
“I always just tried to brush it off and pretend I was ok but then.. then you hit it big. Almost overnight everyone adored you and you’d achieved sales like none of us had before. And even though I should have been happy for you I felt so.. small... If you could do all of that in such little time was I the problem? Did that mean no matter how hard I work I would always just be in the background of everyone else’s achievements? I would be a liar if I said I wasn’t somewhat jealous, but I thought.. what use would you have for me to be around now that you were so big. That if anything I’d just be holding you back. So I decided if I stopped talking to you first then it would hurt less then waiting for when you dropped me for bigger better friends..”
“I know that train of thought didn’t make it right, and it was a terrible thing to do. I’m not saying it excuses my actions. I should have realized how awful it was to leave like that before I did. Once I did, I wanted to reach out and apologize then but I was so afraid of what you may say.. I didn’t get up the courage to visit until I heard you were evicted from the Queen’s mansion. When I got there that night though.. all I found was a phone dangling off the side of the end table..”
Static and garbage noise fills his head for a moment at the thought and he gives it a quick shake to dispel it and try and focus on the conversation at hand. He has to raise a hand to briefly rub his eyes. Come on Bluford, at least hold yourself together for the rest of the conversation.
“I would have gone looking, but no one had seen or heard you anywhere, so I thought you were.. gone.. before seeing you on the streets a few moments ago..”