my name is sophie, in thailand they call me ploy, my mom is thai and my dad is german and i grew up in germany. like many of all my half asian siblings, i went through the ānot white enough to be white, not asian enough to be asianā-dilemma and iāve been getting shit for my ethnicity since i was a child.
i was the only asian kid in my entire elementary school and other kids would come up to me and ask me what ching chong means, teachers used to ask me if i could speak thai and when i answered with āa littleā, they asked me to demonstrate. i did once. all the other kids laughed at how the language sounded and i never spoke thai with others around ever again.
people make fun of my motherās first name to this day even though itās beautiful, it translates to something like ādiamonds and pearlsā but people here donāt care about that. they only care about asians when they have a restaurant, when theyāre nail techs, good at playing piano and bring home straight aās.
there are many slurs discriminating against asians in the german language and iāve been called every single one of them at least once. ājapseā (something like jap/jav), āschlitzaugeā (slant eyes), āhundefresserā (dog eater), even āthainutteā (thai hooker). and yes, many many times have i been confronted with transphobia connected to my thai heritage.
i identify as genderfluid and i use she/her and he/him-pronouns. i am pansexual and i have a wonderful girlfriend who is from west asia/the middle east. i also deal with mental illness but i am recovering from worse times.
only recently iāve learned to embrace my culture and the country that my motherās family lives in, iāve learned to love the thai language and the thai people and only recently iāve managed to shake off the weight of racism here. iāve never really been confronted with oppression but itās the little things like people calling me ching chong and ling ling, asking if i eat dogs or making fun about thai names and the language. those little things stuck with me for a long time, but iām here for change. iām here for all my asian girls who are dealing with the same things i used to deal - weāre all beautiful and we all rock.
stormborns
vaporwave
