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What If I let Jesus Give Me A Pedicure?

For a good portion of my married life, we were blessed with an annual vacation on the company dime. We stayed at high-end resorts where the drinks always had enough fruit for a salad, the pool floats cost more to rent than I spent on groceries each week and women wore a different swimsuit each day. We were way out of our league, we skipped the meals that weren’t included in the event, we hovered…

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Wandering Through Exodus

Friends, I have to come clean about following the bible reading plan I have selected. Some days the readings are powerful, they bring clarity and strike me in exactly the place I need. Other days, I want to skim. Do I really need to study the lineage? Is it critical that I read again all about the dimensions of the tabernacle? Cubits and the number of curtains, the specifics of the lampstand,…

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Re-reading an Old Book, Becoming a New One

It occurred to me that January was the perfect time to begin not an exercise program or a new diet or a resolution to get my home organized again, but to read through the bible again. Last year I joined a reading challenge, something that wasn’t a stretch for me but more a plan to keep track of what I read and I easily met the goal of 52 books. The new year offers many opportunities to set goals…

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When We Seek to Cover Our Tracks

Luke 22 The Message (MSG) The Passover Meal

22 1-2 The Feast of Unleavened Bread, also called Passover, drew near. The high priests and religion scholars were looking for a way to do away with Jesus but, fearful of the people, they were also looking for a way to cover their tracks.

3-6 That’s when Satan entered Judas, the one called Iscariot. He was one of the Twelve. Leaving the others, he…

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Who Am I in the Story?

When I read scripture, when I read a blog post, when I listen to a friend vent, I now ask myself, “Who am I in the story?” My pastor taught me to listen deeper, to wonder more about what role I would take, to question whether I really would be the hero or am I the one questioning God or remaining silent when an ally is needed. Are all the people around me being difficult or is it me? As in…

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Getting Home

Slowly sipping coffee, snuggled in my favorite chair, wrapped in a blanket in the early morning silence, I am welcoming this quiet day where the calendar app is mostly empty. An incredibly busy week has passed, one that included far more events and meetings and gatherings than I usually schedule in a month. The whirlwind has given way to time for reflecting, for processing and cleaning up…

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Choosing the Right Tree

We are all probably quite familiar with the story of Adam and Eve, maybe even too familiar. Is it right the Eve gets all the blame? Should Adam have thrown her under the bus for his own choices? Why even have a tree that is off limits? Doesn’t our humanity filled with curiosity, a trait we nurture in our children, mean we are destined to nibble where we are told not to? Yet today as I read the…

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Little Girl, Arise

Luke 8:49-56 New King James Version (NKJV)

49 While He was still speaking, someone came from the ruler of the synagogue’s house, saying to him, “Your daughter is dead. Do not trouble the [a]Teacher.”

50 But when Jesus heard it, He answered him, saying, “Do not be afraid; only believe, and she will be made well.” 51 When He came into the house, He permitted no one to go [b]in except [c]Peter,…

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Can We Afford to Share Grace?

My friends and I often joke that we are grateful that social media didn’t exist during our teen years, that we are ever grateful no one had a camera at the ready during our college exploits. We laugh and nod and not so secretly know we are telling a deep truth. Whew, we got by with some stuff, didn’t we? We worry for those who are coming of age in a society that documents and publishes…

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Forgiving Debts

As the time approached for Arrow to return home from prison, to begin his life again, we rearranged bedrooms, we got rid of all the alcohol we had massed, we installed a landline again for his ankle monitoring system. We discussed rules and boundaries and set a plan to get him back to independence. We filled our days with hopes and tasks and considered each step carefully, knowing full well that…

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A New Year

Like any good horror movie where the star runs through the scene alternately looking forward for an escape and back to see monitor how close the threat is, I can see how I experienced this last year. Looking over my shoulder, seeing hurts and memories that threatened to consume me, I looked forward to upcoming holidays and birthdays and knew the danger lay ahead as well. Stuck in an endless loop…

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I Remember You

I dreaded the calendar flip from November to December, dragging me into a month of reminders that you are gone. Knowing the anniversary was creeping, often speeding towards me, I desperately tried to cling to the emotional stability I had achieved, I tried to stay busy. Still, the quiet moments were consumed with flashbacks to the morning I learned you were gone. Most of this month has been about…

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#grief

I See The Moon

I see the moon and the moon sees me and the moon sees somebody I want to see

God bless the moon and God bless me and God bless the somebody I want to see

This lullaby, written by Meredith Willson, was a particular favorite when my children were tiny, we almost reflexively repeated it each time we caught sight of the moon. Certainly as I was imprisoned, we chanted the words over countless…

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Forever Altered

Several months ago a wind storm blew in, not entirely unusual during the fall but this one was different, more powerful. I listened from inside while the howling increased then settled, again and again. The sky looked normal, no threat of a tornado, merely ferocious gusts that erupted and abated. Trees older than me bent sideways, lost leaves but stood each time as the calm returned. Venturing…

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#addiction #grief

A Different Kind of Gratitude

I cook at church. A lot. I feed people whenever several gather, when fellowship around a meal is requested. What I don’t do is look for credit, for gratitude, because I know I am really doing it for me. The kitchen has fed my mental health, been my sanctuary, allowed me to get out of the house and serve without engaging too much. No one is ever sure if I am crying because of the onions or a…

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#Thanksgiving

Stella is 30

One of the gifts of finding God again is that I survived a hard day and didn’t crumble. Yesterday was Stella’s 30th birthday, the 4th anniversary of her wedding and coincidentally, 4 years since I have seen my daughter. While aching over the loss of this relationship, I was still able to celebrate her life and her presence on this earth. And I found joy. All day joy as we cavorted with Plum,…

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Arrow Graduated

The first Sunday in November our church recognizes those who have passed on to be with God during the previous 12 months. A picture appears on the screen, a chime rings out as the name is spoken with reverence. This year was personal, this year my son would appear on the screen, just another reminder of what I was missing, how my heart was crushed by this grief. I knew it would be impossible to…

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#assurance #addiction #AllSaintsDay #grief #heaven #hope

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