M ★☆ she/her ★☆ 18+ preferred thx! ★☆
uncomfortable sharing, interacts from maggamaggamagga, please read this post in full before following!
What’s up, upchucks? You’ve found my embarrassing self-ship blog! I’m an artist, performer, and teacher who desperately needed an unprofessional way to create, cope with stress, and enjoy some love on my own terms, and here’s where we wound up.
first off: if you know me from outside of this neck of the woods and found this blog.....please. just pretend like this never happened and don’t ever mention it to me LMAO. We all gotta find our ways to cope with the nightmare of being a person, and this one just worked for me.
Hey! Great to have you here! This is the hub for all things iron maiden & rocka rolla, where I just go ham making punk-ass shit with Ranmaru Kurosaki (Uta No Prince Sama). You can see my BYF, about, and a little directory to our “canon” here, on my carrd. The short version is that I don’t do doubles, I am wholly uninterested in discourse in this space, and that I’m an adult and would really prefer those of you who’re Certifiably Baby keep out of my space, thanks.
so indulge me this…a gruff mercenary and a talkative vigilante keep running into each other in the dark alleys of eorzea, and eventually you hear the xaela mutter something about finding his moon
so indulge me this...a gruff mercenary and a talkative vigilante keep running into each other in the dark alleys of eorzea, and eventually you hear the xaela mutter something about finding his moon
When Adam bit the apple he did it because he trusted Eve. Because he loved her. Adam bit into the apple because the woman he loved told him to, no matter what God said. No matter the rules of heaven. What’s heaven to a woman’s love anyway? What’s God to your wife? The first sins of humanity, were trusting others. Eve trusted a snake, Adam trusted Eve, and I trust you. Maybe that’s a sin, just like the first couple. Maybe everyone’s right about us and we’re sinners and we offend God. But like I said, what’s God to a woman’s love anyway? What has heaven got that I can’t find sitting next to you on a cool autumn morning?
happy year-iversary to my favorite pair of hot drinks 🍵☕ i found this cute little polaroid from the occasion, after ranmaru had had enough bubbly and impeccably good vibes to chill out and suggest we take this selfie all together <3
to a life full of happiness, @itoshikimaegirl , from two people who have gained immensely from it and (even if a certain big cat is loathe to admit it) are very invested in the continued health of it <3
Are you surprised? I know we told people it was coming, but not exactly when… All the same, I hope you’re able to spare us some well wishes!
⁂
As for you, Reiji, the one I love.
We made it.
Can you believe it? If anyone had told me back in early 2018 that I’d fall in love, let alone find someone I wanted to marry, I would have laughed at them. I was a very different person back then… or, maybe in some ways and not in others, haha.
I think you saved my life.
Is that heavy to say when we’ve just signed ourselves over to each other for eternity~?
Love is funny. It felt like it was slow burn and first sight and everything in between all at once! You’re my best friend, my muse, my guardian. I wouldn’t trust myself with anyone else but you, not before and not ever. I don’t think I have the right words to tell you how thoroughly the threads of you have woven through the very fabric of my being… I didn’t believe in soulmates before I found you, and even now, I know it takes work… but one of the reasons I fell in love with you is that you make work feel like magic. You make it feel really worth everything I have to give.
Thank you. For this. For everything. For being you.
I know you’re not a perfect man, nor I a perfect human… but you are my perfect fit, the melody to my rhythm.
This is the first year I’ve been able to celebrate your birthday -- I’ve been trying since 2018, but maybe it’s fitting that life just got in the way each time. We’ve had a ton of life get in the way, but that’s nothing a little persistence and elbow grease can’t solve, right?
I know you don’t like being fussed over, but it’s hard to resist making a big song and dance out of a day we can all agree on should be about how good it is you’re with us. Your sharp heart is so vibrant and full, despite everything you’ve been through, despite the grayness you’ve survived, that it bleeds over in light and love to the people around you in your own, wonderfully unique way. You can try and deny it all you like! But the truth is that the connection with music that fuels your passion so deeply is the stuff that keeps us alive as humans. The way you make and pursue your path, in rock, music, and with Quartet Night, is founded in love and compassion. A desire to communicate, and reach across the aisle to unite peoples’ souls without disregarding what makes them come to your music in the first place. My life is far healthier and richer for it. You rescued my art practice. You enable me to reach forward again, and again, and again, no matter what life throws at me, and I think that’s the most power anyone can offer anyone on this earth.
I hope you can understand that you are loved, and deeply so. And you will always belong on the stage, beside Quartet Night, and with me watching and cheering until my voice gives out. Whatever it takes, we’ll make sure that future is yours. I think the world needs your voice as long as you’ll sing. (After all, you’ve made a jaded girl who thought love like this wasn’t in the cards feel like a giddy teenager with your new single!)
