Yesterday was a shitty day, so is today. I’m mentally tired and nothing is interesting me lately. I’m complaining a lot and i know it. Essentials things bored me, and you don’t get it, I can’t blame you cause all you see is me yelling at you, and you getting upset. I got a right plan, but i can’t find it back. The fact is that i can’t ask you to help me, cause you’re doing enough, and you got other stuff to think about. I’m just sorry for everything you went through when i behave like an asshole. I don’t know how to say it, i’m just bored and sad inside. There is nothing you can do, I just hope it will go away, unless my life will be a mess for good. I can’t see myself without you, and there is so many things i would like to change in my mind, and I feel like a monster when i make you upset and then i don’t apologize ‘cause i’m proud. I know that saying that i’m sorry wouldn’t change anything, but that’s how i am right now, i’m sad and i feel lonely ‘cause i won’t see you a lot in the next days. I hope you’ll forgive me, and you still think that i’m the right person for you. I hate myself, ‘cause i’m not doing the rights things for people i love. I miss you, and i’m the only one to blame, ‘cause if you don’t want to contact me, that’s cause what i’ve done to you. I’m trying to explain why i sleep so much, why i’m lazy, and why i smoke so much. Cause all i want is escape from everything i did wrong. I’m sorry, and i don’t have anything else to tell you. Maybe it’s childish, but i wish you could be there and say thats everything would be alright. But you can’t, and you won’t ‘cause you’re upset right now, and you don’t want to see me. I’m so tired. Know that you got my heart forever, even if I don’t really show it lately. We could be so good if I was not like that.
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