Dead Kids Have No Curfew

Hey fuckers, Lyric here. Welcome to my blog. Wanna flirt, fight, or fuck shit up? You've come to the right place, lemme tell ya. ((this is an RP blog))

[autistic-polykin]

So.

Um. Hi. I’m still alive. I’m sorry for disappearing like that. I promise that it wasn’t anybody’s fault - not mad, not avoiding anyone. Initially it was because seeing political stuff/current events was making it hard to convince myself being awake was worth the pain, then it was just… easier, I guess, to stay away. Tumblr had become toxic for me, so I ollied the fuck out. I’m not sorry for that.

I am sorry for not telling anyone what was going on. I know I scared a few of you, probably more. I’m used to just cutting and running when I get scared, but. I realized how unfair that was to y’all. This isn’t a video game I can just stop playing and come back to whenever. I have to think about how my actions impact the people around me.

So. To bring y’all up to speed: I’m safe, I’m healthy (or at least I’m less unhealthy), I’m relatively stable. I’m living with my parents, I see an individual therapist twice a week and I go to a DBT (dialectic behavioral therapy) group once a week. I’m on new medications, including something specific to agoraphobia, and I think the cocktail is working. I volunteer twice a week at my local SPCA, feeding and caring for cats. I’m in New Jersey at the moment. My brother turned 17 today and my sister’s getting married tomorrow, and then it’s back to California.

I don’t plan to come back to Tumblr, certainly not right now and certainly not as much as I used to be. I just figured I owed you all an apology, and an explanation. I’ll try to pay attention for the next week or so if any of you want other ways to contact me or want to ask questions or talk or whatever. 

I love you guys, and I’m sorry if I hurt anyone by not communicating.

[ftm-iracle]

He scoffs and kisses her neck in response. “I mean, I don’t mind it, I just don’t think it’s important enough to derail the make-out train.” He smirks and pulls her down for another kiss, running his fingers down her sides and over her thighs lightly. 

He ignores the comment about his reaction in favor of nipping at her neck, working his way upwards to nibble at her ear as his hands run up and down her legs, sometimes just the pads of his fingers, sometimes his nails, brushing the edges of her underwear before moving back up her sides, teasing and suggesting without following through.

[blackholesuggestion-deactivated]

She almost laughs at the words “derail the make-out train,” but before she can, she’s pulled into his kiss again and intoxicated by the feeling of his fingers on her sides. Another little whine makes it’s getaway from her throat, her own fingers finding his arms.

“If you want something, take it,” she nearly growls in his ear. She doesn’t know if it’s quite clear that she’s referring to his hands brushing the edges of her underwear, something she takes as a little hint. Their fingers trace a little line down his stomach and she tugs at his belt a little, checking for his consent. 

[ftm-iracle]

Lyric looks Blair straight in the eye. “And if I want you?” He hopes his voice sounds steady, but he’s not sure - it’s hard enough to keep his voice from cracking under normal circumstances, never mind when he’s this turned on. As he speaks he traces a fingernail along her waistband, occasionally allowing his fingertip to dip beneath the fabric for a moment before continuing.

His stomach muscles jump under her touch, and he bites his lip and waits to see what she’ll do - half of him wants beg, please fuck yes touch me, the other half wants to knock her hands away, no don’t look, and he doesn’t know which half to listen to.

[blackholesuggestion-deactivated]

“If you want me, you have me. You’ll always have me.” She says it and it feels like the only thing she really believes to be true. Her eyebrows furrow for a moment. “And if this is a dream, I hope I’m able to sleep forever.” She kisses up the left side of his neck, nipping at his earlobe. 

“I’m not gonna get in here unless you tell me it’s okay,” her fingers brush his hips. She sees the conflict on his face, yes or no, yes or no. She makes eye contact with him again, “You don’t have to tell me that I can.” She says it even with the possibility that he already knows this partially to remind herself and then to remind him.

[ftm-iracle]

Lyric pauses his teasing for a moment to catch Blair’s face in his hands and kiss her, long and earnest. He’s not the best at words, but he hopes she understands what he means. 

When he finally pulls away, he mutters, “Touch if you want, but don’t look.” As he speaks his fingers are running back down Blair’s sides, toying with the elastic of her underwear, brushing her inner thighs. He decides she’s too cute like this to end it now - wait until she begs, he thinks.

