The following reflection was published on November 17, 2019, for my Parishioners, in the weekend bulletin at Our Mother of Good Counsel, Los Angeles, CA
For nearly two decades, during my legal adult life, Social Media has been ubiquitous. From Myspace, to Facebook, to Twitter, to Instagram. For those born in the past two decades, there has always been a hyper-connected world that they are expected to participate in.
My first motivator for a social media presence occurred with my former life as a Rapper. In 2007, Social Media was not yet a must-have for most males in their 20s. Initially, I saw it as a way to get the word out, and promote my music. There were avenues available via Twitter, Tumblr & SoundCloud, to integrate a musicians sites together. After 5 years of analyzing my traffic, by 2013, it was clear that less than 1% of my visitors & followers seemed to have any interest in my music. Many of my followers, listeners & subscribers were more interested in a positive message from a Millennial in the Seminary or Religious Life.
In 2012, nearing the completion of my Augustinian Formation, I started moving toward creating Social Media Sites to promote Augustinian Life. I really found that Saint Augustine, with his salacious past, his vulnerability in the Confessions, and his witticism and wordplay in his Sermons had the potential to go Viral. I began Augustinian Link in an effort to make Augustine go viral. Although it peaked years ago on tumblr, I have mostly found it’s use on Instagram. I still regularly post photos of Sacred Art that I find in museums all over the world, as well as updates about my outreach and vocation ministry outside of Our Mother of Good Counsel Parish.
Immediately before the summer, I started an Instagram page for OMGC, as well. Even though a Twitter & Facebook page already existed, these sites were only used infrequently by the Parish to publicize or to communicate its own media.
I have been around on Social Media long enough to not take it too seriously. However, Popes, Bishops, and other Leaders in the Church encourage us to find ways to Evangelize the Digital Continent, and connect to the disconnected disaffiliated young people. It won’t be a magic solution to getting new blood in a parish organization, it is not a cure to disaffiliation, nor a definitive way to make the bulletin or other parish communication obsolete. So far it is unexplored territory for us. It may be one more avenue for exposure.
The fine arts help me to recover my passion & lust for life, to recapture something of who I am, to break open my broken imagination, to elevate my downtrodden spirit, to humble my screeching ambitions.
My healing, sanity, & personal holiness have been the result of pursuing spiritual beauty. Hence, if you see my catchphrase on my profile.
I know many people prefer me talking trash, posting memes, rap music, photos w friends, or little updates. However, it is in this sort of space that I feel more truly myself.
A proper vacation, for me, requires connecting with the great treasures of my religious tradition at a local museum.
For Halloween, I am sure the kiddies had their Captain America, Black Panther, and Iron Man costumes. For a small child, and for many adults, myself, the Fictional world of the Avengers, or sometimes even the fantasy world of the Lord of the Rings, is a much more exciting and desirable reality than the mundane everyday. Perhaps another critic would be willing to demonstrate how shallow big budget special effects-laden sensationalist movies are today. Whether some, or most of what pop-culture presents as the Greater Reality, it still offers some sort of identification and inspiration to many people.
Were I not in Religious Life, as a mid-thirties white guy, I would probably have been so-overly identified with Star Wars that my life would have been ruined right now. The Greater Reality of many adults, what somewhat affirms our perspective of the world, sometimes providing an escape, but also firing the heart with emotion and inspiration, are the multi-faceted stories of Harry Potter, the Avengers, Star Wars, Justice League.
Read More at California Augustinians
Photo Taken at the Huntington Library Art Collections, a nameless Saint. Could this Saint meant to be you?
Having written recently about joining our Augustinian Communities for Morning Prayer, Here are some tips for someone to pray the Liturgy of the Hours. Please find in the previous post a bit of an introduction to the practice. Over the past several years, I have seen growing interest among young Catholics.
There are a few reasons why people who want to pray, but do not, that have nothing to do with their personal busy schedules: The Office books are expensive. It is too confusing for beginners who pray alone. Flipping back and forth in the breviary is difficult. It is still a challenge for proficients who only pray it alone. You have never heard of any of the songs in there.
There are a few reasons why people do pray. They are drawn to formal prayer, with more connection to the Liturgy & Scripture. They are discerning a vocation to consecrated life, or they have, and see the value in this. They are settling down and find more time in the day. They know a place where a group prays in common, and would like to pray for themselves.
