Our wounds help us see
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Kiana Khansmith

if i look back, i am lost
I'd rather be in outer space 🛸
TVSTRANGERTHINGS

#extradirty
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Three Goblin Art
almost home

祝日 / Permanent Vacation
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Sweet Seals For You, Always
YOU ARE THE REASON
Alisa U Zemlji Chuda
Misplaced Lens Cap

tannertan36

roma★

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@fuckinrawr
Our wounds help us see
I need to write about it or I won't stop thinking about it even temporarily.
I miss my friends so much.
So so fucking much.
I fucked up, but I understand I'm not perfect. And thst my Intent was good. But my methods were hasty and sloppy and inadvertently counterproductive.
I still have you two as friends log and chi
But shan.
That hurt the most. Because I did ignore your advice. That be true. But I didn't do it to hurt anyone or further anyone's agenda. And im not sure if that's what you believe or what.
But it hurts.
My knee hurts.
That's a meme and a real life I fucked my knee up taking the surface cleaner out of the back of Marc's truck at McDonald's for a little of pneumonics later.
It just hurts that I was okay for you to sit there on the side lines. Which was your position.
Then immediately suddenly throw me to the wolves and choose your side and ostricize me from the other.
I don't want my friends to hurt.
I don't want us separated like this.
Every day is so
It's so
Empty
It hurts so bad because I rather have fucked things up and said I'm sorry and explain myself truthfully than to have sat there and watched my friends hurt eachother constantly.
Trying to be a liason I ended up a spy. And no I wasn't brainwashed by one side or the other. I was panicked and scared to see all of my friends in turmoil over a situation thatI have no real life feel over.
I trusted you shan.
I still do. I'm just hurt because I thought you out of anyone would know that I was the last one to so anything of I'll intent towards my friends. I'm only here to help.
If you can't trust me over some pictures a guy I didn't like sent to me and chi. Well the thing is you sided with him still. That may have been your catalyst for mistrust towards me. And for that I cannot blame you.
But I had honestly forgotten they existed about a week after. I was just more laughing about how chi was scared of his dick.
It was awkward. I didn't even want to be a part of it but suddenly I was. I had just met you shan and I did not want you to just leave the group over some action a fuck head had after being yeeted from the group. I never looked at you different nor did I ever test you differently. And all of this may be null and void because you have a right to know. And to that affect your 100% correct. Hold everyone accountable.
Don't pick and choose.
I know your stressed. I was there for you.
Not to fuck you.
Not to see your body.
Because I legitimately enjoyed you as a human being.
And you think I'm capable of having a hidden agenda to destroy our friend group that is the literal only thing that was keeping me mentally afloat for absolutely no reason.
I cannot fathom it. And I do not care for the hypocrisy.
I love all of you regardless. It hurts seeing the empty group and empty chat and I will hold on to it. I love it. It's all I have.
Every single one of you got off line that day and had someone to break down to in person when you needed to.
You could even expect people to be there.
I say there that morning I woke up.
Trying to figure out what in the hell I did to deserve this.
"oh don't be so self loathing"
Fuck you.
It's been
Three
Years
Go figure.
Everything is changing.
I'm alone.
Everyone's sad and not communicating. And im scared.
If I'm selfish and spiteful about one thing it's that I'm not a factor just a blame.
It's my fault.
How dare you.
Luci I care for you. You did make me mad for a minute. And I apologize for my tone. But I love you husband. And I love his ex best friend and I love you for loving my best friend.
You had your right to be mad at my but no right to accuse me of being the reason.
I was the catalyst for the final conclusion. But I was in no way the reason for the problem.
I know you are protecting your man. But those emotions were for log and I got all of them when I'm the fucking one who's alone.
You raised your voice at me. And then I had no one to talk to about it. I couldn't cry to anyone.
I'm alone.
I'm not sure if your this far in Naruto or not yet. But friends who leave friends behind are worse than scum.
I'm appalled at Shannon for just sitting there. If she would have collaborated with me maybe we could have helped somehow.
Maybe that's all wishful thinking.
But I held my tongue. I didn't say a word because I know she doesn't like to be involved with things. And I know she is under alot of stress because I was there to listen about it.
I didn't try and fix it.
I sometimes suggested things.