[ftm-iracle]

Lyric watched Jessi closely, noticing how disjointed her words and motions were. Evidently she had been drinking for a while now, because even if she was a complete lightweight she should not be this drunk from half a beer. He took a swig from the bottle she passed him, resisting the urge to make a face at the flavor. “What’re you looking for?” Sober as he was, he could probably find it faster.

Fictional? Then she had been lying before… Lyric made a mental note to ask about that later, when she was less drunk and hopefully in a decent mood. “So…” he started, grasping for a way to change the topic, “Um, you’ve got a sister? What’s she like?”

[recovering-vntihero]

What was she looking for? Shit, she forgot. Jessi spun fast on her heels to face him, very nearly stumbling to the ground. No, no, no. She did not want to fall to the ground~ she had things too look for. She had…

“The alcohol!” she chirped once again~ too bright. “Unless you want just that? I hide it, so no one finds it.” She spoke as if it were extremely obvious~ no one else really came down here, but her. “Mighthaveforggotenwhereiputit.” She looked around in some confusion. “Or I am out. Think I lost it.”

“Four sisters~ maybe more. I hate them.” She may be drunk, but she knew enough not to continue after that~ well, unless he pressed. She hoped he didn’t press. “One is here.” She held up one finger.

[ftm-iracle]

When he saw Jessi wobble, Lyric instinctively reached out and grabbed her elbow to help balance her. Shit, that was probably a bad idea. He pulled his hand back like it had been burnt, praying she wouldn’t react as badly as she did the last time he touched her without asking. 

“Why don’t you sit down, and I’ll look for the booze, yeah?” Hopefully she wouldn’t take that as a challenge, he didn’t want her to hurt herself in her inebriation. He looked around the room, trying to guess where she might’ve stashed whatever drinks she was looking for. Maybe in the back of that closet?

“So you’re living in the basement of your sister’s apartment building?” He was pretty sure Jessi didn’t want to talk about her sisters right now, if her tone of voice was any indication.

[recovering-vntihero]

Jessi visibly flinched at his touch, but that was more of a reaction~ something she could ignore, because she would swear she had a few more bottles around. Of course, Lyric offered to help~ strange, but she nodded. “I might be out,” she repeated. “I can findmorethough!”

She seemed a bit confused at the change of subject~ no, no. Back to subject? “NO. I have a room, in an actual apartment. I just didn’t want anyone to see you.”

[ftm-iracle]

Lyric noticed the way Jessi nearly jerked away from his touch, but chose to ignore it in favor of searching through the closet he had noticed. Sure enough, stashed in a cardboard box under a pile of unidentifiable junk, was an assortment of bottles. He looked through them - beer, beer, Everclear (what the fuck Jessi you’re tiny don’t drink that), beer -- Oh, vodka. Vodka sounded nice. He grabbed the bottle and returned his attention to Jessi.

“You didn’t want anyone to see me? That’s why you’re hiding out in your sister’s building’s basement?” He sounded doubtful. “Do you have any orange juice? You’re drunk enough I’m not letting you drink straight vodka.”

[ftm-iracle]

think Imma change my url to lyrical-misfit

[fuckingfreud]

[ftm-iracle]

@engelsuggestions look it’s you

[confidence-suggestions]

If you want to kiss me then kiss me, damn it!

[confidence-suggestions]

Your hands on me are like electric wires, they make me feel alive.

[ftm-iracle]

Lyric watched Jessi closely, noticing how disjointed her words and motions were. Evidently she had been drinking for a while now, because even if she was a complete lightweight she should not be this drunk from half a beer. He took a swig from the bottle she passed him, resisting the urge to make a face at the flavor. “What’re you looking for?” Sober as he was, he could probably find it faster.

Fictional? Then she had been lying before… Lyric made a mental note to ask about that later, when she was less drunk and hopefully in a decent mood. “So…” he started, grasping for a way to change the topic, “Um, you’ve got a sister? What’s she like?”

[recovering-vntihero]

What was she looking for? Shit, she forgot. Jessi spun fast on her heels to face him, very nearly stumbling to the ground. No, no, no. She did not want to fall to the ground~ she had things too look for. She had…

“The alcohol!” she chirped once again~ too bright. “Unless you want just that? I hide it, so no one finds it.” She spoke as if it were extremely obvious~ no one else really came down here, but her. “Mighthaveforggotenwhereiputit.” She looked around in some confusion. “Or I am out. Think I lost it.”