Protection and Joy for the shortening and darkening days.
October for the Angels, November for the Saints in Heaven. September 29: The Archangels, October 2: The Guardian Angels. November 1: All Saints, November 2: All Souls.
Little is now known on this ancient tradition of October for the Holy Angels.
What is well known among Catholics of today, is that the character and mood of Liturgical Time in Autumn does coincide with death, particularly in November. The short days, the long nights. The year is ending. The Feasts of the Saints & All the dead sanctifies Autumn as the resonances of graces carry throughout the month, culminating in the Feast of Christ the King our Judge.
A young man who wants to learn how to pray and encounter God seeks out a hermit in a distant cave in a distant desert.
After travelling for many days, he finally locates the hermit and asks “Can you teach me how to pray?”
So the hermit takes him to a single shallow well in the cave. The two hold the torch descending into through the cave, over the water and they can see their reflection on the water’s surface.
Suddenly the hermit recklessly dunks his head into the well, while the man struggles for dear life.
In order to better respond to discerners making inquiries to our Province, Fr. Kevin Mullins, OSA appointed Fr. Mark Menegatti, OSA as Associate Director of Voc...
Fr. Mark Named New Associate Director of Vocations
Fr. Mark says that  promoting the Order poses unique challenges because,“Many young Catholics seeking a vocation are uniquely unfamiliar with us.”  Fr. Mark hopes to assist them in their discernment through his new position. “I am incredibly grateful to the province for considering me for this new position of Associate Vocation Director​,” adding, “I have always been broadminded in seeking ways to minister and evangelize in the Church, and while in San Diego, I sought out events where young Catholics gathered to increase exposure for the Order. I hope to do more of this in LA, and find ways to support other Friars who might find similar opportunities to do so. In my short time in LA, I have already found a multitude of events for young Catholics that desperately seek the presence of those in Religious Life.”
My new assignment as Associate Director of Vocations
The following article was published in the Parish Bulletin at Our Mother of Good Counsel Church in Los Angeles, where I am in residence.
The California Augustinians have assigned me as the Associate Director of Vocations. Although the term Vocation, a calling, is often associated with priesthood, a calling is something all of us receive. Our first call is always as Disciples of Jesus Christ. After that, some are called to forms of service, to careers, to marriage, to parenthood, to a convent, to a monastery, or to the clergy (or even some combination of these). My principal responsibility will be to assist our Director of Vocations, Fr Tom Whelan OSA, with accompanying young men as they discern a call to join the Augustinians.
I was invited to preach and speak at a formation gathering this year, and I thought of the advice that I would give. As my list grew longer than the talk, I took this as an opportunity.
For the purpose of this, I tried to think of things that I wouldn't typically find elsewhere. I could write a whole article about how important it is to celebrate the Mass with reverence, so that older casual Catholics can see your sincere devotion as a witness to the love of Christ. I am assuming that you have had decent spiritual direction to help you keep Christ as your focus, and what that entails. So my focus wavers between Spiritual, and practical.
I also desired to be as complete as possible, realizing that listed pieces of advice may be less critical. Since I wanted to dig up as many things as I could that nobody told me, I hope my readers will find some surprises.
Love the Church: During my first few years of campus ministry at an all boys school, the image of the Church as the Bride of Christ wasn't very helpful. However, what can I say about love? To some extent, as a young priest, you should be very concerned with befriending others, showing them the charity of Christ, to your best ability. You will have lay Catholic leaders in your parish who have been doing their best to follow Christ since before you were born. They will be happy to welcome you, but you are also a shepherd, and you must show them hospitality. If being with adolescents has taught me anything, unless you can prove to them that you care, they will not care about anything you say. Love the Church, before you speak to them.
The honeymoon: I was told that the people of God would be so happy to have a new priest, that they tolerate countless small human mistakes. However, in my case in a school, as for a teacher, adolescents magnify their new teacher's imperfections. Sometimes parishioners do thoughtful things, often boys mean well but the best of them aren't too thoughtful. When I say masses at parishes, the people can't get enough of me, and seemed to think that they own me. It was often a ridiculous contrast. Priests and other leaders might refer to the honeymoon, but that isn't why you became a priest. As someone who didn't necessarily experience it, despite what people tell you, the honeymoon might be disappointing.
