SACRIFICIAL LAMB.

the  good  fight,  yeah?    you  never  know  until  you’ve  been  tested.    i  get  that  now.

[frstsoldier-a]

#frstsolider      :      independent,  selective    &    mutuals  only  writing  blog  for  allen  francis  doyle  from  the  angel  the  series  /  btvs  fandoms.  their  character  has  been  created  around  both  canon  and  personal  headcanons.  tortured  regularly  by  hope.  est.  2016  /  revamped  may  2023.  please  be  aware  that  glenn  quinn  is  my  main  faceclaim,  but  i  am  happy  to  use  my  alternative  (colin  farrell)  upon  request. 

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a  character  exploration  into      →      seeking  atonement  for  your  former sins    /    half-demon    /    fighting  the  good  fight    /    sacrifice    /    helping  the  helpless    /    bad  fashion    /    premonitions    /    running  from  your  past    /    shame    /    lost  life    /    failed  teacher    /    resurrection    /    the  powers  that  be    /    ordinary  becomes  extraordinary    /    passing  the  test.

[ i. CARRD.] ﾠ [ ii. HEADCANONS. ] ﾠ [ iii. MEMES. ] ﾠ [ iv. BLOGROLL. ]

[frstsoldier-a]

THIS  BLOG  IS  NOW  ARCHIVED.  YOU  CAN  FIND  DOYLE  ON  HIS  NEW  BLOG  AT:  @frstsoldier

[candyflossmemes]

spotify wrapped has arrived. send me a number from 1-100 for a starter based on that song, or a lyric from it, or send a 🎁 for me to shuffle.

[mcflymemes]

PROMPTS FROM NORMAL PEOPLE *  assorted dialogue from the book by sally rooney, some lines slightly changed to suit a roleplay format, adjust as necessary

i'm not a religious person, but i do sometimes think god made you from me.

i have a sense that real life is happening somewhere far away, happening without me, and i don't know if i will ever found out where it is or become part of it.

no one can be independent of other people completely.

life offers up these moments of joy despite everything.

he probably won't come back.

what we have now, we can never have back again.

for me, the pain of loneliness will be nothing to the pain i used to feel, of being unworthy.

we've done a lot of good for each other.

people can really change one another.

you should go. i'll always be here. you know that.

generally i find men are a lot more concerned with limiting the freedoms of women than exercising personal freedom for themselves.

most people go through their whole lives without ever really feeling that close with anyone.

life is the thing you bring with you inside your own head.

even in memory, i will always find that moment unbearably intense.

i have never believed i'm fit to be loved by any person.

yes. that was it. the beginning of my life.

it's funny the decisions you make because you like someone.

your whole life is different.

i think we're at that weird age where life can change a lot from small decisions.

if people appear to behave pointlessly in grief, it's only because human life is pointless, and this is the truth that grief revealed.

i don't know what's wrong with me.

i don't know why i can't be like normal people.

it feels powerful to put an experience down in words.

people are a lot more knowable than they think they are.

there's always been something inside me that men have wanted to dominate.

i want my life to mean something.

a lot of the literary people in college see books primarily as a way of appearing cultured.

that's the only part of myself i want to protect, the part that exists inside you.

there's something so corrupt and sexy about it.

i wish you didn't have to go.

i wish you could stay the night.

life offers up these moments of joy despite everything.

literature moves me.

it almost sounds sexual.

you learn nothing very profound about yourself simply by being bullied.

it's time you'll never get back.

time is real. the money is also real.

we've done a lot of good for each other.

the snow keeps falling.

hopefully i have changed, you know, as a person. but honestly, if i have, it's because of you.

he does have immaculate taste.

it's not like this with other people.

[name], would you ever fuck off?

you lean in expecting resistance, and everything just falls away in front of you.

i would lie down and die for you at any minute.

sometimes, someone will make eye contact with me, like a bus conductor or a person looking for change, and i'll feel shocked that anyone can actually see me.

we could be in a room full of people and my eyes would always meet yours, just to find that you had already been looking.

there's something comforting about it, something good about feeling sort of numb, detached from it all.

it was different with you, didn't have to play any games with you. it was just real.

no one is ever gonna hurt you like that again. everything's gonna be all right. trust me.

i love you, and i'm not gonna let anything like that happen to you again.

we have done so much good for one another.

