Frog and Toad Meet Mr. Bump

[frogandtoadmeetmrbump]

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["This is boaring,"] The man said, pulling his hair out.

When Mr. Bump got back to the club, some other people raised there hands. This time three people and Toad raised

Hair-being-pulled-out status confirmed! After which we get an abrupt scene change. All at once, the fate of the man, the Manager, Clyde Eastwood, and the entire Ho Ho Christmas production are cast to the wind, never to be revisited. Who knows what The Author thought might be transpiring just outside of the frame? Is it possible that these stories would have been explored in greater detail if only The Author had access to larger pieces of paper, or total pages in the book, or possibly the ability to write with smaller letters on more lines?

These questions can never be answered. I leave it as an exercise to you, dear reader, to please write a fanfic within the Frog and Toad Meet Mr. Bump Cinematic Universe, and possibly stage that real-life Ho Ho Christmas production I asked you all for so many pages back. Hop to it.

Instead, The Author sends our protagonist back to Mr. Bumps (Choose a Job) Club to solicit more suggestions from The People. Participation in the MB(CAJ)C is livelier than ever, with four separate individuals (three human, one bumpy-skinned carnivorous amphibian) offering advice for employment. Presumably something good will come of this, depending on who Mr. Bump might arbitrarily decide to call on.

[frogandtoadmeetmrbump]

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[He would answer] the second like this… "I am looking for a job." And he would answer the third like this… "Some anphibians named Frog and toad."

"This is boaring,"

Though I greatly appreciate Mr. Bump’s efforts to be forthcoming and honest in response to the Manager’s Assistant’s queries, it quickly becomes clear that his answers are not having the desired effect of satisfying the questioner. As the old saying goes: “Ask a silly question, get a boring answer!”

Also apparently people toss their hats off when they’re bored and start pulling on their hair. Come to think of it, it’s entirely possible that The Author didn’t know how best to have the character express what would seem to be frustration, and instead chose a word within his child-like vocabulary that seemed to fit.

Regardless, it seems the Underling is unsatisfied with the productivity of his grilling! How will this resolve? It’s impossible to know from this page alone. Read on!

[frogandtoadmeetmrbump]

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[“What are you looking] for?“ And… "Who is helping you?”

And Mr. Bump would answer all of them. He would answer the first like this… “No.” He would answer

The silly questions interrogation continues in full force. And yet, despite the apparent silliness to all involved, Mr. Bump has made the decision to treat the questions as serious and answer them sincerely. Or perhaps he, being a simple country Bump-kin4, is just not able to pick up on such cues.

The Director’s Underling seems to be thinking about… Mr. Bump’s name? Like maybe he’s remembering that one time it was written on a contract on the wall of the studio that was for being in the play, only it was written on top of Clyde Eastwood’s name, causing this entire search for a contract-double-signing culprit?5 Perhaps he’s thinking back on recent events to try and figure out what brought him to this point in life, pondering how different things could have been if not for this singular event, this crucial moment that dictated all events that followed.

Yeah, he’s probably thinking of stuff like that.

4 Not sorry. ↩

5 Mario Panighetti, Frog and Toad Meet Mr. Bump (Louise Van Meter Elementary School Library, 1991), 17-22. ↩

[frogandtoadmeetmrbump]

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[So they looked for someone] named "Mr. Bump." Eventually, they found him. And they asked him silly questions like… "Are you playing a practical joke?" And.. "What are you looking

I don’t want to tell you how to do your jobs, Visibly Angry Assistants to the Manager, but do you think that’s really the best opening question in your investigation? You don’t even offer so much as an explanation as to the reasoning behind your queries, and simply assume the individual being questioned is on the same page? The question marks prominently displayed in the suspect’s thought bubble should be a strong indication that you’re barking up an incorrect tree!

And as practical jokes go, the act of signing a second name on a casting sign-in sheet (oh hey, I finally figured out a more succinct name for a contract on the wall of the studio that was for being in the play! Only took me 23 years!) doesn’t strike me as a particularly effective prank. And even if it were an upper-tier jape, signing his actual name seems a boneheaded rookie mistake for a master prankster to make.

I’m just saying, if you think goofs are the primary motivation, maybe spend a little more time talking to the guy dressed head-to-toe in elephant-themed attire? I’m JUST SAYING.

[frogandtoadmeetmrbump]

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[“I do not] know" Clyde said. "Then mabye someone else is playing a practical joke," Clyde said.

So they looked for someone

Farewell, Clyde Eastwood. Your elephantine visage will be missed.