Get into a classroom: It is unlikely that you will be assigned as a teacher as a new priest. Being in a classroom enhances your ability to notice how quickly people lose interest in you when you are talking. Being in a classroom, helps you give more structured engaging presentations, and eventually to the point homilies. If there is a parish school, approach the 7th & 8th grade teachers, and offer to engage their students 2 or 3 times in the Fall Semester. I have seen way too many priests that turn their congregation into a classroom. They should quit doing that, and instead go into a classroom.
Change Nothing, Change Everything! 15 years ago there was a stereotype of the "Young Conservative Seminarian" wanting to "rescue" the Church from V II. Hence, I received generic advice: "Please do not steamroll through a Church community." Steamrolling meant being insensitive about making changes. Erring on the side of caution to the status quo. On the contrary, my experience on a high school campus lead me to believe that they expected me to make quick and decisive changes. The church-going faithful are interested in a fresh take on things, certainly more than I was told, even if they will take some time to get behind those changes.
Say No, Say Yes. The tendency of a young man to put himself at the service of the Church, desires to do more rather than less. I was often warned to not over commit. Ironically, some people received the impression that I was not a generous person. Sometimes you have to find ways to say no, leaving open a possible yes in the future. Sometimes, people will accept a yes (Father, I get it, you're busy), and others who need more of an explanation. If you are cautious, take the risk and immerse yourself, if you are a workoholic, learn to set boundaries.
Your Boss and Colleagues are not your Spiritual Director or Formation Staff. I found that my formation directors wanted me to be acutely self-aware, candid about weaknesses and shortcomings, and emotionally vulnerable. Your Superiors, Boss, and often colleagues have no interest in your own human and spiritual growth. If you made a rookie mistake in a ministry scenario, and meet your Formator to discuss openly, you are doing well. If you make a rookie mistake as a priest, your boss (Pastor) is interested in a positive report. If your mistake is noticeable, he probably needs a report on your plan of action to overcome that in the future. This is a very necessary professional boundary that you need.
Pick your battles: When entering a new professional community, one has to pick their battles. Anyplace you work, in and outside of the church, will be fraught with disagreements. Picking your battles is a caution of making too many enemies. Be prudent when you must stand your ground, however, as a newcomer you will need to be ready to concede on many things. When you can work with others, people will be more interested in hearing you out when you do not want to compromise on something. Be sure to not allow yourself to be taken advantage of, and avoid making a case to get out of responsibilities.
Reach out to the local Catholic High School: If there is a Catholic High School within 10 to 15 miles of your parish, call them up, let them know you are just ordained, and would like to be scheduled for one Mass during the year. You will find a campus minister, who repeatedly receives declines from local priests. If you want to do extra, meet the campus minister in advance for a quick tour of the school. Boys schools seem to have no difficulty with Mass, however, many girls schools, and sometimes co-ed schools, cancel Masses because of a lack of priests.
Stay connected to Priests: Priests talk a lot about their day off to each other. It is rare that they actually go and do fun things with other priests on their days off. During your first assignment, a family of parishioners will probably adopt you and become a very healthy support system. However, if you quickly play favorites, you will alienate members of the community. In your first year, it would be more prudent to keep connected to other priests, and nearby family or longtime friends.
Your Pastor / Boss might also be nervous around you. He might be 30-40 years older than you. You might be the only 20-30 something that he talks to on a regular basis. He won't want to be your best buddy, he may have had difficult working relations with other associates in the past. Yes, your role is to defer to him. He may imagine you to be judging him. Tell him some jokes and funny stories. Let him ramble about things that he thinks are important. You will learn a thing or two if you let him ramble. Humility is key. How many years did Jesus spend with Joseph, or with rabbis without causing a stir?
Volunteering for middle aged adults vs. young adults: I find that older generations of Catholics relied on a few people to do all the things. Young Adults are over extended, and over committed. If you expect the same reliability you will set yourself up for disappointment. I believe, for young adults, instead of expecting a few of them to do all the things, expect a lot of adults to do a few of the things each. Young Adults want involvement, but if they are expected to give every morning of their weekend (their free time), especially holidays, they will be resentful.
Awkward adults: Although people will be incredibly happy that you gave yourself to the Church, there will be Church-going Catholics and unchurched peers alike who will feel awkward around you. You will meet these people through friends. You will meet these people at the Parish School or at Funerals. You are a living contradiction to everything they know about life. I have been told repeatedly by middle aged Catholic women that I am too young to be a priest. Although comfortable with a white haired old priest, they have a hard time accepting a young man who gives up marriage or sex. They can never conceive how anybody would be happy if they weren't married. Celibate Chastity, living like the angels, according to Jesus, won't make sense to some.