[dailyats]

"Look, high school's over, bud! You gotta make with the grownup talk now."

1.01 City Of Angel [1999 - 2004]

[insufferablemonsters]

spike  thought  for  a  moment,  attempting  to  recollect  the  memory  that  the  other  male  was  mentioning,  and  then  suddenly  it  hit  him.  he  couldn't  help  but  let  a  low  laugh  escape  his  lips  at  the  past  images  of  angel  being  tortured  by  that  creep  flashing  through  his  mind.  he  nodded,  ❛  ah,  good  times.  m'  rememberin'  now.  angel  deserved  every  bit  of  what  he  got,  ya  know.  sure,  i  had  done  it  all  for  the  gem,  but  seein'  angel  tied  up  like  that  and  tortured   —   worth  every  second  of  it  ❜  he  chuckled.  ❛  point  in  fact,  i'd  do  it  all  over  again  jus'  t'  see  captain  forehead  strung  up  and  spanked  ...  that  didn't  come  out  the  way  i  intended  ...  ❜  he  cleared  his  throat,  looking  around  and  gathering  his  composure  once  again.

when  the  mention  of  lindsey,  the  man  that  had  the  audacity  to  impersonate  doyle  himself,  spike's  face  drops.  being  played  for  a  fool  was  something  spike  never  took  lightly  so  when  he  had  found  out  that  lindsey  was  only  using  him  to  get  to  angel,  it  broke  him  a  little.  he  had  been  searching  for  a  purpose  for  being  back  for  some  time,  and  it  was  ripped  from  when  he  learned  that  all  of  it  was  just  a  lie.  that's  why  it  was  difficult  for  him  to  quickly  trust  doyle  even  though  within  he  knew  he  was  telling  the  truth.  he  didn't  want  to  think  about  it  and  he  didn't  want  to  talk  about  it  and  that's  why  he  stormed  out  dramatically.  spike  always  knew  how  to  make  an  exit.  the  vampire  wasn't  surprised  when  the  other  had  decided  to  follow  behind  him  and  stop  him  dead  in  his  tracks.  just  because  he  wasn't  surprised  doesn't  mean  he  wasn't  annoyed,  though.  he  sighed  heavily  in  annoyance  when  doyle  stands  in  front  of  him  and  begins  to  make  an  attempt  at  a  rousing  speech,  it  causes  the  platinum  blonde  to  roll  his  eyes  aggressively.  his  attention  was  caught  at  the  mention  of  a  young  girl  that  could  be  in  trouble  according  to  doyle's  vision.  he  looked  down  at  the  piece  of  paper  that  was  handed  to  him,  an  address  written  upon  it,  and  he  begins  to  contemplate  doyle's  persuading  words.  maybe  doyle  was  right.  at  this  point,  what  did  spike  really  have  to  lose?  his  dignity,  i  suppose,  if  he  still  even  had  it.  he  sighed  softly,  tucking  the  paper  into  his  pocket  and  gave  the  half-demon  a  small  nod.  ❛  right,  what're  we  waitin'  for  then?  ❜  he  responded.  ❛  if  this  is  another  attempt  at  humiliating  me,  i  will  wear  your  entrails  as  a  chalice,  you  hear?  ❜  he  threatened,  pointing  his  index  finger  in  his  face.  he  straightened  his  leather  jacket,  ❛  let's  get  on  with  it,  then.  ❜

[frstsoldier-a]

the  strung  up  and  spanked  comment  stops  him,  temporarily,  in  his  tracks,  brows  raising  in  bemusement.  the  tales  of  william  the  bloody    &    angelus  were  dark  tales  indeed.  it  made  sense  they  continue  to  be  as  colourful  as  they  are  now.  throat  clears  a  beat  later  and  he  shakes  it  off,  head  moving  from  side  to  side  before  feet  move  once  more.    ＂    hey,  now.  whatever  you    &    the  former  boss  get  up  to  when  i’m  not  around,  that’s  your  business.  ‘m  not  one  to  judge.    ＂    it  might  not  be  how  spike  intended  it,  but  doyle  can’t  resist.  he’d  been  trapped  in  a  hell  dimension  longer  than  he  can  remember;    let  him  have  some  fun  now  he’s  back  in  the  land  of  the  living,  communicating  with  entities  who  aren’t  there  solely  to  maim,  torture,  create  suffering.    ＂    but  i  think  we’re  gettin’  a  little  off  topic  here.    ＂    as  entertaining  as  the  distraction  might  be.  he’s  missed  that.  a  playful  banter,  here  and  there.  he  always  thought  if  he  got  out,  he’d  share  that  with  angel  or  cordelia  again,  but  angel  has  changed.  former  friend  feels  distant  and  former  crush?  she’s  gone  in  a  way  that  hurts  his  heart  to  remember.  maybe  that’s  why  it’s  important  to  him  to  find  a  win  with  spike.  he  needs  the  new  purpose  just  as  much  as  the  blond  vampire.  he  needs  to  know  he  came  back  for  a  reason.  

