Still Page 57, aka I am a grown adult laughing about the use of "abreast"
We're just... gonna pretend that last part didn't happen. Unfortunately, I promised you sexytimes, and it was a joke last time, but it's real now. I can see it peeking up at the end of the page. BUT FIRST- what happened to that hair tie Ana was looking for???
Deep joy, there is a hair tie in my bag.
Ana goes back into the "living area" (which is the dining hall... I don't get it either) and Grey is on the phone saying completely random things like "Suez" "Ben Sudan" "Darfur" and "abreast" and now that I think about it I literally have no idea what Christian Grey's job is but this sounds like a terribly strange thing to be making money off of?
I went back into the archives to find out but it turns out I have terrible foresight because all I wrote was "he’s really boring and I don’t want to listen basically he is like I’m rich because I can read people blah blah" although I did also mention that he "sounds like every evil villain ever" so maybe like 2 Christian Grey points to me?
Then I decided to Google "Grey Enterprises Holding Inc" and came upon what you could either call a goldmine or a landmine depending on how much you like this book yES I FOUND E.L. JAMES' BLOG I think??? I don't know I'm awfully gullible but it looks way legit and anyways I found this fake interview write-up of Christian Grey talking about his job and since I have literally nothing else to go on, we're going to treat this as 100% canon! ....Except that even in an interview about his job the information gained basically sums up to "something in Africa and Southeast Asia related to crops and making lots of money and us all worshiping this wonderful privileged rich-as-heck cishetero white guy for swooping in and saving all the poor, third-world country people from themselves" and stop me before I gag oh, nope, too late
In other news I am 200% certain that this enigmatic conversation which is possibly about transferring someone coincidentally named "Sudan" through Suez to Darfur will never ever come up again and thus never ever be clarified, so let's move on like E. L. James' characters are doing!
They actually make it to the door before Ana pauses "fractionally too long" to stare at how hot Grey is, thinking super deep thoughts;
"And to think I slept with him last night and, after all the tequila and the throwing up, he's still here."
a) Let's stop pretending you had sex
b) Let's stop pretending it is not hella hella creepy that you were passed out drunk and he slept next to you
c) Of course he's here you are literally standing in the doorway of his house
Ana recalls Grey's "There's something about you" speech (remember? that hellish speech in which Grey finally passed the dick exam) and thinks, "Well the feeling is entirely mutual Mr. Grey, and I aim to find out what it is", which I guess means to imply that Ana doesn't know what it is about Grey that draws her so much to him? But considering she's still standing in the damned doorway staring at his body, I think we all know what it is, so this whole goal set-up is really, really pointless.
At last, they start walking down to the elevator, and we get this awkward exchange:
As we wait, I peek up at him through my lashes, and he looks out of the corner of his eyes down at me. I smile, and his lips twitch.
The elevator arrives, and we step in. We're alone.
Does this sound like the setup to some crazy murder scene or is it just me? I just... I cringe to read this. I cringe even more to read what happens next so I'll spare you from the specifics... but apparently being in an elevator turns Ana into a crazy sex fiend, and Grey into a creepy robot assassin;
"His head turns fractionally towards me, his eyes darkest slate"
"'Oh, fuck the paperwork [for the dead body???]' he growls, and lunges at Ana, grabbing both of her hands in one of his in a vice-like grip"
AAANDDDDD...... yeah, they kiss. Ana's tongue "joins his in a slow erotic dance that's all about touch and sensation, all bump and grind", and old-as-balls E. L. James gets negative ten thousand points for saying that tongues are bumping and grinding, because literally what
Anyways, I just remembered that literally 2 minutes ago Grey flat-out refused to touch Ana at all without her she signing the paperwork for it, and that they agreed to meet up later to discuss it, but now he's decided to fuck the paperwork, and I thought before that the no touching without paperwork rule was a bit shitty, but I also think his being a hypocrite is equally kinda shitty, and I have no way to end this except with the excuse that I need a break before I can read more about their weird bump-and-grinding kissing, thanks