Twelve rounds up too exhaustive of a list. I imagine that some of these will be relevant to others. I wanted to be very complete. In your first month, many of these might not make much sense. So, I do recommend, that if you are a new priest, to return to this within your first year. If you know a priest within the first 18-24 months of his ministry, this may also be worthwhile sharing.
Is hypocrisy really worse than a moral vacuum? How valorizing the morally vacuous hurts people.
On a personal note, I cannot write about Heffner unreferential to the gruesome monster lurking in my bedroom closet: The stack of decades old Playboy magazines perched out of the reach of my childish arms. As a 17 year old, trying to have some peace of mind, I demanded my dad remove his firehazard collection of Playboys from the closet in my bedroom. My childhood bedroom was the replacement to my dad's mancave, one that was never properly transformed. When my dad agreed to let me dump every last one of them, my mom tearfully thanked me. Playboy caused me anguish, and likely caused my mom unimaginable pain as my dad listlessly kept them hidden away at home.
You could probably do a bit of your own research into the creepy dilapidated facade behind the glitz and glamour of the playboy mansion. Proceed to links with caution
Our culture likes to celebrate the openness that Heffner ushered, but is still shocked when another Entertainment Industry giant gets caught cashing in on Hefner's revolution. According to Weinstein, the 60s & 70s helped him feel entitled toward this sort of behavior. It goes without saying that I am disgusted with Weinstein. I wouldn't want to stop with him. Roman Polanski had his defenders, although I am happy to say Weinstein couldn't get away so easy. Perhaps the entertainment industry need not moralize and wag fingers at Heffner's moral legacy, but instead hang its head in disappointment.
Playboy, the sexual revolution, and the male entitlement are often referred to as separate things. Male Entitlement and Sexual Exploitation at the filthy hands of conservatives is often reveled, perhaps because of our self-righteous need to catch others in hypocrisy. But what about the Entitled Male that practices what they preach, is not a hypocrite, and damages many victims and sexually exploits the vulnerable? Putting aside the sort of loser that becomes desperate and puts aside their moral principals to take advantage of others, instead of seeking help in their dire need... What about the person that lacks any moral integrity or personal sympathy of others? We can simply classify them as a sociopath, without the freedom to make moral decisions.
This sort of rationalizing emboldened Weinstein, likely Polanski and Cosby as well. Apparently, Weinstein became in inside joke in the entertainment industry. Some of this could be attributed to the massive amount of influence that he had, much of it could also be attributed to sexual exploitation and predatory practices being a long standing problem. The problem may have been insurmountable or unsolvable if you are in the vulnerable position. Just watch this clip of 1988 Gwyneth Paltrow with David Letterman. If you know anything of what it is to be victimized or vulnerable, you can clearly see someone desperate to speak up, but unable to. Read her body language and awkward laughter. She isn't afraid to talk about it now.
Now that Weinstein is crashing and burning, now that Bill Cosby (once endeared as America's beloved sitcom dad Dr. Huxtable) has crashed and burned, who's next? the 2014 Amy Berg documentary An Open Secret exposes a few stories of pedophilia in the entertainment industry. Backed by Elijah Wood, former child star Corey Feldman alleges that rampant Pedophilia. Here's one clip of him arguing with Corey Haim about abuse they survived. Clips of Corey Feldman are not hard to find, and I spare you clips posted by conspiracy theory pages..
Respected High Profile celebrities have received honors, awards, and nominations for the past several decades, have now been found credible. Perhaps more accusations will be taken seriously. Perhaps more young entertainers will want to come forward. Perhaps more power movers in the Industry will disappear or go overseas.
But that is just my predictions. I think that the eulogizing of Hefner and fans of the male entitlement culture that he ushered in blind us to the moral cowardice of today's moral vacuums.
I do want to avoid a few an overgeneralization here. I think a mistake to say that Hollywood is in on it. 'Hollywood' is finally comfortable renouncing a predator, and will much more likely renounce more predators. I don't want to assign a moral value of evil to some abstract concept of 'Hollywood,' that would be too simplistic. There has been some degree of courage to speak up about this. Besides, it is the same mistake to assume that 'The Vatican' is a monolithic group think institution, and this scandal shows that Hollywood isn't so monolithic.