gaze  momentarily  drops  to  the  threatening  finger  in  his  face,  slowly  nodding  to  confirm  understanding.    ＂    aye,  i  hear.  hard  not  to  when  ye’  paint  such  a  pretty    &    vivid  picture.    ＂    such  threats  might’ve  unnerved  him  before.  doyle  wasn’t  always  naturally  brave,  even  if  he  showed  up  when  it  mattered.  however,  he’s  different  now.  death  changed  a  person.  how  could  it  not?    ⸻    triumphant  smile  dares  to  tug  at  lips  when  spike  seems  to  accept  the  offer  and  he  clears  his  throat,  stepping  aside  for  them  to  start  moving  again.    ＂    y’know    …    not  to  split  hairs,  but  y’were  supposed  to  say  i’m  game.  would’ve  been  a  lot  more  fun.  poetic  even.    ＂

[mcflymemes]

"IT WAS MY FAULT" PROMPTS *  assorted dialogue for owning up to your mistakes, adjust as necessary

that never should have happened.

i should have listened to you from the start.

this is all my fault.

you can blame me for that.

i was completely out of line.

i screwed up.

i owe you a sincere apology.

that wasn't what i thought would happen.

now you're hurt, and it's all my fault.

will you ever forgive me?

it was an honest mistake.

i didn't mean to hurt you.

that was wrong of me, and i know it.

if only i'd been more careful.

next time, i'll be better.

please forgive me.

how can i make it up to you?

i wish i hadn't done that.

i accept responsibility.

i can't live with myself.

are you going to hold this over my head forever?

i said i was sorry.

i made the mistake of not listening to you.

please don't blame me for everything.

how many times do i have to tell you i'm sorry?

i crossed a line.

not sure what i was thinking.

the words came out wrong.

you deserve better than that.

there were plenty of other options, and i didn't listen.

i wasn't listening!

that's my fault!

i'm the one who got us into this mess.

if it weren't for me, we'd be out of here by now.

this will never happen again.

oh, i learned my lesson.

i'm forever haunted by my mistakes.

will you ever find it in your heart to forgive me?

i'll say i'm sorry until i'm blue in the face.

this wasn't part of the deal.

i never should have listened to them.

i thought i was doing the right thing.

they didn't do anything wrong. i did.

i'm the one you should blame.

i feel so wrong about this.

i didn't mean to hurt you.

be mad at me, not them.

if you want to yell and scream at me, go ahead.

it was an accident.

i don't deserve forgiveness.

if there's anything i can do to fix this, please tell me.

what can i say to make it better?

can you please take me back?

they promised me they wouldn't hurt you.

[sierrasmorton]

ANGEL THE SERIES (1991 - 2004) 1X09 | HERO

[sleepydollie]

in my defense, i was left unattended

[altlvias]

[theirstories-blog1]

◆ —— SHAMELESS (US) QUOTES STARTER PROMPTS.

PART. 2 [TRIGGER WARNINGS AHEAD]

When did you start to care? 

I’ve dreamt about your death; put money in a collection box and prayed for it; blew out my birthday candles, wished for it. If it actually ever happened, I’m not sure I’d feel relief or guilt.

What if I don’t want to change?

Don’t what? 

You’re a fucking pussy. 

You look like a baby rabbit when you sleep.

You’re getting careless. Don’t.

I just assumed we’d eventually decide how to move together like normal couples do.

But there never was a ‘we’.

People fuck up, that’s life.

Family is supposed to be forever. They’re supposed to take care of you, regardless of what you do. 

Please don’t be the guy that lies. 

