I wanna tell you guys a story,
Not too long ago, my friend Bella came out as aromantic to me, and now Iâve got some things to say.
I was the one who told her what aromantic means, because I was explaining different sexual orientations to her. I remember saying, âAsexualiy is when you have romantic attraction, but no sexual attraction.â
Bella immedently, without missing a beat, asked, âIs there an opposite to that?â
I asked what she meant, and she asked if there was a term for sexual attraction but no romantic attraction. I told her about aromantics. She got weirdly quiet, then excused herself.
Not two weeks later I was heading to my boat. I was supposed to meet Bella and another one of our muteral friends there for a day of fishing.
As soon as I was in earshot, I saw Bella storming off the boat, and our other friend standing there like an idiot. Boi had no idea what was happening.
Anyway, Bella isnât looking where sheâs going and walks smack dab into me. Thatâs when I realized she was crying. Puffy red eyes, wet cheeks, the whole nine yards⊠And if you know anything about Bells, she does not cry. Ever.
Sheâs been through some serious crap in her life, and she does not cry. Sheâs tough as nails. Bella has a steel core. She does not not cry. Iâve seen her fall off a roof and break her arm before, not a single tear. I canât stress this enough, Bella. Doesnât. Cry.
So seeing her in tears shook me. I took her by the shoulders and escorted her somewhere more private where we could talk. We ended up in the womenâs restroom, which was weird as fuck for me, because havenât been in a womanâs rest room for years. Luckily it was empty, and Iâm realistic, I know I donât pass so well, so I donât think anyone would have said anything anyway.
Before I can even ask her whatâs wrong she hugs me around my middle and burys her face in my hoodie. Then, in a voice I can only describe as traumatized, she says, âI think Iâm broken.â
Iâve never seen her in so much pain, and Bella and I are CLOSE. Sheâs one of my dearest friends. Sheâs like my little sister, but if sheâs like my sister, our other muteral friend is like her twin. He and Bella have know each other WAY longer, theyâre practically inseparable. They come as a pair. Theyâre a duo. Theyâre a package deal.
Appearently, said muteral friend asked Bella out and forcefully kissed her. She shoved him off, and told him sheâs aromantic, which she only recently figured out. She wasnât ready to be out, but this muteral friend left her no choice. She tried telling him no, and he didnât listen. Bella saw no other option.
Quote on quote, this is what he said to Bella. âThatâs okay. You just havenât dated me yet. Weâve been like, unofficially together for years. Youâre probably just freaked out that itâs finally going somewhere.â
After that Iâm not 100% clear on what happened, but apparently Bella kept saying no Nd trying to explain herself, but he kept insisting he could âfix her.â
Eventudally she started crying and stormed away. Thatâs when I found her.
Keep in mind, this was her first experience coming out, and her best, closest friend insisted he could fix her and forcefully kissed her. I found out later he also implied corrective rape would âsolve the problem.â
Bella was traumatized. Sheâs still traumatized. I tried to make her feel better by buying her an aro pride shirt, and taking her go a local LGBTQ+ hang out. I wanted her to be around like minded people, so she could see she wasnât broken, and her identity deserved to be respected.
Instead of a warm, welcoming environment⊠The first thing someone said to her was, âThis place is for REAL lgbt people. You donât belong here.â He also implied she wasnât human.
Just think about that for a minute. Her first experiences with being an out aromantic have been limited to;
A person she trusted more than anyone forcing himself upon her, claiming she was ill, and needed to be fixed. (Raped.)
Sobbing in my arms in the womenâs restroom because she thought she was broken and defective.
Being told she wasnât welcomed in LGBTQ+ spaces and called inhuman.
This isnât what I want for her. Bella deserves better than this. She needs a support system, not all this crap. Iâve spent the past week trying to undo all the damage exclusionists, arophobes, and people she trusted did.
Aromantics and asexuals belong in the LGBTQ+ community. You literally cannot change my mind.
snowghoul
andulkaphoto
ellievsbear