But she's one who knows what she knows and is going to do what she's going to do.
It hurts.
Every time I talk to my friends.
I feel their sad.
It's lonely and I relate. But it's almost rage inducing because they have someone to hold or talk to. But I understand because it's sad for the group.
I miss the friends together.
Why
I want something like it back.
I want to be a part
I want to be with
I don't want to be alone
Why
Everything's changing and I'm stuck over thinking and forcing myself to hyper fixated on random bullshit to compensate for the lack of attention to my full emotions because I'm scared and I cannot physically manifest them to myself because of my mental state and the way I work.
I need to talk face to face and break down and hurt and be understood by someone.
Idk.
I'm fucked up but my heart is good.
I'm glad to talk to chi and log again separately. They don't exist to eachother,separate realms in my eyes from now on.
I just wanted to help.
I'm so tired of being alone.
Why is everyone allowed to pick and choose when they are alone and im here.
Just here.
Over it.
At least tumble listens.
Now gimme back the porn on here and we good.
I hate this so much
I did all I could
Was always there for you
Never asked for anything
And im still alone in return.
I was just getting back to feeling like myself again.
I just started playing games I was interested in, not just the ones that were the normal
I started wanting to go outside again
I wanted to want again
Want to do things in life
And here iam again
Again
I just wanna die right now but that means I can't be happy tomorrow maybe. I guess I'll cry
Is life really about to fuck me this hard again?
Did life really let me actually get attached to someone, for them to go away again?
Please dont
And my car
This week is too much
This is too much.
Please let things get better.
Please let her stay with me.
I need her.
Having a melt down like..
“I crave the side of you that you don’t show to anyone else.”
— (via acceptvnce)
I want to cherish it’s deepest crevices m
sometimes a bitch just want some cuddles 🥺
Me af RN
It's me.
I'm bitch.
I hope I'm not being annoying and stuff.
Bleh.
I just really like her.
Like Iove her
But we gotta stay away for now
Idk
I just want us
I miss communicating
I don't want to feel alone
But I don't want to stretch her thin
I just want to be happy with her in my life alot
Why do we have to suffer when so many people who don't deserve it get to be together with someone every day.
I just want to live life.
But I understand that I have to be patient and let life live and happen.
But I just feel like time is wasting away.
I miss you so much
It's been a long time
I still don't know how to feel but it's not negative.
I just want to make sure I do enough
That I stay good enough
Stay relevant.
There's been so many times in my life people have gotten tired of me because of my problems or they grew tired of waiting for something or distance.
Everyone else has seemed to find someone closer who's been able to take away the pain.
I just get scared. But it motivated me to do even better. It motivates me to try harder.
But I know my limits.
There's only so much I can do anymore and it's really hard to keep myself within those limits when I really care about someone.
I'm so happy I've found her. Caeley means so much.
She may have alot of sad stored up.
But one look at this profile shows she's not the only one and I mean that relatively. Not as a pissing contest.
I keep this space for me and it makes me happy when I need it.
Caeley is such an amazing person despite her sadness it only shows me that she's completely genuine.
That even a person that I think is happy and completely fulfilled has plenty of things that have drove her away from happiness.
I don't take it personally.
I know there's many things I don't know about her yet but the thing she keeps saying is the thing I need to hear.
Which is she misses me and she needs me.
I love her so much in this short amount of time because of the amount of emotion she's put into this relationship already.
She really means the world to me because she has our best interest genuinely at heart while doing what she needs to to take care of herself and her day to day life at the current time which I totally understand.
Shes completely perfect to me with her trauma and her depression included.
I can only hope that we can progress together and that we can work on me coming home to her or her coming home to me. Who ever works later.
And i just wait for the day when we have somewhere together.
And i can come home from work and be kinda bummed your not here so I get everything ready and get dressed down until you walk in the door and I can say welcome home. I missed you all day🖤😭
I don't know if I can do this anymore
It's been a year since I last felt alive.
And the existential dread of facing another holiday alone just scrapes at me.
What's wrong with me.
I just want to scream until there's nothing left of my voice anymore.
Please don't let me fucking fuck this the fuck right on up