The manager’s lackeys, having abandoned the theory of Eastwood’s involvement in this scandalous double-signature (though it would be a pretty classic Law & Order-style turnaround if Clyde ended up being the ne’er-do-well if you ask me (the original Law & Order, not the inferior successor shows Law & Order: Special Victims Unit, Law & Order: Criminal Intent, Law & Order: Trial by Jury, Law & Order: LA, and certainly not any of the various spinoffs or reboots of the franchise)), have decided to turn their attention toward another potential culprit. Whoever could it be oh wait it’s definitely Mr. Bump isn’t it.

Our beloved anthropomorphic Sun is seemingly out of the loop regarding this development. How a Sun that can see outdoor interactions between very-much-smaller-than-the-Sun individuals in near-real-time could possibly be out of any loop as minor as this is beyond my understanding. But then again, I am not The Author (yes I am).

[theinturnetexplorer]

[kawaiimon]

Why promote a company but not add a link?

http://www.childsown.com/

[tymethiefslongerthoughts]

Now that’s just cool.

[frogandtoadmeetmrbump]

What a fantastic service. Makes me want to dig up my childhood drawings and have them get converted into real life.

[frogandtoadmeetmrbump]

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[The manager demanded for someone to find someone] named "Clyde Eastwood" and someone named "Mr. Bump." When they found Clyde Eastwood, they said "Is this some practical joke?"

"I do not

Lots of someones are being name-dropped and WAIT STOP EVERYTHING WHAT IS HE WEARING

In a single image, we've probably learned everything we need to know about Clyde Eastwood. The man LOVES ELEPHANTS. Elephant hat, festive elephant sweater, and I'm pretty sure those are elephant-face-styled gloves with the pointer finger acting as the trunk.

Forget what I said about Manager cosplay, I want Clyde Eastwood cosplay immediately.

Sadly, this is the only page featuring Mr. Eastwood visually, so we are left to conjecture to determine what the heck is going on with this guy. I envision him as a serious thespian, an actor who takes on every role as if it were the most important acting gig of his life. If we ever were to see him in "Ho Ho Christmas", we would see him acting the hell out of that Mountain.

So that's two Tumblr fan projects I want to see: Clyde Eastwood cosplay and a Ho Ho Christmas script. I'll wait here.

[frogandtoadmeetmrbump]

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[His] name was Clyde. His last name was Eastwood. But when the manager found out, he demanded for someone to find someone

I have a sneaking suspicion that I still have something in common with The Artist: I'm generally not overly confident in my ability to draw human figures that can be readily distinguished visually. My faces all tend to have the same basic style, so I feel a need to compensate with other indicators, like differing hairstyles and clothing.

That said, this is an amazing outfit and I wish I had one in real life. The color scheme! The haphazardly-placed stars on the sweater, matching his special director's chair! The purple Robin Hood-style archer hat! If the wild success of this Tumblog leads to some Tumblrite out there cosplaying as the Manager, I would not object.

Hey look, the Sun is back! And it has apparently been privy to this entire sequence of events. Too bad its emotional involvement in the story does not allow it to communicate this blunder to Mr. Bump or the Manager. That would have probably been helpful. But it's still able to show its SKEWED PANICKY INDIGNATION through that convenient window, so I guess it's doing what it can.

[frogandtoadmeetmrbump]

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Mr. Bump signed a contract on the wall of the studio. It was for being in the play. But he didn't know that someone already signed on it! His

Okay, The Author, let's speak frankly here. Though I have nothing but praise for the beautiful, clear, expressive prose you employ throughout this work of art/fiction, I feel as if this page could have progressed the story much further if you had come up with a simpler phrase to communicate the concept of "a contract on the wall of the studio [that] was for being in the play". As you know, narration space is at a premium, and in some instances it benefits you to be less wordy.

Luckily for us, The Author made up for this lack of brevity by including some additional information in the artwork. We know that the person who already signed this Studio Wall Contract For Being In The Play is named "Clyde Eastwood". While the average Reader may assume this to be a reference to famous Western actor Clint Eastwood, I'm almost completely certain it's actually a reference to Marty McFly's cowboy pseudonym in Back to the Future Part III. I'd be willing to bet that Past Me didn't even get that Marty didn't actually invent this moniker.

He didn't watch a lot of spaghetti westerns back then. At least, none that didn't involve time travel.

Why is this play operating on a first-come first-served basis of employment? Has the director never heard of auditions? What sort of legalese would be on a contract like this? Perhaps some of these questions will be answered on the very next page but probably not.

[frogandtoadmeetmrbump]

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[He chose the] second to the last person. The second to the last person thought of a job of being in a christmas play called "Ho Ho christmas." The player needed was a mountain.