However, I do find it a real problem when the ilk of playboy can be shrugged or even admired, while Weinstein can be subsequently be denounced. It is a shame, that in our society, hypocrisy is somehow the worst crime. Could be having a moral vacuum be worse?
Hefner is eulogized for having created an openness, where sexuality is not stigmatized nor shamed. Hefner, and others who helped tear down stigmas are valorized, principally for not being hypocrites. Somehow Hefner is better, because he was consistent. But can I really say that a pedophile who brags about pedophilia is better than the pedophile who condemns it? Let me be more specific, likewise, is the active sexual predator somehow morally superior because he brags about his escapades? What about the inactive pedophile who denounces such practices? The reformed have little space in our cultural narrative. Somehow, Hefner can be valorized for not being a hypocrite, while the person who distrusts or outright disagrees with their own evil behavior cannot even be partially correct for condemning themselves?
I think that the sexual exploitation of others is always wrong. I don't think that sexual exploitation can become better or worse. Specifically, I don't think that someone who actively exploits others can make a moral case for their behavior, is not dismissed because they dislike it, nor is an active sexual predator morally superior to the one who cannot practice what they preach. Our aversion to hypocrisy is so tantamount, some would rather take the route of moral cowardice, like Harvey Weinstein, blame their culture. Some would rather avoid the risk of hypocrisy, the risk of having any moral standard whatsoever, and go the Hefner route: blatant exceptionalism.
Having a moral standard, failing to live up to that standard, being a hypocrite is too risky a venture for some. Removing personal responsibility for any moral compass is an easy way out. It would be easier for a young man to reduce himself to a bunch of sexual urges, instead of understanding when a vulnerable young women isn't interested. The modern young person smugly dismisses the need for a moral identity. They get to do what they want when they want. But then there are no stakes or genuine personal investment. But even the ambition to be morally consistent is somehow too much of a risk for some modern men.
Not taking any risks, by being morally exceptional, appears like invincibility to the inexperienced. Hugh Hefner didn't have the courage to live within this tension of moral responsibility, so he abandoned it all and felt better. He buttressed himself inside a withering creepy estate where his many wives provided him no genuine emotional intimacy. Weinstein believed he was above accountability, and used his status to prey upon young women making a name for themselves in the industry. Having no sense of personal moral responsibility, he is only now being held accountable. Despite his freedom at the expense of other's dignity, he is now, likely, for the rest of his life to be held in shame.
And sure, the 'safe' moral ground that people today stand on is avoiding offense and being agreeable. Weinstein was behaving in a way that was agreeable, and accepted, and now the times disagree with him and reject him. Perhaps a more significant moral ground is called for then agree-ability or inoffensiveness.
In 2011, I watched a 60 minutes interview, Lady Gaga & The Art of Fame. It gave me a lot to think about.
A few weeks ago, Lady Gaga posted a photo explaining her tour cancellation. Last year there was another photo from Church. Both posts have caused a lot of controversy, which I don't intend to dissect today. I do not know Lady Gaga's heart, and am not really a fan of her music. Although I do agree with Mark Shea's recent response Jesus founded a Church, not a club. However, in this interview from several years ago, she did give me a lot to think about.
That is, Lady Gaga talks about "Mastering the Art of Fame."
I am not famous. I am not trailed by paparazzi. When I walk outside of the monastery, I am gladly unknown and irrelevant to every pedestrian and passerby. When I was at a high school, surrounded by adolescents, from Monday through Friday, I had a certain amount of authority and influence. On Sundays, or at other Catholic Young Adult Events, I might even carry a degree of authority or influence. Sometimes I experience this alarming fascination with Fr Mark the young priest...
Between 2009-2011, Facebook's peak empowered people to have access to every nook and cranny of their contact's personal life. I often felt pressure to do things, merely to have Facebook posts. Â Instead of attempting to capture moments, sometimes we create moments. This moment in Facebook's conquest over my personal life accompanied a pastoral year at a Parish School. (It was expected that you add everyone on FB). Students didn't need to see photos my friends tagged me, neither my personal friends need me to take pictures of parishioners and students. Things were tricky to say the least.
