what

yikes

[youngestalien]

if this gets 1k i’ll jack off to bee movie

[carbsinhumanform]

[youngestalien]

don’t rush me I’m nervous

[youngestalien]

I love watching those dating shows knowing I don’t have to go through that dating shit like meeting someone i don’t know and pretending to have fun at some restaurant while I listen to them talk about their boring life because I already have a girl and we met when she replied to my tumblr post about jackin off to bee movie

[youngestalien]

you know when you’re stuck in traffic and see roadworks ahead and as you get closer you see those orange cones they put out to tbh idk what they’re actually doing but they were really helpful in toy story anyway you’re looking out the window at the cones thinking like wow how great would that feel in my ass rn

[youngestalien]

5 notes ok guess it’s not as relatable as I thought, sorry for letting you guys down just thought everyone liked toy story

[youngestalien]

you know when you’re stuck in traffic and see roadworks ahead and as you get closer you see those orange cones they put out to tbh idk what they’re actually doing but they were really helpful in toy story anyway you’re looking out the window at the cones thinking like wow how great would that feel in my ass rn

[youngestalien]

from now on I’m only eating/drinking stuff that turns my spit a different colour I just drank monster and my spit is red

[youngestalien]

nvm it wasn’t the drink I’d actually cut my lip on the can :/

[youngestalien]

😧

[youngestalien]

I HATE

[carbsinhumanform]

my boyfriend has a sex fantasy and wants me to dress up as Kim possible

[youngestalien]

it wasn’t weird until you said you’d only do it if I dressed up as rufus the naked mole rat

[doesnotdotodwelondreams]

You could dress up as Ron and you’ve got a built in Rufus the naked mole rat…

[youngestalien]

did you just call my penis a naked mole rat

[doesnotdotodwelondreams]

Have you SEEN a naked mole rat?

[carbsinhumanform]

have you SEEN his dick?

[youngestalien]

ye it’s no where near as big as a naked mole rat

[youngestalien]

what’s she tryna say

[carbsinhumanform]

my boyfriend has a sex fantasy and wants me to dress up as Kim possible

[youngestalien]

it wasn’t weird until you said you’d only do it if I dressed up as rufus the naked mole rat

[tylerchokely-deactivated2014081]

*gets 5 notes on a post* this is it this is the big one

[seducin]

parents: why don’t you do anything me: minimalism

[fuckoffidiots69-deactivated2021]

im craving asparagus wtf is wrong with me

[rnacintosh-blog]

it’s better than craving for her to love me back

[fuckoffidiots69-deactivated2021]

i dont know what to say im sorry

[zikash-deactivated20160419]

[itguidesandnews]

[xviithestar]

[bang]

me: *talks shit in my head*

person: *looks at me*

me: *says sorry in my head*