𝐛𝐨𝐫𝐧 𝐬𝐢𝐜𝐤.

[fromhells]

scfthands  :    addison.

     it was moments like this she felt out of place amongst the person who probably fit beside her most. it was evident now that they had an age difference. addison hadn’t began to give much thought to se yet but it seemed the fifteen year old beside her had. once more her eyes averted to the ceiling, swallowing hard on the awkward lump that had lodged itself in her throat. “i dunno who i’d fuck.” she spoke softly, a lilt to her voice that sirely conveyed how unsure she was in this exact moment. “defintely not snape or mcgonagall, you pervert.”

     it was an odd limbo the girl was in now. she wasn’t quite a child but she wasn’t quite a teenager yet. some her age had taken to the practice of physicality with the opposite sex, sure, but addison wasn’t one of them. it all felt weird and wrong. even kissing ben ramos in grace nova’s basement didn’t feel as exciting as her friend’s had explained of their own first kisses… maybe he was just a bad kisser though. 

      what situation would have usually called for a whole row of teasing had he been beside claire or charles instead kept cameron all the same. the smile on his face had softened to something far less sinister and blue eyes had again aligned with the ceiling, as if there was anything more than a halfhearted layer of paint to truly examine. “ what do you think about then? ” he questioned in a voice as genuine as cameron ever was ; living behind had a mask had made it apparent to him early on in life that using humor as a crutch would be the only path to survival. raw footage of emotion wasn’t something he often enjoyed presenting, though he could make an exception or two for his sister. 

       there had to be more to life than this. for the both of them. cameron would be damned before his existence was minimized to a couple of extravagant christmas parties with relatives he’d only seen three times in his fifteen years, and a mother that only ever spoke his name fondly when there were foreign ears to hear. even as young as he was, a fact his teachers had felt the need to reiterate time and time again    –   there’s still time for you to get your act together, the class clown antics will wear off sooner rather than later, you’ll have to start thinking more seriously about your future, they’d say     –    cameron promised himself he would become more than ‘ that other lay brother. ’ salvation was only beyond their front door, and one day he would walk past the threshold with no regard of looking back.

[fromhells]

scfthands  :    addison.

     the order he rattled off into the receiver of the one was one she could live with, though the idea of drinking root beer made her physically ill. she hadn’t been able to drink the beverage since her seventh birthday with jason from down the street squeezed the soda bottle she was drinking it from, forcing it out her nose. a traumatic event in any young person’s life, surely. it would be easy enough to slip back up carpeted stairs to grab a glass of water and for this reason she didn’t whine to her older brother about his soda preference. 

     as he laid back she followed suit, settling in the space beside him to gaze up at the same ceiling he spoke of, a blank expression over her face as her head lolled to the side to eye him curiously. “your choice of wank material is daniel radcliffe or randy orton?” there was a brief pause then, a crooked smile tugging at the left corner of her mouth. “are you coming out to me right now? no, no, more importantly, you have the hots for harry potter?!”

      teasing was a mannerism cameron couldn’t succumb to often. he lacked the same sense of humor his older siblings had growing up, and he was near certain their mother didn’t even have a sense of humor to begin with. charles was a lost cause, as was their dad about anything not sports related, it felt like, and the girls were too young to truly bother with. the only person cameron seemed to relatively get along with in the house was addison, and even then it felt like he didn’t truly see much of her. with both cheryl and charles to blame. his eyes kept straight ahead at the ceiling.