We’ll get there, to that brighter future. With our shared dream, and our shared path. And in the meantime, I’m happy....for many reasons, of course, but a great many of which you enabled. Or are just you! As you are. Your wonderful, sharp-tongued, awkward self, overflowing with life and color.
She didn't hesitate when he stopped walking to kiss her deeply. She just kissed back and leaned into him, only pulling out of it because she grinned too hard to keep her lips pressed into his, breaking into a laugh, into clumsily grabbing his face and pecking him on the lips over and over.
"I love you," she said, smiling at the ease it came off her lips. "I'm so lucky."
A fic I wrote some time ago and never posted. SFW (tho sex is mentioned), mentions of drinking/drunkenness, gratuitous yakitori snacking (which is to say food cw).
"Ahhh," Ranmaru growled, his volume untempered and pried open with more drinks than he planned. "I want meat. Let's find a stall or izakaya or somethin'..."
She laughed, in that drunkenly over-amused sort of way, swinging their twined hands with an indulgent, carefree recklessness. "I could tell the whole time that was all you were thinking. Thanks for indulging me."
"'S not like it was bad." This was teetering on the "I can't feel my face" sort of drunkenness for both of them. Ranmaru almost didn't care about the hangover he was going to be staring down later, and she was skipping on too many clouds to fall in line with usual habits of restraint, of never quite letting go, despite all appearances.
She hummed and grinned so widely and dopily Ranmaru matched it on instinct. "You fit right in there. Isn't it so cool, that you're this deep into the idol industry, and you still fit right in at a dingy hole-in-the-wall metal bar?"
"You think it's cool," he replied, fondness wrapping his words as he let go of her hand to tug her body close, hand wrapped on the side of her waist. She finally didn't feel the need to hesitate or think and leaned into him, a head on his shoulder, a squeeze over his own waist, and her free hand laid over his, not a care in the world for how awkward it looked.
"Hell yeah I think it's cool, you big asshole," she declared in English, like it needed to be in her native tongue to get the rude emphasis it needed. She looked up at him with adoration that made Ranmaru burn from the inside. "You're so cool. It's amazing how cool you are. Can you let me treat you to whatever meat we find? No, you know what, this isn't a question, I'm spoiling you as much as I want. Like I love seeing you get to eat without a care in the world, so think of it like me being selfish if you're thinking about arguing-- what? What?!"
He wondered if there were tears in his eyes from laughing this deeply, but it just came as she kept going further and further with her affectionate babbling. The threat of shutterbugs, of old family ties, of the cruel randomness of things felt so far off, like his heart were in a warm bath melting away his soreness, and he felt with confidence she was in a similar way. They'd spent many evenings curling into one another's sleep, and he still thought he'd never seen her so relaxed. So clueless and carefree.
She didn't hesitate when he stopped walking to kiss her deeply. She just kissed back and leaned into him, only pulling out of it because she grinned too hard to keep her lips pressed into his, breaking into a laugh, into clumsily grabbing his face and pecking him on the lips over and over.
"I love you," she said, smiling at the ease it came off her lips. "I'm so lucky."
"Took the words right outta my mouth with all your kissin'," he rumbled. His stomach did, too, as if on cue.
"I," she declared, squashing his cheeks between two hands. "Am treating you. Let's go find you your only acceptable drinking snack."
--------------------
Normally she fretted and worried about being the brash, loud American asking for too much, of being the overexcited dog making a mess and causing trouble, but what did she care, in this moment? There was a yakitori cart that looked close to packing up, and she asked if she could scoop up all the remaining stock at a little discount, since she had someone to treat. And he didn't think, not even dimly, about the ways that could be troublesome. This was just his girlfriend -- he was starting to get used to that, his girlfriend -- making sure food didn't go to waste and getting her money's worth. She laughed so much with the stallkeeper. Normally she didn't like sharing even a shred of personal information with someone like that, but Ranmaru could hear over his burning ears how she bragged about her boyfriend who worked so hard that he needed all the fuel he could to keep up with his hungry spirit, and she laughed when the stallkeeper teased her that she could keep a man like that collared with cooking.
"I promise I will!"
Embarrassing. But in a cute way, in a way that felt fun and new and exciting. Ranmaru wished he thought to take a picture of her running back, skewers of meat fanning out from between her fingers, that drunken grin firmly planted on her face, even as she locked eyes with him as she took a chomp out of as many skewers her mouth could fit around. She looked so dumb, chewing through so much food at once and deliberately hamming up what an affair it was, and he was very glad for it.
"There," she said, pointing to an empty playground. "We gotta sit."
The swings were too troublesome, but Ranmaru just laughed it off. She suggested the seesaw before admitting it was too ridiculous, so they nestled onto a jungle gym as their breath and the hot steam from the chicken floated into the clear, crisp winter air.
People are the best seasoning, that was how she liked to eat and cook, and she took her time once she'd swallowed the initial joke of a bite. It was more delicious to watch him eat, looking focused and satisfied and full, and she found herself wrapping herself around his arm, head laid on shoulder. He grunted in a chicken-strangled chuckle, and they settled into comfortable quiet as they polished off the yakitori, the latest feast in a sumptuous night full of them.
