master / servant starters
as requested (& safe for work). Feel free to make any changes !
“I hope you won’t greet our guests with a crooked tie/ruffled skirt/etc.”
“Oh, don’t be so formal, __.”
“This is decaf, get me another.”
“If you can’t do it, then don’t bother coming back.”
“I’m in such a mess. Could you book my flight for me please?”
“Don’t bother the guests.”
“I’ll give you ten seconds to remind me why I hired you…”
“Oh, please come with me! I don’t know what I’d do without you.”
“We’ve known each other for so long that this feels kind of weird.”
“This might be weird, but can I ask you for some advice?”
“I don’t understand you poor people.”
“You’re new here, so you don’t understand. Never. Touch. My stuff.”
“I’ve brought your tea/keys/bag, madam/sir/captain.”
[after being given an impossible task] “I also took the liberty of picking up your dry cleaning.”
“Care for an hors d'oeuvre?” / “Care for a horse divorce?”
“This is not in my job description, madam/sir/captain.”
“You seemed sad, so I brought you some cookies/books/DVDs/etc.”
“I apologize for being late.”
“It’s my job to keep track of you at all times and make sure that you have what you need.”
“This is only weird if you make it weird.”
“I let you order me around like a dog, but a line must be drawn somewhere.”
“I was just dusting this vase…I was by no means listening to your conversation.”
“Cleaning requires me to touch your stuff.”