Hello! It's been years since I've felt moved enough by any piece of media to want to engage with any sort of fandom or anyone outside of my own very little bubble irl, but mouthwashing has done that for me.
I want to talk and hear others thoughts, and have back and forth about a piece of media like never before in my life.
So I made this art as a bit of an instigator, It dosent say much but It's a placeholder for me to put my thoughts about mouthwashing at this moment.
Please be nice, I'd genuinley love to hear any perspective anyone might have on mouthwashing and it's characters. I am a bit out of touch with internet interaction and honestly any interaction outside of my very, very little bubble irl. Now that I've gotten that of my chest.
Also, Also, english is not my first language, and to be honest I'm not great in my native language either, He He...
Trigger warning for all the themes that Mouthwshing touches upon.
-Suicide -SA -Abuse -Extreme injury, and other horrifying things. And spoilers.
Here goes, my thoughts on mouthwashing. I think I've quite a lot.
First of, Curly and the narrative.
I feel like the narrative playes this a sort of ''slight of hand'' in regards to whether Curly is dead or not. The way the other interact with him, he's sort of allready written of, not dead yet, but lingering.
It bothers me a bit tho, that as far as we see, none of the other character make any attempt to comunicate with him. I know It wouldn't be easy, obviously. But he can move he and he can make some noise and if anyone was willing try they'd figure something out. That isn't to say they dont. It might've happend and we just aren't shown. But that would be weird, wouldn't it? Since any thing that would have come from it would have such significance for the story.
-''Did you crash the ship?'' ''No.''
-''Do you want us to keep you alive?'' ''No.''
But I am aware this is very intentional from the storys side. We aren't let in on what Curly is feeling or thinkning after the crash. He has no power to affect the story he is is anymore, and that's part of the horror and agony of it all. For the character and for ''you'' the observer.
If it was me, I'd really want someone to try to listen and communicate with me. And it's a bit harrowing that we dont get any moment of that. Which as said, I am aware is intentional.
He is in a way allready dead, in a way a ghost. He haunts the narrative, and is haunted by the narrative.
Curly lingers for months. And logically it dosen't make sense. That amount of injury, and lack of supplies. He would be dead. But instead he suffers on. You can question his lucidity, but we know there are moments at the very least were he is lucid and reacts to the people around him.
I think we all have our own thoughts about what is going on in his head at the moments, and reasons for why we want to know so badly.
For me I think it is: I want to know if he is remorseful. I know that can sound a bit crazy to some. Obviously he must be at this point, right?
Or some might think he's a bit past that. Whatever he is going through is so beyond reason, that facts simply dont matter anymore.
But I want to think there is an epiphany. That he realizes the situation he has partly caused, and the hurt done to Anya. He was the one who brought jimmy onto the ship, and into her life.
And what kind of friend hes had.
Now I just feel the need to say, no matter the situation I dont like seeing him suffering. Not at all, and I think my desperate need to know what he is thinking is to be able to find a way to alleviate his suffering. I think many others feel this way.
I also feel the story prods the player asking; ''Why do you care so much about Curly specifically, hes not the only suffering. ''
If I were to answer to this I would say what I said above. I need closure, some regonition for Anya. I feel like no one gives her that. Not that we see. If anyone comes close to doing that, it would be Curly. But he does a terrible job really. He gives her no comfort no support. No regonition. In fact, aggonisigly he is more concernd with the emotional state of Jimmy, when it becomes clear to him.
There is so much room for interpretation though. Every litte action or lack thereof has incredibly high stakes for these characters. And we are given a small, but carefully curated handful of moments and interacions to give us a view into these characters.
Part of me wants to believe that the reason Jimmy becomes his first concern is out of fear of the threat that Jimmy has become now. He has realized that Jimmy is dangerous, and must handle him. They're in a small, precarious, closed envirorment, and it's in everyones best interest that the rest of this mission goes smoothly.
He does as many of the other characters does and placates Jimmy for safety.