As a young priest, I experience an alarming amount of undeserved fascination. I have been monitored by students curious for my reactions to a billboard, or wanting to witness the manner I bit into an apple. In Church settings, I get stopped by women, who request access to something very personal: My vocation story. Although it is very nice for people to see that I am a human being, whether from FB, or RL, people imagine that my mundane trivia is somehow less mundane or less trivial.
Anderson Cooper reports: "They're not just attention getting, they're attention directing, To keep the public focused on her work, as opposed to her personal life."
After Lady Gaga spoke on the craving of the public to see the public meltdown of the superstar, she was very conscientious and deliberate, at least according to this interview.
Even though I don't have to bat off paparazzi, I don't feel that I should have to answer for my day off, or answer for my vacation. Although some young people find me fascinating, it didn't make sense for me to be constantly plugged in and accessible. (Remember when we used to say brb. We don't anymore, we no longer leave, we live here). To some extent it is important to remind those in your pastoral care that you are a human being that does imperfect normal human things. Likewise, it is my responsibility to carve out time away from those under my pastoral care for my own well-being.
The simplest and easiest example I can name is this. I take a vow of poverty. Some older friars, or perhaps lay people have imagined that I can use the student weight room for free. I shouldn't for liability reasons. However, I shouldn't even want to. The community can cover a health club plan so that I have a space for my self care that doesn't involve students or parishioners. I shouldn't have to be limited to be with students in the weight room when I am with them the rest of the day. On a funny note, I once saw two of my students outside of my gym, interviewing pedestrians with a camera and mic. I went to the other side of the gym, simply because they would have loved to record footage of me exercising.
Although many young people might have an awkward sense of appropriate boundaries that would keep them from intruding on my private life, there are enough who won't. I have changed my number, as it has been distributed without my permission. (Here's Father Mark's number in case you have a spiritual crisis in the middle of the night? He's a priest he would never turn someone down right?) This kind of thinking can put me in risky situations. There is an office to screen calls.
People may love to see photos on social media of priests and nuns doing very silly human playful things. The thirst for a privileged behind-the-scenes view of a priest's life, perhaps, is not too different from the public's desire for photos of celebrities at the coffee shop. Our desire for an exclusive encounter with the divine is often replaced with a desire for a chance encounter with a celebrity at their favorite paparazzi spotted coffee shop.
So when Lady Gaga makes the difficult decision to cancel a tour, it is not too different from many priests that have seen, ready to take a vacation. Lady Gaga is being consistent and guarding her private life, and I have to hand it to her for sticking to her principals on this one. There is something very holy about sneaking away into the deserted place to speak to the Heavenly Father in secret. It became a noteworthy characteristic of Jesus, perhaps Lady Gaga this time, and I hope to God, me too when I need it.
4 Underrated Catholic phrases I use in my homilies
In our Catholic Tradition there are several phrases that are opted out of. For some, it may be illiteracy of Church Documents and Tradition. It could be a lack of articulation. It could be a recent trend in our faith that dismisses any use of jargon in favor of a more user-friendly approachability (ie people who think consubstantial is bad). It could be for an opposite demographic, in favor of strong catechetics, imagining that a revival of Tridentine era phrases, will fix everything wrong in the modern church.
I often feel that a is a lot missing with all of these approaches. I think that illiteracy with Church Documents and Tradition is a great tragedy in our contemporary Western Church, and requires more critical adult faith formation. I believe that watering down our language is as equally harmful as overbearingly beefing it up.
Recently, Sr Teresa Aletheia asked for a quote for me on the topic of Confession. I had returned from World Youth Day, and was a month behind preparing for the new school year, I could only come up with a sentence.
It is important to bear these things in mind:
1. The Sacrament of Penance may be therapeutic, but it is not a counseling session.
Although I am open to give practical advice, or helpful perspective, I believe the grace of God that they receive in that Sacrament is more important than anything that I can say. I also believe that people would be happy for there to be advice or perspective that is not merely practical, but explicitly spiritual. Finally, bearing in mind, that many people don’t want or need any advice whatsoever (often this is how I feel going to the Sacrament), I merely need the grace that the Sacrament offers.
Blessed Virgin Mary, who can possibly number the reasons for our praise and our thanks to you? You, the chosen one among all creatures, now in heavenly glory, are concerned for us, your fallen children. How can we, in our sad condition, sing your praise, since the possibility of raising ourselves depends entirely on your coming to our aid? Nevertheless, gentle Virgin, accept our thanks, poor and feeble as they are, and not in proportion to your worth. As you listen to our earnest desires, forgive us our sins by interceding with your Son, our Lord and Judge.
