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after not being sure what to do with this blog for a decade, I'v decided I will just try not to worry about it and just share what I think is interesting whenever I might feel like. [check About Me!]

[freshlybakedspiderbread]

There are people online making a fuss about persona 4 getting another remake, but there's a Different video game (also about anime dorks in uniforms with a variety of deep-seated issues granted superpowers featuring a silent protagonist who forms bonds with everyone) that I'd rather be celebrating.

Apparently the original Caligua Effect released for the psvita ten years ago!!! I was reminded of it because I saw some posts elsewhere about current steam sale and noticed Caligula Overdose apparently on sale too so you should-

Well actually maybe don't buy it because 1. the game actually isn't very good in a lot of ways 😅 2. I think it is overpriced even at 50% off 🤣

But! I've played it and I still like the story and its characters a lot despite its flaws. If you've ever played it or will play it for whatever reason, we should totally exchange messages about which faux-vocaloid song from the soundtrack we like the most. This one's probably mine:

Also there's an anime adaptation which was whatever. I don't know if there's ever been one of those that I didn't think was whatever :P

[freshlybakedspiderbread]

Went shopping for clothes for the first time in a long time but only ended up buying a new pair of (overpriced 😕) sneakers and only because my current pair is all torn up.

Just for fun I decided to break them in Immediately so i've been walking around the house with them on all day and then accidentally fell asleep with them on 💤 Makes me feel like an old cartoon character...

[freshlybakedspiderbread]

This is Mo Qingxian and her official bio apparently says she is an elegant beauty who is skilled with traditional chinese instruments.

I like her a lot and yes I'll say outright the reason is 90% because my first thought upon seeing this design was 'oh my gosh Tsukumo Benben from touhou 14'

[freshlybakedspiderbread]

I think ten years ago i could confidently say i was kind of an extrovert and perhaps even social butterfly. Then the last decade was me turning more and more into a complete recluse. I've decided i'm just going to try socialising again by starting from scratch. Just forget everything about how i might have used to be and think of myself as 'resetting'... As it happena, i'm not 100% confident in Any language anymore but i've started to think thats fine and even normal. I dont think i've had issues conveying my feelings in speech in a long time.

I semi-regularly take part in a bunch of little activities across the road like sharing/tending to plants. This is the about the only times where i find any reason to speak with others about anything 🗣I had this thought about how i seem to only be talking with older ladies like around my mothers age, before remembering i am old now too :P

Meanwhile, online spaces are mostly the only place i still use/write english anymore even if im not saying any of it aloud. This may or may not change my english vocab to purely being some kind of a annoying internet cadence, but thats fine! I've long past the days where i'm reciting fancy novel or news passages like some wannabe scholar. 👩‍🏫

[freshlybakedspiderbread]

so much hair falling out of my head. I was just sitting and then I a bunch of stands fall all at once onto my table 😦 Its the natural result of me having lost the care to take care of my hair since forever ago and thinking i'll just let it do whatever. But actually 'whatever' might be too scary a thought for me (👶< This is what my head will look like eventually probably...)

[freshlybakedspiderbread]

maybe i'll become a letterboxd person, but only using it to catalogue my own blog-like thoughts on movies which would just be me going "i thought this and that part was cool!", and never read any other people's reviews 🤔🙈

[freshlybakedspiderbread]

I ended up making that account and posted a few 'reviews' of some random movies as mentioned above

https://letterboxd.com/eatsweets/reviews

no idea if or when I'll ever do more, but I do think putting rambling movie thoughts on the website made for exactly that kind of thing makes sense. Of course that doesn't mean there's anything stopping me from rambling about random movies on tumblr or dreamwidth or so on 😛

[freshlybakedspiderbread]

Non-exhaustive list of bandori ships i might still think about off the top of my head (Only limited to garupa) :

misaki/kokoro has mentioned in prev post. Also misaki/kanon partially because I know at least like four different fanartists who are ride and die by this ship and draw nothing but it to this day

yukina/lisa of course. yukina/sayo too because its funny to think of the two being >:( together alone in a room and not saying anything, but still finding that to be a sweet and intimate experience. Also I suddenly remember a lot of really sweet sayo/tsugumi fanworks in the past but i don't recall/know much about Tsugumi outside of that...

aya/chisato and aya/hina are both really fun to me. Actually I think both Chisato and Hina should take turns bullying Aya for the rest of her life.

[freshlybakedspiderbread]

i watched cosmic princess kaguya the anime movie some time ago and one joke i saw someone made was that the main couple, Kaguya and Iroha, are a lot like Kokoro and Misaki from bang dream.

And it is just a joke but the thing is that while I was watching the movie, I kept thinking about it.. Yes its all superficial similarties but there's so many of those similarities that it was really funny and surreal. By the end of the movie, I wasn't comparing the two anymore and now see the main couple there as their own thing, but it did still awaken some old buried memories and feelings...

I haven't thought about garupa is sooooo many years (I consider mygo and avemujica their own separate thing), but i looked through a bunch of old fanart and stuff for nostalgia's sake and I think these two might be and have always been a sleeper hit of a pairing for me?! I'm basing this only on my own experiences but I think misaki/kanon was The harohapi ship (which I also like) but i've arbitrarily decided that I'm championing misakoko. Or at least i'm championing the very specific idea of misakoko in my head because I haven't read any official stories in so long and I wouldn't be surprised if every single person had their own wildly varying thoughts about Kokoro's personality.