Possibly.
Theres is never any clear answer, but I think some may feel there is enough subtext to feel justified in either this or that conclusion for these characters. And just to be clear I think that is allright.
But I cant find enough to make up my mind either way.
There is a moment that intrigues me a whole lot, and that is when Curly laughs when Jimmy opens the box and takes the gun. What is a laughing at? It's a joyless laugh seeped in irony. But there so many interpretations to me. I go trough phases, considereing them all.
Here's one I've heard that I accepted at first. It could be Curly realizing the irony of how founded Anyas fear were and her reason to hide the gun.
But I've also been thinking of more interpreations of this moment.
Maybe the fact that the gun he was at one point stressed looking for, had been laying just beneath him for so long. '' So that's where she hid it.''
Maybe he's thinking; ''I've been suffering for so long, begging for death and there's been a gun right there the entire time.'' It wouldn't have helped him, as he can't access or use it himself. But the irony is palpable. Or maybe it was fantasies of revenge, equally out of reach on his mind.
Maybe it's all of them.
There was at one point where the ''So that's where she hid it'', interpretation bothered me a bit. It seemed to me to condem Anyas action of hiding the gun more than anything else that had happend until this point. At this points I'm not entierly sure why I felt that.
It's only been a week or so since I discovered mouthwashing, but I've been through so many thoughts and feeling in regards to it. I might be getting a bit confused.
Now I'm going to talk a bit about Curlys lines in '' How fish is made.''
This is so interesting to me. The fact that this little bit of Incredibly intrguing post-crash Curly moment is hidden away in another game, years before mouthwashing was released, It's so weird and cool to me.
But heres what I think of the actual things said by Curly in ''How fish is made''. I'll assume you've read/expirienced
None of what he says seems to me to reflect upon the current situation. It's vague and feels like thoughts that had beem swirling around in Curlys head from before the crash. It is clear he was struggeling with some form of depression and midlife crisis.
I do pick on some other layers of regret and pain, but I can't quite make up my mind about where it's coming and where it's directed. He says at one point(I seems I will still copy and paste parts of it here):
''Next comes spite. First it stares back at you in the mirror. Then it's those around you. They're wearing your face, and you theirs. ...You know. He joined because of me. What were the words I used? Ah, right. "It's a great opportunity. Easy money, just a trip or two." Someone else's words in my mouth. Hey, worked on me as well, right? Change hurts, but worse things fester for a long time. I told him as much. I tried, I really did. We're defined by our past, but not slaves to it. We said tomorrow will be different.''
Here he conveys he has regrets for bringing Jimmy onboard. But for whos sake? Jimmys? Anyas? The other souls stuck on the doomed ship? It reads a bit to me like he is regretful of bringing Jimmy into the same situation he is in, in life. Or maybe that bringing jimmy on the ship sealed his own fate there. There wont be a new start or a different path to his life. This is it. I dont know.
I feel like I can take each sentence and get a different meaning, and when I try to put them in context I'm just confused.
But that makes sense, these are Curlys thoughts after immense physical trauma and months of agony, through heavy medication.
I think I'll move on to something else now.
Anya.
Anyas story is so tragic. It does hurt. The situation she finds herself in feels so hopeless and scary. It tears me up that at no point does she receive comfort or support, that we see. I'm not sure I think Curly was ever a comfort too her. I don't think she was scared of him directly, but he was close friends with the man who abused her. Was the one who got Jimmy in this position. We are told Jimmy had troubles on earth. The implications of this can be heavy, in context. But we can only speculate what that means
In some of their interactions I feel like she is carefully testing the water. Trying to figure out what his reaction is going to be. And to me the tragic conclusion she comes to is that he isn't going to help her.
And as far as he got, he didn't.
Initially on my first tumbles through the mouthwashing story, I had a stronger sense of friendship and trust between Anya and Curly. They seem comfortable around one another. But there really isn't much trust from either side. Any dosen't trust in Curly to help her, and Curly dosen't trust Anyas judgement of the danger of the situation she is in.
