x...Dreams Are What Lives Are Made Of...x

❤️

[squishymoth]

You've heard of depression meals, now get ready for Depression Entertainment:

-The first minute of a buzzfeed video -Bad one hour documentaries like “The Ultimate Guide to Penny Pinching” -Finding your current music tiresome but refusing to listen to new music -“Let’s play Sim Ant episode 500” by gamerboy95 -at least 10 “Asmr INTENSE binaural ear cleaning” videos -Tumblr.hell Feel free to add your own additions

[goodnigth]

-children’s shows -going back and finding that one great scene from that one episode of that show you used to watch -vine complilations -the same page of a book for an hour before you give up

[fawnfaggotry]

-shitposting and vaguely hoping someone asks what’s wrong only to say claim your fine if someone does

[squeeful]

Fanfics you’ve read 20+ times already and don’t actually feel anything for any more, but you reread hoping that you can recapture that sense of contentment.

[quigonjesus]

- shitposting in a way that also passive aggressively drags someone in the hopes of starting some drama - hatereading at least a year’s worth of someone’s social media page 

[digitalzzombie]

Podcasts

[queenikki]

- scrolling through social media aimlessly - starting a new show then turning it off after 30 minutes because it “doesn’t feel right” - same thing goes for new books and new music - attempting to masturbate but ur not really in the mood after all - sleep

[hummingbird-hooligan]

-rewatching your favorite shows/movies/musicals because they make you feel good and distracted but you’re still a bit empty inside -overanalyzing every interaction you’ve ever had with anyone and cringing at any and all past mistakes -“what if my mom died what if his car crashes what if what if what if” (daydreaming except you cry) -eating junk bc you’re bored

[just-trynabevalid]

With all this Bert+Ernie debating, now seems like a very good time for me to point out the REAL iconic gay couple of the Muppetverse we’ve all been ignoring for YEARS

[probablyacerealkiller-blog]

Shit guys I always thought Statler and Waldorf were brothers but I just went online and no they aren’t but Waldorf is married to this muppet Astoria and guys you’ll never believe this

Astoria is Statler in a fucking dress…

I think we’ve stumbled onto a real conspiracy here folks.

[glamourweaver]

As this just came back up on my dash, I just want to remind everyone there “older gentlemen who have reserved seats at the theatre they go to every week just to be catty bitches” doesn’t have a heterosexual explanation.

[i-am-the-entertainer]

Nice, but I must remind you of this moment:

[ksszns]

[r4cs0]

Me and the boys on our way to respect women

[skidspace]

Love me a man that can shoot himself ass first through a suspended hoop

[omghotmemes]

I laughed way too hard at this

[mezimraky]

in case anyone is looking through the notes trying to find the original artist it’s will mcphail !! feel free to check out his site but also here are some other things he made too !!

[smooththegoofyshark]

OOOHHH CLICK ON THAT LINK THIS GUY IS FUCKING GREAT

[evilkitten3]

HOLY SHIT

this guy GETS IT

[twloha]

[paperback-mummy-blog]

I really love this and I know exactly why but I can’t explain it.

[in-thislight]

Because it’s just another indication that we, as Human Beings, are one.

[fuckyeahdrugpolicy]

[justice4mikebrown]

Download and learn more about the app here.

[imoverallofit]

BOOST THE FUCK OUT OF THIS

[lividlovers]

This is so fucking amazing!

Some solutions may seem so small but this is a greater impact.

[hate-police]

BOOST THE FUCK OUT OF THIS GUYS

[2lf]

REBLOG AND DOWNLOAD APP

[dinah-myles]

@yenneferofvengerbergg Look, Darling, maybe this will help you understand the importance of the matter.

[enbundad]

IMPORTANT NOTE: the app link in the article is for the California one.

There’s one for every state.

(From the looks of it, I haven’t looked to see if there’s 50 apps.)

[Edit: nope. There’s not one for every state.]

States with apps: California, Pennsylvania, Oregon, Michigan, North Carolina, Virginia, Georgia, New Jersey, Colorado, Missouri, Minnesota, Arizona, Maryland, Oklahoma, Mississippi, New Mexico, DC, Nebraska

[purplelittlemermaid]

Reblogging because it’s still a greaaaat idea.

