"or he was a decent human being and said OK this is what she wants, who am I to be so selfish to get in the way of that even if it kills me. It’s always about Elena with Stefan not about himself." but not really? he literally says "i'm done with her" to rebekah. he gave up on her and stopped loving her the minute she became a vampire.
“He gave up on her and stopped loving her the minute she became a vampire”
In 4x06 he took a stab in the gut trying to help her and then he enlisted Jeremy’s help to actually get the hunter’s curse from driving Elena crazy. Damon had the easy part with throwing her in the water under the bridge. And then he breaks up with her knowing that she wants someone else.
In 4x07 he wants to bring back her humanity because what does she say in 4x06: “You’ve been so strong for me, helping me, fighting for the girl that chose you, the girl I was when I died on the bridge and I love you so much for trying to find the cure because I would like nothing more than to get her back.” So he’s still acting on behalf of what Elena told him in 4x07.
Then she sleeps with Damon, he’s lied to about it in 4x08 and finds out from Caroline in 4x09:
So yeah in 4x10 he’s pissed that the love of his life and his brother had sex the day, the day after he broke up with Elena and neither of them told him about it and to add insult to injury he has to sit in a room and listen to Elena talk about how unhappy she is being with him (although narratively there’s no proof of that):
and even after all of that when Tyler wolfs out, Stefan steps in front of Elena to protect her and he tells Rebekah to let her go:
Then in 4x11, he’s PISSED. He was emotionally eviscerated by someone who not too long ago said she was going to be with him forever and he’s angry! He has the right to be angry, she’s sleeping with his brother for crying out LOUD and he STILL comes to Elena’s aid when she calls him because Damon can’t fight compulsion:
and instead of forcing himself on her and trying to kill Jeremy, instead of killing a random driver, instead of compelling a human as a distraction, he very calmly tells Elena that she has no business telling him who he can and cannot see and had sex with Rebekah who was more than willing.
In 4x12 he talks about how much Elena means to him:
And in 4x13 when Rebekah is obviously pissy because Elena murdered her brother and Stefan still takes Elena’s side
and when Rebekah pushes her to the ground, Stefan tries to help Elena up but Elena refuses his hand because she’s in her feelings that Stefan is with Rebekah even though she’s fucking his brother.
In 4x14, he’s making peace with the fact that they’re no longer together and he’s trying to be a good friend to Elena because he’s trying to be decent, which is why he says that they’re friends but Rebekah betrays him because she knows he will always act in the best interest of Elena.
In 4x16 with her humanity off, Stefan tries to reason with her, keeps an eye on her to the point that emotionless Elena says:
And even in that episode when Caroline watches Elena, she says that it’s been a while since she’s seen that and Stefan automatically goes to, “What, Elena smile?” and Caroline says, “No, having fun.” She pushes him to just take time off of worrying about Elena and having fun at the party.
In 4x18 he tracks Elena down with Damon and he has a moment, he has a moment where he says that he’s going to get Elena out of his life because he’s tired of everything, which is fair because he’s been consumed with getting her back from the edge much like how Elena says in 3x07 that she won’t love a ghost for the rest of her life and in 3x09 tells Damon that she’s going to let him go because things get HARD, it’s nuance, you have to struggle with yourself a little bit, that’s what makes stories interesting, you can’t be complacent all the time.
But what happens in 4x19?
Clearly there’s residual feelings and he tells Caroline, he tells Caroline he can’t let her go, that he’s still in love with her no matter how hard he tries not to be.
And in 4x21 it’s Stefan who gets Elena through her emotional storm, gets her to let everything in, gets her to accept her humanity, gets her through the toughest part:
In 4x22, he stops her from killing Bonnie and then tells her that just because she’s having a bad day doesn’t mean she has the right to burn down the world and he encourages her to take her anger out on him.
And then what happens in 4x23, what does he say:
Stefan was there for Elena, in action, in narrative, just because he has a few moments of resentment that she was fucking his brother doesn’t mean that he gave up on her, he was as Ride or Die as he’d ever been, it was just complicated by the fact that they were no longer together! That’s the thing with you DErs, you take everything at face value to make a half-assed point that it has me questioning if you even watched the show. Just because Stefan isn’t violating Elena’s personal space and demanding she tell him she cares about him, just because he doesn’t show up in her bedroom, on her bed without her knowledge or consent, just because he doesn’t kill people to prove how sad and anguished he is doesn’t mean that he gave up on her, it means he’s a decent person.