      “ no, i’m talking about professor mcgonagall, ” he spoke sincerely, though his mouth carried on to spread into a full-blown grin. “ those mommy issues of mine really come into play whenever she’s on the screen. ” cameron’s lips then puckered to symbolize a whistle, head finally turning to make eye contact with his sister. “ you’re trying to tell me you wouldn’t want to fuck any part of that cast, aside from harry potter himself? ”

[fromhells]

scfthands  :    addison.

     addison didn’t care much for what the ended up getting. all she wanted was to eat it and be in the company of someone who didn’t make her hate herself and cameron, more often than not, seemed to be just that. her body lingered in her seat until his invite came and with the wave of his hand she was up and following him down into his ‘dwellings’. knee socks padded against the carpeted steps as they descended, addison herself always jealous of his hideaway. her room was between charles and the girls’ rooms and adjacent to their parents, meaning she rarely ever got the privacy she craved. if she wasn’t being bothered by a curious hannah or doing the bothering herself in charles’ room she was being harassed by the ever looming threat of their mother. the girl could only imagine the sort of seclusion he had down here, the sort of freedom he found amongst all the junk their family hadn’t used or even thought of in years. 

     once in his room, addison made herself at home, a comfortability amongst the two of them that allowed her to crawl up and onto his bed with little care. her back rested comfortably against the wall as she awaited the end of his phone call. her gaze couldn’t help but be pulled to his… interesting wall art, the sight of which had a smile pulling at the end of slightly chapped lips. her older brother, though weird and and slightly irritating, was someone she looked up to. 

     cameron ordered his usual   ─   a small order of buffalo wings, a plain cheese pizza with extra cheese, and a two liter bottle of root beer alongside an additional meat lover’s pizza pie for the sake of variety. whether they’d actually finish all the food was unlikely, but cameron had the small dilemma of needing to spend every cent of money he had whenever he had it. a mentality that had probably been derived from how scarce he was given money in general, and the opportunity to make it. the summer he’d tried mowing neighbors’ lawns for some easy cash which ended with cheryl knocking on all the doors and undermining the sense of their neighbors for allowing a then eleven year old to man a full lawn mower had brought a slight scowl to cameron’s face as he ended the call. 

     the look almost immediately fizzled, though. “ they said it should be here in twenty, but it’s usually ten minutes tops. ” he sat himself on the edge of his bed, teetering back to lay flat against the mattress with both hands folded beneath his head as a makeshift pillow. the silence was one of his favorites. time and again, it had proved to be an eerie solace that cameron had been stripped of having when he had been roomed upstairs with charles. “ i’m thinking about putting a poster on the ceiling, ” cameron noted for the sake of conversation. the ends of his mouth began to slip into a grin. “ that way i’ve got something more than white paint to look at when i’m jacking off. but i can’t decide between the dvd cover of harry potter and the sorcerer’s stone, and the classic fifty plus wwe clan crammed onto a single eighteen by twenty four sheet of paper. ”

[fromhells]

scfthands  :    addison.

     it was almost as if she were living in a dream state… if that dream was more nightmarish of course. those around them walked in a fog, unwilling to see of just plain ignorant to the way cheryl treated two of her seven children. addison herself and cameron had never done anything to warrant such hostile treatment. .  or at least none addison could remember. even so, she doubted anything a child could have done would have been worthy of the closet. “yeah, i figured.” she shrugged, though she rolled her eyes at his display, a fondness in her tone as she continued to speak. “you’ve just got it all figured out, huh? do it all right under her nose without her even knowing… that takes talent.” and surely it did. it seemed whenever addison was up to no good, though that was rarely ever as she so desperately craved her mother’s approval and affection, she was caught within seconds… but cameron? he managed to get away with nearly everything nowadays. .  or so addison would have thought. “pizza does sound good. . “

      cheryl had always been too preoccupied with their younger brother, a fact that cameron had used to his advantage time and time again. ( arguably, an unknowing distraction was the only good thing charles was, in his eyes. ) and though their dad had caught him more often than not, no actual punishment had been dealt, maybe because peter had been far too attuned to what rash behaviors two of his children had to succumb to in order to find an end’s meet. “ yeah, well what else would i be good for if i didn’t? ” certainly not his grades nor his performance on the football field. no, cameron was little more than a ghost amongst creaky floorboards and he would mangle that into whatever depiction of good he had to in order to feel something substantial. blue eyes flickered to the time, illuminated on the microwave. “ what do you want? you’ve got two choices for literally anything on the menu, or any type of topping. except for spinach. or no sauce. both of those are just gross, ” he complained as his left hand fed his phone out of his back pocket, scrolling down to the saved number in his contacts and clicking ‘ call ’.  his feet shifted not too soon after, leading him towards the basement door. cameron’s free hand waved blindly behind him as a means of invitation for addison to follow. 

