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@frozenheartedprince-blog
One of my favourite ships in the world: you, and the front end of a bullet train going at 320km/h. May it one day become canon.
Is that really the best you can do, Vanessa? You’re starting to bore me now. Don’t you have someone else to leech off of?
plot twist where hans isn’t a mermaid, just some dickhead who made a transformative deal to steal their scales or s/t
the torture of small talk | hans & anna & vanessa.
Things were finally looking up. Hans had spent the best part of a year on the mainland of Disney, attending parties and galas, meeting with the other royals, playing the charming diplomat, and it had gotten him absolutely nowhere. It was beyond infuriating. Everyone seemed determined to live in a bubble as far as he could see, and just about anyone and everyone he thought might be able to help him inch his way closer to a throne was already engaged, or in the middle of engagement talks. He had to admit, he’d taken a little bit of pleasure in it when the girl from the Highlands had destroyed her marriage on television, bursting that bubble, but besides that one humorous moment, it seemed as though all his work had been for nothing, and he would have to return to the Southern Isles empty handed.
And then, he met Anna. Beautiful, naïve, stupid little Anna, who was so lonely he’d had her in the palm of his hand after barely a week of knowing her. Well, truth be told, he still didn’t know her very well. They met sporadically, had planned a date that had never materialized, occasionally sent each other a text to make plans that would inevitably fall through, and yet every time he saw her, her eyes seemed to light up and she’d fall over herself to speak to him. She was so desperate, it was laughable. He could hardly believe his luck.
He’d made a visit to Arendelle today with a diamond ring burning a hole in his pocket, and had been told that Anna had gone into town, which he had to admit surprised him a little. Every time they spoke, she reminded him of just how lonely she was, cooped up in the castle all the time. He didn’t pay much mind to it, though, figuring she had probably gone out to enjoy the heatwave they were experiencing. Instead, he’d set off for town himself, and though it took the best part of an hour to locate her, it was hard to miss that tell-tale white strip of hair. Sliding his hand into his pocket to assure himself the ring was still there, he made his way over with a confident smile on his face and found it quickly slipping when he noticed Anna had company. Very, very bad company.
“Anna!” It was a struggle to keep his voice light and happy as he locked eyes with Vanessa, skin prickling with apprehension. There was no way this was a coincidence. “I didn’t realize you were friends with Vanessa! How long have you two known each other?”
Mmm, yes, they didn’t allow commoners, yet apparently they allowed someone who’s 13th in line for a throne to attend. And considering how many kingdoms Disney has, just about anyone could be 13th in line for a throne. It’s hardly an echelon above commoner, wouldn’t you say Hans?Â
If you’re waiting for a declaration of love, I wouldn’t hold my breath.
Please, I can make anything look good. He wasn’t, for your information. And not that I particularly care, but perhaps you should be paying more attention to your affairs than to mine; aren’t Anna and Phillip looking awfully close these days?
Words can’t possibly convey my disappointment.
Maybe not as far as you’re concerned, but at least if we fail, one of us has the option to go home and get help from their family in their next conquest. I’m sure that when everyone gets tired of you leeching off of them, we could find a room  for you back home in the Southern Isles. Servants quarters would be perfect for you.
Well, they can be as close as they like. Phillip’s already engaged and by all accounts getting along with the new girl famously, even if she does look like someone’s tried to rip her nose off her face and left it permanently turned up. And, well, if they get any cosier, I have an appointment with a jeweler this evening that should stop anything like that in its tracks. You should see the rings they sell.
Don’t get snippy at me for being concrned for you now, Vanessa. One of us has to be. Remind me how much progress you’ve made? Mother dearest must be so disappointed.
Don’t kid yourself Hans; I’m about as fond of you as I am of smelling sewerage.
Actually, I was thinking you and Drizella would get along famously, considering you both share the common denominator of being people I’d love to run over with my car. Oh, if your fall-back royal to exploit is Charming, I’d move fast. I heard there’s a mysterious new bitch in town, and she was the belle of the ball by all reports.
And all this coming from a girl who lives in the gutter. It’s not exactly the declaration of love I was hoping for, but I’ll take it.
So you heard about that. I was looking for you at the ball, actually, until I remembered they didn’t allow commoners. Good to know that your jealousy knows no bounds though. I didn’t think it was possible to hate someone you’ve never met so much. You’re lucky spite looks so good on you. What’s the matter, was Charming your back-up royal? I don’t mean to alarm you, Vanessa, but all of your options are fast disappearing. It’s actually more than a little entertaining to watch.
I'm bored. Try not being insufferable for once. Bed, behead, marry - your precious Anna, Drizella Tremaine and Charming.
Don’t tell me you’re getting fond of me, Vanessa?
Easy enough. Wed Anna, bed Charming, and behead the Tremaine girl. Charming’s bone structure is just amazing, and the Tremaine girl - from what I’ve seen of her, she’s insufferable. Are you two friends?
Hans I would love to!!!! Like — Really love to. And it doesn’t sound crazy I mean if it did then I’d be crazy too but —
Just name a date and time and I’ll be there!!
