Sarah

Sometimes I think I'll never sleep.

[threewayradio-deactivated202005]

Why would you fuck Adam sandler

it was on my bucket list 

[bee-enthusiast]

Does the ‘was’ entail you already have?

[threewayradio-deactivated202005]

yes

[afloweroutofstone]

Top 25 Tumblr post

[4444555666777888999]

I have searched everywhere for this I almost thought I hallucinated it

[fuckedinthehead-sarah]

I forgot how this felt,

the warm embrace

the peace that overwhelms.

I don’t want to stop even if it means losing everything.

Even if it means death, this is everything I could wish for.

No amount of therapy and higher powers will ever add up to this.

[spiritualseeker777]

[spiritualseeker777]

[autel-luna]

You can only meet someone as deeply as you have met yourself. You can only meet yourself as deeply as you have met God.

[memoryslandscape-deactivated202]

“Likewise, I’ve sought to fulfill my longing for something bigger than myself — something, for the sake of simplicity, I will call a higher power — through a particular feeling. I’ve wanted a higher power to provide that same narcotic delight one feels in the early stages of a relationship. In those rare white-light moments when I have felt a holy bliss, I’ve quickly purchased a candle or crystal, hoping to pocket the feeling. Unfortunately, that feeling cannot be contained in an object any more than it can be pinned down to one human being.It is so easy to confuse spiritual longing with a craving for romantic love. Beautiful people are everywhere, whereas the desire for some kind of eternal beauty or ineffable truth is more nebulous, always just out of reach.”

— Melissa Broder, from “Life without Longing,” The New York Times (9 February 2019)

[positiveupwardspiral]

[dork-with-a-uke]

[da-da-sk]

[sixpenceee]

[neckkiss]

[dailylaughsforyou]

A dad is making ‘How to’ videos for kids without fathers and it’s so wholesome (x)

[fuckedinthehead-sarah]

I am in a hell of my own creation

I have built this cage around myself

And for what?

To feel comfort?

I know what misery feels like

I know what worthlessness feels like

I long for so much more

To feel different

To feel wanted

But that's the trap

The small amounts of bliss

The small amounts of worth

You know I can't resist

You are a predator and I the prey

You tell me what I want to hear and that's all it takes

You steal what is mine

You take my kindness

My compassion

My empathy

You turn it into insecurity

Loneliness

Hopelessness

Which gives you even more of an advantage

You know you then are the only one who can make me feel

Even if it is for the slightest moments

You have been so full on my weakness that you have made me forget my strength

You remind me that all I am good for is for you to play me like a ventriloquist plays their dummy

I believe you

I don't want to but I do

At least I have someone who makes me less alone

Let's be honest

I have defeated myself more times than you can count

It's nice to blame someone else for my misfortune

I keep breaking free of my shackles

Only to lock them even tighter a second later

You love that about me

You don't have to try so hard to wrap me in delusion

I'm not so sure I'll ever be okay on my own

Sometimes I think I will be chained until death releases me

I am not strong enough anymore

I give up

You do as you please and I'll be here waiting

A toy waiting to be played with.

[afieldinengland]

can we pretend that airplanes in the night sky r like shooting stars

[fuckedinthehead-sarah]

I am starting to feel the fire

You were suppose to be here

the embers float out of my mouth

you were suppose to be here

quiet like a good girl

festering like a wound.

Why weren’t you there?

I never blamed you

but maybe I needed to

I screamed for help

and you put up that façade

and I wanted to believe you.

Why weren’t you there?

So many years later

and I’m sitting in an institution

talking about how worthless I am.

You will never know the damage you’ve caused.

Why weren’t you there?

Why aren’t you here?

I have chased love like yours

thinking maybe

I could get someone to stay

but they were all the same

They left me like you

They fooled me like you

Maybe this isn’t true

but right now

I need to break down.

I lost myself

and you were a piece to the puzzle.

A child inside my heart is clawing at the cages

I’m so scared of the rages.

So

Why weren’t you there?

I needed you

Why aren’t you here?

I’m scared

You are suppose to be here.

[tiktoks-for-dead-pope]

[coppers-clean-blog]

The forbidden corndog

[t3sticles]

Regret

[fuckedinthehead-sarah]

I don’t get why people get hooked

It feels good but not that good

I still want to do it again

again

Stronger?

again

again

more

more

I need it

I can’t live with out it

everything is falling apart

I’m falling apart

I can’t be happy with or with out it

I’m going to die

I’m not ready to give it up

I died but I’m back

For some reason

3 months later with out it

I still can’t picture my life

that feeling

that rush

that numbness

that escape

if only

I’m trying to heal

I’m trying to fight

I will persevere but at what price

Who am I

with or with out it

purpose is a foreign concept

pain is forever

Faith is hard to come by

It’s all I have though

So for now

I will feel

I will love

I will live again