My Friends Out of context

We've all experienced that moment. Sometimes, it happens after a few PBR's, with a group of old college friends; other times, that moment sneaks up on us while we are surrounded by new friends in uncharted territory. Someone in your group says something that doubles you over in laughter and you are left with a memory that can easily be called upon because of the way it made you feel. How many times have you thought back to those moments and forget exactly what it was that made you laugh so god damn hard? A year ago, I began collecting the things my friends said that moved our group to laughter, in efforts to share a few laughs, but more importantly to remind myself how significant (and hilarious) each moment is.

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I poured some bacon grease off of my porch one time. Im always afraid I'm giving squirrels the taste of meat,

I mean... can you blame him for this fear? 

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This is what happens when you take sudafed and attempt to use excel.

It was trivia night at the bar and the host shared this information with us after she messed up the trivia questions on her computer. 

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I'm actually an Xmen. My power is abuse.

I asked my buddy what his super power would be if he could have one...

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If I were a doctor, I would only prescribe sex.

Pretty excited that this friend is pursuing politics and not the medical field. 

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I feel like the grandparents from Willy Wonka right now.

A friend was not happy about his sleeping arrangement. 

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Whichever Olsen twin gave Heath Ledger those dangerous drugs is going to be my Valentine.

As said by Dick Valentine of Electric Six.

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I could agree with you but then we would both be wrong.

My linguistic friends are great at tricking me. 

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Baby, why is there a rolex in your hooch?

Just wondering...

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When I start drinking I have strength against the cold but I can't speak English.

A valid point. 

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I don't need to thank you; I thanked you with my eyes.

#douchebagtag 

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I think one foot question per round is permissible.

Playing never have I ever gets real interesting around 2 AM. 

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Social Injustice

"We need to get you laid..."

-"I know I am committing the world a social injustice."

And this was the first time this particular friend made the quotebook with his very serious statement. 

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You look like weird Al's virgin cousin...

and the insult battle continues. 

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I'll tell em what I told em!

As said by a friend who was talking a tiny bit of trash a little too loudly at the bar. When we asked him to speak a little bit softer this was his response...

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That is my favorite flower, which is not the same as a human.

In reference to the name Lilly. 

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Don't go throwing money around on the ground, this aint the strip club!

As said by one of my dearest friends when someone dropped money on the floor.

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Is that free?

"Do you want fries?"

-"Are they free?"

"No...."

-"Don't want em then."

"Something to drink?"

-"Is that free?"

"No...."

-"Don't want that then either."