Sam Winchester prayed.
He didn’t pray as much as he used to, but it was a beautifully intimate way to speak to Castiel when they were not sharing a bed. With all the angels feuding on Earth, Sam had not seen much of his love in the past few months.
Tonight he missed Castiel so much. His chest ached and he felt like a black hole had opened up inside him, sucking away at his life force. He yearned to be wrapped in an angelic embrace, to be warmed by Castiel’s grace, to be surrounded by wings that he couldn’t even see.
So he prayed. There were no words. Just just sent his emotions and vague thoughts and pictures without context. He sent his concern for Dean, his longing for Castiel, and the empty pain inside that he couldn’t name.
He didn’t expect an answer, at least not right away. He definitely didn’t expect to feel a hand stroking his head while still bowed next to his bed.
"Sam, I heard… or I felt your prayer. I am here." Castiel softly assured when Sam looked up in confusion.
"You didn’t have to come, Cas. I know you’re busy."
"I did have to come. I can feel your pain. I couldn’t ignore that, not from someone so important to me." Castiel reached for Sam’s hands and pulled him up, into an embrace. Sam was taller, but Castiel’s presence was larger than life and surrounded the hunter.
"Cas… what does my soul look like?" Sam asked.
"Your soul? Sam, what has brought this to your mind?"
"Abaddon is stealing souls. I was able to free the ones I found, but I couldn’t help thinking… my souls is so damaged.. and it’s tainted. These ones glowed. Mine must be so dull. Blackened and disgusting. I just need to know. You know?" The last part was whispered. He couldn’t look Castiel in the eyes. The shame that he’d felt so many times before was there in full force and Castiel could sense it flooding, threatening to take over.
"Sam… please look at me while I explain this to you." Castiel put his hands on Sam’s face and gently held him still. Sam slowly blinked and shifted his eyes to Castiel’s. Hazel met blue as the sands and trees met the ocean.
"Your soul is the brightest soul I’ve ever seen. It is scarred beyond belief and it still glows. It has been harmed time and time again, but it is not tainted. The scar tissue that covers it has grown to protect it. It is the most pure soul I’ve known. It is the most resilient. It is the most faithful. It is a blinding and beautiful sight to behold."
Silent tears trailed down Sam’s cheeks as Castiel spoke.
"Your soul is the soul that has saved millions of other souls. Your soul is the rescuer of souls. Your soul is the gift that I could never hope to deserve, but have been given."
The sucking sensation in Sam’s chest finally stopped. The empty space filled with love. And the flood of shame receded back again.
Sam fell into his angel’s embrace, relished the warmth of his grace, and imagined himself being surrounded by wings.