Oh wow. Second to the Last Person, I applaud this bold suggestion. For the first time in this crazy and original pictobook, somethon has come up with a job for Mr. Bump that he might actually be able to complete without bumping into things! If this book wasn't just past the halfway mark, thon might be inclined to believe that Mr. Bump has finally found his bump-free-related calling and that things are totally going to wrap up in the next page or two.

Thon would be crazy if thon thought that. Still, a brilliant idea for a job, assuming that Christmas pageant roles are paying gigs. I'm thinking maybe they aren't at all?

I like how the audition signup form comes with a prominently-displayed "player: mountian" sign, indicating that they've probably filled all the other roles. Come to think of it, what does a mountain-actor do in a Christmas play? Although, having never seen Ho Ho Christmas performed live, I may just be unfamiliar with the mountain's stirring solo ballad.

In fact, the mountain role is listed as an "apprentece"ship. Would he act under more seasoned Mountain players until he can take on the trade all on his own? The mind boggles.

I think we can all agree that Ho Ho Christmas not being an actual thing is an utter travesty. Such is the sad reality of fiction-within-fiction: it's usually not realized in any meaningful way. Still, we can dream.

[frogandtoadmeetmrbump]

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[And then the] people raised their hands. Sometimes Frog raised his hand. Sometimes Toad did. Sometimes everybody did! The very first time he did it two people and Frog raised their hands. He chose the

I'm not entirely convinced we need the entirety of the minutes read back to us for every single thing that occurred in Mr. Bumps (Choose a Job) Club. The Author disagrees!

Are Frog and Toad natives to this strange land whose populace consists mostly of regular humans? Or are they outsiders of equal outlandishness to Mr. Bump? I only ask because they are not regular humans and appear to be human-sized sentient amphibians. In any case, The Author felt a need to distinguish them from The People, and I will respect this decision.

Such suspense! Which volunteer will Mr. Bump take suggestions from first? STAY TUNED FOR LITERALLY JUST A FEW HOURS BECAUSE I FORGOT TO POST THIS ON WEDNESDAY AS INTENDED

[frogandtoadmeetmrbump]

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With the help of all those people Mr. Bump had to have a club. He would announce, "Who thought of a good job for me?" And then the

And so begins the first official meeting of "Mr. Bumps (Choose a Job) Club"! I have to hand it to The People: when they decide to get behind something, they pull out all the stops. Frog and Toad merely threw out random suggestions, but these guys went and formed a coalition centered around this singular task, with regular meetings and everything!

This is one of those pages where the artwork, though intricate, is a bit difficult to decode. To my untrained eye, it looks like The Artist drew The People raising their… feet? To make job suggestions? Either that or they're just lounging awkwardly in the club's auditorium.

In my completely unbiased opinion, this storyline about finding employment for Mr. Bump is FAR more interesting than any prior iteration of exactly the same story. Did your book have a job-choosing club run by the town populace, Hargreaves? Did it??

(It didn't.)

Oh, fun aside: the original Mr. Bump book is available as an iOS app! You guys should buy it to offset my rampant copyright infringement, and to see how my story is totally different from this one.

[frogandtoadmeetmrbump]

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[At the peoples homes] they were having a conversation.

"We should try to help this Mr. Bump person," One said.

"I agree with you," another said.

"We agree!," The people said.

So they helped Mr. Bump.

You know things are getting pretty serious when all the townsfolk (or at least the potential customers in Mr. Bump's door-to-door toy salesman attempts) gather in their homes to discuss their newfound problem. But I gotta say, everyone involved in Mr. Bump's rehabilitation program seems to only get involved when his clumsiness personally affects them. On the other hand, even if the act isn't being performed 100% selflessly, if it results in helping Bump out of his predicament, maybe it's still a worthy endeavor.

Now the plot's cookin'! With gas! And fire! And probably some sort of ignition system to get the whole reaction underway. Also you might be playing with power, though that's likely unrelated.

I'll say one thing for the collective new character known as The People: they sure are efficient at making group decisions. It's like mob mentality but with fewer pitchforks.

[frogandtoadmeetmrbump]

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And when he got to the people, he bump into them!

"I'm glad I don't have such a problem," Frog said.

At the peoples homes

These action-packed bump drawings are fantastic. Even if The Artist wasn't me from the past, I'd think these were pretty great.

Geez Frog, do you think you could have said that a little louder? Your friend is lying prostrate on the ground, having just collided into a potential toy customer and dropped all his wares, but it's entirely likely he can hear your every word. Show a little more sympathy, man!

Er, Frog. Frog-Man.