[freshlybakedspiderbread]

maybe i'll become a letterboxd person, but only using it to catalogue my own blog-like thoughts on movies which would just be me going "i thought this and that part was cool!", and never read any other people's reviews 🤔🙈

[freshlybakedspiderbread]

😲huh?

[freshlybakedspiderbread]

started this game called Sensei! I Like You So Much! that is a vn where you play as a fanfic author. There's a character creator at the start too which i had fun with

and you can choose whatever ships for the main character (who is an anti-social uni student and whom i have been led to believe by reviews will get into yuri situations of her own?!) to be obsessed with at the start of the story

i'm liking it so far. Also dangerously close to feeling like i can just use this game as substitution for participating in actual fandom 👻

[freshlybakedspiderbread]

I used to think that thing in fiction, where they describe being so overwhelmed with affection that your heart is thumping like mad, to be just a flowery exaggeration. That's because even though I've had many, Many times where I feel like i'm overflowing with emotions over my whole life, it was still always an internal thing. But I know it to be true because I've felt it. And the fact that i'm talking about it here means it was over something really silly @_@ It's probably because i've been stuck in my own head for so long but here's the vague details:

There's this artist's work whom i like a lot and had talked to a few times in the past but then drifted out of contact. I just on a whim checked what they've done as of late, and in their recent piece they shared some commentary. And when I realised they happened to share like just about the same super specific headcanons and feelings for a character as I did, I got um... overwhelmed. I'm not kidding I was actually physically shaking while sitting in front of my computer and my breathing drew short. Stayed that way for like fifteen minutes even when I went to the bathroom. My takeaway here is I thiiink i've probably been keeping to myself for too long 😶

[freshlybakedspiderbread]

no amount of eosd oversaturation can lower my opinion on izayoi sakuya. To be frank, i hold all other maids from anime/games to her standard 🔪🗡🔪🗡

[freshlybakedspiderbread]

new year resolutions are fake (for me) and don't mean anything. i'm like thirty years old 👵 and will be moving into next year still doing the same things as always. that said, i still feel like putting out a post doing a bit of reflecting... I've been in a not great kind of state for a very long time, and a lot of time have been purposefully isolating myself both online and offline. I really do have to finallise my decisions on whether or not to move/commit to car stuff/hundred other things. There's no decision where i won't have some regret so i really do just gotta move forward and deal with whatever may come.

🙇‍♀️ sorry to anyone and everyone i've been totally ignoring or just sorta drifted away from talking with. if we've ever even had a single positive interaction, know that it means i would have and still would like to do more of it but i just haven't quite been ready. But I keep a lot of you in my thoughts and well wishes, and i feel grateful to those of you who do the same for me for whatever reason 🙇‍♀️

i kinda want this to the be last post of this type i do here? It definitely won't be but i think i would like if i tried using this tumblr to actually just talk about my interests* instead of just using it as a sad journal**. i never reblog anything anymore, but i don't know, maybe I'll have a breakthrough whenever i finally get around to replacing this theme because the default text size is too small 😹

[freshlybakedspiderbread]

the act of blogging has never ever come naturally to me. random personal life bits below, its mostly me being a bummer about all sorts of little things:

i've had even less drive than before to do things, so a lot of my free time has been spent just spoiling my eyes over mobile games or youtube videos or whatever else wastes time. i went one night without sleep because i suddenly decided on a whim to check out all the jaws movies.

speaking of mobile games, ive been into umamusume 🏇 for quite a while so its been kinda surreal seeing its sudden up in popularity thanks to the english version.

i was recently contacted all of a sudden by someone from an old relationship 😶 It was an odd feeling and i was just constantly fighting the urge to just apologise constantly from growing distant without explanation (I do this a lot to people both off and online...), but i think it was... nice, just knowing they were alright.

some kind of bone breaking curse is afoot or something because my mother hurt her leg while going out a while ago, and then just after that was getting better, i hurt my back while doing absolutely nothing 🦴💥 After a visit to the doctor, the only conclusion (besides the curse) is that i'm just getting old 👵

after the last driving test failure, i've putting off scheduling the next one. At least one of the reasons is because i keep hearing about accidents on the road like every other week and its making me question the point of it all. Granted i already know there's lots of practical reasons to me just having a license but that's just one mental roadblock keeping me from properly studying for it 😑

related to 'roads' and 'accidents', my family was heading out for dinner once and i held them all up being late because, and I kinda wish I was kidding, i came across a snail right in the middle of the pavement and i wouldn't move on until i picked it up and found a patch of grass to settle it on. 🐌 I don't know anything about snail ecology so for all i know, i might have killed it by doing that, but i was compelled...

related to the snail thing: there was also once a similar time but i didn't hold anybody up because i was just on my own, where i came across this big slow moving centipede on the pavement. the thought of me or someone else stepping on it grossed me out so i used my credit card to drop it on some dirt. but i think i dropped it from too high (like at my knee height?) because it didn't move at all after i did this 😓

the idea of me one day moving in and living with family members back in another country, has been floated to me since my parents worry i'll be lonely being by myself. but i just know that would be not great for everyone... I'm kind of a sour point of discussion among my relatives already so i think me just managing (or not) on my own is the best for everyone's comfort

[freshlybakedspiderbread]

sleeping, working, moping, looking at horse girls on my phone every day. i want to say 'gap year(s)' and i'm putting off any and all ambitions till next one, but maybe its just fine if i take it easy forever 😴

[freshlybakedspiderbread]

The only dragon quest thing ive ever experienced myself is the rocket slime game for the DS. maybe i'll change that one day but that game is my fav in my self-made category of media with cute creatures running around n_n And yet i don't own any slime merchandise 🤔