I think this was because of the context of their scenes with eachother. Many of their interactions are nice, calm and lightheartedly playful. And these are the only nice interactions Anya get as far as we see. Curly get some with the other crewmembers.
This dosent make the whole story for the characters, but it can for the viewer. Make us confused, read into, and feel more about those intereactions than they necessarily deserved. Make us yearn for them again to give us a break from the heavy moments.
But It did seem she saw him as her only hope. If there was someone who should have/could have helped her, it was Curly.
I think he crushed her hopes very early in.
After the crash Anya spends alot of time with Curly. No talking, no communication as far as we know. But god, Wouldn't there be alot she'd want to say to him aswell? Many angry thoughts. Maybe. But the terrifying situastions she is in might have left her in survival mode, and left her with little to work with when it comes that. Also, even with all that, I don't think Anya could bring herself to add further agony to Curlys suffering. She a nurse, she wants to help and ease pain. Not add to it. There wouldn't be any point anyway. Hes not going to learn and take anything with him, hes dying.
Something I struggle with is when she asks Jimmy why he thinks (Curly) crashed the ship. I find it hard to believe she would accept that Curly would do that. Despite hints of his depression and the loss of their jobs. That he would decide to kill himself and them like that. It's a bit much.
In my mind I'm thinking it could have been a veiled question directed towards Jimmy. I don't think she would want to confront him directly. She dosen't seem to do that at any point after the crash until she decides to kill herself. She hasen't lost all hope at this point, and is trying to work with Jimmy as best as she can.
But I'm not sure if it makes any sense, and perhaps it undermines everything else she says.
I've to many thoughts around these characters and their fates. I cant quite put them in order.
It is implied, and just about stated in the text that Anya tells Swansea about what Jimmy has done to her. Swansea inhabits a strange place in this story, I feel. He's the only one who challenges Jimmy, atleast verbally. And I feels good and cathartic that someone calls Jimmy out. Feels like someone stands up to him. But does he really, Outside of Jimmys head? He defends the cryo pod, the last hope, quite valiantly though drunkenly.
Jimmy catches Anya and Swansea talking with eachother late at night. This is likely when anya told him about her rape.
The only thing we hear from this conversation is Anya says she ''understands,'' before the are intereupted. What were they talking about just up until that point?
I think he told her about cryo pod. That he wasn't got to let Jimmy have it. Nor her.
I find it a bit strange that we accept that he's allready written her and her life off and this is the best decision. I think It's because it is so very beautiful that he would sacrifce himself for Daisuke, who he has been treating quite poorly and like hes useless and good for nothing. A bother. It's so beautiful that he shows so much hope in the prospects of Daisukes life that he is willing to give up his own life and guard Daisukes, that we forget he sacrifices Anyas life, aswell.
What did he tell her? That Daisuke has hope for a life, that she dosent? I can't imagine what this would feel like for her, allready so low.
Swansea condemns Jimmy, implied, passingly in in one of their last interactions for what he's done to Anya. But he never stod with her. His main goal is that Jimmy dosen't get suspicious and learns about the last remaining cryo pod. Maybe he know what Anya might do. Maybe he thought it was for the better. Heartshatteringly horrible to think.
I think I'm moving into dangerous territory now. I don't know, I'm just trying to make sense of this piece of media that has occupied my mind more than any media has in the last few years. I don't think I've ever written close to this much text in my life. I usually struggle to write two or three sentences. I spent a day writing this, but I've been thinking about it so much, to the point where im more likely to have missed things or missunderstood things.
This probably a rambly mess, I'm amazed if anyone got this far. Hi there! I know the typos must be numerous, hopefully entertaining. If I think too much about this now I'll chiken out and not post this. Maybe I'll go over and correct things later.
The greatest thing I could think of now would be that someone did, and then read their thoughts. That was my goal. I hope you got something out of it.