[fromhells]

scfthands  :    addison.

     an immediate wave of relief washed over her with the recognition of who it was entering the kitchen. cameron might have given her grief but he was an angel in comparison to their mother… besides, big brother’s were supposed to be mildly annoying. a point that rang true as he picked up the other half of her sandwich, a look of only mild irritation settling over cherubic cheeks. “problem solving.” she noted sarcastically at his theft, as if that had placated his previous threat. 

cameron had always been a safe place. a place of some understanding and empathy, a specific trait she did not find in her twin despite his claims of their irrevocable bond. the two loitering in the kitchen now had something in common, a curse their siblings had not to endure and that was the unreasonable and frankly illogical distaste from their mother. “eating.” she shrugged though that was obvious. addison had been sent to her room before she had the chance to even smell dinner over something minute, something she couldn’t even seem to remember now. it took very little for her to earn punishment from cheryl. “didn’t get dinner.”

      the reality of the lay residence was near comical. the picture perfect persona they had tainted every inch of the baltimore suburb with, making it so no one within eight hundred feet of their home would ever consider even the possibility of anything sinister taking place. it made him feel sick, twisted his insides into something no longer himself until cameron had adopted a new way of behavior. he loathed the way peanut butter stuck to the roof of his mouth, but he finished off the half of her sandwich anyway, making a show of licking invisible crumbs off of his thumb and forefinger like they did in cartoons. 

     “ you weren’t missing out on much. ” dinner had been mundane, as it always was in the house ; part because cheryl wasn’t even a good cook and, cameron was convinced, the other part being charles always having his incompetent little hands in the making of their meals. “ i can order us something, ” he offered, though loose and would solely be on cheryl’s tab via the twenty dollar bill cameron had stolen from her purse earlier in the week. “ the guys at pizza hut already know to bring it down through the basement window. ” 

[fromhells]

scfthands  :    addison.

@fromhells

     midnight was the safest time in the lay house for addison to exist. she was able to walk without criticism, do things without beratement. it was that very fact that had her seated at the kitchen table now, half a peanut butter jelly on her plate and the other in her hand. it was calming, being alone like this… her freedom, however, was threatened by the sound of bare feet on wood then linoleum.  the brunette froze for only a moment before she was wiping the corners of her mouth, an explanation forming on the tip of her tongue despite her full mouth. 

        there hadn’t been comfort in the two story home on berkin avenue in at least thirteen years, and maybe that was only speaking generously. some dimming naive hope that cheryl wouldn’t have been as horrendous to a child younger than two. it was that absence of solace that had cameron meandering upstairs without any concern for time nor consideration. if cheryl wanted to storm her way down to the kitchen and sneer at him, so be it. it wouldn’t have been the first time in the last twenty four hours, and surely wouldn’t be the last in the next forty eight. he caught a glimpse of her shadow cast over the floor first, a sigh steady on his tongue when he fully entered the kitchen   ─   and it immediately simmered into a standard breath when cameron had realized who exactly was still awake. 

        “ god help me if you really finished all of the good peanut butter and i’m stuck with the chunky shit claire gets, ” he harrumphed, equal parts dramatic and humorous. with his body leaning over the edge of the table adjacent to her, cameron helped himself to the half of sandwich on her plate and bit off a corner. “ what are you doing up? ”

[fromhells]

𝐓𝐇𝐄 𝐋𝐀𝐘 𝐅𝐀𝐌𝐈𝐋𝐘.

[book-caps]

S.Z. // Excerpt from a book I’ll never write #263

[nobraggingtights]

My mind says sex but my heart also says sex 

[book-caps]

Vladimir Nabokov, Lolita

[thatantisocialbitch]

You can romanticize me all you wish, but the devil wrapped in silk is still the devil.