“Four sisters~ maybe more. I hate them.” She may be drunk, but she knew enough not to continue after that~ well, unless he pressed. She hoped he didn’t press. “One is here.” She held up one finger.

[ftm-iracle]

When he saw Jessi wobble, Lyric instinctively reached out and grabbed her elbow to help balance her. Shit, that was probably a bad idea. He pulled his hand back like it had been burnt, praying she wouldn’t react as badly as she did the last time he touched her without asking. 

“Why don’t you sit down, and I’ll look for the booze, yeah?” Hopefully she wouldn’t take that as a challenge, he didn’t want her to hurt herself in her inebriation. He looked around the room, trying to guess where she might’ve stashed whatever drinks she was looking for. Maybe in the back of that closet?

“So you’re living in the basement of your sister’s apartment building?” He was pretty sure Jessi didn’t want to talk about her sisters right now, if her tone of voice was any indication.

[ftm-iracle]

He scoffs and kisses her neck in response. “I mean, I don’t mind it, I just don’t think it’s important enough to derail the make-out train.” He smirks and pulls her down for another kiss, running his fingers down her sides and over her thighs lightly. 

He ignores the comment about his reaction in favor of nipping at her neck, working his way upwards to nibble at her ear as his hands run up and down her legs, sometimes just the pads of his fingers, sometimes his nails, brushing the edges of her underwear before moving back up her sides, teasing and suggesting without following through.

[blackholesuggestion-deactivated]

She almost laughs at the words “derail the make-out train,” but before she can, she’s pulled into his kiss again and intoxicated by the feeling of his fingers on her sides. Another little whine makes it’s getaway from her throat, her own fingers finding his arms.

“If you want something, take it,” she nearly growls in his ear. She doesn’t know if it’s quite clear that she’s referring to his hands brushing the edges of her underwear, something she takes as a little hint. Their fingers trace a little line down his stomach and she tugs at his belt a little, checking for his consent. 

[ftm-iracle]

Lyric looks Blair straight in the eye. “And if I want you?” He hopes his voice sounds steady, but he’s not sure - it’s hard enough to keep his voice from cracking under normal circumstances, never mind when he’s this turned on. As he speaks he traces a fingernail along her waistband, occasionally allowing his fingertip to dip beneath the fabric for a moment before continuing.

His stomach muscles jump under her touch, and he bites his lip and waits to see what she’ll do - half of him wants beg, please fuck yes touch me, the other half wants to knock her hands away, no don’t look, and he doesn’t know which half to listen to.

[ftm-iracle]

Lyric watched Jessi closely, noticing how disjointed her words and motions were. Evidently she had been drinking for a while now, because even if she was a complete lightweight she should not be this drunk from half a beer. He took a swig from the bottle she passed him, resisting the urge to make a face at the flavor. “What’re you looking for?” Sober as he was, he could probably find it faster.

Fictional? Then she had been lying before... Lyric made a mental note to ask about that later, when she was less drunk and hopefully in a decent mood. “So...” he started, grasping for a way to change the topic, “Um, you’ve got a sister? What’s she like?”

[ftm-iracle]

He scoffs and kisses her neck in response. “I mean, I don’t mind it, I just don’t think it’s important enough to derail the make-out train.” He smirks and pulls her down for another kiss, running his fingers down her sides and over her thighs lightly. 

He ignores the comment about his reaction in favor of nipping at her neck, working his way upwards to nibble at her ear as his hands run up and down her legs, sometimes just the pads of his fingers, sometimes his nails, brushing the edges of her underwear before moving back up her sides, teasing and suggesting without following through.

[ftm-iracle]

[@engelsuggestions]

Lyric punched Jessi’s address into his phone’s GPS, shrugging on a battered field jacket and grabbing a pack of cigarettes. He paused, then grabbed another pack. Can’t be too careful. He kicked some of the clothes on the floor into a pile before leaving via a broken window (the building’s front door had been boarded up since before he started squatting here).

He held a cigarette between his lips, pausing to cup a hand around the end so he could light it properly, then shoved his hands deep in his pockets and began the walk to Jessi’s place.

[recovering-vntihero]

Jessymine had invited Lyric to her apartment~ er, an apartment. She did not truly own the place, and for the life of her, she could not keep a job for long enough to pay the rent. She spent a good portion of her nights there, and had a room~ she figured that counted for something. At the moment, she was lounging at the back by a seldom used entrance. She had swiped a beer from Artemis~ the rent-payers-girlfriend. It was lying open, but discarded by her as she surfed through her phone. Shit, had she even told Lyric where to go? {TEXT} babe :* She waited for a response~ well, she waited five seconds, and continued.

