does baby need an alibi?

your friendly neighborhood chaotic half elf bard | 29 | AuDHD | she / they | so go to hell and tell the devil i’m not that far behind

[fuckleydiaz]

@billiejoeisaburrito as we come up on four months without you (on a fucking holiday no less my dude. Fuck America, we’re going to blow shit up for you.) it has hit me that grief is such a funny thing because why did I go to send @teelagurl558 something and see your blog title then cackle.

Because like, sir, you actually are dead. Like really fucking dead. I named my cat after you and you would love his chaos and the fact he answers to both his name and Demon.

I miss you so much sometimes. There is so much I want to tell you and I can’t. The world is never going to be the same without you. I hope you know this.

PS: I’m still really fucking mad at you for breaking the golden rule. You made one rule and you fucking broke it. Of course you did, you goofy man.

[woodsdyke]

im swimming at the lake and accidentally kicked a fish. this has never happened in my many years of swimming. sorry man

[yellow-cat]

the reason that wounds that break the skin hurt is because its always supposed to be dark inside your body and when your blood sees sunlight for the first time it gets scared. and that causes the pain. or maybe it doesnt

[clubcope]

[fuckleydiaz]

Dear Diary,

Today my human mom kicked me out of her room because she said she “needed a nap without a kitten sized heater” and told me to “go bother the spare human because he’s home now”

Like the purrfecf son I am, I promptly screamed outside of her bedroom door for ten min. while she established “boundaries”. I was in fact, just a baby left alone in the snow. The fact that it was 80 degrees today was irrelevant, I promise.

My screaming woke up my frenemie, Marcy. She is nice when she sleeps but when she is awake, she tries to eat me! Mom and the spare human both say she is trying to play and that she’s “just a puppy” but she gets me all wet, so I try to hide when she is “playing with me”

Mom says she doesn’t know what I expect when attack Marcy when she’s asleep and purr when she tries to eat me.

Spare Human said I am as scary as a “duckling” whatever that is. Whatever it is, it’s wrong because I am clearly very scary like a bear, or at least a goose or something.

Today has been full of Injustice, you understand

Ilya

PS Dad, @teelagurl558 if you read this I require attention, thanks.

[fuckleydiaz]

The message and the author

[torresandbishop]

#married

[antidarkmattermaker]

reblog if you would fight Markiplier behind a cracker barrel at 3 am

[shieldofiron]

Lovers really did something visceral to him.

[fuckleydiaz]

Honestly it’s probably a good thing my wife didn’t know me during my gold lipstick phase

[gaygoatshane]

happy pride

[fuckleydiaz]

This is Ilya

Ilya is two months old

Ilya is really an orange cat in fancy dress

He only has one single braincell and he uses it for sass and violence.

Ilya also has evil thoughts in his dreams

[russianblush]

#happypridemonth

[fuckleydiaz]

Things that I am sure are violently Walmart specific horror stories

• picking a rotisserie chicken (hot) in the middle of a chilled walk and then the chicken warmer being off in the deli

• the store flooding with sewage and contaminating the water supply so they have to store use multiple cases of bottled water because it is 95 degrees outside

• 900 picks at 5 am

• being kidnapped from your department to throw freight

• printers being stolen if you look away from the cart for .00002 seconds

• the workvivo group chat just being gifs because we can’t take anything seriously

(No seriously here the gif I sent on Friday morning when I walked in to 900 picks and had two associates other than me)

[thisfeebleheart]

smiling and kissing

[thisfeebleheart]

patient needs neck kisses to survive

[evanactually]

The way Shane always melts when Ilya kisses his neck 🥵

[heymacy]

#idk man #i think he might be a little bit liked in his opponent's room