[smolanxiouscatvoid]

I’m not in a state with one but boosting this anyways

[pixpup]

LEAF HEAD LEAF HEAD LEAF HEAD

[kangals]

LEAF HEAD LEAF HEAD LEAF HEAD

[disco-vader]

[pixpup]

They Meet

[bravenewleaf-blog]

[mindbodymissedconnections]

hello deer i am home

[goawfma]

this is an insult

[blame-my-muses]

I once applied and interviewed at a bookstore cafe for a barista position. It was way closer to my home, and I had almost a decade of experience working in a coffee shop at that point. 

Got to the interview, and it turned out they didn’t want a barista, they wanted someone to spearhead their new cafe, as the cafe that had been in the store before didn’t want to resign their lease with the bookshop. They wanted to put their own cafe in its place, all new menus etc. They needed someone experienced to train their new staff, to handle window displays, to communicate with the bookstore owners about changes and needs of the cafe, to be able to handle inventory and ordering.

Okay, I had basically done most of that stuff at my previous job. I asked if cafe positions would also be required/trained to work the bookstore. They would. They would be required to run the book sale counter, stock and reshelf books, and help bookshop customers find things. They would also–despite having an outside cleaning company–have to help maintain bathroom cleanliness. They’d have to take out trash, and clean spills, and vacuum.  Wow, that’s a lot, I said. Is this a manager’s position, then?

No, I was told, it wasn’t, but there was a chance that after a training period it might become one. And that made me pause, because I’d been working as the front-of-house manager at my cafe, and I knew how much work that entailed, and what kind of money I was making, and it was only the commute that had me looking for a new job. So I asked what the job paid. $8. E I G H T  D O L L A R S. Per hour. Barely above minimum. For all of that work. For someone they expected to get an entirely new cafe up and running, and then also do the work of the bookstore and the cleaning company as well.  I thanked the woman for the interview, said I’d have to talk to my significant other about the impact a four dollar pay cut would have on our finances, and that I wasn’t sure it was the job for me. She asked me to sleep on it, and she’d call me the next day.  This is a job I was way more than qualified for. I had years of experience doing exactly the things they wanted. It was a convenient location, close to my home–I could walk there if I absolutely had to. I did not go home and talk about that four dollar pay cut and what it would do to our finances. I knew as soon as she told me that not only was it not feasible for us, it was downright insulting. That little money? For a frankly ridiculous list of responsibilities and expectations? She called back the next day. I thanked her again, and told her in no uncertain terms that my time was worth way more than what they were offering. And whenever people bitch about Millennials being lazy, not spending money, not buying houses…whatever the complaint of the month is…I think about the very nice lady who conducted this interview, and how confused she was that I didn’t want the job. 

[secretoctopus-deactivated201912]

[standupcomedyblog]

John Mulaney | The Salt & Pepper Diner

[eclipsebykimlipmp3-deactivated2]

THE BEST JOKE IN EXISTENCE

[danfuckedoffbutreturns]

GOD I JUST TOLD SOMEONE ABOUT THIS STORY

[andlifeisgrand-deactivated20160]

This is one of the best pieces of comedy that I have ever had the pleasure of witnessing. I love this. I have been looking for this online for awhile.

[thesporkidentity]

[Audio transcription: I wanted to tell you one story. Uh. This is the story of the best meal I’ve ever had in my life, okay. Happened when I was eleven years old in Chicago, IL where I grew up. I went to a place called the Salt & Pepper Diner, uh, with my best friend John. We walk into the diner one day, and they had a jukebox there, okay? And the jukebox was three plays for a dollar. So we put in 7 dollars and selected 21 plays of of Tom Jones’s What’s New Pussycat. And then we ordered and waited. 

Here’s the thing about when, uh, What’s New Pussycat plays over and over and over and over and over again. The second time it plays, your immediate thought is not ‘hey someone’s playing What’s New Pussycat again.’ It’s ‘hey, What’s New Pussycat is a lot longer than I first thought. The third time it plays you’re thinking maybe someone’s playing What’s New Pussycat again. The fourth time it plays you’re either thinking ‘whoa someone just played What’s New Pussycat FOUR TIMES or at least someone played it twice, and it’s a really long song.’ So the fifth time is the kicker, alright? 

