Someone online: "Men dont have to deal with [issue]. I have never heard a man talk about [issue]. This is a women's issue!"
Man: "I've dealt with this. I just dont speak up about it because no one car-"
People online: "Shut up. We're talking about women."
Of the 7 people who have confided in me that they have been roofied, 6 are men. Of the two people who have confided in me that they were waken up from sleeping by the experience of a sexual assault, both are men. Of the many people who have confided in me that someone "felt entitled to sex with me" and "got angry when I said no and treated me like I was doing something wrong," almost all of them were men talking about women. But they were all confiding in me. None of them speak openly about this because they have faced such horrible things every time they have tried.
This so much this. Once as a joke someone brought up being inappropriately touched by our female classmates but it was obv trying to share. I said it happened to me too because to women its a joke and not a big deal.
All of our male classmates said it happened to them and said it was awkward.
Everyday I realize how normalized it is when women do it. Random touches, univited sitting on laps etc
God this reminds me of a guy who said he "joked" with his friends that he had been raped by his then-girlfriend. I asked him to explain and he told me about the time he had his wisdom teeth removed. He was high as a kite and passed out when he got home. Meanwhile, his girlfriend had come over and his parents let her in, I guess unaware that he was asleep at the time. He woke up to her riding him, while he was still out of his gourd.
He ended the story saying it wasn't really rape, not like what women might actually go through, and I had to tell him it was. Like I asked him if he would have done the same thing to her and of course he wouldn't. So why wasn't it bad when it happened to him? He admitted that he had been upset that she had used him like that, but didn't do anything about it and eventually just got over it. Aside from "joking" about it, apparently, which seemed to me like the poor guy just didn't have anyone to take him seriously about it. He himself was constantly downplaying his experience on this idea that rape is something that only really happens to women.
This was years ago but it's always stuck with me.
New blackout challenge: Every time a man has to make a joke out of their abuse in order to cope because society doesn't take them seriously, take a shot.
See you all in the ER, lads.
Some !!fun!! stats to make you question the stupidly gendered narrative to sex crimes.
Nearly twice as many millennial women than millennial men (4.32%/2.22%) reported taking advantage of being an adult more than 5 years older than somebody younger than 16
Almost three times as many millennial women than millennial men (4.32%/1.77%) reported knowingly using their position or authority to get sex
Almost twice as many millennial women than millennial men (4.63%/2.45%) reported blocking the other person's retreat in response to rejection in order to get sex
More than twice as many millennial women than millennial men (4.30%/2.00%) reported physically holding them down in response to rejection in order to get sex
Twice as many millennial women than millennial men (2.33%/1.12%) reported threatening with a weapon in response to rejection in order to get sex.
Four times as many millennial women than millennial men (4.65%/1.11%) reported physically harming somebody in response to rejection in order to get sex
Close to three times as many millennial women than millennial men (2.98%/1.11%) reported threatening to physically harm somebody in response to rejection in order in order to get sex.