{TEXT} yuo need to come around the back btw

[ftm-iracle]

Lyric looked up at the building in front of him, down at his phone, back up at the building. He tossed his cigarette butt into a trash can - or, he tried, he might’ve missed, he didn’t care - then checked his phone again. A new text from Jessi told him to come to the back of the building. He looked up again, giving the building an “are you sure this is the right place” stare, then went around back to look for the entrance.

{TEXT} is it this sketchy af lookin door or am i at the wrong place

[recovering-vntihero]

{TEXT} imean maybe yea

She automatically texted him back without even looking to see if he was there~ she knew the back was not well taken care of. It held the entrance to the basement, but that was really it. And either way, she was on the other side, inside.

She opened the door, and~ well, he was there. No worries~ she wasn’t worried, but maybe he was. No trouble, and she was no longer alone.

[ftm-iracle]

Lyric rolled his eyes at Jessi’s response. He was about to send a reply - wow, how v helpful u r - when the door in question swung open to reveal one (1) Jessi. The tension in his shoulders eased a bit, now that he knew he was in the right place and not about to get mugged and/or beaten up. Not that he had much worth stealing.

He raised an eyebrow, skipping the hello’s and jumping straight to “So are we gonna stand in the doorway or are you gonna let me in and give me something to drink?” Curt words, but he hoped they would be softened by the slight smile that accompanied them.

[recovering-vntihero]

Jessymine responded with only a smirk, reaching out to grasp his wrist, and pull him inside. The motion was a bit rushed, but she told herself that it was because she did not want anyone to see him~ she had an image to preserve around the complex, and it was not one that invited boys like him around. Of course, she did not want to be alone, so she supposed she had to take some risk. She really hated being alone.

She was still holding his wrist when she bent to collect the half-full~ today Jessi was positive~ bottle. “I have more of this,” she sang out. “A stash really; it is Artie’s favorite, but if you want something any better I will need to look around.”

[ftm-iracle]

Lyric let himself be tugged out of the doorway and into the room, noting with some satisfaction that Jessi didn’t immediately release his wrist. Maybe he was growing on her? Nah, she’s probably just drunk. Either way, he appreciated the fact that she wasn’t acting like he was something abhorrent.

He checked the label on the bottle she offered - cheap beer, but better than the shit he could afford. “This stuff is fine, I’m no snob,” he answered, looking around the room. “Who’s Artie? Your girlfriend?”

[recovering-vntihero]

“Good!” Jessi chirped~ she really did not want to do the whole breaking in thing today. Truth be told, she did not remember how much she had drank today~ all she remembered that she hated to drink alone. It was so boring. She pressed the bottle into his other hand. It was a moment more before she let go of his wrist, and that was only so she could peck his cheek~ oops, a blue kiss mark. “Have the rest!~“ Friendly, friendly, too goddamn friendly. “I need to find my~“ gesturing hands, she forgot the word. Whatever.

She did not immediately answer his questions, and when she did it was while she was still searching. She was not paying much attention to what she said, and gave a little shrug~ not even bothering to turn around.

“Sister’s girlfriend. Mine is very fictional.”

… Wait, she was not supposed to say that. Was she?

[ftm-iracle]

He swallows, nervous for the first time in God(s) know(s) how long. He doesn’t like to talk about this stuff, especially not when things are heating up like they were a minute ago. He worries his lip between his teeth, listening. “I think I’d like that,” he finally says, “A mutual understanding of ‘hey maybe I’m in love with you and I like to kiss you and be kissed be you.’” As if to make a point, he kisses her again.

“You know I don’t like commitments, but… I think I might be a little bit in love with you too,” he tells her, and he takes her face in his hands and he kisses her, long and deep and full of feelings he has no words for.

[blackholesuggestion-deactivated]

She responded to the kiss earnestly, nails running down his sides, just like she’d been struggling not to think of since the beginning of this so-called date. She physically brightens at the notion that maybe he loves her too. Blair tries to communicate this in her kiss, this excitement. She tastes salt on her lips and realize that she’s crying from the elation of hearing it from him.

“Wow, I’m sorry,” she’s leaning back to wipe away the tears, but they won’t quite stop so she lets them go, grinning like a fool. “I’m such an emotional baby.”