I have red hair, freckles and crooked teeth. No need for any more character. 

I need at least one person in this family to not turn cynical and my money’s been on you. 

Anyone who’s been married knows that sex is downhill from there. 

Big toe is throbbing like blueballs that no blowjob can ever fix. 

She’s a skanky, manipulative bitch and you should unfriend her. 

The porn at my desk isn’t really porn. It was pictures of penises, but it was from a circumsision website. 

I’ve seen crazy and I’ve seen bad for kids. You aren’t either of those things.

Don’t forget to check for hair behind the grill. 

I realize you’ve had sketchy parental role models, but can we agree that offing people is not cool? 

That turned me off, periscope down. 

I want normal people problems. 

When you tried to get me to be intimate with three of your friends, it made me feel sad. 

So, thanks to me, you’ve been pistol whipped and shot in the ass. 

Alcohol is a gift.

All I’m gonna be thinking about when you choke me out is how much I love you. 

If I had a dime for every time I’ve heard you say that, I’d have one dime. 

I don’t mean to be an asshole. It’s just genetic. 

I know you think you’re helping, but as someone who has been in and out of the system care my entire life, I can tell you it’s a nightmare. 

I wasn’t sure I’d see you again. 

Nobody fucks with the [insert last name]

You buried a body and you stole from the federal government. You will never get out of prison. 

We could always adopt.

Girls take that hero stuff straight to the bank. 

The whole ‘my dad is gay for your brother’ thing has thrown me outta loop. 

Giving or receiving? 

Doing things you don’t wanna do is how you make a relationship work. 

I know school was never your thing, but you’ve never been dumb. 

Asking him to pick me over them is asking me to change the thing I love most about him. 

She is a crazy bitch and not crazy bitch like you’re a crazy bitch. 

She once tried to beat me to death with a frozen fish because I asked for more broccoli. 

Kick ass, take names.. and don’t blow anyone. 

When you’re poor, the only way to make money is to scam it or steal it. 

You get along a lot better with a weapon and a kind word, than a kind word alone. 

If I don’t invest in myself, no one else will. 

My baby was stolen by my mom and her developmentally delayed boyfriend. 

He’s not my boyfriend. 

It smells worse than a dead hooker’s ass in there. 

I’m not going to let you throw him out like used Kleenex. 

She’s fragile.

She’s broken. 

I don’t wanna be me anymore. 

An accident? Where his penis just slipped into your vagina? 

You gotta get me out of this car, I’m getting too horned up. 

I’m sorry, but now I gotta go pick up my wife’s boyfriend. 

Sometimes it’s not worth holding out. Life’s too short, why not just give in? 

Why would anyone go to the zoo sober? 

I’d trade my left nut for one more hour of sleep. 

Your mother was a real cunt. 

Circle doesn’t start with an S? What the fuck? 

Sometimes when I see the word hospice on the street, I pronounce it ho-spice. 

You’re lucky your moms dead. 

I made a list of the top 50 stupidest things and all 50 were when I was drunk. 

My testicles have never been my ally. 

Go fuck yourself. 

Front door was locked so I came in the back. No pun intended. 

I’m sick of living in your shadow. 

I never thought I’d say this, but you were right. 

She said she had some personal business. I change her diaper, what’s more personal than that? 

How can you be so cold about this? 

Just for the record, a lot of great men have been well-lubricated. 

I’m not the reason your life is a piece of crap.

Your coochie smells like brimestone and Sulfur. 

One of my unspoken rules is you don’t fuck someone else when we’re on a date. 

You married a drug lord’s daughter to hang on to your ear? 

I don’t take bribes. 

Honey, you’re an alcoholic. 

Where can I get knives and blunts? 

You can’t control what goes on in the world. You can just choose to be a part of it everyday. 

Where I come from, it’s an honour to share your man. 

I’m gonna beat your ass like a pinata until candy falls out! 

You don’t love me.

You’re kinda growing on me. 

Dead people poop themselves. 

Where’s the money? 

It doesn’t make you a kept woman, it makes you a smart one. 

I’ll keep that in mind when I’m feeding my family dog food this winter. 

I can’t share a room with someone in constant state of arousal! 

Look at me. I can’t go to jail, I might as well wear heels. 

I’m gay. 

You just made my boy parts get bigger. 