The Original Augustinian Devotion to Our Lady devotion to Our Lady of Grace. Today, we have seen that Our Mother of Good Counsel, and Our Lady of Consolation have taken precedence in recent centuries. In the origins of the Thirteenth Century Origins of the Order, we find Our Lady of Grace being the principle devotion.
I have already been retired for a long time, but have gotten away with it, until now.
Recently, several Augustinians were asking during an International Augustinian Youth Encounter in Prague, immediately preceding World Youth Day in Krakow. Previously, I had a hip hop presentation. Although, on the planning commission this year, I did not put my name forward. The easiest thing to say is that I am retired. The harder thing to say is that this gift and passion just doesn’t seem to be relevant. This is one thing that I have had to discern and pray about, and it is a sobering conclusion.
Before describing this conclusion, it is important to note: I have no shortage of meaningful ministry in people’s lives. As a campus minister, without using any hip hop music, I make an impact on young people’s lives and connect them to the love of God. I know that I am doing a lot of good.
Is Hip Hop relevant to young people? Not really.
The brand of Hip Hop culture that set me on a positive path in life, is not something that kids connect to today. 33 years ago, I was born during Hip Hop’s first decade, an unstoppable pop culture phenomenon for the first half of my life. Hip Hop music is still cherished among adults my age and older. Adolescents listen to a sort of Rap derived from this, that sometimes seems like something else entirely. I know nothing about that.
When adolescents see a full grown adult immersed in adolescent pop culture, they scratch their heads, perhaps they get creeped out. It is why I refuse to do Snapchat or Vine. Adults that try too hard just don’t connect. Hip Hop and Rap are very wide and diverse things, it is a bit simpleminded to associate the music of a 33 year old priest with that of a 20 year old popular rap artist.
I came to this conclusion after reflecting on how it worked out form me between 2011 & 2014. I believe that the irrelevancy of Hip Hop may help one understand why it just didn’t work.
Before I joined the Order, I really wanted to rap exclusively at secular venues to the unchurched. Between 2001-2004, I found myself increasingly unwelcome. This did help me look in the right direction for my vocation to Religious Life.
Although I only rapped in my bedroom, I requested to give a demonstration to my community of Friars. This was 2008, I was a Theology student in Chicago. I included a brief history of Hip Hop Culture. In 2010, I was asked to give this presentation at an Augustinian Youth Encounter in London. During my next year in ministry as a Student Friar, I was asked to give this presentation in high school and elementary classrooms.
I was influenced by positive Hip Hop music that was not suitable for children. This had nothing to do with vulgarities, or inappropriate content. It had to do with mature subject matter, much the same way that the Summa Theologica of Thomas Aquianas is not on your kindergarten teacher’s shelf. My music was not suitable for children, but they clapped and danced a long with it.
Over the course of these presentations, I developed a few songs to educate young people on what Hip Hop was about. I found that I needed to make two albums; Revolution of the Heart would collect all the songs that I had written since entering Religious Life. Thematically, these songs were more spiritually focused. Along Babylon’s Streets collected several songs dealing with Hip Hop culture in general.
Little fan followup
In 2012 I released Revolution of the Heart, and a year later I released Along Babylon’s Streets. These two albums were available online. The music seemed to connect with people as I performed and they claimed to want to listen. I tracked the listens on SoundCloud & Bandcamp, I tracked the follows on Twitter & Facebook. Over the next few years, ~10% of people who listened to my music would follow up.
So I have to do a measurement. During the school year, I minister to 700+ young people. I am there to guide them, mentor them, listen to them. Maybe 50 of them would have gone online to listen to and download. I really have to wonder what kind of impact this music is doing? I was clearly motivated to write this music to deal with life. It was for me. It did not seem to make a difference in people’s lives? This kind of thing is hard to measure. But when I spend this much time working on music, the payoff is not worth it.
Friends don’t ask me about my Hip Hop Music
The exception being the Augustinians or perhaps two friends who contributed to my album (either by rapping or by artwork). It should be made clear, at no time has any Augustinian ever told me I need to give up rapping. That has never happened. At no time, has any authority in the Church, ever challenged the fact that I rapped.
