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KING OF CUNNILINGUS

I’m the king of cunnilingus.

I’m Lawrence of a labia.

I’m an invitation card – do you want to come?

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I’m a shower head in human form.

An avid reader of clitorature.

The girls call me Santa Jaws

Cos every day is Christmas day

You won’t come once a year.

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I’m like the band on the Titanic

No matter how wet it gets

I keep on playing

And like any good shipwreck

When I ‘ve gone down I stay down.

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I’m a deep C word diver

I can hold my breath for a very long time

And I always find the pink pearl.

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I’m every cocktail waitress’s favourite licker.

I’m every supermodel’s favourite lipliner

I’m every schoolgirl’s favourite Head Master

If there were exams in eating pussy

I would pass the oral.

So let me read your lips

Let me paint your walls

Let me Tango across your pelvic floor -

slow slow quick quick slow.

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Think of me as Napolean

Invading your nether lands

But I won’t say “Not tonight”.

I’m a Chinese Revelation in bed

I am Mao Tse Tongue.

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I’m the Messiah of desire

I’m Jesus Christ that feels good

I live by the 10 Cummandments

Thou shalt not bite

Thou shalt not stop

Thou shalt not choke

Thou shalt not make a big fuss about getting a hair stuck in thy throat

Thou shalt not lick too hard

Thou shalt not kiss too soft

Thou shalt enjoy it

Thou shalt make circular motions with thy tongue

Thou shalt honour thy lover and take direction where necessary

And above all

Thou shalt have a close shave

before entering the kingdom of heaven.

Please tell me you're still running this blog..

I still exist, but my energy is going into other projects these days!

You can read my sex blog here: http://girlyjuice.net

And the rest of my writing here: http://katewritesaboutsex.com

My boyfriend really refuses to go down on me. I said I'd cater to anything he wanted (if he didn't like the smell, taste, hair and was too nice to say so) and he just said "no, it's nothing to do with you. I just don't do that. I'll do anything else." Any clue why he might not want to? I don't think it's just selfishness

Some people have sensory issues with certain tastes or textures that make them not want to perform oral sex. He’s probably being truthful that it’s nothing personal.

It’s up to you to decide if this is a dealbreaker for you. Sometimes sexual compatibility issues just can’t be solved and have to end in either a compromise or a break-up. I hope the two of you figure out how to make it work!

What should I do if I bleed while losing my virginity?

Just try to avoid it in the first place, by going slow, taking lots of time to get turned on, warming up with fingers and using lube.

If you do bleed a little, it’s generally fine, just as long as you’re not in a lot of pain and the bleeding stops within a reasonable amount of time.

I'm a dude with some sensory/texture issues (I have trouble eating certain foods, and mouth-kissing leaves me feeling crawly) but I really, really want to be able to eat out my gal. I've tried a few times and no go. Got any resources that might help?

I asked this question to some sex-positive pals and one suggestion they gave was for you to try using a dental dam. Latex is not the MOST fun texture/taste but you may find it more agreeable than straight-up vulva. If the flavor bugs you, you can put some flavored lube on your side – and also put a little (non-flavored) lube on her side, so that the dam can slide around more freely and give her a better sensation.

I would also add that I really hope you’re giving your lady lots of affirmation about her attractiveness, etc. You probably are, but I just wanted to make sure. I know that if I was dating someone who got this squicked out from going down on me, that would really make me question my own desirability, in his eyes and in general. So make sure to make her feel sexy in any and all possible ways, even if you can’t make her feel sexy in that particular way.