#abandonment issues

[yumeyuyumeyume]

[doehdeer]

The issues are issuing, and I just want to be hugged and cuddled right now.

[healing-better-faster-stronger]

I don’t need to sacrifice my needs to feel safe. The right people will stay, even when I choose myself.

[euphoricmoon]

[raincitygirl76]

I’m thinking about how Ilya always calls Shane boring.

I think for Ilya, boring really means stable and safe. Things he hasn’t really had in his own life since his mother died. I’m sure Svetlana was a very supportive friend, but there was only so much she could do. Shane is an oasis of stability and safety in Ilya’s otherwise chaotic life.

Shane isn’t impulsive, he’s cautious, he’s reasonable, he’s thoughtful. All “boring” traits, but the good kind of boring. And yet somehow he still wants to be with moody, impulsive, emotionally messy Ilya. And not only puts up with Ilya, but cherishes him.

Plus, I think Ilya probably mentally labelled Shane as “hot but boring” at their first meeting. When 17 year old Shane politely introduced himself and said he didn’t think Ilya was allowed to smoke there. From early on in their hookup history, Ilya was calling Shane boring. While moving heaven and earth to hook up with this boring guy (coming up with the idea for the joint commercial, etc).

Old habits die hard. By 1.06 Ilya has just turned 26, and still thinks Shane is damn hot. But he continues to tease Shane about being boring because it’s kind of their thing. And because to him, deep down, boring means safe.

You can anchor your heart to boring, and it will never come adrift.

[crownedhades]

"why do they never reach out to me"/"why am i always the one who reaches out first" -> just ask. seriously. please. most people genuinely don't mean to avoid interacting first. a lot of the time it's unintentional.

i've met so many avoidants over the years and a lot of the time it's usually out of social anxiety. or they're depressed. or maybe they actually have you reaching out first as part of their routine, so when you finally decide to not, they think you just want space, and they're too afraid of asking themself.

ask. work things out. express your own worries. maybe you asking will make them reach out more, or maybe you'll realize that you're actually fine with reaching out first, you were just worried that the feelings weren't mutual, but they are. they are mutual. it's okay.

i've met so many avoidants who have profound abandonment issues over these things because they have such a hard time interacting with people. please be patient. please try and work things out with them. please try and communicate with them. please try and compromise your needs. be gentle.

please start asking why before jumping to conclusions and leaving. please.

[mightyuncomfychair]

We, as a Fandom, don't talk nearly enough about Hardison's abandonment issues and how he uses gifts as a way to try and get people to stay. Or how he tries to put down as many roots as possible to try and create a home even if he knows it wouldn't be permanent. Honestly, I find it speaks a lot about his character with how he cycles through love languages but constantly goes back to words of affirmation and gift giving.

I'd love to explore more about how Parker and Eliot deal with his issues, especially since he's the voice of reason and the one who will give up everything he owns so his partners are happy. I wish there were more Hardison based fanfics. 😕

[xxlionheartedgirlxx]