I cannot recall any conversation with a friend that indicated that they listened to my music. Perhaps they thought one song or other sounded cool or catchy. It is clear that I have friends that care about me, or have been there for me. Whether I rap or not goes by unnoticed. I should say, that a handful of generous friends have paid money for my music, knowing that I have something to show the brothers. It would be even more powerful if I heard someone tell my community that my music changed their lives.
My music updates on Facebook and Tumblr did not show up on people's news feeds because I didn't pay to advertise.
I released two albums, posted frequently on Social Network feeds, and most of the people I knew never even saw the posts. These were people who willingly subscribed to my public Facebook page. After doing a little research, I realized that Facebook expected independent musicians to pay.
As Facebook and tumblr started using the algorithmic newsfeed, this helped personalize your newsfeed. It put your preferred interesting items at the top. However, this also removed all of the public pages from your newsfeed, unless you paid a price. Considering that I was making so little money in donations, I couldn't feasibly sustain paying regularly for advertisements.
No practical support from other Catholic Hip Hop artists.
I rapped on stage with Righteous B (a Catholic Rapper), who passively snuffed me on stage at a Steubenville San Diego after I rapped.
Phatmass attempted to gather Catholic Hip Hop artists. Despite giving my music to a few of the artists, I never heard any positive (or negative) feedback. After a thanks for sharing a link or a download, I was completely ignored. Despite follows on Twitter or Facebook from other Catholic Hip Hop artists, It was not clear that they listened or supported. Despite posting links to the albums and songs of other Catholic Hip Hop artists, I never once received any sort of promo from any other artist ever.
I thought that, maybe, some of these artists in Southern California, would see a Catholic seminarian, and support. They had better recording and production equipment. Maybe they would give someone with a vow of poverty some instrumentals to rap over, or some studio time.. My attempts to connect were typically ignored.
I was basically in this Hip Hop thing completely by myself with no practical support from other Hip Hop artists. It was just not the way to go.
Add to the list, Catholic Underground LA, and other Catholic venues which were not interested in providing me an opportunity.
Advancing Technology and my life
The production software that I used was limited, and was amateurish. I purchased professional quality software after my ordination in 2013. The software, and accompanying hardware were difficult to learn. I spent several hours with minimal results. I had just finished and released my album, Along Babylon’s Streets, and creatively needed plenty of time to work before the next one.
I was in my first year of ministry. That took up a lot of time. I was looking forward to my second year of ministry, where I might have more time to develop and learn how to make music with this new software. Within that first month of the school year, my dad got West Nile Virus, It completely and irrevocably turned my entire family’s life upside down. This required so much attention from me for the next 18+ months. School, and ministry were not waiting for me to help my dad get better.
When it comes down to looking at all the things in my life that matter, Hip Hop was only a parlor trick to the kids. They said, Fr Mark rap for us! As if I was doing a quick 10 second card trick. They were impressed for a full 30 seconds, then quickly moved on. I may have poured my blood, sweat, and tears into a song, I may have spent 7-12 months crafting the lyrics and the sound of a specific song, it did not seem worth the effort. My dad had been suffering. Many times, the kids I was ministering to were suffering. Rap didn’t help them or inspire them. Considering how much life needed my attention, Things may have been very different if I had practical support (I am not talking about donations) from the Catholic community. There was none. All that was left was Fr Mark rap for us! Come here monkey and dance!
Having written it all out here, makes it sound sadder than it has felt in actuality. I get annoyed that people want me to rap, but don’t open their minds to the music. It has often felt like a burden. The music that I have made has not made an impact in people’s lives. I have been dealing with that reality for 10+ years. It made an impact in my life, and perhaps that was enough for God to give me a reason to create music.
In a few months, another school year will start. I am going to help this senior class cope with life. I am looking forward to it. My campus ministry team has also changed, and I am going to be working with a much younger group, a group more interested in offering practical support in my campus ministry. I am looking forward to working with them. I am going to be helping our prior with the formation of several student Augustinians this next year, and I am also looking forward to that. I might be doing more for my community this next year to help support our student Friars.
Even if the music or songs that I make have not done much for people’s lives, the fact that a young aspiring Hip Hop artist felt a call to the priesthood has impacted people’s lives. I could go the rest of my life without ever creating another song, and the reality of my vocation is still more impactful. Perhaps it is enough that this positive driving passion in my life was nothing compared to the love that God has shown me.