Not to be a dick or anything, but you have been kind of a whore. 

Eat my ass!

Wanna see me make a mangina? 

You fucked my brother. 

Whores don’t get cars. 

I wouldn’t exactly call it an orgy, but there were a lot of naked body parts flying around. 

You wish you had a dick as big as mine! 

Are you gonna put those in my ass? 

If you do this for me, I will dress up any way you want. No safety word. 

I was raised by a pack of wolves. 

I certainly hope you’re not pooping in there. It’s a closet. 

Can I get you something? Milk? Soda? A joint? It’s medicinal. 

Like you in the sack, make it quick. 

Did you purposely order a Sex on the Beach so I’d say it to the gay bartender? 

No. No way. I can’t handle anything in my ass without alcohol. 

The beard gets me laid. 

I haven’t had a drink for two days. Well, granted, I was unconscious. 

You’re hot, but it’s been a while since I’ve been with a dude. 

He was warm, like the inner thighs of an overworked hooker. 

He may look like he’s in a boy band, but he’s got a point. 

Let’s be honest, she’s my last chance at happiness, and that’s more important than video games and masturbation, right? 

I am not a religious man, but every now and then, a child comes along who makes me believe in the existence of Satan. 

I believe the answer to that question, like the answer to most questions, is fuck you. 

Keep laughing, or I will slit your throat in your sleep. 

Brush your teeth, I wanna play. 

Other than the presents and the booze, can you tell me three good reasons we should get married? 

Oh, don’t mind me. I accidentally took three of my pills instead of one. 

Well, if you need me, I’ll be in the bushes across the street stalking you.

[frstsoldier-a]

hit  the  heart  for  a  starter  from  allen  francis  doyle.      length  may  vary,  but  i’m  feeling  something  a  little  longer  than  one  -  liners  if  i  can  manage.      if  you’re  a  multi,  please  suggest  some  characters  and    /    or  some  fandoms  for  me  to  pick  a  character  from.      you’re  also  welcome  to  specify  if  you  want  a  certain  verse  from  here.

[starryeyesxx]

[theirtalesa]

“He just wanted to protect those precious to him. That’s all he had ever wanted — to protect, to defend, to be both a shield and a sword, whichever was needed most. But how could he hope to protect them when he couldn’t even protect himself, from the monster inside his head? From all those little voices that whispered he wasn’t good enough, wasn’t strong enough, wasn’t fast enough or brave enough. In his flawed, fucked up and self-sacrificing way, he tried to do what he thought was right. For the first time in his life now, he questioned if, perhaps, his acts of selflessness were, in reality, completely selfish? Maybe the only reason anyone needed to be protected, was because he was trying to protect them. Maybe the entire world needed to be protected from his aptitude for failure; from him.”

— They always said that boy would go far; they never told him he would be falling the whole way. | m.a.w (via dvoyd)

[frstsoldier-a]

hit  the  heart  for  a  starter  from  allen  francis  doyle.      length  may  vary,  but  i’m  feeling  something  a  little  longer  than  one  -  liners  if  i  can  manage.      if  you’re  a  multi,  please  suggest  some  characters  and    /    or  some  fandoms  for  me  to  pick  a  character  from.      you’re  also  welcome  to  specify  if  you  want  a  certain  verse  from  here.

[frstsoldier-a]

heyo, your blogroll link in your pinned doesn't lead to anything anymore

thank  you  sm  for  bringing  this  to  my  attention!  i’m  terrible  at  updating  my  links  sometimes  and  by  sometimes,  i  mean  all  the  time.  this  should  hopefully  be  resolved  now,  but  here’s  an  extra  link  to  my  blogroll  just  in  case.

[frstsoldier-a]

doyle  pissed  me  off  so  RIGHTEOUSLY  going  out  like  that.    ⸻    but  he  knew.    he  knew  what  he  had  to  do  and  𝚍𝚒𝚍𝚗’𝚝  𝚌𝚘𝚖𝚙𝚛𝚘𝚖𝚒𝚜𝚎.    used  his  last  breath  to  make  sure  you  𝗸𝗲𝗲𝗽  𝗳𝗶𝗴𝗵𝘁𝗶𝗻𝗴.    𝘪  𝘨𝘦𝘵  𝘵𝘩𝘢𝘵  𝘯𝘰𝘸.