I love crazy.
How does Friday at seven sound? I hear there’s this really good place on Main Street, some sort of Italian thing - or would you rather I go up to Arendelle, and you can pick the place?
slipperprince replied to your post: “Purple.”:
Haha yeah, that's me. And you probably do see me with Eric quite a bit, us princes do tend to stick together. Why don't we all arrange a meet up sometime? With drinks, of course.
Yeah, I noticed you seemed to have like, a gang thing going on with the rest of them - you hang out with that Phillip guy too, right? The one whose fiancée just turned up after years of being missing? I gotta say, you guys lead some interesting lives.
A meet-up sounds great though - I’ve been here over a year now and I still know hardly anyone. Frist round’s on me, whenever you’re free.
ladyarendelle replied to your post: “Ummm pink, turquoise, teal!! blue, green and black :)”:
Wait -- You would?!
Well, yeah. I know it sounds crazy, but... yeah.
Unless, of course, you’re interested in someone else...
sirensandsmokescreens replied to your post: orange. although, dislike really isn't a strong...
"Love and admire"? I think I just threw up a little. Suck my dick, Hans. How’s that for respectful? I’d rather an invitation to your funeral, actually.
Well that’s not very ladylike, is it? I thought it was the fish smell that had people avoiding you, but I can see now, it’s that charming personality. You can have that if you really want it, but I don’t think they allow commoners at a royal wake. I’ll let you lead a candlelight vigil in my memory, if you like. Though, you’ll have to come to Arendelle... you could come up this weekend, actually, if you like. I could introduce Anna to you. It’s normal to introduce your girlfriend to your friends, isn’t it? Not that you’re a friend... but I’m a charitable person. Let’s pretend you are. I’d say you could bring your boyfriend, but - wait a minute - you don’t seem to have one, do you?
Must be all that dick sucking you’re demanding.
Ummm pink, turquoise, teal!! blue, green and black :)
You would date me?
I mean, if the offer’s on the table... I would love to go out with you.
Purple.
Same here. You’re Charming, right? I think I’ve seen you around at a couple of parties, with - who is it, Eric? All the other guys. You seem pretty sound to me.
orange. although, dislike really isn't a strong enough word. despise maybe? abhor? detest?
It’s pronounced “love and admire”, Vanessa, try and get it right next time. You’ll need to practice being respectful, else I’ll have to withdraw your invitation to my coronation, and you wouldn’t want to miss that.
to: vanessa, ✴
vanessa: hm i suppose it must have slipped my mind.
vanessa: charming as ever hans. heavens what is a girl to do with all this attention?
vanessa: id like to see you try.
hans: oh yeah, i completely believe that.
hans: you're a terrible liar for a conwoman.
hans: well choking on it would be nice i guess but please don't, i'd rather see your face when you lose our bet.
hans: okay then, how about we throw it into the bet? you lose, i get the necklace too.
hans: and a working potion to make up for the one your /delightful/ mother conned me into buying.
to: vanessa, ✴
hans: so
hans: i met your mother today
hans: it was real nice of you to tell me about the fact that you're related
hans: after i've bought a /useless/ potion from her
hans: and i don't mean to alarm you
hans: but when i find you
hans: i'm going to strangle you.
hans: p.s. i'm taking your necklace when i'm done
They were lying.
When Eric moves on? Oh no, Hans, I really think you’ve underestimated me. You may need to make plans in case of failure, but I don’t. I will be Eric’s queen.
Well, as much fun as I can have with someone who’s as much of a thorn in my side as you are. I was thinking that… we could make a little bet. On who can bag their royal first. And by your royal, I mean Elsa. No points for bedding Easy-Lay Longstocking. Are you in, or aren’t you?
Allow me to repeat myself: when Eric moves on. You may have delusions about your future, but I don't, and I've only been here a year. Don't worry, though - I'm sure he'll invite you to his wedding anyway. Call it a consolation prize.
Isn't that a little bit harsh? Anna's a nice girl. Gullible and desperate, sure, but she's got more niceness in her than you do your fingernail and believe it or not, that does count for something these days.
... Alright. Deal. What do I get when I win, besides Arendelle? And more importantly, what do you lose?
Underwater caves. Me, a troll? That’s rich, coming from a man who looks like he could belong in a line-up of Man’s evolutionary stages, and not as the modern example.
Hah, and how do you arrive at that conclusion? I’ve been by Eric’s side for years, it’s only a matter of time. You, on the other hand, have no way of knowing whether Elsa will ever even step foot outside her room. For all we know, she could be dead. Unless, you’re into that kind of thing…?
…I’m bored already. Do we have to do this every single time we speak? Let’s make things a bit more fun.
Oh, underwater, forgive me. I was wondering why I could smell fish.
Ouch. Right to the heart. And you know, they all told me I was the pretty brother.
Only a matter of time, I'm sure. Vanessa, that's disgusting. She's not dead - at least, as far as he sister knows. And if she is, at least she does have a sister. When Eric moves on to someone else, who are you left with?
Define fun.