What really seals this page as being Pretty Ridiculous is the involvement of our old friend the anthropomorphic Sun. And I'm not even talking about its FRUSTRATED ANGUISH, either. No, I'm talking about the fact that it appears to be catching Mr. Bump's toys from 92,960,000 miles away. The Sun is actively participating in a scene which it by all rights should not even be able to see!

Oh, also the Sun's rays appear to be appendages which it can control and manipulate as arms and hands. So, you know, that's a thing now.

And apparently Mr. Bump is selling toy guns. And… toy rainbow catalogs? That's my best guess for the other item, anyway.

[frogandtoadmeetmrbump]

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["Thats] great!," Mr. Bump said. Then he hugged Toad!

But, now Toad was not right! It worked out at first, but then everyone didn't want to come to the toys!

I can't help but commend Mr. Bump's commitment to these wild suggestions brought to him by his aquatic companions. Practically on a whim, he went to the trouble of making signage, purchasing merchandise, constructing a stand, and developing a pricing system complete with little price tags! And all this being in the Dark Pre-Kickstarter Days, it most likely came out of pocket!

But through all of these efforts (which sadly took place 100% offscreen), he appears to have neglected the age-old rule of retail, so old it's probably never even bothered to have been written down until I decided to do it just now: you need to advertise your business if you're going to make any money. We can forgive his not going the route of Google AdSense of Facebook sidebar ads, since neither of those were A Thing yet, but surely an ad or two in the papers might have helped! Taking a meager hit in your Novelty Snake budget is a small price to pay for the business that adverts will bring in.

Alternatively, the text suggests it's possible that the people were aware of this business and opted not to visit due to inconvenient location. What's that adage about location being one of the three things that matter in property, the other two also being location? I'm sure it'll come to me.

Toad could have at least had the decency to come to the grand opening of Mr. Bump's Toy Shop. Maybe purchase a pity Toy School Bus or two. Maybe he was still recovering from one of Bump's legendary hilarious hugs.

At least the Sun is being supportive! I mean, uh, SUPPORTIVE. That's totally an emotional state, right?

[frogandtoadmeetmrbump]

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"Lets think of something else," Frog said.

"Hurry up, I'm hurt," Mr. Bump said.

"How about…… Thats it! How about toy selling," Toad said.

"Thats

It's fascinating seeing when The Author decides to buck convention for the sake of compelling storytelling. In most picture books you'll find -– say, for random example, the stories by writers such as Arnold Lobel and Roger Hargreaves -– the picture on each page directly corresponds to the words written underneath. It's almost as if they simply write down whatever their artists throw in their faces. But here we see a scene The Author has determined would not even be dictated in any way! The unnamed manager of the unnamed restraunt employing Mr. Bump as a waitress, so fed up with his incompetence, has literally kicked our hero into the alleyway.

This also shows something I sadly overlooked from the previous page: Mr. Bump had spilled fried eggs on each of his eyes and a strip of bacon on his mouth. That's just freaking charming you guys. We cannot leave such charm unnoticed any longer.

Look at 'em plop!

Luckily, Toad (presumably calling out from inside the restraunt) is trying to take over Frog's role of offering suggestions for Mr. Bump to find new jobs, even while he is actively being fired from the current job. Unluckily, it seems as if he's pulling these job ideas out of the same Job Ideas Mad Libs book as Frog.

For this page, I'm going to temporarily rescind my No Bandage Spoiling rule to point out that the bandage is imitating the mouse and actually portraying a state of confusion at Mr. Bump's state of affairs.

This book includes an anthropomorphized strip of bandage.

The sentient bandage may be my new favorite character.

[frogandtoadmeetmrbump]

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"Let's hope so," Mr. Bump said.

Well, Frog was not right. In fact, not at all. You see, Mr. Bump would bump into the table. For example, BUMP! CRASH! SPLAT! He would have food fall on him!

Unseen Patron: I'm waiting!

We quickly see the repercussions of Frog's unusual employment suggestion: UTTER BUMP-RELATED CHAOS. The Artist (being The Author (being me) employing his drawing skills to supplement his writing skills) has expertly crayoned the disastrous scene to a sufficient degree that I do not feel a need to redundantly explain what is being portrayed.

Though I do have to wonder what the purple-and-brown-liquid food/drink concoction is supposed to be. Clearly the patron that ordered the dish is unfazed by its having been spilled all over thon's waitress and impatiently demands it be presented to thon for immediate consumption.

Some people!

I gotta say, even though Frog came up with a bad idea and he should feel bad, at least he's being supportive of his new friend's attempt at rehabilitation through employment. Even if it's gone horribly – and really, expectedly – wrong.

The Sun is understandably in a TIZZY FIT OF EMBARRASSED SYMPATHY. It's a complicated emotion to draw, but The Artist is always up for a challenge.