A Word To My Lovers (via thatantisocialbitch)

[fromhells]

chaoskxds: arthur & abel.

@frommasks

          the brunette sat back on the heavy wooden desk that stood front and center of the lecture hall, dress shirt sleeves rolled up past his elbows. his eyes landing on the clock hanging high on the back wall, marking five minutes since the end of class. most days the busy sound of students tucking laptops and notebooks away in their backpacks as they prepared to rush from the class and onto the next -or back home to bed- acted as an alarm, but the days lecture seemed to prove more interesting than the rest as no one had yet moved to leave. he called out a quick goodbye after loosely closing the topic, a promise to pick it back up next week. the class sizes were small and as such a few weeks into the semester he’d familiarized himself with faces and names. watching as the crowd grouped in the direction of the door he found the eyes of one student in particular, motioning for him to stay behind. when the class was empty, and only then, he spoke, “will the heartfelt you can do better speech be lost on you?” pausing an instant, “because if not i might like to give it.”

        three quarters of the time, it was a wonder why abel had decided on college at all. ( the one forth of the time lending itself to how in the world he’d managed to not yet get put on academic suspension yet. ) each semester had further embedded the reality that he wasn’t made for this ; no scenario he painted in his mind ever honestly ended with a bachelor’s degree hung in the living room of his suburban home. but he found himself in this second lecture of the day regardless, amber eyes blatantly set upon the clock hanging near the door despite being only three rows back. when the cued shuffling finally began, abel got all of two steps in before they had stilled with the unspoken request. one hand curled loose around the strap of his backpack, head tilted to the left in the laziest manner to watch the last straggler slip past the door. “ depends, ” he teetered nonchalantly, though a lingering humor seeped into his tone. “ do i get to refer to you as ‘teach’ like some angsty teenager from some poorly constructed movie during it? ” the sympathy was appreciated, maybe, but looking at the man before him couldn’t really elicit any sincere feeling ─ save for those not entirely appropriate for a staged academic setting. “ because if not, i think i’ll pass. ”

[theriderfrom-nowhere]

Cheat. Don’t fight clean. The guys who fought with decency aren’t here to pass on their skills. Know why? They’re all dead.

How To Win A Fight (via theriderfrom-nowhere)

[samaraweaving]

[flightoftheztars]

On The Road Again Tour - February 14th

[seraphix]

I learned to love, Like I learned how to pray; On my hands and knees, Smiling with a busted lip

I kiss with teeth (via seraphix)

[fromhells]

scfthands.

     the revelation was like being hit by a train, her entire body broken into pieces knowing she had found someone she loved so greatly, someone who understood her and enjoyed her. and while she should have thought it would put a kink in her plans it only somehow made her feel more powerful, more capable… but even that was its own degree of terrifying. despite that, she kissed him back, for the first time truly experiencing their warmth. her intent behind the kiss was obvious as her lips moved slowly, deliberately; mapping out every inch of his mouth like it was she who discovered them and she who would claim them as her own no matter the settlers who had landed there before. 

     there was something to be said for the swirling in her stomach now, the perfect mix of fear and desire. the future from here was unsure, little could be known about their state of being come tomorrow or even two weeks from now but in this moment hannah was willing to give herself to him completely… in ways she never had before, with anyone. 

        steady was the best pace abel could muster. in general, and in the moment. it had always felt like people were reeling too much out of him, expecting a certain level of him that abel hadn’t even seen himself. a constant set up for failure. but with hannah, this all had been enough ; the hue of a lazy atmosphere, the simple touch of kissing lips. there wasn’t that usual anxiety to do something more, somehow concoct something more sincere. abel’s shoulders could remain lax as his mouth moved more fervidly against hers, fingertips pressing into soft skin to give him something more tangible and sturdy to anchor himself to. 

         a tug of her hips encouraged her closer, if it was at all possible at this point. abel might have honestly been fine with the idea of completely welding into her, making it so that no bystander could have decided where he ended and she began. a tremble of fundamental desire pushed to the tips of his fingers as his hands worked back up to pull her shirt over her head.