I just got the sixth part of the wartime epistolary fic by @ruquas in the form of handwritten letters between Bucky and Howard! This is a fill for @marveltrumpshate 2023.
😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭
Part 1 -- Part 2 -- Part 3 -- Part 4 -- Part 5
I've included a transcript below the cut:
Envelope:
James
Page 1:
11th March
1970
Dear James,
I am giving up and I need you to forgive me.
I looked decades for you, for Steven. Even when people around me told me, that either is without help. And that, even if we ever would find Steve, your remains would be something, the mountains will keep. I tried to ignore it, but I also a man of science and know, how much I lied, still lie, to myself.
Peggy even threatened to let the world know. At least if I continue to look forward. And while I must admit that I have been quite surprised about her knowledge of us, I am also surprised about how I could ever assume anything could go past her. Believe me James when I say, that lady got even more frightening than back then. Men still underestimate her and by God, I am glad she washed my head with a lot less experience. She's good. Has a husband, children. I know it doesn't sound like her, but she has them. Her youngest just got engaged, but will wait until college is done. Peggy made sure, her family was just as cared for as her soldiers.
Page 2:
The rest of the world though...It changed. Nothing is the same and a lot of it is due to my inventions. The only thing remaining the same is the never ending war. Good for business, but I know how tired of it you were. And, with all it's innovation, change and new possibilities, I still don't think you would like it. Not what politics became, society, me. I am not even sure if you could have changed with everything. Which was my first, and admittedly last clue, that I needed to let go of you. I cannot imagine you in this world, at least not happily. Lately not at all, though I admit that it could be the rising responsibility and fear of my changing circumstances.
I will be a father soon.
It wasn't planned, not anymore. But I cannot deny that it is a dream come true for us. Her name is Maria. She's been at my side for longer than most people and she neither has tried to kill me nor has she tried to change me, which I will never understand. As mentioned, I am not a person anymore, you would like.
Maria knows a few things. Not all. She never asked and I never offered. At first, I assumed she just wanted to sell a story about the Howling Commandos as her
Page 3:
questions often were quite different. But she never did. She stayed and listened and laughed with shining eyes and I knew that she was the woman I wanted to keep. Didn't ask her out again until Jarvis had to call the doctor a second time as I drank too much. Even nowadays it sometimes feels, like I am betraying you.
And now we are expecting late. The doctors were surprised that Maria could even still get pregnant. As far as we know it will be a boy. There is now technology that can tell you, if you will get a boy or a girl. It's not a 100% reliable yet, but just imagine what medicine could do in another thirty years.
Which leads me again to the reason why I am writing these lines: While I am aware that I will be a great father, I hope I will be a good one for the baby and I won't be able to do that when I am chasing a ghost. For years, I didn't manage to get new information or signs about Steve. I fear, the plane will be lost forever in the ocean. And you? I won't lie to myself, the possibility that you survived somewhere and that you are alive has been a conspiracy theory, yes, but none I can ever believe. But I had always hoped, to at least bring you home. I never could and I know
Page 4:
that I never will. I could likely navigate myself through the alps without a map by now.
Which brings me back to the reason why I am writing these lines to a dead man - I need to give up on you. On Steve. On hoping I will ever be able to bring at least one of you home. On hoping that there will be... more than emptiness at your grave. I need to give up on you yo ever have the chance to be a passable father.
I need, or at least I hope, for your forgiveness.
Yours,
Howard
I keep thinking about that scene from CACW when Bucky says he remembers everyone he killed, especially when it comes to Howard. We know that Howard was friends with the Howling Commandos (we see Dum Dum Dugan at his house at one point) so I imagine he flew them into a lot of their operations. He recognised Bucky even stumbling out of a bad car wreck and decades after Bucky was presumed KIA. Thinking about Bucky having that memory so clear in his mind even after Ayo wiped the brainwashing away…. Poor guy.
If anyone is interested, I've got a podbid going for a Steve/Howard fic idea in this year's Marvel Trumps hate, and would love if any other Steve/Howard lovers would like to join!
This is the prompt:
Sometime in the late ’40s, Howard Stark accidentally sends a copy of himself forward in time. Now that Howard has to adjust to the future (including the facts that his other self never stopped making weapons and was a lackluster at best father (bad) and that Steve Rogers is alive (good!)), Tony has to adjust to having a version of his dad around who’s 15 years younger than him and is thirsting after his teammate, and Steve has to adjust to having his wartime crush back in his life.
We're bidding on Dogsled to write the idea.
Info:
Marvel Trumps Hate is a fandom charity auction that has been running every October since 2018. Creators offer auctions, and bidders promise to donate to charity if they win.
A podbid is bidders pooling their money together in order to win a specific auction.
If you are interested in participating, just message me here on tumblr, or if we share any servers feel free to contact me on discord. I'm bulkyphrase pretty much everywhere.
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