[ftm-iracle]

He shivers under her touch, a soft “fuck” slipping past his lips, hands roaming, trying to pull her closer in any way he can. If this is a dream, he thinks, let me stay asleep. He only pulls away to kiss the tears from her cheeks, smiling the most genuine smile he can remember in ages.

“Don’t apologize, babe,” he says, thumb blurring the tear-tracks on her face, “There’s nothing to be sorry for.” He pulls her close, chest to chest, and hugs her tight, fingers running through her hair and over her back, tracing random patterns with feather-light touches.

[blackholesuggestion-deactivated]

She pressed a little kiss to his chin, sighing in content. Blair wraps her arms around his torso, cuddling into him. Patterns on skin. I love this, I love you. She smiles into the notch at his throat, another hickey appearing in wake of her mouth. She imagines the patterns in her head, random lines connecting and creating a web of pleasantness.

She’d be more than happy to kiss him and apologize for no reason and accidentally get her hair caught on her sweater more than a million times for him. She kisses him again. 

[ftm-iracle]

Lyric plants kisses like seeds, to the top of her head, to her lips, to her jaw, neck, shoulders, collarbones, to the curve of her breast, to her wrists, fingertips, knuckles, sometimes biting, sometimes sucking, marking. Mine, mine, Lyric was here, I was here, I am here. He ghosts his nails down her back, watches her shiver and arch her back and respond to him.

Her lips are on his again and he’s overwhelmed with a feeling of yes, this is right, so he nibbles at her lips and rubs small circles into the tops of her thighs and prays that, whatever this is, it last a long, long time.

[blackholesuggestion-deactivated]

“Shit, Lyric.” It’s a whine on her lips, and her fingers are tugging on Lyric’s hair. She stands again and struggles for a bit with the zipper on her jeans. Blair almost trips trying to pull the leg off from her ankle and keep eye contact with him. Her face turned red, partially because she’d almost fallen and partially because she’d forgotten that her underwear had childish characters on it.

 She sat back in his lap, bashful once again. “So, apparently, this underwear has Chococat and stars on it,” she gave a sheepish grin.

[ftm-iracle]

Hearing his name fall from Blair’s lips like a prayer and a curse rolled into one does something to Lyric, a good something, a something that leads him to bite into the jucture of her neck and shoulders hand enough to leave a bruise and two semi-circles of tooth-marks before she pulls away. He’s confused at first, no wait you should be getting closer to me not further away, but he grins when he realizes why. He lurches forward to steady her when she wobbles, a hand on her elbow and a smirk on his face.

He sits back, eyes sweeping over her appreciatively before she slips back into his lap. He laughs and kisses her when she mentions her underwear. “I think it’s cute, babe,” he says, resting his hands on her bare thighs, then adds, “Not as cute as you, but cute.”

[blackholesuggestion-deactivated]

“Cute or juvenile?” Another grin reaches her lips. She presses a kiss to each of his knuckles, her cheeks still warm. Her pink lips come to rest on his, where she believes they belong. Blair pulls him closer, back into “please never stop touching me” and “I could kiss you forever.” She communicates these things physically, teeth tugging at his lip and dragging her nails down his back.

“I’m pretty sure I’m mentally five years old,” she whispers, straight-faced but fighting a smile. “I wear Hello Kitty pajamas and watch cartoons when no one’s watching.”

[ftm-iracle]

Lyric shrugs, smirking. “Does it matter?” He watches her kiss his knuckles, about to think something. Before he can, his train of thought is utterly derailed by her sudden intensity, so he pulls her closer and scrapes his nails up her thighs and groans into her mouth when he feels her fingernails bite into his skin and drag down his back.

He listens to her, pauses for a moment to process. “You stopped kissing me to tell me that?” he asks, incredulous despite the smile tugging at the corners of his mouth.

[blackholesuggestion-deactivated]

“Um,” the blood returns to her cheeks. “I mean, I figure you’d end up learning that sometime if we start doing this regularly.. so, I told you just now?” It sounds more like a question, like she’s trying to excuse her own puerile confessions. Blair gives him a sheepish grin, pecking the corner of his mouth just to be a tease.

“Besides, I liked your reaction to it.” She lets another smile slip past and gazes down at him like he holds the whole universe in the way the corners of his mouth turn up.

[yumk-deactivated20181113]

[ao3tagoftheday]

[shuturp]

[theatricalsuggestions]

Keeping myself alive is some of the hardest work I’ve ever done.