Now, John and I we’re watching the entire diner at this point, alright? Most people have gotten wind as to what’s going on. And we’re staring at this one guy and he’s sitting in like a booth with his stupid kids jumping around, and he’s like staring at his coffee cup like this, and he’s been onto us since the beginning. And he’s sitting there, and his hand is shaking, and he had this look on his face like, aw, like he had just gotten his thirty day chip from anger management. And he’s staring like this, and the fourth song fades out. It’s dead quiet. Then, I don’t know if you know this, but the song begins very quietly…

BWAAAH BWAAAAAH WHAT’S NEW PUSSYCAT and he goes GOD DAMN IT and pounds on the table, silverware flies everywhere, and it was fantastic. But a word about my best friend John and what a genius he was because when we first walked into the diner, okay? When we first got there and I’m punching in the What’s New Pussycats alright? I’ve punched in like 7 at this point then John says to me ‘hey hey hey before you punch in another What’s New Pussycat let’s drop in one It’s Not Unusual.’

Oh yes. That is when the afternoon went from good to great. After seven What’s New Pussycats. In a row - It played seven times. Suddenly - Dum da dum, IT’S NOT UNUSUAL and the sigh of relief that swept through the diner. People were so happy. It was like the liberation of France. You know for years scientists have wondered can you make grown men and women weep tears of joy by playing Tom Jones’s It’s Not Unusual and the answer is yes you can. Provided that it is preceded by seven What’s New Pussycats. It’s true. Dead honest.

And on the other hand. When we went back. Holy shit. It’s Not Unusual fade out. It’s dead quiet. BWAAAH BWAAAAH WHAT’S NEW PUSSYCAT people went insane. People went out of their minds. No one could handle it. No one could handle it. And they were surrounded by this seemingly indifferent staff that was just like ‘yup some crap as always.’ 

They unplugged the jukebox after eleven plays. And that was the best meal I ever had.]

[justlookatthosesausages]

reblogging again coz this time it has audio transcription (bless you) and it’s still forever hilarious omg

[madlori]

If this is your first time seeing the Salt & Pepper Diner story, I envy you. Sometimes I wish I could hear it again for the first time.

[gumrude-deactivated20240402]

same ^

[mosoli]

[warmdrool-deactivated20210404]

late capitalism nightmare

[vethox]

Epic

[thatdiabolicalfeminist]

[weavemama]

SHE IS A TRUE HERO 

[fluffy-luffy]

No, she’s a bitch is what she is

[weavemama]

what do u mean???? it was clearly an accident she even said “Oooppsss”

[blackmodel]

LMFAOOOO

[reducedrose]

Look, rather than being petty and destroying it, why not talk to the girl. Really ask them why they are using the confederate flag. But no, low level terrorism is the answer.

[peppylilspitfuck]

LOW LEVEL TERRORISM?

[capacity]

Low level terrorism

[wereralph]

ICONIC

[world-heritage-posts]

world heritage post

[lesbianshepard]

[digitised-celluloid]

[taykoutmccleod-deactivated20200]

my tinder bio

[tastefullyoffensive]

(via meanboysclub)

[mypissedoffsandwichold-deactiva]

The last one

[thunderboltsortofapenny]

Also good on these people for taking the aggressively petty route instead of falsely registering their pets as service animals

[toastyglow]

I love how everyone intentionally interpreted this not as “your dog must be small” but “your dog must be in a bag”

[im-a-goat-in-disguise]

“aww cute!! big doggies in ba-”

*cry-laughing as i hit the reblog button*

[gotinstarblog-deactivated201512]

[half-black-phillip]

I’m so mad because this worked

[britney2007spears]

help me roger

[telanu]

Reblogging myself because

Originally posted by gifs-for-the-masses

[luthienebonyx]

Reblogging myself because… what was that? Five minutes?

O_O

[riskpig]

………my friend has made me curious

[maryburgers]

help me roger

[maryburgers]

Update: after I reblogged this someone messaged me offering me tickets to the sold out Hausu screening with a Q&A and autograph session with the director

[zombbeans]

These never work for me, but here’s to trying.

[strangenewclassrooms]

I don’t believe in these things

But last time I reblogged one ten/fifteen minutes later I got a call offering me a job

But I reblogged it because I was waiting on hearing back from the job. So there you go.

Roger is cute.

[sugared-violets]

Eh Roger is cute I might as well

[secondlina]

That fish is so happy it makes me happy.

[loli-tease]

awww, how cute!! is it weird i have a crush on Roger??!! 

[unpottytraining-by-babytk-deact]

I’m going to the casino roger, give me luck!

[crushies-tcc-deactivated2019031]

I’m reblogging because i’m desperate Dx

[tclovestuff]

Roger pls

[accioromione]

Roger you’re making me ruin my aesthetic so this Better work