"...we have to get home at some point," she murmured. "But I don't want tonight to end. But your place is so far away...and I don't want to deal with going back to the Shining dorms and getting caught…ooh!" Her voice perked without her body rousing from its comfortable place piled on him. "What if…a capsule hotel…I've never done one...finally have the occasion to be a real worker in Japan, drinking too much to make it home..."
Ranmaru shifted from underneath her, in such a way she could tell he wanted her up. His gaze was intense in a way that made something flare in her gut, and for the first time tonight, she froze as he leaned into her, his fingers holding her still by her jaw.
The kiss was deep, hungrily deep, intoxicatingly deep -- not like times before him where she'd wonder the point of such a performance, when it'd be over, if things like this were supposed to be this unpleasant. The timing felt long and short at once, he knew exactly what he was doing when he pulled away with a small, sucking tug at her bottom lip.
"Or a private place I know…" he said, low, but tentative.
The careening momentum of everything made it feel like her very soul lurched out of her body as the bewildering prospect was laid out in front of her. A few moments where her physical self felt far away, out of reach, but then his warm hands clasped hers, and things came back into some focus. "Only if you want to."
She knew he look he was making, even though her eyes fell to their hands and stayed there as the blur of senses sharpened.
"What do I want?" she blurted out, only realizing she was speaking halfway through the words coming out. "...Ranmaru, what do I want?"
There was a pause, where his breath caught in some sort of way. His hands slid off of hers, then her chin was being tilted up, and she had to meet his eyes in the dim light. His makeup was smudged and patchy, but the face, the patience, the serious and gentle expression underneath it, it made the same flash run through her that made her make every crazy decision she had with him. Not running away when he was a nightmare client, of reaching for him increasingly more, of the move, of taking the job, of thinking to name this as love reciprocated when he bared his own heart.
He started to say something, but he'd already said enough, and she sandwiched his cheeks and kissed him with an urgent, almost frantic awestruck feeling spreading though her. He looked absolutely bewildered as she pulled away, almost scowling, and things became clearer and clearer. She pulled his face close again, pecking him on the lips over and over.
"I do want you," she stated, realizing it herself. "I mean, I do want to fuck you."
"What're you puttin' it like that for!" It started as a harsh whisper, but his expression lightened. She could feel him twisting back a smile.
"I just...not...now, though," she continued. "Not when we're drunk, and not when we're still working out where the hell we're even gonna be sleeping," she murmured. "Oh, god, and we both have work tomorrow, and don't you have a really intense variety show filming?! You already suck so bad at not getting hangovers, why are you thinking about sex when both you and I know we're already setting ourselves up for tomorrow being a struggle--"
He shut her up with a kiss, and now he kept grinning against her too much to keep it up. "I love you. Don't ever leave my side."
".........cheesy!" she exclaimed. "So cheesy!"
He was struck silent for a moment. "O-oi…"
"You're so serious and cheesy! What am I supposed to do against something like that! You know, I never knew I had a type until you were it-- augh, what am I doing, not jumping your bones right this instant?" She put fingers to her temples. "I promise, it'll be--"
"Stop talkin'," he mumured into her, and kissed her again, but focused, deep, belying every bit of hunger in him. He slipped his tongue through, briefly, and she didn't even murmur in surprise. Her hands grasped for his, white knuckling without realizing, and he held back -- maybe not as tightly, but just as surely.
Just as her grip relaxed some, he pulled away, meeting her eyes with as close to a mischievous glint as he got. "Umeena, omae." He let himself lick his lips, just for effect, before he hopped off the jungle gym and offered her a hand down.
She looked down at him. She hoped he didn't catch that a little tear sprang to her eyes before she swallowed it with ease, and just hoped the feeling swelling through her chest would communicate as she leapt into his arms and tackled him to the ground.
I want one of those ships where they are just so achingly in love with each other, where they’ve spent so much time falling and they are so convinced it’s unrequited. That slow burn, deep, aching goodness. I need it. I will fight the sun man I n e e d i t
going slow and hard. The journey is just as important as the destination, if not more so. They move their hips against yours like they're writing their name into you, like if they hit just right they'll finally be able to soothe the all-encompassing need they feel for you every moment of the day.
Their fingers dig into the soft parts of your body, hooking on any edges that give them purchase and squeezing into any plush that yields to them. Do they leave bruises? Red welts and white dips where the blood flow's been cut off? They just needed you so bad, you see, they couldn't stop themselves from biting into your shoulder, had to give into the feeling of needing to crush you under them like flowers until all your sweet scent swelled around them like bruised rose petals.
And you smell so good, they say as they continue digging themselves deeper into you, you taste so good when you're with them like this. They might have to keep going even longer, they might need you until you black out tonight.
